TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth Sept 2009

Hi ladies

Blessedatlast - I am so sorry to hear you and DP have separated. I hope that you can work it out but in the mean time, look after yourself. Take care hun :hug:

Hi to Crumpet and CharlieB - welcome to our thread. It makes my heart ache that that brings the count to 3 new ladies we have welcomed in the last few weeks. I hope you find this thread as supportive and caring as I have had. The circumstances that have led each of here are different but in the end we have something in common. And we all understand where you are at the moment. I agree with Gigi1 - make sure to give yourself some time, each day, to feel what you need to feel. The emotions are most likely still very raw at the moment so go easy on yourselves and don't feel you need to push yourselves to return to 'normal'. It has been almost 12 months for us, and I don't think we will ever be the same again.

Hi Gigi1 - I hope you get through your SIL's party ok today :hug: For someone who is ill, you have been doing lots of work to get this party going. Aren't you supposed to be resting? I understand what you mean about throwing yourself into something - it does keep the mind from wandering. I hope this is a gentle and peaceful day for you. I never had a baby shower either - not sure if we will - but I like your idea of having one after the baby is born. A lady at work is pg with natural triplets - I am worried for her - she is a smoker but I think she has given up now that she is pg - but what about the babies - what are their chances really? I can't focus on that too much - I need to focus on us right now, but I understand your worry for all of the ladies you know who are pg.

Hi Dory - yes, you are one of the ones we worry about! I hope all is going well. You need to look after yourself and get your rest! When do you see your ob again? Take care hun :hug:

Beata - we have 4 furbaby pussycats. When we go away, even for a weekend, I miss them. We are very lucky that they are all very healthy at the moment but 2 of them (they are sisters) turn 10 at the end of the year. I call them my grannies. I worry about how long they will be around and even more how they will be when/if one goes before the other. They are such good friends and companions and not really friendly with other 2 who are much younger. Still I can only protect them from so many things - I can't protect them from old age and what that brings with it. Doesn't make it any easier though. And yes, I worry about you too!

Cmegelles - hun it is hard when people ask about your pg without even beginning to understand the hurt that it can bring. I had someone send me a message through FB asking the same thing. I guess the thing that helped me was that there was no malice meant in the question. It was just a friend asking about me. I sent a short reply telling him that we had lost our son. He was very supportive - he had lost his mum only a few months earlier - and was respectful of our space - it was what he had needed as well. After I went back to work, I found the hardest part was seeing other women who were pg and about the stage that I should have been - the stage where most are showing. They were everywhere. But I got through it and you will too. Just give yourself some time. :hug:

Samcougar - how exciting for you! Have you had a chance to buy another test yet? I wouldn't be able to sleep if it was me! I would be down at the out of hours chemist buying a handful of tests. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!

AFM - in the middle of the TWW. I have been working too hard these last few weeks and I had to spend yesterday having a quiet day. I had a foggy headache and sore throat and felt physically exhausted. So I had a 3 hour nap in the afternoon which resulted in us missing a BBQ that we had said we were going to. I just couldn't face being social - I was too tired. And then last night I slept for about 11 hours. I am still not 100% but will try not to overdo it today. I am pretty sure none of this early pg symptoms as my body has done this to me before when I have pushed the envelope too much. I need to destress and relax more. Thank goodness it is a long weekend here!

Take care all and babydust to everyone!
oxo

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Hi Ladies,

I am leaving this thread. For reason's I do not want to go into DP and I have seperated. I found somewhere to live and am moving in the next few days.. I am devastated. I wish all of you good luck in your journeys, I will still stalk you from time to time I am hoping our seperation isn't permanent and maybe when the time is right I will be back in this thread. Thanks so much for all of your support. No personals too mentally drained and sad

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so sorry to hear that, i hope things work out for u......:hug:

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Hi to Crumpet and CharlieB - welcome to our thread. It makes my heart ache that that brings the count to 3 new ladies we have welcomed in the last few weeks. I hope you find this thread as supportive and caring as I have had. The circumstances that have led each of here are different but in the end we have something in common. And we all understand where you are at the moment. I agree with Gigi1 - make sure to give yourself some time, each day, to feel what you need to feel. The emotions are most likely still very raw at the moment so go easy on yourselves and don't feel you need to push yourselves to return to 'normal'. It has been almost 12 months for us, and I don't think we will ever be the same again.


AFM - in the middle of the TWW.

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thank you for ur welcome!!!
it sux to have to meet in this way but im looking forward to getting to know everyone....

good luck with the TWW!!!:pray:

Blessed - oh sweetie. I am so sad to hear about your separation, and I do hope its only temporary. You are a strong and amazing woman, and you will come through these troubled times. You don't have to go, but I understand why you would want to or why you feel the need to. I will miss you, lots and lots. I carry you and Seth and Tait close to my heart. You are an inspiration to me, never forget how much help you support you have offered and given. Will you be in any other threads?

On another note, whilst I don't wish to tarnish any hopes you might have of reconciliation with your DP, be smart about this separation, if you can. You need to protect yourself as much as you can, financially whilst you are hurting emotionally - so if you can make sure you sever any joint accounts you have, change pin numbers if DP knows them, make sure you get copies of important papers and be upfront with DP ( if you can) about financial arrangements if you have joint commitments ( ie who pays for what). Also think about updating your will and the nomination of the beneficiary on your superannuation account if you have one. I know its sounds harsh but a lot of women don't think about these things and are trusting, thinking it would never happen to them. Sadly for some, it does and they are left high and dry financially. Whilst that probably doesn't count for much for you now, it might be important for you in the future. I went through this with some friends of mine and these are the sorts of things they were told. I hope I haven't upset you by bringing this up. I know its tough. Be strong my friend.

I will respond to other posts later.

Chez - you take care of yourself - you hear? I am worried about you. Take a lesson from your furbabies - they have resting to a fine art. No guilt, just pure entitlement to it. Now I have managed to slow down, I want the same for others, for others to have the benefits. Have to say though I am worried about become a super bouncy beach ball with all this lazing around "resting". Oh well can't have it all.

Samcougar- any news? ......... anxiously waiting.......

Gigi1 - how did you go today? The preparations you put into the party are amazing. I would love it if someone did that for me. Know what you mean about not being sure if you want one for yourself.... what is the special Noosa appointment? Have I missed something?

Cmegelles - hiya! Sorry that things are so confusing for you....hopefully.....?

Crumpet - There's a lot of research on cervical incompetence, and some of the figures are really promising. You'll get there! I am the subject of a big debate - do I have incompet cervix or not? Can that be the cause of my preterm labour? One school says it's not clear - I don't fit the classical definition and some of the classical indicators are not there. It's not ruled out, but it's not clear cut either. The other school says - asbolutely. Get a stitch and get it early. One of the very concerning risks for me is risk of infection following the proceedure. One school days, no worries we'll knock it out with a good dose of i/v antibiotics, the other says, with you? Not so sure. Anyway, the end result of all of that, is there are no clear answers for me and I am going to be faced with a big decision fairly soon. A bit scary really, to have the future of this pg so squarely in my hands, and experts at 20 paces not able to offer a clear path.

AFM? Not much going on. DH went rock climbing yesterday and surprised himself by enjoying it. Though he is a touch sore today. I spectated and it was weird for me to be watching instead of participating. Have a good week.

Hi again ladies..

