Oh Aries, I am so sorry hunni about your Nana's passing :hug: I am more than sure she's holding your little man and giving him plenty of beautiful cuddles. You have had a really tough year hun, but I really hope it gets much better for you soon and a pg would be such a blessing, and if your Nana has her way I'm sure it'll be soon!
GL hun, I pray very hard for you to get your wish :pray:
Aries :hug:
I was so upset reading your post yesterday that I couldn't post a reply until today. I am so very sorry for your loss, and she was not very old at all really. I am sure she is holding your beautiful baby boy and they are both looking after you. With all of that support I am sure you will be pg soon!
It so hard to deal with loss but I think at this time of year it is particularly hard. I hope you have a peaceful time. Thinking of you :hug:
oxo
Thank you so much ladies :hug:
You are all truly amazing....... My Nana was a great lady. I worked on the eulogy with my Mum and Aunty and we could not fault her in any way. Words cannot describe her enough. I can only think that it is Alexander's turn now to have his Great-Nana (Alex was Nana's 6th Great Grandchild) and I hope that they have found each other. It's a nice thought - I can tell you ladies that there is another wonderful angel up there looking after all our babies. Thanks again.
I will try to catch up on personals - here goes:
Chez - Thank you. Nana was 72 but I tell you she would have given anyone younger a run in the fitness stakes! It just seems so unfair - I am still in shock I think at how quick it happened. We were very close, she was there when my baby was born. I am sorry AF showed up for you. Fingers crossed for next cycle. I hope you enjoy Chrissy with your family and that the fruit cake turned out well!
Beata - Thanks for your thoughts. I hope you are well and taking it easy. I cant believe how quick the time is going for you!
Gigi1 - Thanks also for you wonderful words. Fingers crossed for you this cycle too!
Blessedatlast - Thank you for your kind post. I hope all of your planning is going well for your course. Fingers crossed also for you - whichever comes first!!
Samcougar - Sorry AF showed up for you. I hope that this month gives you a fantastic Chrissy pressie!
Hi to Teagz, Cmeglles & everyone else that I may have forgotten (Not intentional - just a large group now!)
AFM - I had my clomid scan on Monday, and there was no response. No eggs were produced so next cycle will be a double dose of clomid. I cant understand why it worked the first time round but I am having so much trouble with it now........
Anyhoo enough whinging from me, must be off - things to finish off.
Take care xo
:( :( :( Another selfish post from me... I will try and make it as short as I can...
Yesterday I went to my cardiologist at Prince Charles Hospital.. I haven't seen her since before the babies were born/died. Anyway, she asked me what I was using for contraception.. When I told her nothing she was quite concerned and said "You know another pregnancy would be extremely high risk don't you" I said Yes but also questioned her about the fact my heart coped with the pregnancy well and the high risk OB I was under seemed to think the pre term labour was due to twin pregnancy. Although the cardiologist agreed she also said there is a a link to fontan mothers and pre term labour :( (Fontan was the type of op I had).. So then I went down and had my echo and after she saw the pics from that she said that my left ventricle, which is the one that does most of the work is performing 'fairly'. Not good and not normal.. She advised against pregnancy, but she must have seen the look in my eyes telling her silently where to go, and said it was my decision ultimately and if I do fall pregnant they would do the best they could, I just needed to know it's a risk.. :( So all in all, IF I ever do fall pregnant again, I will be looking at having a premmie bub :( I know doctors aren't always right and there is every reason I could go on to have a healthy bub, it's just hard to hear that what happened with the twins could happen again.. I wish I was born a career woman instead of having this awful maternal yearning.. (Just having a bit of a pity party..)
Blessedatlast,
Sweet, I am so sorry you have ahead of you even more challenges to get your head around. It ain't over 'til the fat lady sings but I can understand in a small way what you must be feeling. I hope with all my heart the doctors are wrong and you can go much further on in the preg safe and without harm. All our love x
Well, this is a bit of a xmasy. I found myself a little out of sorts to say the least the other day in the shopping centre. I drove into the car park swearing my head off that i wasn't here shopping for DD but everyone else instead. It was horrible but i had no desire at that moment to buy anything for anyone else if i couldn't buy for her. ANYWAY, was standing in the middle of the supermarket staring, not sure what i needed to get first and what direction i needed to go. The crowd around me didn't bother me but i couldn't hear them, it was a blur. All i could see were all the things i would buy for her. I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I know i have been told that this can happen, this feeling. But i just didn't think it would happen to me, I love christmas with a passion. I feel like it has been ripped from me. So i went home and continued my shopping on the net. Found a great website where everything was cheaper anyway and it will all get here in time. Look up Peters of Kensington if you are looking for things for less.
So the reason for my post...and I will rewrite this in the memorial ideas section too. Christmas gifts for our angels.
We have decided to use and adapt an idea i read about a couple of days ago just after my shopping experience. We will put a stocking up for DD every year at that time of year...month of Dec or close to. Everyday from then until Christmas day we will write on little pieces of paper all the things we want to tell her, learnt from her, felt from her, thought of her, would have bought for her etc and on Christmas day we will open her stocking for her and read out her gifts.
