Hi Bubo,
So sorry to hear you lost your little one. If you would like to share your story there is a thread for that too. (Although I realise you may not be ready for that yet) Welcome to our thread, you have found a great place to come to for support when you need it. We are a great group of ladies ;) Good luck in your TTC journey, I hope it's a short one.. Take care and I hope to see you around :)
Hello ladies,
Bubo, I'm very sorry for your loss hun :hug:. Unfortunatelly, we have all experienced it here is this thread, but the ladies here are amazing and the support is fantastic. I've no doubt you are still grieving for your little one, so reach out and seek the help and support from others if you can. I lost my little boy at 21 weeks in Oct 08, and I found the support of SANDS and SIDS very valuable. I also saw a psychologist for a long time which has helped me enormously on the road to TTC my next bub.
Big hugs again and I know you'll fing lots of support here.
Blessedatlast, so good to hear you're seeing the naturopath. I hope it all works for you hun!
Cmeglles, Gigi, Dory, Cheryl and anyone else I might have missed, big hello and Happy Valentine's Day everybody!
B xxx
Right...I have some serious catching up to do...and a busy day at home, so I will do my best.
Blessedatlast- Hun IKWYM re the Support group convo. It is delicate. That is great that you are regular...you are an incredible woman to handle AF every 14 days. I think i would be beside myself. I am wondering if you have tried Chinese Herbs, that might be useful. You have most likely been there. I know they helped me toned down my AF, a bit of fine tuning.
Re the counseling, you know what you need hun. You sound very grounded and you have and are dealing with it all tremendously in my opinion. I understand what she is getting at...from her point of view, however a lot of the time advice is coming from people that have not had this loss or experience with this grief and their opinions of life and handling it can be a little distorted. Once you have crossed over the line to experience this, you realise just how common it is. Even when you do live through this...it is never the same for everyone. You are happy with where you are and thats what is important....and I think you are doing a fab job!...my two cents worth! LOL- like i ever keep my mouth shut. I hope this doesn't offend. Made me chuckle reading your husbands thoughts...'Group of women getting together to upset each other' So funny. I feel like others stories of pain validate mine...sort of IYKWIM. YEs everyone is so different. As logn as we find our own journey and support, we can learn and care for each other.
Good luck with the studies hun, I really admire you. Thinking of studying something again soon....see how i go. I want to do something for enjoyment...family is intent on making htat a new career and income...bless their little hearts!!!
Bubo-, Sweety I am so very sorry for your need of this thread. Welcome with a heavy heart hun. It is a devastating experience to lose your child. I hope each day is a little easier to live with your loss and I hope you have the strength to take care of yourself. One of the best pieces of advice ever given to me was to be gentle to myself. I hope you find comfort here with these lovely ladies. I hope it is not long before you are announcing the BFP for your second much loved baby.
Beata-Hey hun, how is the lurking going and hope you are feeling well. I have to agree with the OPK...takes some guess work out if you are not regular and certainly less of an issue than temps...same time everyday as soon as you wake. When you are not in practice...you keep forgetting, well i do. And they make me feel like i am doing something...and not just waiting around. Can you tell i like to have my hands busy. Hope you are well hun.
Cmegles- Hope your crazy work commitments have calmed down enough hun, That was sounding full on. I am so sorry AF turned up. It was pure love that got you through a busy month and still managing to dtd at the right time. I hope this month is different for you babe. Enjoy the wine and coffee and all other naughty things. Oh and how did the baby visit go? I found for me, it was doable but too soon when i was in a similar position. I hope you were ok.
Dory- Well i have to leave the donuts until next time. I just couldn't get there for when they were open. We had a lovely time anyway...although came back to 2 speeding fines...my very FIRST ticket at 33yrs of age. 2 mins after the each other. I was gutted. Never mind. It was an honest mistake...not being naughty on purpose. Did a uturn and went back through the same camera not realising it was a 60km zone in the middle of 100km...all i can say is that god i slowed down the do a uturn....now back to YOU hun..LOL I am so glad that the scare could be explained a little and bub is still doing fine. It must have frightened you both. Of course your DH must have been so scared. I send you both love and wishes hun that you don't have to find yourself in the same boat again. I hope this is the end of scarey moments and the rest of the journey is blissful...just to shock the pants off you. You are so very lucky to have such a wonderful OB...he/she is not in Brisbane is he/she? I hope that continues.
I also hope you can find a spot for yourself at work. It would be good to keep that stability so i hope they can fit you in somewhere. Lucky thing with the housekeeper though...how cool.
Hun, Sands and support groups are not for everyone hey. You did well to give it a go. I guess it is just like you say on forums...takes a while to find what fits I agree BB is most positive and loving for sure. I hope you found support and love in other ways.
Chez- Hey hun, I have been thinking of you lately and know that your TWW is ending around this time. I hope you have good news hun and you are sitting on it for a while. I can't wait to hear how you are doing. Either way i can definitely recommend dark choc kitkat for comfort or celebration. It rocks.. I do get headaches at different times of month...but not every month anymore so hopefully that is a good sign of balance in my hormones. I do have some estrogen issues. I hope you are doing ok hun and a papsmear cancellation is on the cards.
Samcouger- Hope you are doing ok and enjoying the down time hun. Thinking of you.
Aries-Thinking of you and hope life is giving you some respite in between the moving and work.
Dimples- How are you feeling? Are you still getting pelvic discomfort? Been thinking of you lately as i am getting my head around writing to the Midwives that helped us through birthing DD as we are coming up to her 1st birthday. I hope you have found peace with it all.
AFM- Well i got through the catch ups....pure miracle. That was a big one. I have to go and clean the house now as i have a friend coming over for a Valentines something...have to work that out too. CD 11 and find myself thinking too much this month. Having doubt and second thoughts big time. A bit of cold feet i think. I am tired of failing every month. A bit of self preservation really. A bit sad today...mainly self pity i think. I will get there.
Been looking after my nephew lately and he is just beautiful to be around.
Had a haircut this week which was lovely. Pulled an allnigher one night which was also needed. My head had to catch up with a few things. Done some more sorting out of the garage which is cleansing. I am rambling...a bit hard to talk about myself at the moment so i will leave it there.
Anyway...better go and find some inspiration for a tortellini filling.
Best of luck this month ladies. Lets take 2010 by storm. xxxx
First, I am truly humbled that I have been nominated for RAK. Thankyou to the sneaky squirrels who nominated me, it is an honour.