Well, DP and I are still together.. I had the place all ready to move into but I just couldn't bring myself to pack my stuff and leave.. We do love each other but communication is a problem.. I do it too much, he not at all.. We both don't want the relationship to end and both agree there needs to be changes. We are going to try counselling. I am all for it, he said he would try it, anything to try and save our relationship.. We have been through so much together with our babies and DSS too, since I have been around since he was 1. I guess this is one last shot.. I don't know if I am playing the blame game here but I do feel that he is the one that needs to make some changes. I'm not saying I am perfect, but I open up where as he shuts off and lets things build up.. It's like he lives in a state of denial sometimes as opposed to dealing with the problem..Anyway, thanks so much for your support ladies.. Wish us luck with our counselling..

Dory - No you didn't upset me by your post.. I know how important it is to cover my a$$ in case of anything happening :)

I will continue to stalk although we are off the TTC path for a bit! Although I am still on my herbs because they are keeping AF away!

Hello ladies,

My pussy cat went to heaven on Tuesday, she died in my arms. I cried like a baby and still can't belive she's gone. I expect to see her any minute coming in to ask for food (her favourite) or to see her basking in the sunshine (second favourite). I'm going in to hossy next week on Tuesday, but it's been so hard getting excited. Don't think badly of me girls, I will be excited, and I know deep down I am, but I'm so heart broken ATM as I miss my furbaby sooooo much. Thanks girls for your lovely words :grouphug:

CharlieB and crumpet, I'm so sorry for your losses girls :grouphug:. I've lost my precious angel boy Joshua at 21 weeks in October 2008, the road to recovery was tough but you get there in the end. I'm now expecting my second baby soon and wanted to let you know life does go on, but please work on your grief as it's so important for this to be resolved before you move on.

Dori, I'm glad all is well at your end. Take it easy hun and remember to always look after yourself.

GiGi, I hope you're feeling better hun and that the virus is out of your system, so you can TTC soon.

Samcougar, cmeglles & Cheryl, :pray: for a BFP for your girls.

Blessedatlast, I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard patch ATM. I :pray: that you and your DP work it out, communication is such an important part of a relationship. Thinking of you.

Catch up with you all soon.

B x

Good Morning Ladies,

Beata- I'm so sorry about your cat, It's such a tough decision to have any animal put to sleep. I hope your Ok :hug:

Blessed- I hope everything works out ok with you and DP, I hope counselling helps you work out your differences. Goodluck hun.

Chez- Please slow down and relax, don't push it too much! Being stressed and tired never helps anyone, it only adds to problems. Be gentle with yourself you deserve that. Goodluck with your TWW.

Hello to Dory, Gigi, Crumpet, Cmeglles and CharlieB, I hope i havent missed anyone.

well BFN for me. So just waiting for AF to arrive, I think this has made us more determined to try again, being so close but so far away. so full steam ahead from now on! :)

Hi ladies

Blessedatlast - I am so pleased to here that you and DP are giving it another shot. Facing your relationship problems can be one life's hardest but most rewarding challenges. I hope that counselling brings what your DP needs and he starts to open up a bit more. I wish you and DP all the best for the future :hug:

Samcougar - sorry about your BFN hun. Good on you for not letting it get you down - full steam ahead - great attitude!

Beata - how sad for you to have lost your pussy cat, and having her pass away in your arms must have been heartwrenching. I can't imagine what that would be like. I got one of my cats cremated and I have her ashes with me in my study, beside a photo of her. I still think about her and am glad that I have her close to me. On another note... what are you in hospital for next week? Is that time already?

Dory - thanks hun. I am feeling much better now. I had a reasonably quiet day yesterday and plan to have a relaxing afternoon today. I have decided to make sure I leave work by 4.30pm each day, regardless. Staying for that extra 30 mins or an hour won't make all of my work go away. And I will try to get out of the office, even if it just for 15 mins each day to get some fresh air and think about something other than work.

Hi to crumpet, charlieB, Gigi1 and everyone else! Hope you are doing ok.

AFM, nothing to update. DH leaves for interstate again this afternoon, but he's only away for one night this time. I don't like it when he goes away, but I will try to keep myself distracted with a jigsaw puzzle that I spent several hours on yesterday. I hadn't touched it since Christmas. I love doing jigsaws - they turn my brain off and I feel very relaxed, which must be a good thing!

Gotta go and get some lunch. Take care all.
oxo

Hi Girls,
Yesterday is done...

Chez- i slept 11 hours too last night, I hope the TWW goes quickly for you and you can find out whether you have a little surprise waiting for you. xoxo I know i was completely over doing it...i just let myself be and focused that this week i will chill. It felt good making that effort. The best gift i have is love and effort. That is most of what i can give. I have not been able to do that much over the last year. xx Good luck sweety

Dory- yep i am supposed to be taking it easy. I just found that coping meant me going a bit overboard preparing for it...busy busy. I think it is also a feeling of being needed and making it a really special day for her, making the most of every experience. No you haven't miss anything, just didn't think i should be specific for privacy reasons. I can Pm you. It is diagnositc, alternative and looks at the meridians and energy etc. I am looking forward to it.

Beata- I am sorry hun. Sending you love and peace. I hope the days get lighter and you can find what you need within yourself for next week. Never mad at you hun, your truth is what I treasure most.
Blessedatlast- Oh boy you have had so much to handle. I hope you get a good counsellor hun and i hope it helps you through this. Relationships or money not going well can be a huge stress...fills that cup pretty quickly. Friends of mine are going through a hellish time together right now and all i can say from watching them is be as honest as you can about the deep things. I hope your DH can be too. Men can find their brave if they don't give up searching for it. My friends have got caught up in the small everyday things and can never get past them to reach the deeper issues. They are both trying to fix each other all the time. It is really sad. I have hope for you hun. i don't know you or your relationship but knowing a little of what you have been through together, i have much hope that you will find that foundation to build your new life together. Good Luck sweety.
Samcougar- Bu55er hun, That is a shame, i am sorry it was not a goer this month. I love your get up and go attitude though. You are incredible at picking yourself up. Good luck for the coming month.
I have forgotten someone I am sure, Sorry, I have to try and catch up later.

AFM- Well yesterday went well, I think she had a lovely day.
I even mended some issues with my mum...well sort of. I bought her 2 baby chicks for her lovely garden and to say thank you for the things she will give us sometimes. A gift can do wonders for a relationship...although I am still not ready, nor do i know if i ever will be, to let her in as she would like me to. I still have her at arms length and she will just have to be happy with what i can give for now. She wants me to be her baby girl...little girl, child, need her. I am a grown woman with my own family. Anyway...another, long story.
As for the Baby Shower I just tried to stay bubbly and i didn't hold babies or look at them too much. It didn't look out of place luckily as i had lots to do. I didn't stay in any long and lengthy conversation. Just kept myself moving around...organising.
My SIL loved the gift i made her...ended up being passed around for everyone to see. How sweet of her. if she was doing it to take care of my ego..it worked. I made her a wrap and a baby elephant. My first go at the elephant...i had to make up my own pattern from a tiny little one i had. I incorporated some of my grandmas doileys and linen into it....which by the way i am collecting by means of donation. If you have any old linens, doileys, laces, ribbons and fabric, antique or old...i would love to take it off your hands and make something special out of it. I want o try and sell things but to buy the linen ...is too expensive for me atm, well too expensive to get anything back for it. I have come to realise that so many people have stuff in their cupboards and will never use it...It is sad but these beautiful pieces will rot and die with our generation. So i want to 'mod' them up and start a business with it...that is the plan.
The day before the baby shower however, did go so well. I ended up screaming at my brother. None of them have ever seen me with such extreme emotion. I left so upset with myself and so worked up. I won't go into why for privacy. He was angry and it frightened me, but when i left his comments were along the lines of...what is wrong with her. I know i didn't behave well but it doesn't excuse his behaviour. He thinks he is above us all and his actions are excusable. He NEVER apologises for anything. I just cracked. I can't and won't blame it on where i am at atm however i know my cup is full. It doesn't take from the fact he was being wrong. Now he is not talking to me and there is a HUGE elephant in the room. Oh joy, why oh why is family so stressfu at times. I have trouble with it because my family was always a pretty good source of 'normal' before the last year. I just try to find how i can improve myself...