This might help us feel like we are still including her and 'buying' for her at Christmas. As we become stronger, we will include anyone that wants to give her a gift to, family and friends, children. For this Christmas it will just be us.
Oh, that is just making me all teary now. I will make her a stocking this xmas for all her gifts that money can't buy.
Love to you all and hope this helps someone.
Love Hm xoxo
Gigi1
Your memorial idea is just beautiful.
Thanks dory, I hope it helps makes someones Xmas a little easier.
Love Hm xox
Sorry it has been so long since my last post. Thank you everyone for your words....they really help. I am going over to my in-laws on Sat to celebrate Christmas....hopefully things go ok. If not I am taking your advice and going to try to talk to her.....I found out a friend of mine is pregnant yesterday. I knew she had been trying in order to kinda trap the baby's father into a relationship and felt really bad about her even trying. Of course it led to some more nightmares last night and I am having a rough morning. I wanted to write a note and say how much you all inspire me to have hope and look to the future. I read this blog and immediately feel like I might actually be able to have a healthy child someday. THANK YOU for your continued hope and perseverance.
Aries- I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible year. This holiday must be so difficult. I am sending a lot of hugs your way.
blessedatlast- wow-what a terrible doctor's apt. How are you holding together? Do you have a good group of high risk doctors there? I am so sorry that you got bad news. hugs your way too.
Gigi1- I totally understand how you feel. I can't do anything more than do holiday shopping on the internet. Christmas was always my favorite time of year and now I feel like sometimes I am just trying to keep my head above water. I think your memorial idea is wonderful. Best of luck getting through the next few weeks.
Bring on 2010!
lots of hugs, love and :bluedust:
Hi ladies, sorry if im offending anyone in posting this im just not to sure where to go.
Im 23 years old and in Feb this year my partner and i found out we were having a baby, nothing but pure excitment. I had a pretty good pregnancy really, just morning sickness till 5 months. Then we found out we were having a perfecty healthy little girl.
The last few months flew by and then i was 41 weeks and being induced in hospital.
I loved being pregnant and feeling her kick me, but we were both really excited to meet our little girl. ( so was our whole family, first grandchild for them all )
So everything seemed to go fine, i had three lots of the gel and then finally my waters broke by themselves, was all go from there!
I just stayed in the bath my whole labour. Her heartbeat was checked often and always showed just fine. No one was worried at all.
Then i started pushing and towards the end i think they new something was wrong becuase they gave me a cut to get her out faster. Mabey once they saw her head or something.
So she came out and my partner was going to cut her cord but they quickly did it because she wasnt breathing and she was blue. I remember looking down and expecting to see a pink baby crying and waving arms around but she just didint move.
Suddnly the room was filled with about ten doctors and they were all racing about intubating her and trying to get her to breath.
They told us all she needed was oxygen and she should be fine, so they took her away to the SCBU and we stayed to get my stitched up.
Then the doctor came back with a sad look on her face and we just knew nothing was going good. She said our lil baby girl had been badly brain damaged sometime leading up to my labour and it had been missed because her heart rate was fine, somehow her brain didint get oxygen. Then came the hard decision for us, and that was to try and cool her brain down and mabey try to get her to survive but never be able to walk, talk, eat or communicate. Or we could take her off the life support and let her go while we held her. My partner and i knew we would take her off the life support, we thought if there wasnt something really wrong, she wouldnt pass away.
So they moved my partner and i into a lil room with our baby girl and said it would probly take about 15 minutes. Then as we tried to get all the kisses and cuddles in for a lifetime she started breahting. Then we called our parents and family and they all came and got to hold her and kiss her before she passed away. At about 12 at night we decided to have a qucik nap while she was in her cot, i woke all of sudden and knew i had to hold her so i took her into bed with us and as we held her she took her last breath. She went peacefully but it doesnt make it any easyer.
We took her home with us and had two full days to enjoy her and then we had to do the one thing that parents should neva have to do to their children, bury them.
It was as nice as a funeral could be, there was at least 200 people turn up to send sienna on her way.
So now its 6 weeks later and im finally up to writing all this down. I think it will help.
We knew we would start trying to have a baby again straight away, i know for some people it would be hard to be pregnant after just loosing a child, but we know its the only way for us to be happy again.
I just wanted to say iv been reading your thread for a few weeks and its sucha help knowing ther is more people going thru this. Im sorry to have it happen to anyone but it does help.
So thanks for reading my huge post but im feeling lighter already
x
Dimples.. Firstly, congratulations on becoming parents to a beautiful baby girl! I am so sorry Sienna couldn't stay with us.. :( Maybe mods would move the post to stories of loss for you?? I am not sure.. You hav definitely come to the right place here at BB for support.. I know you would not be offending anyone by sharing your story. You are very brave. I know when I lost Taite and Seth it took me 6 months to write out the full story.. It is so difficult and confronting.. There are no words but I am sending you lots of :hug:
Cmeglles.. I hope your MIL can think before she speaks and lets you have a peaceful Christmas
Gigi1.. That is beautiful idea to honour your baby girl at Christmas.. I am not strong enough to even acknowledge Christmas.. When is it again??? :hide:
Aries.. I hope you are doing ok hun..