Bubo- sorry for the loss of your precious little one. It's so unfair and so heartbreaking. How are you doing? Were you able to give your angel a name? Go gently, and don't be afraid to put yourself first. This is a really tough journey. I know about feeling daunted, I was too. It took me ages to actually post about my experiences, and even when I just started to reply to other posts, I was nervous. I suppose its like when you go into a new group its always a little nervous a first. And on top of that you are grieving. So that you even took the step to write something, is something you should be proud of.
cmegelles - how's that blizzard going? I hope that your visit with your friend wasn't too hard. I thought I would cry too when I met the baby of my GF who was due a month before me. I didn't, but rather was actually surprised myself by being really happy to meet her baby boy, and I even held him for two hours, and now I feel like I have a special bond with him. Of course I felt sad when I left to be leaving alone. I was surprised to find that being told of his birth was much harder than I expected it to be, but meeting him, not as tough as I expected. I just hope you managed and were not too hurt. You would be a little hurt, it is after all, really sad. Enjoy the naughties. Of all the things to want, I want the naughties - coffee, red wine, soft serve ice cream. Luckily I am tough and will not cave, but enjoy your treaties, because with luck you won't be able to enjoy them next cycle! How did your presentation go? Sounds very impressive, I bet you would have been great.
gigi1 - oh bugger about the doughnuts. Glad you found them. Next time? Bugger about the speeding tickets. Oh well, you know in your heart that you don't speed very often, and its just a bugger. Hopefully not too expensive. What sort of tortelli fillings do you normally use? I haven't made tortellini yet, but have made ravs. I need some more pratice though! I love making pasta, something quite peaceful about it. I love eating pasta. Hope yours are delectable.
Beata - good to hear from you. Guess what? It's fat tuesday this week. Enjoy. I got in early today and had "wholemeal" pancakes. Yum, and trying to boost that fibre intake.
Blessedatlast - You can conquer TAFE, even if it appears hard. You can do it! You also know whether you are up for counselling or not. Thanks for telling me about how you felt after your first SANDS meeting. The group support meeting just don't seem to be for me, but individual counselling is. I actually feel really lucky to have found such a good counsellor, because I had been to two before and not felt any real or useful connection. I just felt so safe with my counsellor, and after every session an amazing sense of validation of me as a mother and as a person and of my grief and a beautiful sense of peace.
AFM - well no more scares! But I had a reality check this week. I have not been sleeping very well - waking between 1-2 and not being able to get to sleep again until between 4-6. I was going to work and a couple of days had to be away from the office all day. I was just exhausted. Even though I had been seriously contemplating giving up work, I had expected last week to be a bit of a breeze. Well it wasn't. On Thursday I made the decision to stop work and my last day is tomorrow. It's exciting, but I am nervous. It sounds weird, but if things go well, I won't be back to work for 2 1/2 years! It's also weird because I have never had a planned exit from work for pg related reasons, usually I have left work on Friday with all well, and then been in hospital the Sunday and not at work the Monday and not for a couple of months after that either. It's weird too, when I have been working all of my adult life, and to suddenly stop. But it's the right decision, so much so i actually didn't have insomnia last night. First time since I can't remember when. So I guess I will be posting more regularly, searching for companionship. I have to take it easy, but not strict bed rest.
Oh my ob is a man and is in Brisbane.. Gentle soul that he is. That he is my ob is serendipitous. I had been seeing another gyn/ob but he stopped ob, so I had to hunt for someone else. I didn't really do too much research or caling around. I called a GF who'd just had a bub and used her ob. Even though another closer GF of mine had also just had a bub. Didn't get a sense about her ob ( although he is very popular). She got the recommendation from her SIL. My GF didn't really say too much about her ob during her pg or after, but I just got a sense about him and I am so glad, the dear man just seems to have the right demeanour for me. Guess you can tell from my posts about connections, it is very important for me to have a sense of connection with people. I suppose what strikes me the most is just how understanding of m/c he is, and how sensitive to his patients feelings he is. And it's a complete package - his staff are the same, they have never mistepped and put their fot in it, and have always know about my m/c and genuinely ask how I am. I read in another forum when I was searching for comments, that someone thought his reception staff were a bit gruff and unfriendly. Guess I have never found that. I suppose though I have had the chance to get to know them over the past 20 months or so. So to repeat myself, I honestly feel so blessed to have found an ob that suits me. I probably have a good old case of hero worship?
Dory,
yep $400 and 6 demerit points...ouch. Anyway it was an accident and i hope it won't happen again. Simply can't afford it.
I love that you looovvee your ob. That is wonderful and it gives me hope that there is someone that special in Brisbane that may relate to my needs oneday. I need my emotional needs met too. I need to connect with the person to ensure the best out of me. My ob for DD only takes on special cases and i am not sure i would want her again. She stopped caring as soon as dd was born and that made me uneasy. I would love midwifery care as my first choice for DD was meant t o be a home birth until it all went pear shape.
One of my fav tort/rav fillings would be beetroot and goatscheese. We had a gorgeous combo tonight...fennel, beetroot, pine nuts and ricotta. Delicious. Those go really well with roast salmon too.
Good for you hun to take things in your own hands re the job. How empowering and this feels good for taking it easier too. Great news hun. I bet you feel fab...and a lot lighter too.
Love and peace
HM xoxo
Gigi1 - ouch indeed. Just what you didn't need. I do love my ob, for lots of reasons. I think it is ultimately because he actually seems to care about me as a person and not just as a patient? He is pretty quiet and reserved until you get to know him. He is a thinker, but is ultimately also just a decent human being doing a job he seems to love.
I have never really thought about it before, but he does consider and meet my emotional needs, well as much as he can in his role. I don't expect miracles.
If you can, get a hold of the book by Anne & Michael Murray - called "When the dream is shattered". They give a really good chapter on advice to caregivers and in my mind my ob meets all of the "wish list". Possible only one further addtion would be "not to take holidays!" - but that's just selfish of me. As books go, it is the book that out of all the books I have read that helped me the most. It is very hard to come by, but is referred to a lot. I would try the SANDS library. The Bris City Council library doesn't have it and I haven't been able to source my own copy...... yet. Oh he also has an impeccable sense of confidentiality. My GF's mother's friend sees the same Dr for gynae reasons and when my GF was due, the woman was asking about my GF and the Dr just smiled and disclosed nothing. Reassuring to know. I suppose I just also feel welcome? Nothing is too much trouble. Even just the way he prepares me for things that are likely to happen or decisions I will need to make. Always does so in a way that gives me time to think and ask questions. I could go on ad nauseum. I suppose I just feel so blessed, I can imagine how hard this would be if I felt unsupported by my ob. But it's like everything, it's a personal relationship and will depend on personalities. But for me, it works magic.
I thought about not going back after Amelia, not because I was disatisfied, but a vague thought that the Dr wouldn't want me as a patient anymore, and maybe a change would be good? I decided on balance, apart from being happy with the "package", that it was amazingly helpful to have someone who knew my experiences and who had guided me through them with such sensitivity. I didn't have to retell my experiences over and over. It's almost like a shared knowledge. After having had the experience of having to repeat my experiences over and over, it is such a relief not to have to do it with the ob. That in itself helps.