AF arrived today, well last night. It confirms OV was late. I still have the CMV in my system so another month off the TTC train. I think it is ok although i am fast approaching a point when we will stop trying to fall pregnant. I just keep hoping that i twill happen soon.
So here is to resting...and getting some housework, sewing and washing done...slooowly! At least i got a good sleep last night. Going to make myself a chai late.

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Crumpet - There's a lot of research on cervical incompetence, and some of the figures are really promising. You'll get there! I am the subject of a big debate - do I have incompet cervix or not? Can that be the cause of my preterm labour? One school says it's not clear - I don't fit the classical definition and some of the classical indicators are not there. It's not ruled out, but it's not clear cut either. The other school says - asbolutely. Get a stitch and get it early. One of the very concerning risks for me is risk of infection following the proceedure. One school days, no worries we'll knock it out with a good dose of i/v antibiotics, the other says, with you? Not so sure. Anyway, the end result of all of that, is there are no clear answers for me and I am going to be faced with a big decision fairly soon. A bit scary really, to have the future of this pg so squarely in my hands, and experts at 20 paces not able to offer a clear path.

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:ooh wow u poor thing, that makesit hard for next time to make the decision to stitich or not!!!
my OB has said i have all the classic indicators and when i had the D&C to remove the retained palcenta he said my cervix is definatly not in the condition it should be....he said he would expect someone who had things like cone biopsy's, or laser surgery or 6-7 terminations to have a cervix like mine, but ive had nothing at all done to it.....
we will be stitching at 12-13 weeks when im preg, on the recommendation of my OB, who we trust whole heartedly, with that a night in hospy on anti biotics to help reduce any risk of infection..... id rather not have to do it, but we have been told its our only chance of carrying a bub long enough to have it survive or to get to 37 weeks.......
have u got a OB u could speak to rather than hearing 2 different things>??

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Hi again ladies..

Well, DP and I are still together.. I had the place all ready to move into but I just couldn't bring myself to pack my stuff and leave.. We do love each other but communication is a problem.. I do it too much, he not at all.. We both don't want the relationship to end and both agree there needs to be changes. We are going to try counselling. I am all for it, he said he would try it, anything to try and save our relationship.. We have been through so much together with our babies and DSS too, since I have been around since he was 1. I guess this is one last shot.. I don't know if I am playing the blame game here but I do feel that he is the one that needs to make some changes. I'm not saying I am perfect, but I open up where as he shuts off and lets things build up.. It's like he lives in a state of denial sometimes as opposed to dealing with the problem..Anyway, thanks so much for your support ladies.. Wish us luck with our counselling..

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so glad to hear things are a bit better, and its great u guys are trying to sort things out!

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Hello ladies,

My pussy cat went to heaven on Tuesday, she died in my arms. I cried like a baby and still can't belive she's gone. I expect to see her any minute coming in to ask for food (her favourite) or to see her basking in the sunshine (second favourite). I'm going in to hossy next week on Tuesday, but it's been so hard getting excited. Don't think badly of me girls, I will be excited, and I know deep down I am, but I'm so heart broken ATM as I miss my furbaby sooooo much. Thanks girls for your lovely words :grouphug:

CharlieB and crumpet, I'm so sorry for your losses girls :grouphug:. I've lost my precious angel boy Joshua at 21 weeks in October 2008, the road to recovery was tough but you get there in the end. I'm now expecting my second baby soon and wanted to let you know life does go on, but please work on your grief as it's so important for this to be resolved before you move on.

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im so sorry to hear about ur cat......

and thanks for ur thoughts...... its definatly a long road but im feeling good, things are a lot better now than even a week ago!

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well BFN for me. So just waiting for AF to arrive, I think this has made us more determined to try again, being so close but so far away. so full steam ahead from now on!

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sorry it wasnt the result u were after hun!!1

ho to everyone else!!!

AFM: not much going on here really, just wating to O which will be sometime this week, proably after wednesday id say......

Crumpet, good luck with the action this week hun. Hope it all goes well and you have a BFP waiting for you at the end. xx

Beata - oh my darling. I will light a candle for your furbaby and for your aching heart. I know what its like to have someone you love so completely die in your arms. You gave your beautiful furbaby the most wonderful gift of being loved so completely when she needed it the most. Well done, that is an amazing gift, and don't underestimate it. Her angel will never be far away, ad she will protect and guide you. I don't think badly of you! OMG though, I am so amazed and proud of you that your hossy date is here. On my friend, I am crying for you, both tears of sadness and happiness.

Gigi1 - I am so proud of you, both for just being a star at the shower and also for behaving in a way that you're not so proud of. I am proud of you that you let loose and also that you're thinking about it now. Why should we who have suffered so much, always be polite and not vent if we need to? Sad thing is, the message was missed on your bro. But I still say good for you. I am hoping one day I will be able to do that. Weird, I know to aspire to something like that, but I just think there's something in that. Good luck with the appointment. I can live in suspense. It will do me some good to learn some patience.

Crumpet - thankyou. One of the "schools" is the ob who has been with me the whole way through my journey of losses and whose opinion I respect, and the other "school" is a second opinion I sought from an obstetrician who specialises in high risk pgs. I have also in my journey seen some other obs who have also offered their opinions, some of whom I respect, the majority of which seem to be "to stitch". At first I was inclined to just get a stitch because it was something I hadn't tried. But now, I am not so sure. My ob says he has patients who have had stitches and had successful pgs. I think I am just a conundrum.

Blessed - never underestimate what you and DP have been through. It's hard, and sometimes I think we all forget the hidden effects of bereavement. You are both strong and you will both work on this in your own ways. Glad you didn't move out. The best place to work on your rel, is when you are together. I think well done to your DP for at least agreeing he'd try counselling. That is pretty big. I hope with the help of someone else, you can mend those communication bridges. My BB sister comradre side says I want to agree with you and say DP has to change, but the other part of me, says relationships are complex and it takes two, and maybe you both need to think about things differently in order to bloom again. I learnt that from my own experiences. I used to think DH needed to be the one that changed, he was the one who wronged me etc, and then I realised, I had so little control over that, but what I did have control over was me. I went through the things I thought he needed to change and really assessed what was important to me, and whether I could change the way I thought or felt about them or reacted to them. Still a work in progress, but I am much happier. DH seemed to respond to me better and was more willing to think about change. I love my DH,and he has been my rock, but when it comes to his feelings and thoughts, they are not really something he thinks about or if he does, he can't answer questions about them. I asked him yesterday if he thought about our babies. It wasn't an argument or anything, and he said yes. When I asked in what ways, he couldn't answer. Even when I prompted him, about when they were growing or born or died or what might have been? Other days when I ask a question he can give a fuller response. If I let it, it would upset me, but I have to realise that's just him. His talents lay in other areas. I just realised, I truly adore that man.