Hi to everyone else I am running out of time! lol..
AFM I have decided to go :nahnah: stick your advice where it fits heart specialist (In the nicest possible way of course) I am still not bleeding!! Woo hoo!! I am :pray: there are cells dividing as we speak.. Since it's been so long since I have had a proper cycle I am going to wait til day 30 to test!! Lol That is 9 days away though.. But while there is no AF there is HOPE!!! At least I have stopped bleeding constantly.. I haven't done an OPK cos I would rather use them up when I have a bit more of an idea what my cycles are doing.. Also I am sick of obsessing over it!! (Although I still think about it every time we DTD!! Swim spermies swim, lol) I am going door knocking for jobs today.. Wish me luck!! lots of :bluedust::pink-babydust: to us all and here's hoping for a xmas miracle!!
Dimples- Im so sorry for your loss :hug:. There is noting in this world harder than having to bury your own child. You have come to the right place, the ladies here are wonderfully supportive and you are a truly strong woman, deciding to try again can be a very difficult decision for some people. I wish you a very speedy TTC journey.
Blessed-lol you tell 'em. Its easy for a doctor to say not to try again, most of them have children or have their career to satisfy them, how do fill that empty hole in your heart? you know something is missing and you know what you need to do to fill it. Goodluck hun, I have my fingers crossed for you. Oh and Goodluck with your door knocking, i hope you find something today!:
Gigi- i love your idea for your little one this christmas
Aries- Im so sorry about your Nana :hug: I'm sure she is with Alexander giving him lots of cuddles. So sorry your scan didn't go well on Monday, i have my fingers crossed for your next cycle :pray:
cmelles- :o OMG I cant beleive your MIL, has she lost the plot??? She had no right to say that to you! some people really amaze me, they open their mouth before they think! I'm so sorry you had to go through that :hug:
Thanks for looking up the Anti-biotic thing, I googled it and pretty much got the same thing (no specifics)
:hello: to everyone i missed
I'm praying that Santa brings us all of our christmas wishes :bluedust:
well i better be off, house work to do!
Thinking of you all
Dimples, Hun, so very sorry for losing your angel and what you have been through. Each story sadly is as devastating as the next, you are not alone and you have found a lovely group of ladies that will understand some of your pain. Be kind to yourself and do what ever you think is the right thing for you hun. I am so sorry you have this pain. I hope with all my heart that in the remembrance of your little angel, you are able to welcome a little brother or sister for Siena. Beautiful name. Best of luck and all my love for Christmas. x
Blessedatlast, Good luck on the job hunting. If our new found strength on TTC is anything to go by, you have this job hunting licked! HOpe you are blessed again very soon.
x
Cmeglles, nodding in agreeance for 'head above water' sweet. It is a very mixed up time of year for us now. Bitter sweet. Thinking of you and sending you a huge hug. I hope the next few weeks are kind to you too. x
Everyone else, I won't write names, but thinking of you all collectively and wishing it were different for you all this Christmas. Hope you all have a relaxing and peaceful Christmas exactly the way you would like to do it. I am better at preaching this...but don't let anyone make you feel or do anything you don't want to. Keep you hearts safe and take care. xoxo Hope you are all surrounded by love and angels. xx
Hi lovely ladies
Dimples - I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby girl Sienna. And welcome to our little support group. I wish we could have met under better circumstances. The ladies here are an amazing support group who understand what you are feeling and I am sure none of us are offended by your story. Reading about your story made me think again about losing our son Ryan, under very different circumstances, but all loss is hard to bear. Sending you lots of :hug: and best of luck with your TTC journey. I hope it is short one for you.
Blessedatlast - good luck with the door knocking. I really hope that you find a job you really enjoy. And yay :dance: for no bleeding! I will be thinking of you over the next 9 days. :noaf:
cmeglles - I hope your early Christmas with the in-laws went well and that you and your MIL were able to work things out. You don't the need extra stress of worrying about the next thing that will come of out of your MIL's mouth at this time :hug:
Gigi1 - your memorial idea for your baby girl is so beautiful. It brought tears to my eyes and tightness to my chest that I hadn't felt for quite a while. You are such a strong lady to be able write the notes in the stocking. I am not in that place yet. Maybe next Christmas?
Hi to Samcougar, dory, Aries and Beata. I hope you are all doing ok and coping with the holiday season.