If you ware thinking of a change, I suppose there is no harm in making an appointment to see if you like the "package". Sort of like window shopping?
Today was honestly the best. After DH went to work? I went back to bed and slept for 2 hours. The end result is I am tired, but not exhausted and not tired to the bone, nor has the M/S been as intense today, and I reckon that is a direct result of not being so tired. I can't believe I went back to work for a week!!! I told DH that I have a new job now, to grow and nuture the baby. I reckon that is a pretty important job.
Thankyou for letting me rave on again. Any opprotunity. Take care.
Hi ladies
I wish I had good news to post here, but unfortunately AF arrived last Saturday night to coincide with the Chinese and lunar new year. So I am taking that as a sign of new beginnings.
This week work has been very busy. I have already decided that I am working way too hard and too long for someone who is supposed to be looking after herself while TTC. I haven't been to the gym for a few weeks now so that is my goal this week - to get to the gym at least 2 or 3 times. My hip/back is slowly recovering so now I need to start back gently. That is the tricky part for me - I tend to throw myself completely into everything. Maybe this is a lesson I need to learn?
Anyway, I am way behind on my washing and ironing and other chores for the weekend, so just a quick post today.
Bubo - welcome to our little support group. I am in the ACT also - we lost our little boy in March last year at 18 weeks. It took me many months to have the courage to post in this forum, so well done to you to have the strength to do that. The ladies here have been an enormous source of support for me. I hope you find the support network you need for you and DH. Be gentle with yourselves.
Dory - I am pleased that you have finished work. What a great new job you have! I wish I had that job too! Look after yourself and try not to become a domestic goddess now that you are at home full-time!
Blessedatlast - I hope the naturopath can help with extending the length of your cycles. It all sounds very promising. The vits sound very similar to what I am on as well. Although my TCM has me taking oestrogen during the first half of my cycle, and CoQ10 every day as well.
Gigi1 - your tortellini fillings sound fab! I let DH do most of the cooking as he is much quicker than me at chopping etc. but he does make a bigger mess! He makes pasta but usually only in winter and he has made some yummy ravioli but I think he needs to make some again sooner than that!
Hi to cmeglles, Beata, samcougar and everyone else. Hope you are all doing well.
oxo
Dory,
Thanks hun, i will look that book up. By emotional needs i mean- just to feel supported and considered. It sounds like he does that for you. That makes me happy for you babe. Enjoy your time at home sweety and i hope it is restful.
Chez,
I am sorry to hear that this was not your month. It is amazing what an affect the moon has on one's cycle. I am in awe of our positive outlook, you are so right- New Beginnings. What a wonderful thing to take note of. Thinking of you.
AFM,
Well i have, it appears contracted a virus. I found out nearly a week ago...thankfully before ovulation, that I have CMV in my system and it is active. Really not good for pregnancy so i have been told not to TTC for now. I was gutted to say the least and really concerned for a while there. Now i am just trying to focus on getting better. It has hit me a little with tiredness, dizzy moments, diarrhea, poor appetite and achy muscles. A lot of the time you don't know you have it as it can be symptom free.
I was feeling funny and totally amiss for TTC, just couldn't get in the mood and almost avoiding dtd this month...no libido, so tired. Went and got tested and this came up...thank god my body was telling me it was a no go. Anyway so i am quarantined from the kids and preg ladies in my life for a couple of weeks at least and i will get tested again. Taking homeopathics and resting.
I have also found that i have not ovulated like clockwork this month and until yesterday (today cd18) i thought either i didn't at all or it was back with my AF. I had EWCM with AF this time but didn't use OPK at that time of the cycle to know for sure as i was away. Anyway CM16 i had small amount of EWCM and then i have tested + for Ov yesterday and today. Very late for me. I am usually CD14 -16 at the absolute latest and on very rare occasion.
So there is something not quite right with my body atm which unnerves me. I am so bloated and with all the other symptoms i was feeling i did a POAS and it came up neg thank goodness. Never thought i would say that.
Just trying to keep my head on straight this month, a bit more to deal with than the usually.
LOve and wishes to all xoxoo
Gigi - so sorry sweetie that you are feeling so poorly. What is CMV ?- it sounds like you are just physically miserable. The one good thing about your BB buddies is that you can't be quarrantined from us, no matter what virus you have.
I am sorry that it meant no TCC this cycle, but right now, better to focus on healing yourself.
Chez - Take it easy on yourself at work and with the housework. I was pushing myself too hard, and I realise that only now I have stopped. It's sad in a way that it took a scare for me to wake up to myself. But in reality all of my life, I have pushed myself, whether it be at work or at sports, and I just solider on, so not to do that takes a big mental adjustment. I struggle with it - I feel like I am not contributing or being lazy, but thats when I give myself a shake and say I am doing a very important job right now and that's my priority. So sadly despite my fantasties, I am not a domestic godess at the moment.
I do like your idea of a fresh beginning for chinese new year. year of the tiger - I hope its your year.
AFM? It sounds so stupid to say this aloud, but here goes. I just realised that on this date last year, my contractions started which heralded the most amazing moments and most heartbreaking moments of my life. I had been concentrating so much on Amelia's birth anniversary - 23 Feb - that I had completely forgotten about the events leading up to her birth. If I think about the day its self, which is easy to do on first anniversaries, I was in hospital. It's pretty sobering and I think now I have thought about the entireity ( can't spell this word today) of the events, I am pretty sad. I don't have anything in mind for 23rd Feb, I had a whole bunch of ideas, but nothing has come to fruition. But I am ok with that. It just kind of hit me, and I feel a bit shocked and numb now. Here comes my year of "firsts".
I just wanted to add - this is my favourite thread. I am in a couple of others, but I think I like the intimacy we have in this thread. Thankyou, for that.
And I am sorry, feeling all mixed up, forgot to say hello to Blessed, Bubo and Cmegelles. Hope to hear from you soon.
Dory, I had Amelia's anniversary in my diary for Tuesday and will light a candle for her, you and your family. I have been thinking about you approaching this day and understanding that the lead up is often the worst. Whatever you decide to do and whenever you do it, will be perfect. I have decided with me to lay of on the deadlines...it takes some pressure off and i can do things in my own time.
Dory, i will think of Amelia with you on that day. It will be 2 days before the anniversary of when we found out DD was sick and dying. I feel the date of her birth approaching too and the pressure to have something planned. I know i will do something early, late or on time. I will do something.
CMV is Cytomeglovirus...or something to that effect. Similar to glandular and from the same family as your herpes time viruses like chicken pox and shingles. The word herpes makes me cringe. Not good but i will get through it.