I suppose what I am trying to say, is please don't go into counseling thinking it's DP that has to change, because unless your counselor is good, that's a very steep road to climb to recovery. If you can, try and have an open mind.

I guess you're hurting and I am not saying in any way your pain should be minimised or isn't valid.

Really, all these words I am typing? I am trying to tell you that I want the best for you and DP, and I really hope it works out.... I just can't help trying to give advice :(

Oh I found or maybe even rediscovered your blog, so I have book marked it and hopefully I can still keep up with you via your blog. Take care my friend.

Samcougar - sorry, but I LOVE your can do attitude. Go get them girl.

AFM - worried I might be coming down with gastro. Seem to have the squirts, and felt a little sick last night. But I can't stop it, only can take care of myself. I am just hoping its my IBS playing up, which I actually suspect it is. Time will tell.

Hi everyone :hello:

Hope you are enjoying your day today

Thanks to everyone who has welcomed me into the forum, shared stories and given advice. I have been reading but finding a bit hard to get on and post.

Gigi - glad you made it through the shower, sounds like you handled it beautifully.

SamCougar - sorry about the BFN, :pink-babydust: for next cycle

beata - I'm so sorry about your cat, I have 2 gorgeous fur babies so i can understand how you feel. They are such a help in the hard times.

blessedatlast - I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time, I really hope things turn around for you and your DP

Hi crumpet, hope you O soon and you can get down to business! :crossfingers:

Sorry to everyone I missed, I will get better at this!!

AFM - I am finding this a bit overwhelming, and it's not even been 3 weeks. To go about home and work life when everything feels so bleak is tiring, EVERYTHING seems to remind me of our little boy and I still can't believe I'm not pregnant anymore. I just want to jump ahead 3 months and hope life feels better there, IYKWIM?
Anyway enough of the depressing rant from me!! Tomorrow will be a better day :p

Charlie B, Hun you will always be reminded but those reminders will sometimes make you smile again. I know for me there a lots...brushing my teeth used to make me gag when i was pg with DD. Now every time i brush my teeth i think of her...let alone all the obvious things. It makes me smile some days. It is still so raw hunny, go easily and gently. I am so sorry you are hurting. My DD died at 23.3 wks and was born 28.5 wks. Even having time to spend with her still inside me, to come to terms, to understand for nearly 6 weeks that she was gone. It was still huge shock so I can only imagine when it happens much faster. All i can say, the pain doesn't get less but you start to manage it better. Some days i still have no idea what i am talking about....it is a confusing and redefining time in your life.
Love and wishes
HM xox

Wow! This forum got a lot more active. I am thrilled. i will have to check it more often (forawhile I was checking to all the time, but nothing was happening, so I stopped checking so frequently).

Gigi1- sorry you are having a hard time with family. So difficult. But I am really glad that the shower went well. You are so strong. I am still trying to work out how to deal with those around me who are pregnant--I think you have it worked out so well. What a bummer about having to take off 2 cycles for TTC because this virus UGH! Are you feeling better though?

Dory- Please keep me updated on whether or not you get the stitch. I am in a similar boat as you. They don't know exactly what happened--could be cervical incompetence and I got an infection or infection which led to preterm labor. So the stitch is up to me for the next pg. Hope you aren't sick, although IBS acting up is no fun either! On the bright side at least you aren't constipated (was terrible for me)!

Blessedatlast- OH my heart just goes out to you. When I read your first post I wanted to cry. You and DP have been through so much! Please keep me updated on how the counseling is going for you guys. I really want it to work for you. What is your blog URL?

Crumpet- Best of luck to you this cycle. Are you doing anything to monitor O?Best of luck in the 2ww. I think cervical incompetence is really common and basically almost curable. I found this doctor's website helpful for information regarding it. He has lots of information and pages about it in an easy to understand format. Keep us updated!Cervical Incompetence and Cerclage - 5 - Cervical Assessment

Samcougar- Oh boo BFN. I really thought it was going to be the month for you! Has AF arrived yet?

Charlie- How are you doing hun? You sound so strong. This time is SO hard, just SO hard. It really helped me to join this group and know I was not alone. and you are not!

Chez- sounds like you need a vacation! We just booked one because I do the same thing....work way tooo hard and then it wipes me out. Sounds like leaving early is a good strategy. Any symptoms yet? I also LOVE jigsaw puzzles, I can get totally obsessed by some of the hard ones...and think about puzzle pieces all day! How is it coming along?

Beata- excited for your trip yet? So sorry about your kitty. :grouphug: How are you doing?


AFM- well AF arrived...early. booo. Came on full force yest with horrible cramps (not uncommon on CD1 for me). Weird thing is my temp is still elevated (I vary about a degree in my cycle):doh:. I was expecting AF tomorrow. Has this happened to anyone? Any idea when should I start counting? I actually am finding I don't mind getting AF. It is the days before that seem agonizing, but with the arrival of AF I feel like my slate is wiped clean and I get a fresh start. For some reason I don't feel overly positive about this next cycle, but we just booked a vacation to Bermuda (so excited never been there!) for super cheap during O in April (maybe). I am SO happy to have something fun to look forward to.

Hope everyone is well and sending you lots of babydust

Oh Cmegles, that sounds like a fun getaway. What a lovely story to tell you little one...you were made in Bermuda! How exotic. Sorry Af arrive hun.
Yep i am feeling quite good. I am CD3 now...CD2 is usually when i get kick in the butt. So yesterday was sitting and watching all the shows i have taped...lazy lazy...and a couple of loads of washing. xoxo

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Crumpet - thankyou. One of the "schools" is the ob who has been with me the whole way through my journey of losses and whose opinion I respect, and the other "school" is a second opinion I sought from an obstetrician who specialises in high risk pgs. I have also in my journey seen some other obs who have also offered their opinions, some of whom I respect, the majority of which seem to be "to stitch". At first I was inclined to just get a stitch because it was something I hadn't tried. But now, I am not so sure. My ob says he has patients who have had stitches and had successful pgs. I think I am just a conundrum.

AFM - worried I might be coming down with gastro. Seem to have the squirts, and felt a little sick last night. But I can't stop it, only can take care of myself. I am just hoping its my IBS playing up, which I actually suspect it is. Time will tell.

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o wow its one big jmuble for you hey.......:wall:

i think if i was u, and this based whole heartedly on my experience and is my perspecitive, i would get the stitich....
yeah there is a slight chance of infection, but id rather battle the small odds of that than go through another pre term labour and delivery again.....
but thats just the way id look at things......

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Hi crumpet, hope you O soon and you can get down to business! :crossfingers:



AFM - I am finding this a bit overwhelming, and it's not even been 3 weeks. To go about home and work life when everything feels so bleak is tiring, EVERYTHING seems to remind me of our little boy and I still can't believe I'm not pregnant anymore. I just want to jump ahead 3 months and hope life feels better there, IYKWIM?
Anyway enough of the depressing rant from me!! Tomorrow will be a better day :p

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thanks hun!!!!

hun just do things as u feel ready and comfortable, do not rush things.....
that was the bst piece of advice i was given, and u know its true......
i was trying to rush feeling better again and it was making me worse, once i calmed down and just did things as i felt ready and comfortable to do them i actually felt better....

big hugs for u .....