AFM - CD13 and still no sign of O on my fertility monitor. My TCM says that maybe one of my ovaries isn't working too well. Hello! That's what I said to my GP over 4 years ago now, to which her reply was, "oh, that's ok". I thought "no it definitely is not ok". Anyway, I am trying not to hit the panic button just yet. My cycle is still probably working itself out and I will be fine with a cycle that is closer to 28 days rather than the 23 it was last month. I also think that all of the stress I have been under at work for the last 2 weeks probably hasn't helped a bit. So, I am sitting at the airport typing this to you all waiting for our flight to Perth which leaves in 20 minutes. I am so looking forward to having 3 weeks off and trying very hard to relax and reconnect with DH. We have both been working so hard and been very stressed that we have been a bit niggly at each other. Plus it is a hard time of year, as several of you have mentioned. This time last year we were pg and so hopeful for the future.
Anyway, enough of my ramblings. I will be staying in touch with BB over the holidays so I really hope to see some BFPs in here soon :pray: :bluedust::pink-babydust:
Take care all and talk to you soon.
:( A selfish vent today..
AF arrived yesterday, heavy and cramping.. Merry Christmas to me :( I don't know why I get my hopes up time and time again.. So here's to another xmas of not holding a baby (or 2) in my arms and no hope of 1 anytime soon..
Sorry I am just feeling angry, bitter and twisted.. NOT HAPPY JAN!! Hope everyone else is ok.. I am going to crawl back under my rock now...
Blessedatlast, Hun I am so sorry. What s***y timing all round. I was hoping you would have such good news to stick up the bum of your Cardio dr dude. You are such a brave woman and i know Taite and Seth are with you through every moment this Christmas, so very proud of their mummy. Remind yourself that you are holding those boys and they are holding you. They are right beside you. I know that it is nothing close to what you wish for, to hold a live baby in your arms again, but the boys are there. I am trying not to tell you what to do...what about going to the beach and writing their names in the sand again, holding them in your mind against your heart. I am so sorry if i have said things poorly, out of desperation to help someone, sometimes you just blurt out what you know might help yourself and hope it doesn't hurt the other person. I hope i have not been hurtful. Be gentle and kind with yourself and keep your hope. Another Christmas empty handed is too hard to bear so hold what you have sweet and don't let go. I have no idea how you got through last year christmas but you did and that is inspiration to me. I just have know idea.
Chez, I don't think it will every be easy hun, but that is perfectly ok, just do what you can. FOr me, the pain of not having DD here living this Christmas was too painful, to not do something was too painful, it is so funny the way our minds work.
You know hun, you know your body best...always. I hope your cycle is working itself out. It is pretty common to have a dud ovary...one of mine are. Of absolutely no comfort to know that though, funny that. I think that my body is more or less, one month on one month off. One of mine is so damaged from cysts bursting and removal, it is quite unbalanced lets say.
I hope you enjoy Perth, meant to be lovely over that side...and i hope that brings on Ovulation...! You just never know what the body needs. LOL.
I hope you enjoy that time with Dh and reconnect like you wish. Nothing like a holiday to do that. And the strength you feel is huge when you feel together again on all levels.
My Christmas wish for you, to feel love like never before, to ovulate...and to have your baby Ryan in your arms every night when you go to sleep.
My blessings and love, HM xoxo
Love to you all and hope you are all travelling ok. xx
Oh Gigi1 - oh darling, such sweet words for blessedatlast. What a beautiful heart.
Blessedatlast - I am with you sis. I am sorry ole AF arrived and it's not what you wanted. Seth and Tait are proud of you and they will give you strength, even when you don't think you can be strong anymore. I am sorry that your cardiologist wasn't more promising. You are amazing. I wish I could make it better for you with a wave o my magic wand.... but I can't, but I can give you my love and support.
Chez67 - I am with you girl, this time of year is hard, for many reasons, amongst them, because I was pregnant and hopeful and only one loss down this time last year.
Aries - I am sorry about your Nan, but I like the mental picture of your mum and you working on the eulogy.
Cmegelles - how did you go wit the MIL?
Haven't heard from Teagz for a while - how you doing?
Hi to Beata too. How you doing?
Dimples - hey sis, I am so sad that your precious Sienna, isn't in your arms right now. She will be forever in your heart. Your description of your time with Sienna was beautiful, even though heartbreaking. You have some very precious memories - and simply amazing to have so many people attend to remember Sienna, it's a testament to her but also to you and the beautiful person you must be to have touched so many other people. Hope you're doing ok. It's a heavy burden.
Sorry if I missed anyone.......I am thinking of you all. I sometimes get lost in the threads sometimes and forget to come back to this one, and being in here can be pretty hard sometimes. go gently.
Hi Ladies
I just wanted to pop in quickly, just on my way out. I wanted to thank you all for your support, kind words, thoughts and advice that you have given me this year. I could not have made sense of it all without you.
I am finding Christmas really hard to deal with.... and I am sure I am not the only one. Sending you all my biggest hugs for tomorrow and the holidays, and wishing 2010 to be our year.
Merry Christmas to our little angels xox
Take care
Good morning lovely ladies,
Just popping in to wish you all a Merry Christmas. I know it's not easy, even though I have a little one on the way, I still miss Joshua like crazy, especially at Christmas time. He should be unwrapping all his wonderful presents from his family and giggling away (he woud have been 10 months old this month) . I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you all, and sending you some big ,big hugs. I hope the day is as gentle to you as possible, I know our angels are holding our hands today.