Thinking of you all.xoxo
Gigi1 - I am so truly humbled and touched that you would remember and light a candle for my Amelia. Thankyou. I will be thinking of you too, and your DD will be close to my heart. It must have been heartbreaking to receieve that news, and the pain, and fear and numbess that soon set in. It's like your world just stops, and never really gets back to being the same, at least that's what I imagine.
I know you'll do what is right for you at the time.
That virus sounds yukkie. ( I know pull out the big words). Hope you are managing. Hopefully your recovery will be speedy. I suppose with all of those symptoms, you probably just feel like resting anyway? I know what you mean about the word herpes, it just conjures up.... well unpalatable images, where is chicken pox sounds much more benign ( even though its misery when ou have it).
Good idea to take some of the pressure off. You need to heal, and I want you to be better real quick.
Hi Ladies, It's been a little quiet in here..
Dory - Thinking of you and Amelia. The firsts are hard. I found that sometimes the anticipation was worse than the actually day, but then I had an experience last year, around Easter time which I didn't see as majorly significant yet around the time these overwhelming emotions hit me like a ton of bricks and I truly wasn't prepared for it.. Kind of like maybe how you feel with the events leading up to Amelia's birth. You focussed so much on the actual day, not the events leading up to it.. I hope I make sense. I find it hard to interperet words into text sometimes!
Gigi1 - I am so sorry you are sick. Doesn't sound nice at all. Just concentrate on resting and getting yourself better. I like what Dory said; At least you can't be quarantined from us!
Chez - Sorry you got AF.. I find it amusing when all of you ladies comment on doing too much, working too hard etc.. I NEVER have that problem LOl.. I do as little as possible! Anyway, take things gently!! Thats an order! ;) Lol. Hopefully the timing of AF is a sign of new beginnings.. I really hope its your time soon.. It's so hard everytime AF shows up..
Hi to Everyone else cmeglles, Bubo, Beata, Aries.... Hope you are all doing ok..
AFM - I have been on my herbs for 10 days.. I am on CD15 and NO AF YET!!! Nothing to get too excited about pg wise but obviously there has been some sort of change (even if it is a small change) in my hormones considering I was a 14 day cycle..
I have been doing OPK's but sometimes they are hard to decipher. On CD 9 I got 2 lines, but I was sure 1 was lighter than the other so not too sure whether it was positive or not.. I did another test on CD 12 and there was only 1 line, so definitely negative.. I have decided not to use them anymore (Didn't I say this last time???) because I just get too confused and I figure if we DTD anyway then I have nothing to worry about!
Apart from that excitement, we have to move soon, so I am trying to house hunt which is never fun and I am studying lots. A group of us from TAFE that I was also in the Aged Care course with get together and study. It's good because we quiz each other. I feel I learn more from that than just reading over notes or writing notes. Well Monday is my cleaning day, so I better get my butt moving!
:bluedust::pink-babydust: to all :)
Hi ladies
Gigi - I am so sorry that you are sick. Good on you for listening to your body and going to get some tests done. So often I think we just soldier on when we have non-descript symptoms and put them down to the stresses of everyday life. It is good that you found out before O time. Take care of yourself hun and rest up to recover real soon so you can jump back on the merry-go-round with the rest of us :hug:
Blessedatlast - what great news to find that you seem to have responded so well to the herbs and vitamins already! That's excellent. I hope you have lots of luck with the house hunting - I know it can be a tough job sometimes, particularly while studying.
Dory - I will think of you and Amelia and your family tomorrow. I know what you mean about thinking about events leading up to the angel-versary. I have been doing that recently and ended up in tears just again last night. I didn't expect to feel this way so early - I thought it would be much closer to the date in March. I really hope I can pull myself together for our 1st wedding anniversary dinner on Saturday night. I would like to celebrate the good things and not let the ghost of grief hang over us.
:hello: to everyone else. I hope your Monday has been kind to you.
AFM, I have decided to cancel my pap smear appointment for tomorrow. I just don't want to risk an irritated cervix just before ovulation which is due Wednesday or Thursday. DH is away for work from tomorrow morning until Friday afternoon so I have booked a flight to see him tomorrow night in Melbourne, and then I go back to work again the next morning. It seems crazy but I just don't want another cycle to slip by without having given it a shot. Now I just hope that my body co-operates and Os on CD11 or CD12 as I have done for the last few cycles! Cross your toes and fingers for me please!
Take care all
oxo
Chez - thankyou :) I like your sneaky plan. Pap smear can wait! It's funny about smear timing. I was due for mine this year, but when I was feeling up to it, and wasn't TCC , in one of my m/c appointments with the ob I demanded a smear. Seems it worked out for the best. No way I would consent to one now. Hopefully it works out for you with a BFP.
AFM - well today was my darling Amelia's first anniversary. 23 Feb 2009; 14:28; 455grams; 27 cms; 21 weeks on the cusp of 22 weeks gest, our brown haired girl. I can't and don't think of it as her birthday. That just doesn't work for me.
Today, wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. I was more affected leading up to today than on today. DH took the day off work and I am not working( one week of no work for me as of today!), so we slept in and snuggled ( no BD for me, way too scared) and then went for brunch and then a walk in the park and along the river. In the arvo we snuggled again, looked through our photos, shared some precious memories and listened to the songs we had played for the funeral service. In the end as sad as I am, the most significant memory for me today is just how much our precious girl was loved and how much she gave to us in those fleeting joyous but heartbreaking moments. I am so blessed to have been given such a precious gift. So today? DH and I honoured our baby girl by living, and remembering her. I had day reams of doing something more symbolic, but in the end, for me, it felt contrived and we did what felt right for us. Weird sometimes how the right thing just sneaks up on you.
Thankyou so much for all the love and support you've each given me. Thanks for reading about my day, it was important for me to share. It's weird, no one else ( family or friends) seems to have remembered, or if they did, they didn't say anything. It means a lot to me that you have each remembered and your words and support have really helped me through, every day, not just today. Take care.
_
Don't have a lot of time now, but I want to say hello everyone!
Dory-what a beautiful way to remember Amelia. Happy Birthday to her....(we are on a pretty big time delay here). It is nice to remember the love and joy along with the sadness.
Thinking of all of you.
I'll write more after I teach dance this afternoon!
Hi ladies
Dory - what a beautiful description of what sounded like a peaceful and honest way to remember Amelia. You have made me cry (again) but it is crying in recognition of how strong all of us in here are and what we have all been through. To be able to look back on this recent event and describe it as a precious gift is wonderful. I only hope that one day I will be able to look back and see the past the way you do.