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Dory- Please keep me updated on whether or not you get the stitch. I am in a similar boat as you. They don't know exactly what happened--could be cervical incompetence and I got an infection or infection which led to preterm labor. So the stitch is up to me for the next pg. Hope you aren't sick, although IBS acting up is no fun either! On the bright side at least you aren't constipated (was terrible for me)!



Crumpet- Best of luck to you this cycle. Are you doing anything to monitor O?Best of luck in the 2ww. I think cervical incompetence is really common and basically almost curable. I found this doctor's website helpful for information regarding it. He has lots of information and pages about it in an easy to understand format. Keep us updated!Cervical Incompetence and Cerclage - 5 - Cervical Assessment


AFM- well AF arrived...early. booo.

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wow hun..... i had an infection as well...... once my cervical incompetanct kicked in and i started dialiting the infection bought on labour, my OB said that if i hadnt got the infection i might have been able to hold on longer with eleveated bed rest.....

wow thansk for the link ill have a look at it now!!

spew about AF coming early!!!!

AFM: well i decided to pull out some OPK's i had in the cupboard coz on friday i had some brown tinged cm, then sunday i was a bit achy then yesterday i had some really fine streaks of blood in ny cm and today ive had some spotting, so i thought id see whats going on.....

problem being ive lost the instructions!!!!

so instead of pee-ing in a cup first i just pee-ed on the dip stick thing!!! anyway a faint line came up so i dont think im o-ing but im going to do it again later and dip it proerly but im not sure how long to dip for and then hoe long to watch for the results!!! ooopps!

Hi everyone,

Thanks for the replies after my whinging yesterday :redface:
I received my little boys birth certificate in the mail yesterday and was not really expecting it, I think it knocked me for six somewhat!
And I'm starting to get frustrated that I am still bleeding, I really want my body to move on from this.

crumpet - I can offer no advice as I have never used OPK's but goodluck and I hope you can figure out what's going on!

Gigi - thank you once again for the advice and support :hug:

cmeglles - sorry about the AF news but :hooray: for the holiday news, sounds like a wonderful idea!

dory - I hope you're feeling better today?

Anyways - a quiet day today - I am officially "working from home" but using the term quite vaguely, am just trying to have a more positive day!

Take care everyone!
xx

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Hi everyone,

Thanks for the replies after my whinging yesterday :redface:
I received my little boys birth certificate in the mail yesterday and was not really expecting it, I think it knocked me for six somewhat!
And I'm starting to get frustrated that I am still bleeding, I really want my body to move on from this.

crumpet - I can offer no advice as I have never used OPK's but goodluck and I hope you can figure out what's going on!

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big hugs hun.....
we got Gus's certificate last week and even thought i knew it was coming it wasnt the most plesant day thats for sure.....
its another hurdle thats thrown in, but if there is tears let them out, just do what u feel like doing to make u feel a bit better.....

the bleeding should stop soon... did u have to go to theatre or anything after u delivered?
my bleeding lasted 2 weeks and then i ad spotting for a week after that, but i had to have a d&c for retained placenta.......

thanks hun.... im pretty sure ill be O-ing in the next 2 or 3 days judging by the result i got today

:

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the bleeding should stop soon... did u have to go to theatre or anything after u delivered?
my bleeding lasted 2 weeks and then i ad spotting for a week after that, but i had to have a d&c for retained placenta.......

thanks hun.... im pretty sure ill be O-ing in the next 2 or 3 days judging by the result i got today

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No, didn't need theatre or anything, passed the placenta ok.
It's pretty light now but keeps stopping then starting again, my body is teasing me!! It's day 20 now, so hopefully near the end!

So a fun few days for you then crumpet!! :dance:

Charlie B- i had the same thing, lasted about 3 weeks but then I had a totally normal cycle after. I was taking pregnancy tests to see if my body still had hcg. So frustrating. It is wonderful that you get a birth certificate, although I can't believe they mail it to you. In the US we don't get them.....I have a remembrance certificate. I really treasure it. Those out of the blue-shock you into sadness hard days will start eventually happening less often, but I think you can see in our posts they don't go away. :hug: I am thinking of you and this journey you are taking. It is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Crumpet- hmm you are really convincing me to opt for the stitch. They don't know what came first, I was only 2cm dilated when I came in, and I wasn't dilating much more very quickly, but it sounds like that might not be so crazy.The consensus is that an infection put me into labor, but did that come first and cause me to dilate? I had not had anyone monitoring my cervix or anything so I really could have been slightly dilated for weeks. Makes me wonder. My doctor has said he is going to watch closely starting early. I don't know if your OPK strips were the same as mine, but the ones I used said the directions were that a positive was a line as dark as or darker than the test line. Good luck with BD this week. Have fun! :)

for me- at home sick today. Caught a mild stomach bug. ick! Nice to hang out with my dogs and sleep. Guess that is why my temp is still up.

:bluedust::bluedust: to you all!

:

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No, didn't need theatre or anything, passed the placenta ok.
It's pretty light now but keeps stopping then starting again, my body is teasing me!! It's day 20 now, so hopefully near the end!

So a fun few days for you then crumpet!! :dance:

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im sure it will stop soon, especially if its only light and not every day!!!! i hope so for ur sake, its frustrating hey!!!!!

yep plenty of fun times ahead in our place!!!! :dance:

:

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Crumpet- hmm you are really convincing me to opt for the stitch. They don't know what came first, I was only 2cm dilated when I came in, and I wasn't dilating much more very quickly, but it sounds like that might not be so crazy.The consensus is that an infection put me into labor, but did that come first and cause me to dilate? I had not had anyone monitoring my cervix or anything so I really could have been slightly dilated for weeks. Makes me wonder. My doctor has said he is going to watch closely starting early. I don't know if your OPK strips were the same as mine, but the ones I used said the directions were that a positive was a line as dark as or darker than the test line. Good luck with BD this week. Have fun! :)

for me- at home sick today. Caught a mild stomach bug. ick! Nice to hang out with my dogs and sleep. Guess that is why my temp is still up.

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with my cervix i had a short measurment at 12weeks and had bed rest till 14 weeks where a follow up scan showed my cervix had lengthend....then at 18 weeks was still good, then at 20 it had dropped right back..... OB then put me back on bed rest but it was to late to stitch then, he was highly concerned about perferating the water sack so DH and I decided not to risk it......if we had of been able to see into the future maybe we would have chosen different who knows.......when i saw him the night i went into hospital my waters had started buldging through my cervix but there wasnt an infection at that point so into hospy on elevated bed rest.....my OB is fairly confident that if i didnt get the infection we could have made it a ot further, they were controlling labour with drugs and it was holding off, but the infection got to much and then got to the placenta to which my body decided it had to get rid of the infection and i woke up in full labour one morning and that was it........

for me, if there is a chacne the stitch will help us get further then im all for it.... scares the crap out of me but ill do what i have to do to get us a healthy bub

CharliB - I do know what you mean. Be gentle on yourself, grief is such a demanding journey. And seriously 3 weeks is still so new into your journey. Just take each moment, or hour or day as it comes. Give your furbabies lots of cuddles and one day most unexpectedly you might find yourself smiling or even laughing at their antics. if that happens - dont feel guilty, enjoy it, you deserve to feel lighter even if only for a moment. In time, those little reminders will hurt less. But they are everywhere. I know you've posted again since writing this, but I just wanted to give you my belated support.