I hope and pray that next Christmas is very special for all of us, celebrating with new bubbas!! Lots of :bluedust: :pink-babydust: to all!
All my love
Beata xxx
Beata70 - I know what you mean about thinking about what should have been. I think your little Joshua is still with you, just not in a way you would prefer him to be. I think he's with you every moment and never far away.
If things were as they should have been , my wee little sprite would have been 9 months old, my Amelia would have been 6 months and the twins Nicholas and Sophie either just born or about to be born. But if the sprite had been ok, Amelia wouldn't ave come along. And if Amelia was ok, then the twins wouldn't have come along. Each of my precious little ones has just been a blessing. I can't choose between my little angels as each one has a special place in my heart.
Just like your Joshua. Just because you're PG now doesn't mean that you should miss your Joshua any less. He's your special little boy and always will be.
Aries - I know what you mean, each and every one of the ladies in here is a simply amazing woman, who all give each other just a little more strength and support when needed. You know you give your fair share of support and strength too, so thanks to you too.
Hey gals - it's quiet in here - how is everyone going? Thinking of you.
Hello everyone. Just wanted to drop a note and say I survived christmas ith the in-laws....my MIL is still saying some hurtful things, but it helps knowing that she is just a little off and has now moved away for the rest of the year.
I just wanted to wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR. I am hoping and praying that 2010 will be the year for all of us. :pray: healthy babies by the end of the year. I am really looking forward to letting this year close. 2009 was just terrible for us, in addition to losing our baby I also lost 2 grandparents this year. 2010 just has GOT to be better. Hopefully for ALL of us.
I hope everyone got through Christmas ok. We had a few tears, but are trying to be as hopeful for next year as we can be.
Dimples: Just wanted to say welcome to our group. I am sorry to meet you in this way, this is a great and supportive group who know about love and loss here.
love to all from the Northeast USA!
cmeglles
Hi Girls
I second Cmegles, Dory and others.
Got through Christmas, we didn't enjoy it too much but we survived. My nephew opened his presents and they were a hit. Broke our bruised heart in a bitter sweet moment, seeing his excitement and happiness. Wish our little girl was here too for her first Christmas with her cousin. He is right into Babies at the moment and he would have been doting over her.
Just did some retail therapy in Spotlight...boy i have to start sewing soon to use up all the stuff i have bought since DD was on the way.
I want this year over with. I am not normally a negative person, but tonight it is a quiet one at home for me. DH is working and I just want 2009 history. Not what happened but I need the pain to soften a little. I need the anger to fade a little. I want it over. BUT, there is a part of me that is so sad to let this year go, the year our little girl was born. I hate that everything is great and **** in the same breath.
Well now that is off my chest.
There is a very real chance we made a baby on Christmas Eve, You never know. I think we are still a month or two off as i have a cyst at the moment and I know i need to detox. But you never know and not for lack of trying as always. I am not quite ready i guess and i hope it will be a month or two away but we are happy either way and it will be a trying time now or later. I think i am tired, This year has made me tired. I feel like i have aged too.
Oh i think i might go and what a dvd, i am not very positive today. SOrry to bring anyone down and hope you all have a wonderful new years eve.
I hope 2010 will bring you much joy and fortune.
Love HM xoxo
Hi Ladies,
Dory, :hug: thanks hun.
Just popped in to wish you all lovely ladies a wonderful New Year 2010, I hope it brings you a precious little bundle :crossfingers: May 2010 bring you all that you wish for, good health, good fortune and lots of love for everyone.
B x
Hi lovely ladies
Just wanted to pop in and wish you all a happy new year for 2010! I really hope that this year brings us lots of happiness and our healthy earthbound babies to hold in our arms and love :pray:
oxo
Happy New Year to you all! 2010 will be our year :dance:
Is anyone close to testing? I actually surprised my self by ovulating on my own on Sunday 27th Dec.... so I am expecting AF (or a :bfp:!) Sunday or Monday. Having a lot of one sided pain (ovulation type pain) so really think that I am out this cycle. I did make the resolution to stay positive this year so my fingers are crossed anyway :crossfingers::bluedust::pink-babydust:
Gigi1 - I really do hope you created a beautiful bundle, everything is crossed for you :)
How is everyone?
Take care all xo
cmegelles - Have you been getting lots of snow in New England? One of my travel wishes is to see New England in the fall ( autumn for we aussies). I was living in Detroit, Michigan for a little while in 2000 (OMG that is 10 years ago now!) but wasn't there for fall. DH was for the start of that season and the photos he has are pretty amazing,and that's just suburbia. I hear the fall in New England is just amazing.