AFM - we had our BD rendezvous in Melbourne last night. I woke up this morning and did the POAS thing for the my fertility monitor and would you believe that both sticks I took with me were faulty - so no test. But judging by my CM I would say that I am ovulating right on schedule - today or tomorrow. This is the first time we have been using pre-seed, and I had AP yesterday before the flight, so I am feeling somewhat hopeful, but not overly so. It would be nice if DH was around tonight just to boost our chances, but I figure we fell pg last time with only one BD on CD12 so maybe this time?
Anyway, time for dinner. Take care all
oxo
Hi everyone! I woke up this morning to 6 inches of snow! It is beautiful and keeps coming down.
Gigi1- how are you feeling? I know my body gets all out of whack when I am sick too. I think that is normal. I am so sorry that it means you have to wait out this cycle. I think it is great that you went in. Too often I keep going until I am really sick. and don't worry about CMV, although it is in the herpes family---it is estimated that almost 100% of adults have caught it at one time or another. That is just crazy! Anyways I hope you are starting to feel better.
Chez- so nice to have a getaway for BD! Did you get to a nice romantic hotel? So sorry it was a short trip..... and so annoying that the sticks you took with you were faulty. Sounds like your chances are good! My fingers and toes are crossed for you! I think it was a good call to delay your pap. I really hope this is the month for you hun!
Bubo- A very delayed welcome to our thread. I am so sorry to meet you this way, and I hope the TTC journey is short. I have found this thread EXTREMELY helpful and supportive---I hope you do too.
Dory- How are you feeling? I think it is great you are taking off of work. Taking care of yourself can be a full time job.....there is a book called "To Full Term: A Mother's Triumph Over Miscarriage" that is a personal story of a woman's successful pregnancy after her losses, and describes her bed rest. I loved the book and thought it might be some nice reading while you are relaxing if you want someone to relate to. I also want to say that this is also my favorite thread! I belong to a few others and none of them are as positive and supportive as this one---which really is what I need.
Blessedatlast- How are the many supplements and formula taking going? Are you still doing a food diary? Learning anything? Sometimes I feel like I should start doing that....might help me to learn lots about my eating habits....but I am too lazy I guess. How is this cycle going for you? O?
beata- After your post I broke down and used the last of my OPKs. They were nearing expiration, but helped me figure out that I at least had an LH surge and hopefully things work out. How are you?
So seeing my friends daughter was truly wonderful. I was so nervous, but it made me realize how much I want my own child and how much love there is in my heart for a baby. The hardest thing is that DH wouldn't hold her---I didn't quite realize it then, but he also didn't hold our son and later told me that the first baby he holds he wants to be our healthy crying baby. It just pulls at my heart strings.
On another note, we finally got a framed copy of the poem "Child of my heart" that we had commissioned to be written in calligraphy around our son's footprints. We both love it and feel that it completes out home.
AFM- I am on CD15, looks like I O yest or today (my temp hasn't increased as of this morning). DH and I are having lots of fun this month. I also added some other things to try and focus on me and being low stress and healthy-- I got a massage on Monday and one a week ago. I am trying to relax as much as possible. DH says that he thinks it is helping. He went and looked up tips for him to TTC and has implemented them into our 'routine'...I find this adorable. I love that he took the initiative--sometimes I forget he wants a bub as much as I do. I am hoping the stars are aligned this month and we get into that 25%!
Sending you lots of babydust! and hugs:grouphug:
Hi Everyone :)
Dory - It was lovely to read about your day remembering Amelia... Sounds like you had a lovely peaceful day. It's shame no one else remembered (or acknowledged) the day. How did that affect you? I didn't give people a chance to forget, I sent a letter with suggestions how to honour Taite and Seth for their 1st birthday.. A bit forward maybe, but I knew I would be really upset or angry if no one remembered or acknowledged them so this was my way of making sure that didn't happen! I probably wont do it again though..
Chez - A baby making rendevous sounds romantic!! I really hope it works.. Imagine telling Bub in years to come how he/she was concieved!
Cmeggles - Glad seeing your friends daughter wasn't too painful.. Good luck this month. It's good to know your DH is on the same page when it comes to TTC.. Sometimes I wonder about DP as he expresses his feelings very differently to me (or not at all!) and sometimes I have to get that reassurance that this is what he wants too and he's not just along for the ride..
AFM - well still no AF.. Only on CD19 though so nothing exciting yet.. I'm not even sure if I O'd because I had what looked like a thermal shift but my temp dipped again. (Or maybe that means I did O, but just didn't concieve??) I am really confused and this is only the 1st cycle of temping so I need to be more patient I think, have a couple more cycles before I try to analyse it.. Umm.. Yeah right I analyse EVERYTHING to do with TTC!!
Bye for now :bluedust::pink-babydust: to all..
Hi everyone,
Just a quick and selfish post today I am sorry. I started reading all your messages above and realised I just wasn't taking it in. I am sorry and I will make it up to you all.
AFM- Yesterday was the day we looked back a year ago to when we first heard our DD's heartbeat and then shortly after told she was going to die. Today, 1 year ago is that day our lives changed so dramatically. You know when you look back and you think, at what 'point' did everything change? It was then. Before that moment, that day, we were filled with blissful joy, anticipation, love and such happiness. Pride too, we were so proud of DD, of us, of me.
Oh bu55er, i think i have to have a couple of goes at this. I will be back later.
I miss her so so much. xoxo
Hi ladies,
I wrote a big post last night and lost it, agrrrrr!!! So will be quick this time, I don't have that much energy. The reason why I have not been posting is that I am absolutely devastated to have found out earlier this week that my beautiful pussy cat Pooky is dying of terminal cancer, so it's just a matter of thime before I have to put her out of her misery. I am so dreading this day, and I know it's very very soon now.
Foe quick personals....
Dory, I hope Amelia's angelversary was as peaceful and as gently to you and your hubby as possible. Big hugs hun :hug:
OMG, so sorry ladies, I don't know what happened but I posted with my signature attached, I didn't mean to! Stupid computer!
I'll just keep on going in case I lose this post...
Dory, sorry my post to you got cut off! I hope your're travelling well and you're keeping yourself sane. Look after yourself and take it easy hun.
Blessedatlast, I don't like the 'two line' OKP's, I much prefer the digital ones although they are a lot more expensive. You can get a much cheaper one at Priceline. At least with the digital one, you either get an empty circle indicating on ovulation or the happy face telling you it's going to happed within 24 hours I think. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for AF staying away hun :pray:
Cheryl, Cmeglles, praying this month is successful for you ladies :pray:
Gigi, I'm so sorry hun, it must be so bittersweet to remember the day when you heard your DD's heart beat and then being told of the devastating news. Big hugs hun, thinking of you. I hope you're feeling better too hun, and I'm so sorry about those speeding fines. Ouch!
If I have forgotten someone I'm sorry, will try to catch up with everyone soon.