Hi ladies,

Thanks so much for all your lovely words of support, you are such a beautiful bunch of ladies in here :grouphug: Still finding it hard to live without my puss, I need her so much now that I'm about to go to hossy to have my bub! Wish she was here to meet him on the outside..

Cheryl, I'm booked in on tuesday at 8.30 am. Pretty scared about the c/s but hey, I just have to be brave, and I want him out safe and sound! How is that jigsaw going?

Crumpet, reading a bit more about your loss just breaks my heart, hugs hun. I know of a couple of girls who have had the stitch put in (even though their OBs said it was more for a piece of mind rather than a medical reason) and they've had healthy pg & babies.

Cmeglles, sorry to hear you're not feeling well hun. Snuggle up to your furbabies, best medicine in the world!

CharlieB, hope your bleeding stops soon hun, but your body's gotta do what it's gotta do, all part of the process I guess. Big hugs hun.

Gigi, I'm keeping everything crossed for you in this cycle. Bring on the BFP!!!

Samcougar, I'm sorry hunni. Hope the next cycle brings you the news you want :pray:

I'm sorry if I missed anyone, sending you all lots of baby dust and sticky vibes!!

B xxx

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Crumpet, reading a bit more about your loss just breaks my heart, hugs hun. I know of a couple of girls who have had the stitch put in (even though their OBs said it was more for a piece of mind rather than a medical reason) and they've had healthy pg & babies.

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thanks for the hugs hun, needed them today :shakehead: Dh and i had a arguement about him going away for the weekend and i dont want him to go coz im not ready for him to be away all night yet, and yeah.......

its so comforting to hear of people who had had sucessful pregnancies after having a stitch done

Crumpet, if I could reach across the screen I'd give you a big hug. I know the days/weeks after a loss are the hardest, you feel so fragile and needy, well I did anyway. Anytime DF popped out anywhere even for a couple of hours I'd get upset. I felt so needy and so alone when I was on my own. So I'm not surprised at you for being upset with your DH. Is there a GF that can come over to stay with you or can you stay with your parents, or a sibling? Company is very important ATM for you, you don't want to feel alone hun. Just remember, anytime you need a hug ask for one and I'll send you a hundred!!

:

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Dh and i had a arguement about him going away for the weekend and i dont want him to go coz im not ready for him to be away all night yet, and yeah.......

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I'm sorry to hear this crumpet, I completely understand you being upset, I'm sure its completely normal to want to have your DH close to you ATM

I agree 100% with beata70 - if you looked up needy in the dictionary - there I would be, waving at you! :hello:
I miss my DH like crazy even when he goes to work! I have a girlfriend who keeps asking me to go and stay with her for a few days, she is a plane flight away. But I keep refusing cause I can't bear the idea of being away from my DH at the moment.
Good advice from beata, hope you can organise friend/family to be with you if DH does end up going away.

Huge :hug: to you crumpet

:

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Crumpet, if I could reach across the screen I'd give you a big hug. I know the days/weeks after a loss are the hardest, you feel so fragile and needy, well I did anyway. Anytime DF popped out anywhere even for a couple of hours I'd get upset. I felt so needy and so alone when I was on my own. So I'm not surprised at you for being upset with your DH. Is there a GF that can come over to stay with you or can you stay with your parents, or a sibling? Company is very important ATM for you, you don't want to feel alone hun. Just remember, anytime you need a hug ask for one and I'll send you a hundred!!

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thanks hun...... i had BIG issues when he went back to work, i was having anxiety quite badly but he made sure he finished early and had days off here and there to ease me back into being home alone during the day, which im ok with, its night that is the big issue now.....

we ended up compromising, he is going to go for the day sunday..... so then he doesnt miss out completely, but he isnt away at night...
not exactly what he wanted but after a lot of tears and sobbing he understood!

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I'm sorry to hear this crumpet, I completely understand you being upset, I'm sure its completely normal to want to have your DH close to you ATM

I agree 100% with beata70 - if you looked up needy in the dictionary - there I would be, waving at you! :hello:
I miss my DH like crazy even when he goes to work! I have a girlfriend who keeps asking me to go and stay with her for a few days, she is a plane flight away. But I keep refusing cause I can't bear the idea of being away from my DH at the moment.
Good advice from beata, hope you can organise friend/family to be with you if DH does end up going away.

Huge :hug: to you crumpet

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lol...sorry hun had to laugh at the dictionary comment!!:clap:

hun it hasnt been long so dont feel like u should be away from DH just yet..... give it a bit longer and u might well feel like going to see ur girlfriend, but i think u need to give it a bit more time. in time u will gradually feel better when DH goes to work, and then u will feel strong enough to go to visit ur GF.......

AFM: so arguement with Dh is sorted......
today i have a US to check up on what my cervix is like pre pregnancy so my OB can see how things change...... not overly excited seeing as it will be an internal scan :doh: dildo camera here i come:o

Hi girls - still here just lurking......... all is ok atm & on track. I just wanted to pop in to say to Beata that I am so excited for you for Tuesday and am wishing you every ounce of luck for the big day! How exciting to meet your little one finally. Will be thinking of you :dance:
Chat soon girls

Take care
xoxoxoxox

Aries, thanks sweetheart :hug: I'm glad everything is on track with you hun and I wish that one day soon I'll be wishing you the same when you're having your own bub! Big hugs and know that you're often on my thoughts, I really pray for a BFP for you hun x

Crumpet, I'm glad you were able to compromise with your DH, that's what it's really all about in a good relationship!

Hello to everyone else, spreading lots of :pink-babydust: and :stickyvibesgirl:in here for my lovely friends.

I almost forgot I have to go for this BT before Tuesday, where is my brain :redface:

B xxx

Hi ladies

It is normally quiet in here - I can't believe the number of posts this week! Glad to hear that everyone seems to be doing ok. We're all at different stages but it is so good that we have found this support group - sometimes it is the only thing that keeps me balanced! So thanks everyone :hug: :hug:

AFM, AF arrived last night so my hopes are dashed once again. I did a HPT Thursday morning and it was a BFN so I was expecting it but it didn't make it any easier. I have been so very emotional these last few days. Crying over good news stories like the one about the baby elephant that the zoo keepers thought had died during labour. I hate feeling so emotional and out of control. And some cycles are better than others. But I did have a talk to DH Thursday night about going back to IVF. I am a little cautious given the poor result we had from the 3 cycles we did, but a friend has just done an antagonist cycle and have been thinking about going back to do one. The FS we saw in Sydney had suggested it but later changed his mind. There is a new IVF clinic here under the FS we saw in Canberra (no more driving to Sydney for pick-up or transfer) and so am thinking we might give it another shot. I was surprised that DH was supportive. When we discussed it previously he was dead against anymore cycles. He saw how they affected me physically and emotionally and didn't want to put me through that again. I am not sure why he has changed his mind. He just said that this is the year we are going to try everything to fall pg. I am not in a hurry to go back as I don't feel physically ready - I want to be much healthier and stronger to give us the best chance. And I am going to talk to my TCM about it. Maybe it is something we might do in 2 or 3 months. However, I am very aware that getting a cycle started can take a while depending on FSH levels etc. Anyway, enough rambling from me.

