Samcougar
Well, WOW. Nothing like being swept up in the moment hun. I hope with all my heart that it is a new beginning for you and your DH. Let us know as soon as you want to...it will certainly be received with excitement in here. How very hopeful. Go and get a test NOW! Thrilled for you and waiting here with anticipation! Good luck. xx

Dory
So good to hear how you are doing even though you are tiring yourself! That was a rousing by the way LOL. Good to see the hunger...a very good thing. I think it is wonderful you find that your friends baby grounds you and connects you. You are a very strong lady hun. The children in my life do that same for me. Often it it the attached adults that make the problem. I can't feel the same way for a friends baby that was born the same week DD was due. It kills me with heartache.
I do find kids are uninhibited and that is comforting. They just 'are', nothing thought through, so literal. It is a huge comfort to life and our journey. Thinking of you sweety often and although i have your OB appointment in my diary for 2 weeks time...i can't get my head around how many weeks you are. If you don't mind mentioning it, but if you don't want to focus on that, i am fine with that too. I can probably say i will forget the minute you tell me! Not for any other reason than it is now not something i focus on either. I counted every month, week, day with my pg like i was obsessed...there it that word again. But now, i just want to know when someone is getting close to the birth. I want to know everything is ok. I will no doubt get back to how i was. I will learn to enjoy each moment again, but for now it causes me worry. With two SIL pregnant and 2 friends preg...i am surrounded and i just want to know they are all safe.

CharlieB
Wow, work...you are handling it all so gracefully. I think you are a very wise woman. Better days amongst the grey ones is sometimes all you can do...and all that is good. Keep going hun. I found the opposite...isn't that funny. I moved back to Aus a week before our DD died and 6weeks before she was finally born. I longed to be around people that knew i was pregnant and knew what happened so i didn't have to explain but also i think it was a lot to do with my need to feel that she was real, existed and affected other peoples lives. No one new what i looked like pregnant. The last time they saw me was not pregnant...and then, bam i was not pregnant again but with no baby. I wanted to go back to the UK where she lived her longest time. Funny hey how we are with these things. We conjure up a plan to stay safe and i think the best thing is to stick by it as best you can. The plan will change at different times, but i never preempt it other than to give myself more time and space around times that i want to give energy back to DD e.g. dates and inuition The concentration thing...totally normal. I am aproaching 12mths and still find it hard sometimes. It is like i have lost brain cells. I couldn't drive for ages. I mean, I couldn't but i wouldn't dare. I tried but my concentration was so bad i would nearly kill myself with silly mistakes. It was like i had blinkers on. As for work...a long time for me to concentrate on more than one thing at once. i am a chef, and i was trying my very best to do things around the house but burned dinner so many times. Too much at once was a very hard thing for me...hard when it was how i survived before. Learned that the hard way. Keep going hun, you are doing so well. Save some time for yourself each day, each hour. I can't recommend that enough. Give to yourself.

Cmegles
WOw, hard day. Sweety, take a nice bath and have a cry if that is what you feel like doing. TWW are hard enough without all the other stuff you have to handle. I remember the neighbours to bro and SIL house that we stayed when we first got back were talking to us one day after DD was born and asked how our baby was...'How is your baby, it is quiet, we never here it?' I nearly died. It was only a few weeks after. I told them, nicely and softly...'no you wouldn't, she was stillborn' They just about fell over. I ended up comforting them as they felt so bad. But a couple of minutes later i had to pick my nephew up and walk away or would colapse. I left my SIL there to continue to change the subject. It was horrible. I find for me that i reach a threshold. I do what i set out to do and then i have to walk away as i can't handle any more. Sometimes i don't make it that far. But i make sure to challenge myself a little for DD. I want her remembered. I was and am quite obsessed about that. Funny how until becoming a mother...i never used the word obsessed so frequently. HMmm Thinking of you hun and wishing you all the luck i can muster.

Crumpet
Hun, I welcome you with heavy heart. Sorry you have to be here but hope you find comfort and support in here. The ladies are lovely here...i tend not to go anywhere else other than my blog. I am sorry to hear about your darling Gus. What a wonderfully strong name, love it. I hope you feel him around you still, helping you through this.


Others, hope you are traveling well and your dream is one step closer.

AFM-
Yep AF late but absolutely no fear of being Preg as we gave it no chance having this virus. I do know i ovulated late and it is good to see my body following in suit. At least i can count on that! Well tomorrow is my SIL Baby shower and I told her that the virus is still active so i won't stay long. She understood but made sure that i could stay if i wanted. I think she was a little put out but i am sure she will get it. SHe has not antibodies for it and there is another potentially preg person there. I would just NEVER forgive myself if someones baby was affected and i was the cause of that. I know this can happen anywhere, but i would die with the blame. ~I just couldn't live with that. Oh...dear, i feel so worried about it. It is a risk i don't want to take.
HOwever, all actions stations on the food etc. I am wearing gloves! I have been putting a lot of energy towards it. She knows that if i find it too much then i will say but i will not anticipate the worst because i might be fine. There is a good chance i will be just fine. Sure i have a lump in my throat already but i get myself busy and concentrate on the food and stuf. I spent the night...until 2 am putting together a playlist for it. Hope she likes it. My other SIL and i set up for it last night. I am just treating it like a party and trying not to even entertain the idea that i never had one and not sure if i ever want one. I decided that i will have one after the baby is born if i have that chance. So it looks great, we have hung butterflies everywhere, and lillies, so beautiful. My darling nephew stands underneath (2yrs) and says...OHhhh Wooooweee, soooo smazing, pritty, ohhhh! So cute. I better get going on the food.
Had a lovely day with nephew yesterday. Next month is out for TTC with this virus still. Got a good day with DH to sort out our messy finances with is awesome. I feel like i can breath again. It is mega tight for us for a long while atm but at least there is a plan. So relieving. It was a lovely day together, i know that is weird...how fun going through bank balances! but it was. Found a bit of fraud which we will only get half of back. Never mind, we have not been so vigilant with things this year for good reason so we just have to let that go.
Car is fixed. yay, she is pretty again.
Got an appointment this week that i am looking forward to up in Noosa. Will have a gelati for DD. Went to the Gp this week, feel a little violated! Went as a new patient for a pap smear and my god, i got the lot. Breast exam, full naked skin search, pap, BP, weight, height, etc etc...oh and an internal. That is the first that has ever happened. I was a little shocked. She was nice but i just felt quite shocked after it all when i was not prepared for it. I had a kind of panic attack in bed last week, completely freaked out and couldn't go to sleep. I was terrified of dying and that there was something wrong with me. Found some reasons for it, but boy it scared me. I didn't want to shut my eyes. It was crazy. I ended up nursing DD ashes all night which calmed me so quickly. I thought before that moment that i would explode.
HMmm the mind and body go through so much...consciously and unconsciously, rational and irrational. It is fascinating really.
Better go, today i am doing ok. SOrry this is so very long...not like me at all LOL. xoox