Big hugs and lots of :bluedust: and :stickyvibesgirl: for all my beautiful friends in here.
B xxx
Beata,
Hun, thank you for you lovely thoughts.
I am so sorry you have to face this with your Pooky. I feel the same way about animals although we have dogs...they are members of the family, and they think they are human because often we treat them that way. Heaven forbid they find out they are dogs. It would break my heart too to face that decision. I hope you get to spend lots of precious time with her before her time. I hope she is spoilt rotten with all your love. Be gentle and kind to yourself. I wonder what new adventure lies ahead for her in another life.
Thinking of you sweety.
Dory,
Thinking of you hun and sending you love and peace. Everything you did was perfect as you already know . xoox
Blessedatlast,
GIve yourself some time hun, it will all be clearer. If isn't then try something else. I find with temping, THE most important thing detrimental to accurate temping was taking your temp exactly the same time everyday. When i first started i used to just take it when i woke up but that varied and my chart was a bit of a mess with no real clarity. It was only when i started setting an alarm to temp at exactly the same time and then going back to sleep, that i managed to get a chart that was trust worthy. It was a lot tidier and i could be more certain that it was accurate. Good luck hun...unfortunately while it does become habit it can also rule your life a bit. Try to have some fun with it if you can....easier said than done. I did it for years and drove me mad if i didn't have a break from it.
Cmegles,
Sounds perfect hun. I hope you get into that 25% too hun. How adorable of DH, and a massage....you have got the recipe alright. Sounds like all is working to the clock. My fingers are crossed for you both.
Cheryl,
How damn romantic!! Love it. You know your body hun better than a stick does anyway. HOpe this month was the right amount of all crucial ingredients...love, excitement, timing, willing participants and a wish bigger than two of you. Good luck, sounds promising!
AFM,
Doing a little better today. A bit stressed over finances but hopefully that will figure itself out with some tightening of belts for the rest of the year. Does rock your boat when things aren't as you thought.
Praying to see DD in my dreams. I just have an overwhelming desire to see her. I sleep with her ashes still and although that often helps calm me, I still long to see her. I wonder if she is starting to walk, if her hair has grown, what noises and words she is trying to say. I wonder what her favourite foods are.
Anyway, I know she is with us in spirit. It is not enough, but we have that.
Love to you all, sorry if i missed anyone.
HM xoxo
Hello ladies,
Sadly I have found myself in need of some support, and I was wondering if I could join your thread.
Our first baby was stillborn at 22 weeks, about 2 weeks ago now. DH is back at work and I feel as though I should be moving forward and starting to feel a bit better, but I'm still struggling to get my head around what has happened.
I am still completely shocked and devastated, but I also want to conceive again as soon as we can. I am not wanting to replace our little boy obviously, but I'm completely terrified that we will never be able to concieve and deliver a healthy baby. So I think that in some way being pregnant again will help.
I am really confused about when I will start ovulating again and be able to try, but I guess I just need to let my body recover and start to function normally again.
Anyway, hopefully I'll chat to you again soon
x
Dear CharlieB,
Of course you may, I am just so sorry you need to to be here.
You lost your baby boy such a short time ago. No doubt you are confused and shocked still hun. It can take time to hit you. Only you will know how best to handle your grief and I hope you find comfort. No one will be able to tell you when the time is right. You sound quite grounded sweet but be gentle with yourself for as long as you can.
As for Ovulating, we are all different and if you had not problems before you could almost be sure that you will start again as soon as AF starts again. I guess i would be wanting to be sure there was nothing retained and cycles are functioning normally (your normally) before starting again.
Your body will take time to heal hun.
It is a very real fear that 'what if you can't conceive again', and especially if you had challenges the first time which i hope you didn't. Would not wish it on my worst enemy. It is one of the hardest things to do is to surrender. Do what you can, all you can to be healthy and happy and surrender. I am not so good at letting things just 'be'...i fiddle.
I hope you find peace and space to make your decisions.
Love Hm xoxo
CharlieB- Welcome to our little thred, I am so sorry about your little man :hug: :comfort:
You are more than welcome here and you will find that the lovely ladies here are wonderful and very suportive. I don't know what i would have done if i didn't find this site when we lost our little man. Good luck with your TTC journey i hope its a short one. :hug:
Charli B - my heart just aches for you. I am so sorry about the loss of your little man. Wow 2 weeks. Everything is so raw and surreal at 2 weeks. Please know you are not alone. In my mind there is no such thing as a replacement baby. You will tcc when you know its right for you. I started after 1 cycle after my m/c at 21 weeks. Ob approved too! I ovulated somewhere between 14-21 days after the m/c - hopefully your cycle gets back on track very quickly. I would like to write more to you right now, but am feeling very spacey. Go gently with yourself, you need to heal emotionally. Take care and write soon, I would like to know how you are doing. I will write more when I feel coherrent. Take care.
hi everyone :hello:
im hoping im in the right spot........
basically i delivered our little boy Gus on the 20th jan at 22w1d.......
i have since been diagnosed with cervial incompetance so when i get preg next ill be having a cervical stitch done at 12-13 weeks......
we have just decided to start TTC a brother or sister for Gus, and hopefully ill be O-ing sometime in the next 10 or so days, not sure what my cycle will be like so ill just assume it could be anywhere from 26-34 days and cover all bases......
im so sorry to hear of all of ur losses, but in a way im glad im not the only one out there who has felt what i am feeling, and its great to have people who can realte to what im going through.....
looking forward to getting to know u all....
Thankyou so much for the welcome, and the wise words.
And hello to crumpet, I'm so very sorry for the loss of little Gus.
I have been into work for a few short hours this week, which has been really difficult - being anywhere where people all knew I was pregnant is a real struggle. And I still find it really hard to concentrate on anything, is this normal??
I'm really trying to not overthink things, or look too far into the future, just trying to have some better days amongst the grey days.
There seems to be alot of amazing women in here who have battled through the hard times, you are all very inspiring. It's good to be able to get some good advice from people who have been through something similar.
Thanks again,
CharlieB
xx
thanks charlib......:
i agree, going places where u see people who knew u were pregnant is very hard......
i definatly struggle to do that, i only saw my aunty for the first time today and i had Gus 6-7 weeks ago now :redface: thankfully she pretended nothing had happened which i find better because i can deal with those sort of situations a lot better.
Crumpet, Hello and welcome to our thred. I'm so sorry about your loss. :hug: I hope your TTC journey is a short one.
Hello Lovely ladies,
A really selfish post today i'm just stopping in before i go to work. Well i know i said i'd like to have a break from TTC but we had a moment of weakness last month :redface: anyway and i have been so busy at work and home that i didn't realise that i was late untill the other day. So i went and brought a POAS and used it on Tuesday and it was faulty! :doh: and i haven't had a chance to get another one! I'm about 11 days late now and no sign of AF! :dance: YAY!!! I'm sorry if i'm ranting.