Gigi1 - I am so glad that the baby shower went well. It sounds like you got through it with absolute grace and charm. Well done you! As for your brother - I hope things can work themselves out. You really don't need the stress that comes with family arguments at the moment. Take care of yourself hun. I do worry about you :hug:

Beata - I am so clueless sometimes! I had forgotten that you c/s was booked for the 16th. We lost Ryan on the 17th and I remember thinking that the dates were so close. Best of luck for everything on Tuesday. I hope that all goes smoothly and that you are holding your little one in your arms in no time! Please let us know how things go. :hug:

cmeglles - Bermuda! How exciting! I have been thinking about booking a beach house for a week as the weather gets colder. I love the beach at winter - walking along the beach when no-one else is there and coming back to hot chocolate and snuggling up by the open fire place to warm up! Maybe during our uni break. In the meantime we have a few long weekends coming up and family visiting which will be nice.

Aries - hi! Glad to hear that all is on track with you. Hope you're doing well.

Crumpet - I understand completely why you wouldn't want DH to be away overnight. We were lucky last year when we lost our baby. DH normally does a lot of interstate travel with overnight stays but for at least 6 months afterwards he didn't do one. I found it difficult to be by myself even while he was at work so for a couple of weeks he worked from home, or went in late and come home early. I hated having to leave the house and only did so when it was absolutely necessary - Dr, pysch or groceries. And then I avoided eye contact with everybody. I would have anxiety attacks if I went anywhere that reminded me of being pg or anywhere new where I would have to meet new people. I was such a different person from my normal self. My psych helped me overcome a lot of these feelings but it took about 5 months. So be gentle on yourself. :hug:

CharlieB - I had a GF who asked me to come and stay with her at her house at the beach which we have done previously. We are of the same age and get along so well and it was very kind of her to offer but part of the reason I couldn't go was because the last time we were there I was pg and I was trying hard to avoid being reminded of those happier times. I also couldn't bear to be away from my DH. He was my rock, my protector. We have since visited her a couple of times and I have gotten past the memory but it was hard the first time as she put us in the same room we had had before. Each day we get stronger and are better able to deal with these reminders.

Dory - Hi. Hope you are doing well and resting up. Remember your most important job!

:hello: to Samcougar, Blessedatlast and everyone else I have missed.
oxo

Hey Cheryl,
Good to hear from you. Sorry you had a neg this month. It sounds promising that you are considering all options though. It is hard to base these decisions on previous experience when each cycle is a fresh look/start. I hope that the coming months make things clearer for you and that whatever you do brings your dream to reality hun. Good luck and best wishes to get fit and ready too. I hope the best for you, i really do.
oxox
Beata,
The very best of wishes for you on Tuesday. How very exciting. You have come all this way. I hope you are as proud as we are! A subsequent pregnancy after loss would have to be finding a NEW normal for yourself, i guess. I admire you and look up to your strength. I hope that your beautiful cat is looking over you as your family grows. Good Luck sweet and enjoy the moment of true love. xoxoox Will be thinking of you!

Aries,
Good to hear from you hun and to know all is well in your world. Keep us in touch when you can. Love and wishes xoxo

Crumpet,
I think i mentioned a little while back that i tend to binge and feel my most down, the first day after my husbands weekend. I still find it hard sweety. We have a 24/7 relationship. We have often worked together and really enjoy living in each others pockets. We give each other the necessary space we need. So when he is away, i feel quite lost in deed. We haven't been away from each other much other than one night...that was hellish for me. We don't have an unhealthy need for each other...i just have such a closeness with him...no one else can fill that. I think it is very normal how you feel hun. I am glad it worked out. GO the Dildo Cam...not ever very nice...but hey one very good advantage, no full bladder necessary! I think that is worse.

Charlie B,
My cousin in Perth has been trying to get me to go over there...from brisbane, to stay with her for a bit. No way Hose! She thinks we are too dependant on each other and it would be good for us to spend some time away once and a while...um Bu55er off. She thinks it would be relaxing for me. I have no idea where people get off with this advice. Talk about unravel me! Another planet! I know your friend is not suggesting this...it is just my cousin beign pushy. Sometimes well meaning friends can throw you for six. Just be as honest as you can sweet and your friendship will survive it if it is strong enough. You do what you are comfortable with, stay close to your heart and listen to your needs hun. Stay strong and do whatever it is your heart tells you...no matter how crazy.

I am hoping i didn't get Crumpet and CharlieB mixed up at any point. You lovely ladies are really good at 'quoting'. I have no idea how to do it...it gets me confused. So apologies for any mix up on my part...i can be a bit slow. xoxoxo Hugs

AFM-
Hmmmm, a few things this week. I went for this appointment up the coast. Anyway some things have been confirmed. I have a few issues to contend with. I have two viruses in my system, some opportunistic bacteria and Lymes Disease seems to be present. To say i handled this well would be overkill. I have no idea where of how i got these things as I am bit of a health freak. I look after myself well although the last year has been up and down. It explains why I am so damn tired all the time and why i feel out of whack. Although at any point, these things and others that you can't really put a finger could all be caused by grief. I do feel 'not myself'. They all leave you with symptoms like chronic fatigue syndrome/glandular fever and pelvic inflam disorder etc etc. Fun...get yoursefl some, it is a blast.
Had another panick attack around my health stuff so I will get some more checked out and look at come counselling i think for the anxiety. Hmmm, i am so frustrated and upset over this. I have never 'had' to stop TTC for so long. I want to scream.
On the flip side, it gives me time to be well and a better chance of a safe pregnancy. I can get a bit fitter and feel good again.
Yesterday was DD's anniversary for her death. My mother rang all high pitched and chirpy. I could have hung up then and there. So I am hiding right now. My little cousin was down from Cairns and she came to visit today. It was lovely to see her and she just wanted to talk about DD which was perfect for me today. Selfishly, that is all i wanted. I am hiding and sewing and writing for the rest of the day. My SIL sent us flowers on Friday which was lovely of her.
I am tired and headachy so i am off for to meditate and rest. HOpe you are all well out there.
Love to you all

Dory,
Only a couple of days until you see your bubs, thinking of you. xx

Hi everyone :hello:

Hope your weekends have been enjoyable!

Hi Gigi - no mix ups as far as I can tell!! Your post made me laugh, I think crumpet is another level ahead of me, I have no idea how she does the multiple quoting in one post thingy, very impressive!!!
I'm so sorry about the health issues you are facing, but hopefully finding out about what's going on means you are one step closer to solving the problems and getting on with your TTC journey :hug:

Chez - sorry about evil AF showing up. I hope the next few cycles can bring some better news, be it IVF or natural.

beata - all the best for Tuesday, I will be kppeing you in my thoughts this week.

crumpet - how did the appointment go? ROFL at the "dildo camera"!

AFM - we went out to see some friends last night for the first time since we delivered. It felt so strange, everyone acted like nothing at all had happened, and didn't mention anything about it. I was acting like I was the same as before, but I feel like a TOTALLY different person, this HUGE thing has happened in my life that nobody will mention! I think having had a baby and meeting my beautiful little boy has changed me so much, and yet I can't express this to anyone. Does this make any sense?? Sorry I am rambling away to myself here! :confused:

Otherwise a quiet weekend, I have to start doing some proper shifts at work from tomorrow and pulling my weight a bit more, hope it goes ok.