Gigi1 - I hear you sis. I wasn't ready so say goodbye to 2009 because it was the year I met my angel babies. And also because it might mean letting go of my grief a little. And my grief is a tangible connection to my angels. But you are right, it would be nice to have the pain eased. I am not angry. If you don't mind me asking what are you angry about? Angry that life is so unfair? I am just curious is all, esp. because I am not angry I want to understand it a little. I was angry for a few days this year, but I can't recapture the feeling and can't put my finger on why exactly I was angry. If you don't want to talk about it because it's counter productive to your healing, then tell me to sod off and mind my own business - I won't be offended if you do.
As for trying again, good on you. It takes a lot of courage. I hope you both felt connected with each other. After Amelia we tried again as soon as we could for pretty much the same reason you have given, the journey is going to be hard no matter when you do it and I guessed I would be sad for a long time, so there was no point waiting until I wasn't sad. After Nicholas and Sophie we have waited, because we both needed some time to heal but am ready to face it all again. In fact, I was really excited when I did try again. Isn't that just the best? Imagine it - to actually feel excited. What a rush. Hope you get that too.
You will be ready when it happens. You will be scared too, but that's ok.
Chez67 - thanks. I just love your username. The nickname I have for one of my favourite aunts is BigChez, for her big personality and indomitable spirit. One of my cousins friends came up with it and it has stuck. Even my cousin uses it. I don't think BigChez much cares for it, but I think she knows the intentions behind it are good.
Beata70 - how are you doing on the first day of 2010?
AFM - I am travelling pretty well considering. Have some weird pain in my hips and some pain radiating on the right side of my neck, but it's not too bad. Guess its off to the physio for me. LOL maybe its the 7 day shag challenge I have just completed. Sounds so crass in a way to make a joke of it, but the journey was nice. DH and I were on holidays at home together and it was just nice to affirm our relationship.
Aries, Blessedatlast, Dimples and anyone else I have missed - you are you going?
Aries - I must have been typing my novel when you posted! Excellent news with the big O au naturale! Go you good thing. I am on Day 17, so in the 2WW, and won be testing or expecting AF for a week or so yet. Good luck! Hope the cramping is not too bad.
Hi ladies
Aries - glad to hear that you have O'd naturally. That must be a good sign that your body is able to without the use of any drugs. Excellent news even if there isn't a BFP this time around - but I really hope there is - just keep taking one positive step forward after another :hug: I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.
Dory - I haven't come across anyone else with the same nickname. My uni friends gave it to me... but not many friends use it in real life anymore. New England in the fall sounds beautiful. I love the change of seasons which is something we do get in Canberra unlike other parts of Australia, particularly North Qld where I am from. Hope you get your neck pain sorted out... not nice!
Gigi1 - I hope you managed to make a little bundle on Christmas Eve too. That would be fantastic news :pray: And I understand what you mean about your it should have been your little girl's first Christmas with her cousin. It would have been the same for us as well. Seeing our 5 yr old nephew being spoilt by his grandparents (both sets) was hard. Our little boy should have been there too. Still I am glad that Christmas is over and we did survive, just. It was very hard but we got there by staying close to each other and being sensitive to each other.
AFM, it seems I either didn't ovulate at all last cycle, or if I did, it was about day 5 when I wasn't doing any testing but I did have some CM. The good news is that I at least seem to be having a somewhat regular, although short-ish cycle, which is something that we can work on. Have been in Margaret River for a few days now. New Years Eve was pretty quiet. Just a gathering with some old friends. We were in bed by 10:30pm! Off to Denmark tomorrow and then a few more days in Perth before flying back home. I can't believe how quickly this holiday seems to be going!
Anyway, hi to everyone - cmeglles, Dimples, blessedatlast, samcougar,beata - I hope the festive season has been gentle with everyone.
Take care
oxo
wish i hadda known! I was down that way for New Years as well... would have been nice to put a face to the name :):
Well happy New Year everyone, I have been lurking, it has been fairly quiet in here hasn't it?
I have just finished a 2wk bleed so hoping for a January concieved baby.. :) Also what do you guys think about this?? I have heard that when TTC men should only ejaculate every 3rd day so that the sperm is mature enough but then I have also heard to DTD as often as you can.. DP and I are going with the 2nd option lol.. Not only is it more fun but I could be bleeding again in a week, though I really really hope not!!
No personals today, Hi to everyone
I hope there is lots of :bluedust::pink-babydust: around in 2010..
Mods could we perhaps start a TTC 2010 thread?? New Year new thread??
blessedatast
I have been wondering the same thing.
I think you'll probably get different opinions - I have heard every 2nd day, for the same reasons you said, in essence sperm health and maturity but also every day for 14 days with no reason given But there seems to be a contradiction with info my friends was told by her FS that it takes at least 12 weeks to rectify a sperm motility/morphology issue.
Maybe I just understand the science enough and am confusing two separate bits of info. I might do some research!
AFM - Day 21. Caved and tested this morning, full of hope of course. Might explain the glum day I have had. Haven't given up hope yet, but we'll see. Won't test for a little while yet then......otherwise just throwing money away to the manufacturers of the tests.
How you all doing?
Bugger I also agree with blessedatlast with the idea for a new thread!