I hope everyone has a great Friday!!
Bring on the weekend!!
Hello everyone,
first welcome Charlie B and crumpet. So sorry to meet you this way. I sincerely hope both of your ttc journeys are short.
Charlie B- your feelings are totally normal. I remember feeling totally numb and lost. My parents came out to help us--we would come home and be unable to function--luckily my parents and good friends came through. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Those first weeks are so hard.....and it still is hard, but the routine starts pulling you through and you will smile again. Our doctor told us to wait 2 cycles after first AF. It took me 4 weeks to get that...I didn't start temping or doing OPK until then, and was ovulating right away. I am glad we were told to wait. I wanted a baby so bad and still do, (our loss was in November...this is only my second cycle ttc) but it can be scary and overwhelming. I was glad I gave it some time....plus there is some evidence that getting pregnant too early can increase your chances of miscarriage. It is your decision and only you know what is right for your body and heart, but this is my experience.
crumpet- So sorry to hear about your Gus.....I may have cervical incompetence (we are still not sure what happened) as well. I am happy to talk about it if you would like. How are you feeling/doing?
samcougar- Oh my goodness! I am SO hoping for you! It is so crazy things always seem to happen when people aren't trying. Have you taken another test? Fingers and toes are crossed that you are pregnant and everything goes wonderful for you.
beata- so sorry to hear about your kitty. We have two dogs and they are such an important part of our family. last month we had a cancer scare and were reminded how much we love them. It truly is losing a part of your family. I am so sorry.
dory, gigi1, blessed at last--hi! will write more personals later.
For me I think I am about 8 days post ovulation. I started out having a rough day last night. Last night at the dance studio I work at someone posted a gender and due date poll for the teacher who is pregnant (the one who got pregnant to get the guy she was with to marry her). She is only 13/14 weeks along…..it is crazy. I have been succeeding at ignoring it, but it just hurts you know……and was the first thing I thought of this morning, and then because I think I might be experiencing some pregnancy symptoms (but probably is my imagination) I took a pregnancy test WAY to early ---I am only 8-9 days post-ovulation and of course it was negative. That hurts too….AND I got an email from someone who I don’t see often at the school who sent me an email asking how my pregnancy was coming along and wishing me luck. Rough day......
Take care everyone!
Samcougar - ohhhh I have everything, absolutely everything crossed. Sometimes the blessing we most need are the ones we don't expect.
Cmgelles - oh sweetie. I agree - very hard day. Give in to it and let it out. It hurts, I know. I think I had an inappropriate response to someone who asked me how my baby was. I said "oh dead", and a couple more after that too". The person struggled and stammered out, "but last time I saw you you were obviously pregnant". I replied that I had never been heavily or obviously pregnant at work and he must have been thinking of my friend. Anyway, we got past it, but sometimes I regret being so blunt, but at the same time, I was honest. It's crazy that so many people confuse me and my friend. I have had countless occassions where people have, including one other time where someone asked me how my bub was, just after my friend had had her DS ( now 8 months) and not long after Amelia had died and I remember thinking "dead" but then thinking, "oh you can't say that". Maybe I was just finally getting the courage to say what I thought in April, but saying it in February?
How's that snow coming?
Beata - oh, I am so sorry about your kitty. I agree with cmeggles. My kitties are part of me, and it's terrible when they are sick and their health fails. The problem about pets, is that we love them so much, unexpectedly sometimes, and it makes it so hard to say goodbye. A friend of mine used to have her darling kitties cremeated through a company in Aus called Pets at Peace. Don't know if that's something you want to consider? My darling Kaspar cat has a special garden with agapanthus and a japanese lantern and some big rocks in the back yard. I used to go and sit with him, but now just remember him fondly when the aggies are flowering.
AFM? Spent the day with my friend ( the one I refer to above) and her DD (3) and DS( 8 months) Amelia was due 4 weeks after her DS. I have such a connection with him and just adore him. He really gives me something tangible to think about in the pursuit of my dream. Such a cheeky monkey. But the end result of all that is that I didn't get my nana nap today and am really tired. I woke up about midnight tonight and couldn't get back to sleep. Now I am hungry. Hunger is never far away for me at the mo. I might see if I can head off to the land of nod ..... take care and have a good weekend.
Gigi1 - how are you?
news flash - I just yawned. Awesome. I am off to bed again....
Samcougar
Well, WOW. Nothing like being swept up in the moment hun. I hope with all my heart that it is a new beginning for you and your DH. Let us know as soon as you want to...it will certainly be received with excitement in here. How very hopeful. Go and get a test NOW! Thrilled for you and waiting here with anticipation! Good luck. xx
Dory
So good to hear how you are doing even though you are tiring yourself! That was a rousing by the way LOL. Good to see the hunger...a very good thing. I think it is wonderful you find that your friends baby grounds you and connects you. You are a very strong lady hun. The children in my life do that same for me. Often it it the attached adults that make the problem. I can't feel the same way for a friends baby that was born the same week DD was due. It kills me with heartache.
I do find kids are uninhibited and that is comforting. They just 'are', nothing thought through, so literal. It is a huge comfort to life and our journey. Thinking of you sweety often and although i have your OB appointment in my diary for 2 weeks time...i can't get my head around how many weeks you are. If you don't mind mentioning it, but if you don't want to focus on that, i am fine with that too. I can probably say i will forget the minute you tell me! Not for any other reason than it is now not something i focus on either. I counted every month, week, day with my pg like i was obsessed...there it that word again. But now, i just want to know when someone is getting close to the birth. I want to know everything is ok. I will no doubt get back to how i was. I will learn to enjoy each moment again, but for now it causes me worry. With two SIL pregnant and 2 friends preg...i am surrounded and i just want to know they are all safe.
CharlieB
Wow, work...you are handling it all so gracefully. I think you are a very wise woman. Better days amongst the grey ones is sometimes all you can do...and all that is good. Keep going hun. I found the opposite...isn't that funny. I moved back to Aus a week before our DD died and 6weeks before she was finally born. I longed to be around people that knew i was pregnant and knew what happened so i didn't have to explain but also i think it was a lot to do with my need to feel that she was real, existed and affected other peoples lives. No one new what i looked like pregnant. The last time they saw me was not pregnant...and then, bam i was not pregnant again but with no baby. I wanted to go back to the UK where she lived her longest time. Funny hey how we are with these things. We conjure up a plan to stay safe and i think the best thing is to stick by it as best you can. The plan will change at different times, but i never preempt it other than to give myself more time and space around times that i want to give energy back to DD e.g. dates and inuition The concentration thing...totally normal. I am aproaching 12mths and still find it hard sometimes. It is like i have lost brain cells. I couldn't drive for ages. I mean, I couldn't but i wouldn't dare. I tried but my concentration was so bad i would nearly kill myself with silly mistakes. It was like i had blinkers on. As for work...a long time for me to concentrate on more than one thing at once. i am a chef, and i was trying my very best to do things around the house but burned dinner so many times. Too much at once was a very hard thing for me...hard when it was how i survived before. Learned that the hard way. Keep going hun, you are doing so well. Save some time for yourself each day, each hour. I can't recommend that enough. Give to yourself.
