HELLO LADIES

Well I am rising from the depths of disbelief and Sickness to finally be able to post. That fat cow turned up 3 days late, I was absolutly shattered. I was SO SURE!!! I know we just keep moving forward but I am finding it harder every month to find the enthusiasm as it take so much out of me by the end of the month.

Right after this however I was introduced to my new neice, (she is very very cute) but the damage I didnt know that was going to occur was when I got there I found her mum had that nasty Gastro bug. I was in my element, my mother instinct took over, I had my newborn. I was doing everything for her except the feeds as my sister in law was too scared do to much with her in case Ally was to get it off her. I did this day and night till Sunday. I didnt feel the tugging till sunday night, My arms were empty again I was shattered again. Then of course the bug had to hit my house.... so we have been in lock down for the last week.

GiGi - I know how you feel, as time goes on matthews name gets mentioned less and less, in circles you would think he would be mentioned more than most. You see it in peoples eyes when they realise THEY have forgotten. A look mixed with guilt and "when is it going to be like it was" you feel like shaking them and saying, it will never be the same NEVER NEVER EVER. Then if we are talking to others, and we are talking about births or kids etc, and we mention Matthew? you can see then shift uncomfortably. I realise they are not sure what to say, but i am not stopping speaking his name just to make everyone else feel comfortbale. Thats why I got my tatto, it isnt hidden, everyone can see it because it will never be "put away" His photos is on the tv unit with his ashes. I refuse to pop him away to make people feel comfortable.

Powelly: Gosh 11 days???? she really outstayed her welcome this month didnt she??? I can so understand your words when you describe getting your hopes up and how exhausting it is... I think this last month was a eye opener for me. For the first time since Feb I sat there in tears thinking what am I gonna do if I CANT get preg again? and the thought itself just ripped at my heart. I cant even bear to think of it. But I am also tired, it has only been 6 months of trying, but for some those six months are an eternity.

Chez: you sound wonderfully relaxed... Good on Hubby with the pastries... WOOT