Am anxiously awaiting my AF, have no idea when it will show up, could be weeks away I guess. But would love to TTC next cycle so bring on AF!

Take care ladies
xx

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crumpet - how did the appointment go? ROFL at the "dildo camera"!

AFM - we went out to see some friends last night for the first time since we delivered. It felt so strange, everyone acted like nothing at all had happened, and didn't mention anything about it. I was acting like I was the same as before, but I feel like a TOTALLY different person, this HUGE thing has happened in my life that nobody will mention! I think having had a baby and meeting my beautiful little boy has changed me so much, and yet I can't express this to anyone. Does this make any sense?? Sorry I am rambling away to myself here! :confused:

Otherwise a quiet weekend, I have to start doing some proper shifts at work from tomorrow and pulling my weight a bit more, hope it goes ok.

Am anxiously awaiting my AF, have no idea when it will show up, could be weeks away I guess. But would love to TTC next cycle so bring on AF!

Take care ladies
xx

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my appt went well thanks hun....
everything looks normal, my cerivx is just a bit shorter than a normal persons which is no great suprise!!
ovaries were full of eggs so we are all systems go!!!
lol..yeah dildo cam!! i unfortunatly will have to have dildo cam every scan and every preg i have!! dam cervix!!!!

i know what u mean about being a different person..... for me its easier if ppl pretend nothing has happend, but i can understand if u did want to talk to them about it.
i think a ot of people dont know what to say or how to act after soemthing like this has happned. even now i wonder if i would know what to do to help out someone if they went through what we did...

ooh and to quote..... down the bottom right of posts there is a symbol with MQ in it, u just hit that for every post u want to quote!! easy as!!

I tried to post a thread, but for some reason it didn't come through. I just wanted to know if anyone can answer my questions...

Hi, some of you may have read my story https://www.bellybelly.com.au/forums...-6-months.html
3 weeks later I was curious to see if I was ovulating because I had read that you can ovulate 2 weeks to 3 weeks after giving birth and that you are really fertile, ect after giving birth. The first test stick come up that I was not ovulating, but the next day both lines come up both being the same colour no line was darker or lighter than the other. They both were a faint pink colour. When I done my last ovulation test the C line was darker than the T and that month was the month I feel pregnant. So anway I took it that I was ovulating. My partner and I TTC from that day. I tested the next day and same thing. Third day come up with th T line dakrer than the C. I now feel really guilty because I feel asthough I have rushed into things to fast, and thought maybe if I got pregnant that fast it would take a bit of the pain away. If I fell pregnant this month could I potentially put this child at danger too? My partner is a lot older than me. He is 53 and we want to have a child so bad befoe it gets too late for him to experience being a father again. That is the main reason of TTC so fast. Do you think that the ovulation test could have been wrong for some reason seeing as the 2 lines were exact same colour, but very light?

Beata - thinking of you for tomorrow and beyond.! OMG I am so excited...........

Will be back to write more later.

Gigi1 - my heart is with you, particularly now. I was away over the weekend, but will light a candle for your DD tonight.

I hope you are managing ok, and good work for your cousin on being the right person at the right time. Thinking of you. Pity about the funky annoying lttle bacteria/virus. I thought Lymes disease could be caught from ticks. Any rolls in the hay latey? And yes only one more day. I have woken each morning for the past two mornings thinking - this is it! I have to get ready, only to realise today wasn't the day. I am a bit anxious too, but not too much. Worry won't help and what will be will be. Oh, I got to go to the beach. It was divine. It was too much for me to get down the beach to the water, so DH and I just sat and watched the rain squalls move across the bay and how the appearance of the water changed with the changing light. It was pretty rough but relatively calm considering. We even got rained on ourselves. It was awesome.

CharliB - it's so hard. I am sorry that you felt so apart from your friends. It will get easier in time, but for now, you will probably feel apart from family, friends, colleagues and the world at large. It's hard for your friends too, they don't know what to say or do and mostly they are so afraid of upsetting you. Little do they know, you're upset already and are actually pretty good at "this being upset caper". If they are close friends, and if you can, sweetie, talk to them about what you need and how you felt and feel. It will help them be better friends for you.

Crumpet - I know what you mean about being uncertain about how to help others, despite your own experiences. But in order to help others, you have to be strong and mostly healed yourself, don't try to take to much on if the opportunity presents itself. My counsellor says that people in grief are like sponges, they absorp sadness and grief around them. I realised I was doing that too

Chez - sorry about the BFN and that you are glum. Be strong my friend, you can do it.

Cmegelles - how are you going sweetie? First signs of spring around? The tulips flowering? That was one of the most exciting things when I was in the US. It really was a visual reminder of the change of season to come.

CharlieB,
I do feel like a totally different person and i think that is normal. I also think it is a good thing. My baby's legacy in a way. Not easy though when dealing with other people. I feel a bit outside their world often enough. It is almost like dealing with a second personality sometimes. I don't think i was ever happy with whether people asked or not. If they did, it was almost always done int he wrong way but i was happy to have her spoken about. If they didn't i was pi55ed that they didn't care enough. Something i learnt very early on was that very few people could get it right and when they did it was like a weight lifted and I could breath. HOpe AF turns up soon hun so you can get started.xx

Crumpet,
Sweet, i often think the same when i comes to other people going through this. I sometimes think i have all the answers and then other times i think i woud be completely useless as everyone's needs different. A million dollar question really. All any of us can do it be honest, loving and compassionate and hope we could be there for soemone else. xoxo

Be back soon

Hi Beata

Just popped in quickly to wish you all of the luck in the world tomorrow. :hug: I will be thinking of you and your family. :pray:

oxo

Dory,
One more sleep! Will be thinking of you tomorrow hun.
Yeah i know...rolling around in the hay. When he told me that it is from a tick bite, i thought...You are a fruitcake. Yep whatever mate. Then i went home and did some research. I looked up what this bite area is supposed to look like and sure enough i had a ring bite area on the back of my head 3-4 mths ago. I was embarressed and thought it was a ringworm or fungal thing from my darling nephew who frequents daycare. I smothered it in tea tree and it went away only to return a bit bigger and spread out. So ti make total sense...have no idea though where i would have come into contact with a tick. Stupidly i took photos so that i could see it, being on the back of my head made that a challenge, but got rid of the pictures once i had seen it. Great one kiddo. So yep...that is that. He is a pretty clever and very thorough dude. I have three friends that have been to him and had fab results. So we shall see. But no wonder i have been feeling a little more than i can put down to greif. It was sending me back into depression type feelings when dispite our heartbreak and sadness i thought we were doing so well. I know i have handled a little too much stress lately but still there were just a few things i couldn't put my finger on.
Glad you got to the beach hun. How beautiful. I love watching the weather. I have sadi to dh, our dream home- i don't care if we can't see a huge view of anything else but i want a view of the weather. I love it and so does dh. I bet your bubbas were there with you watching the wild energy and rain. Nothing like getting caught up in the rain. It is even better when you are trying not to get wet ad then all of a sudden...you drop everything and embrace it. So much fun. xx Hm oxo

Beata!!!!!! Go get em baby! Bring us a beautiful baby home. Thinking of you hun and wishing you every calm thought. Good Luck!