Cmegles
WOw, hard day. Sweety, take a nice bath and have a cry if that is what you feel like doing. TWW are hard enough without all the other stuff you have to handle. I remember the neighbours to bro and SIL house that we stayed when we first got back were talking to us one day after DD was born and asked how our baby was...'How is your baby, it is quiet, we never here it?' I nearly died. It was only a few weeks after. I told them, nicely and softly...'no you wouldn't, she was stillborn' They just about fell over. I ended up comforting them as they felt so bad. But a couple of minutes later i had to pick my nephew up and walk away or would colapse. I left my SIL there to continue to change the subject. It was horrible. I find for me that i reach a threshold. I do what i set out to do and then i have to walk away as i can't handle any more. Sometimes i don't make it that far. But i make sure to challenge myself a little for DD. I want her remembered. I was and am quite obsessed about that. Funny how until becoming a mother...i never used the word obsessed so frequently. HMmm Thinking of you hun and wishing you all the luck i can muster.
Crumpet
Hun, I welcome you with heavy heart. Sorry you have to be here but hope you find comfort and support in here. The ladies are lovely here...i tend not to go anywhere else other than my blog. I am sorry to hear about your darling Gus. What a wonderfully strong name, love it. I hope you feel him around you still, helping you through this.
Others, hope you are traveling well and your dream is one step closer.
AFM-
Yep AF late but absolutely no fear of being Preg as we gave it no chance having this virus. I do know i ovulated late and it is good to see my body following in suit. At least i can count on that! Well tomorrow is my SIL Baby shower and I told her that the virus is still active so i won't stay long. She understood but made sure that i could stay if i wanted. I think she was a little put out but i am sure she will get it. SHe has not antibodies for it and there is another potentially preg person there. I would just NEVER forgive myself if someones baby was affected and i was the cause of that. I know this can happen anywhere, but i would die with the blame. ~I just couldn't live with that. Oh...dear, i feel so worried about it. It is a risk i don't want to take.
HOwever, all actions stations on the food etc. I am wearing gloves! I have been putting a lot of energy towards it. She knows that if i find it too much then i will say but i will not anticipate the worst because i might be fine. There is a good chance i will be just fine. Sure i have a lump in my throat already but i get myself busy and concentrate on the food and stuf. I spent the night...until 2 am putting together a playlist for it. Hope she likes it. My other SIL and i set up for it last night. I am just treating it like a party and trying not to even entertain the idea that i never had one and not sure if i ever want one. I decided that i will have one after the baby is born if i have that chance. So it looks great, we have hung butterflies everywhere, and lillies, so beautiful. My darling nephew stands underneath (2yrs) and says...OHhhh Wooooweee, soooo smazing, pritty, ohhhh! So cute. I better get going on the food.
Had a lovely day with nephew yesterday. Next month is out for TTC with this virus still. Got a good day with DH to sort out our messy finances with is awesome. I feel like i can breath again. It is mega tight for us for a long while atm but at least there is a plan. So relieving. It was a lovely day together, i know that is weird...how fun going through bank balances! but it was. Found a bit of fraud which we will only get half of back. Never mind, we have not been so vigilant with things this year for good reason so we just have to let that go.
Car is fixed. yay, she is pretty again.
Got an appointment this week that i am looking forward to up in Noosa. Will have a gelati for DD. Went to the Gp this week, feel a little violated! Went as a new patient for a pap smear and my god, i got the lot. Breast exam, full naked skin search, pap, BP, weight, height, etc etc...oh and an internal. That is the first that has ever happened. I was a little shocked. She was nice but i just felt quite shocked after it all when i was not prepared for it. I had a kind of panic attack in bed last week, completely freaked out and couldn't go to sleep. I was terrified of dying and that there was something wrong with me. Found some reasons for it, but boy it scared me. I didn't want to shut my eyes. It was crazy. I ended up nursing DD ashes all night which calmed me so quickly. I thought before that moment that i would explode.
HMmm the mind and body go through so much...consciously and unconsciously, rational and irrational. It is fascinating really.
Better go, today i am doing ok. SOrry this is so very long...not like me at all LOL. xoox
hi samcougar.....:
thanks for ur welcome....
thanks for ur welcome hun......:
oh wow really? i was starting to think i was the only one, i havnt found many ppl with it!
so u havnt been diagnosed with it yet?
im going well, i think...... its been 6 weeks so im defiantly learning to adapt to things and learning how to handle things better so that makes it easier i suppose.
some days are hell, but i guess thats normal too....
we have only just this week decided to TTC again, good timing really coz ill be O-ing anytime from now to next weekend i think.....
its a bit hard to track seeing i havnt really had a full cycle since i deliverd Gus..... i bleed for 2 weeks then i got AF for four days 3 weeks after that, which brings me to where i am now......
hope everyone is having a nice weekend!
Crumpet,
I forgot to mention that i girl i worked with had incompetent cervix and she had lost her twins, one and then the other a month later. Once diagnosed and the stitch placed, she went on to carry and deliver a healthy baby. I know the last thing i want to hear are successful stories when i am grieving so i hope this is not too rude and insensitive mentioning it. I just wanted to say that once diagnosed, thankfully, so much is possible. I am just so sorry you have gone through what you have, losing Gus. xx
thanks for ur welcome, im sorry i missed ur post before!!!!:
thank you, we picked his name coz we felt it was quite strong, little did we know when we picked it at 12 weeks what we were in for ........
hope ur feeling better soon!! what sort of virus have u got, hope not like gastro or soemthing??
oh god, thats a bit full on hey!! least u know she is throrough!!1
oh hun no i dont find it rude or insensitive at all, in fact i find it quite comforting to hear of success stories!! it makes me feel better knowing there is a good chance ill be one of the successful ones....our OB has said the stats are round 90% of stitching cases are sucessful so thats good!!!:
thanks hun thats very sweet of u
xxx
Hi Ladies,
I am leaving this thread. For reason's I do not want to go into DP and I have seperated. I found somewhere to live and am moving in the next few days.. I am devastated. I wish all of you good luck in your journeys, I will still stalk you from time to time ;). I am hoping our seperation isn't permanent and maybe when the time is right I will be back in this thread. Thanks so much for all of your support. No personals too mentally drained and sad :'(