Hi ladies
Blessedatlast - my TCM and FS recommend ejaculation every 2 to 3 days, to "clean out the pipes", and during the fertile period every 24 to 48 hours is the best apparently. I think it is important to get the swimmers moving about 4 or 5 days before O to make sure there is a fresh batch ready to fertilise the egg. But I don't have any science for any of this. Does anyone else have an idea?
Dory - I understand completely about trying and failing to resist the urge to test. I always seem to know in the back of my mind that it will be a BFN but I still test anyway. I just hope that one day I will be proved wrong and surprised with a BFP! When will you test again? You are in my prayers for a BFP soon!
Teagz - hope you are feeling better today. It was a shame that we couldn't meet up - maybe next time. Any signs of the baby making an appearance?
Hi Aries, Gigi1, Samcougar, cmeglles, Dimples and everyone else :hello: I hope you are all doing well.
AFM - hoping to O tonight or tomorrow according to the fertility monitor so I have been taking advantage of DH, which he is enjoying! Fingers crossed for us for a BFP for this month! We are almost finished our WA holiday. It has been very enjoyable and relaxing. I have read 4 books and onto my 5th, which is most unusual for me. Normally I have great plans to read lots of books and end up reading half of one because I just don't sit still long enough! So I have forced myself to sit still and read and have had a great time! Hopefully all of the relaxation will pay off with a BFP!
Anyway, must go. Take care all.
oxo
Dory, You crack me up. I did exactly the same thing. Tested CD21...all hope that i might see something really faint. This started a hopeless cycle of testing everyday since just in case. What are we like???!!
Chez, Hope you are on track for a BFP this month too hun. LOL and Dh's around the world. They have it hard don't they. You must be one of those freakishly fast readers....it takes me months to get through a book. Weeks if it is on pregnancy. I have read a few of those in my time. Good luck hun and enjoy every last moment of relaxation you can sqeeze out of this holiday.
Blesatlast, My theory is ( no science and based on many different pieces of advice), what makes most sense to me... Good to freshen up before hand a few days before. No man will ejaculate all in one go..so a couple of times over ovulation is cool. Too much too often will dry him out. He will still ejaculate but numbers will be low. So freshen up a few days prior...obstain for a few days and then have fun with it. As far as we have been told. Life/production of sperm as far as detoxing and health/diet etc are concerned...they say allow 3 months clean for new production of sperm. If that makes sense. We have always maintained that 3 months of life building lifestyle for both of us is a good thing if we can do that. More than a week, and things will get a bit old...ummm what else, i can't think. All i know is that my DH's little fellas had better be doing what they are supposed to..their end of the deal! Oh and it is good to keep up some fun through the month to keep supply turned over. Is it any wonder the mystery and spontaneity kind of disappears sometimes.. God we have tried it all over the years....even sex by the moon light on my lunar cycle. Well that was long winded...sorry hun...just have fun with it i say. We can get too caught up....easier said than done! I need to take my own advice.
Aries, Teagz, Samcougar, cmeglles, Dimples....Happy new year to you and hope you are all traveling ok.
Bring on a good month for us all. Scarey or not, we are ready. xx
Hi everyone :) Well so much for making the most of DTD. I have thrush!! I swear the world is against me lol.. This TTC thing is sometimes so hard to get my head around.. When I am upset angry and frustrated (like now)I think I don't want another baby I just want Taite and Seth :( If they were here I wouldn't be feeling like this :(
Chez- Hopefully all that relaxation brings a BFP.. After all thats what everyone tells us to do lol..
Dory- There is still hope. I understand what you mean about giving the manufacturers money!! If only I sold OPK's pregnancy kits or charged for parking and TV at the hospital!! I'd be rich lol
Gigi1- I agree with your theory on sperm production.. I think when males go for sperm tests they are required to abstain for 2 or 3 days from memory?? Anyway, I am sick of doing my head in over it..
I'm going to crawl back under my rock now.. I need a job or I need TAFE to start so I am distracted!!
Hey Lovies... still stalking you all. Wishing you all Healthy Little Bundles for the NY xx
Mwah!
Chez, nah apparently I'm too comfy XD But who'd wanna come out in this heat anyway! Had an internal yesterday and Dr could barely reach my cervix, so I've settled in for the long haul now (although i'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit dissapointed yesterday). DH isn't quite as patient though :lol:
Chez67 and Gigi1 - I know we all go through it. trying to resist the testing temptation. For me, it's almost an obsession. I justified it to myself as last two cycles have been short at 24 days and thought that at day 21 it might only be 3 days before AF due, therefore MIGHT bet a BFP. This is despite the big O signs this month being elusive, but probably not at day 8 or 9 so as to give a 24 days cycle. And as you've said it's hard not to feel glum even when I anticipated the BFN but hoped for the BFP.
I have no plans for testing again, until perhaps day 28. Will see. I just know I need to wait.
I am glad that the holiday is going well - I can't believe it 4 books! I used to read vociferously like that, but it's something that's been absent for me this past year. I just don't have the energy to sustain interest in either non fiction or fiction novels.
