Well I am rising from the depths of disbelief and Sickness to finally be able to post. That fat cow turned up 3 days late, I was absolutly shattered. I was SO SURE!!! I know we just keep moving forward but I am finding it harder every month to find the enthusiasm as it take so much out of me by the end of the month.
Right after this however I was introduced to my new neice, (she is very very cute) but the damage I didnt know that was going to occur was when I got there I found her mum had that nasty Gastro bug. I was in my element, my mother instinct took over, I had my newborn. I was doing everything for her except the feeds as my sister in law was too scared do to much with her in case Ally was to get it off her. I did this day and night till Sunday. I didnt feel the tugging till sunday night, My arms were empty again I was shattered again. Then of course the bug had to hit my house.... so we have been in lock down for the last week.
GiGi - I know how you feel, as time goes on matthews name gets mentioned less and less, in circles you would think he would be mentioned more than most. You see it in peoples eyes when they realise THEY have forgotten. A look mixed with guilt and "when is it going to be like it was" you feel like shaking them and saying, it will never be the same NEVER NEVER EVER. Then if we are talking to others, and we are talking about births or kids etc, and we mention Matthew? you can see then shift uncomfortably. I realise they are not sure what to say, but i am not stopping speaking his name just to make everyone else feel comfortbale. Thats why I got my tatto, it isnt hidden, everyone can see it because it will never be "put away" His photos is on the tv unit with his ashes. I refuse to pop him away to make people feel comfortable.
Powelly: Gosh 11 days???? she really outstayed her welcome this month didnt she??? I can so understand your words when you describe getting your hopes up and how exhausting it is... I think this last month was a eye opener for me. For the first time since Feb I sat there in tears thinking what am I gonna do if I CANT get preg again? and the thought itself just ripped at my heart. I cant even bear to think of it. But I am also tired, it has only been 6 months of trying, but for some those six months are an eternity.
Chez: you sound wonderfully relaxed... Good on Hubby with the pastries... WOOT
Hey Tes, hun. i am so sorry. It is terribly exhausting and there are sweet moments we forget how so -until we are slapped again with a BFN. I am sorry babe and I hope you find all the time you need to rest. I hear you are neices and nephews...I feel the same pull/tug with mine. i love them so much and it is so so bitter sweet. I love that they exist but i reminded more and more what we are missing the more i fall in love with them. I look after the 2.5 year old atm once a week but it will switch next year, he will go to day care and i get his little brother for two days a week. He will be 8 mths and beautiful. It will be a challenge but one i have to face. I love spending time with them. I will see how i go, i won't force myself to battle through if it gets too hard. You are such a gorgeous mumma hun taking care of your neice like that. Your Sis/SIL is very lucky to have you. We are the aunties that rock!
Well ladies I am a bit glum. I got up this morning after bad sleep- 2hrs and I have had it. I am so tired of this and I am at wits end. I will not give up just before the end...but i need to get this off my chest. I surrender! We are giving it all we have and have faith it will be enough.
Just a pre warning and hopefully i have caught it in time...but i am a little close to the bottom again and it is frustrating. I just went to chiro and said...you know what, lets just concentrate on health and forget fertility...the two come hand in hand, but for one day i want to feel like a person and not a broken egg manufacturer with ever issue under the sun. I have had it and enough is enough. I am tired to trying to perfect myself.
There, i said it. Right now I am off to create something pretty on my sewing machine.
Love and hope to all xoxoxoxo
Sorry I haven't been about for a while......been very busy,
Lady Tess, sorry to hear the 3 days late wasn't better news. It's so hard the way we get our hopes up then they are shattered. I know the feeling.
Gigi, I reckon the plan to treat yourself as a whole and try for health instead of concentrating on egg production is a very healthy mental choice. I wish I could get to the place where I can decide that. You are so brave looking after other peoples kids, actually so are you Tess.
I haven't held another child since Ellen died. She is the last baby I had in my arms.
Powelly, we too have been told by the new FS that probably timing has been the only problem.......hopefully she's right. God luck to you and I'm glad test results are good.
