Hi all

Thanks for all the good wishes for last week.

chez67 - great that bub is doing well. I hope the 2nd trimester is less tiring for you.

TjA83 - so sorry to hear about your son. Nothing can take away that pain. I hope you're OK with his birthday. We're here and understand, so vent here if you need to. There was another member, Maisy, who'd DD2 died from a mitochondrial disease. I've tried to understand what's involved but it seems so complicated. My son died from a gentic disease too. GL with the gallbladder surgery. My mum recently was told she had gallstones and is managing it with diet. If you think it's related to stress, have you looked at counselling?

Gigi1 - so sorry you're feeling down. I hope things look up soon

Powelly - so glad everything went well. I understand the bursting into tears at the U/S. When we went last pregnancy, I asked they turn the screen off so I couldn't see until the found the heartbeat.

lollylegs - you sound so stressed. I hope you settle in soon.

AFM. Well the meeting with the geneticist did not go as we wished. At least we had a nice geneticist this time - one who could speak human. It's a bit complicated, but they were looking for 2 mutations on a gene in Leo, then were planning to match back to us. If they found the 2 mutations, they would be able to develop a pre-natal test for a future pregnancy. What they found wasn't definitive as a cause of the disease, even though Leo had it. So, it could be it was a one off spontaneous thing, or it could be inherited from us but in a way they can't test for. So there's no pre-natal test for us. It means crossing fingers and toes, hoping we conceive a healthy bub and having more scans. The really scary part is the 21week scan with Leo showed nothing wrong. So we could get that far along or further before finding out the next bub is also sick. Which makes me feel sick just thinking of it.

I'm also umming and aahing about whether to have a CVS to test for other things, given my age. Is it worth the risk? etc etc (I have a post on it here, if anyone can relate: Pregnancy after genetic/chromosomal loss question: CVS?)

So that was stressful. In addition to attending a memorial service on Saturday. And tomorrow is supposed to be our little boy's 6 month birthday. At least it's a public holiday. I feel this pressure building up, like I've been holding on for too long and I may melt down or something.

I don't believe everything happens for a reason. There's no reason our beautiful little boy was taken from us. It just sucks and some days I get so angry about it. I know life's not fair. But he was just a baby!

And now I'm obsessing over symptoms. I'm 4DPO and wondering, am I this cranky because I'm stressed, sad or pregnant, or all of the above.