How are you doing at ravishing DH? You'll be in the 2WW soon. Wishing you lots of babydust, I'll hopefully throw some my way too!
AFM - I have been feeling glum. Lots of reasons. Here are some. BFN ( self induced because testing too early), been having some quite noticeable fatigue, thirst, brain fog, hunger, headaches, nausea for at least 7 days ( GP thinks most likely a virus but has sent me off for some BT's and GTT just in case - would love to imagine that are all BFP symptoms), not sleeping well, the twins EDD is coming up as is Amelia's first anniversary, and found out yesterday a work colleague who I thought could extend me some understanding, is just a selfish snake who is totally self absorbed and is an underminer/back stabber. Luckily I have the support of other colleagues/supervisors, but it's just disappointing and makes it harder to be at work. But thinking about how she's interacted with me this year, over the whole year, she has in fact never offered any condolences or even acknowledgment of my losses or even genuinely asked how I was, and has only been focused on her. So I wonder why I am silly enough to be both surprised and disappointed and in the scheme of things, she is not a person who is important to me. If she is not important to me she has no power over me. Wow, that was a whinge huh? This is one of those rare moments for me when the glass is half empty. Back to the counselor for me.
I don't expect this to be easy but some days its pretty damn demanding and seems insurmountable. I know I'll get through it, just needed to share. Thanks for listening and thanks in advance for the words of support in reply.
Thinking and hoping the best for you all.
blessedatlast - I hear you girl. Be strong. Sorry about the thrush.... take care of yourself, you deserve to be pampered.
teagz - there is such indignity in all of this, but I'd do it thousands of times to get the outcome I want. Hopefully DH is OK. It;s hard for them too.
Oh dear hun, what you must be feeling. People still really surprise me. I think it is because you think the best of people and sometimes that is a bit of a let down. Your results and this woman need a good kick out of you life. You are too right, she is not important to you and she can jump. Isn't it funny how we let these people get up out skirt even a little. Oh she is not worth it. Amazing!
Hun, so sorry you are getting BFP. I buy the pee sticks through ebay...so cheap it is rediculas. I got onto it in the UK and i just pee whenever i feel like it. It can either help calm me or the opposite but worth the try every time. I just hope that it is not much longer for you and this month takes you by surprise before you know it. It will be interesting to see what the Dr says re the symptoms. I thought i have been overly tired too this week which was my only initial symptom with DD.
Anniversaries. Boy you have made it thus far. What a huge mountain you have climbed. Are you going to do anything special for the twins EDD and Amelia's first birthday? Of course you probably are and silly question but thought i would ask and see what you had in mind. I can only understand some of what you are going through. I understand what it is like to go through this once...but again is just too much to bear.
You must be kind to yourself hun and take it easy. Can you make sure you are not working on those days? I am not looking forward to a few different days coming up this year. Kind of sad in a way that 2009 is over. My DD was born that year and it is already history. 2010 she will be one. We were thinking of getting a tattoo...scared out of my knickers and if you knew me....so not like me. We had been thinking of it and just wasn't sure where i would put it, what it would be etc. Working on it bit my bit. We met a couple once that did memorial tats for their baby and the ought behind it just stuck with us. She had her done on her hip...always to carry her baby on her hip and her DH had it on his under upper arm area...under his wing. We just thought that was lovely and permanent and perfect. So we are trying to get to that point.
Hun i hope the day today gets a little easier and the week a little easier again. You are an incredibly strong woman to have survived and loved through what you have experienced and good and beautiful things will come you way. I hope it is very soon. Blow that other stuff, that woman...blow her off. SHe doesn't deserve you. It is perfectly normal and ok to sometimes see your glass half empty...perfectly normal. HUgs and love xx
Blessedatlast. Oh babe, sorry you are uncomfortable and can't have some fun making a brother or sister for Seth and Taite. I was saying exactly that the other day. I don't want another baby...i just want DD. She was all i wanted...i want her back. I was furious. It helps me to know i am not the only one that thinks this sometimes. I feel dreadful for it, but it helps knowing i am not a lone. Hope you are feeling better today hun.
Love and wishes to all
AFM- Well we are CD25 and might go and test again...have not tested for 2 days. I know this month have tested crazy early but i needed to get involved didn't i. Waiting is just silly business. Went to the movies today and saw Old Dogs, funny. Silly funny but good anyway for a laugh. There are a heap i want to see. Will have to make a list!
Will continue to look after my nephew until May when SIl has her baby. They were really nice to us today which was lovely and unexpected. Dh really needs a break from work. He is tired and is not right atm. I am rambling here to avoid thinking and talking about pregnancy....i am going to test. CD 25 is not to bad to test hey? I have had a few heavy feelings like before AF but i am still hopefull.
I am going bye x
OHHHH Gigi cant wait to hear........ fingers are crossed so much that they are blue!!!!!
xo
Hmmm...not looking promising. Nothing coming up. Looks like this month is a goner too. Bugger!
Thanks Aries for the cheer. Might have to save it until next month.