Chez, how is everything going? Hopefully you are feeling pg and all is wonderful.
Tashybabe, I did tracking last month (with old FS) and had to do heaps and heaps of blood tests......about every 2nd day. We live out of town so this meant a 45 min drive to a clinic and then I didn't speak to the FS after the results but instead spoke to the nurses! Then had to wait for ages if I had questions. I live out of mobile range and often work out of mobile range so contact is complicated. The blood tests did show some interesting info and we are tracking more clearly this month (new FS) less blood tests and taking temp. Doing tracking is really good tho, my accupuncturist uses the temps to help guide her treatment too. This month I am taking progesterone after ov to try and boost things along...... In case you didn't know the blood tests for tracking are bulk billed so there is not and expense other than time. Perhaps you could suggest this instead of trying to rely on ov tests?
AFM as said above tracking this month and have just ov'ed .....in new FS's words take hubby home and wear him out.......odd but it seems a hard thing to do to ask for it until your hubby says "please stop" rarely do they say "please stop"! hehehehe ....... now I am taking progesterone and have another blood test on Wed to see how that is going. I have been amazed that my FS calls me after blood tests and talks about the next plan....so so much better than the old one!
I am basically in TWW. Have had my parents here for a week so heaps got done 'round the farm......my 72 yr old dad misses his farm since he's retired and always goes nuts when he's here. It's so wet here that I can practically watch grass grow........perhaps this feeling of a wonderful spring is a good omen.
Kateo...I hope you have left DH capable of standing up straight love!
Girls...coming in to check on you all. It has been quiet in here and I am hoping it is because you are all busy ravaging your husbands and making beautiful babies.
AFM- CD22 and ovulated late i think...got a bit confusing. Gave it ever shot we could and still going to make sure we have covered all bases. This is it ladies. My xmas present is coming early! Oh could you imagine??? End of Nov we will have the results we have been waiting for. I will be able to wrap a present for DH under the tree...a POAS. I will tell him that he can open one gift early. Oh it will be perfect. xoxoxoxo
GI! I love your positive attitude and I believe this will give you your dream of having those two big fat lines on the test and your early Xmas present! Fingers, legs and everything else crossable is crossed for you!
Kateo - I didn't realise you were trying this month. How exciting. How are you feeling and how's it all going?
Ladytess - I'm so sorry that it wasn't your month and I can truly sympathise with how you were/are feeling. It's exhausting this ttc game and if someone could just say "in three months you'll be pregnant" it would make it easier but it's the not knowing that kills us!
As for me... we are trying but not trying if you get my drift. Not sure when I o'd or when my AF is due and don't want to know. I have taken the approach that if I have another early miscarriage, I'd rather not know and just think it's a period. Not sure if this approach is good but to be honest, I can't do too many more heartbreaks. So, we'll see. Gi, I might also be adding a little present under the tree!
Big hugs to all and fingers crossed the "silly season" brings BFP's for all!
Powelly- Hun..I get your drift and i hope it is just what has been needed. I am a firm believer that when we are left to our instinct...our mojo comes at the most fertile time anyway. Our bodies and hormones, when left alone, guide us at the right time. We just rarely get to have the peace required to read those moments. I hope this is just what you needed sweet.
Christmas blessings here we come. xoxox Love to all xooxox
Just popping in to let you know that I had a I have had two b/ts now and my levels look really good! I've been quite tired and my BBs are popping already and I had to go and buy new bras yesterday! Sorry it has taken so long to let you know but it has taken a while to sink in. We have told our family and they are thrilled with the news. It's the best Christmas present we could have ever received!
I was shattered again. Then of course the bug had to hit my house.... so we have been in lock down for the last week.
I have had two b/ts now and my levels look really good! I've been quite tired and my BBs are popping already and I had to go and buy new bras yesterday! Sorry it has taken so long to let you know but it has taken a while to sink in. We have told our family and they are thrilled with the news. It's the best Christmas present we could have ever received!
to everyone!
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