TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth ~ #4 2011

[Ahurani]

Hi everyone

Just popping my head in because we are going to be ttc in a couple of months. Dr said wait 6 months after c section but we are going to try after 3 especially with my ovulation issue so here's hoping af comes back very soon

Just thought I'd say hi

[blessedatlast]

Hi Ahurani, welcome.. I hope your stay is short

Hi Everyone - (too many to remember lol) Clomid round 2 starts today, let the mood swings begin (actually I don't think they ever stopped!) Even one of my friends commented very carefully that she had noticed I was "More snappy than usual" How embarrassing.. Whoops!! Blame the clomid!

[Chez67]

Hi ladies

Powelly, hi nice to hear from you. Hope all is going well.

LnD, sounds like a very sensible decision and I know from experience that making decisions with your head rather than following your heart is particularly difficult. I hope that you get a nice little surprise very soon as we found when we fell pg with our DS, it was when we weren't trying and had essentially given up for the year. FX for you for today.

Dory, the confrontation with the snake must have been a bit scarey at the time, but you're right it was probably more scared of you both! Good on you for getting back to the running, it is something that I always enjoyed, but definitely not running around in circles! I always needed a destination or a route to follow to keep things interesting.

Gi, so glad to hear that everything went well with your SIL. I hope the naturopath is onto some good things for you. GL with the bathroom reno. Talk about a project to keep you busy! And I am sure you will be able to convince the body corp about the guide dog. Surely one neighbour's objection can't stop it?

Ahurani, hi and welcome to our thread. I hope your stay here is a short one. I don't know much about your story but I know that the ladies here are a wonderful source of support and strength so you have come to the right place.

Blessed, GL with the clomid hun. I did one cycle and didn't have any mood issues but I did get heaps of headaches with it. I hope it works for you.

To everyone else I have missed, a big hello and baby dust to all.

AFM, 24 weeks today so we can quietly let out a sigh of relief. If bubs was born soon then there would be some chance of survival. When I was in hospital at 22 weeks I was told that the baby was not viable if born then. Still we are hoping that splodge will hang quite a bit longer but it is another milestone for us. This is my second week of 'bed rest'. It is hard with hubby still not having the full use of his left wrist/hand. I am taking things easy but it is such a beautiful sunny autumn day here I might go out for a short walk around the block. I have managed to trial ironing while sitting down and its not too bad. I have my next uni assignment due on 15th so that will keep me busy. I am so glad that this is my last subject as I can't imagine trying to study while looking after a baby!

Take care all
oxo

[skybie]

yay for 24 weeks chez!! thats so awesome hun.
Hi A, good to see u in here babe
Hey BAL, hope u had a great weekend
hi too everyone else, hope this week is kind to u all
xxxx

[dory]

Blessed - yay for cycle #2 of clomid... girl, we'll love you regardless of the mood swings in here..... hey did you end up having a drink at your friends going away?

Chez - oh sweetie, I am so very pleased for you.... it is such a significant milestone to reach 24 weeks, to know there is some hope if bubs arrives prem is just such a weight lifted. I remember we particularly celebrated reaching it. Well done. Good work on the ironing too. A little easy walk to life your spirits... good idea. The snake encounter did get my heart racing that's for sure.

Gi - I have an insane urge to type the following " run run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me I'm the ginger bread man"... and I have no idea why. I do like gingerbread though. ? I am losing it for sure.

Ahurani - welcome sweetie. It's so nice to see you pop your head in and start officially thinking about TTC. Hayley would be so proud. Sometimes Dr's don't have all the answers... do what it is in your heart..... I hope your AF comes quickly and is kind to you.... and as sad as it is, it's also the start of something exciting.

Skybie - love the pic of your darling boy, Jack. He looks so handsome. Look at his shock of dark hair... what a gorgeous little man. Hope DD is feeling better now?

AFM - wow wee, talk about moody... on saturday I was just so grumpy and cranky... not sure why poor DH couldn't put a foot right in the arvo. And we had a tiff because we were both tired and stressed, but pleased to say we worked out it pretty quickly too. Gold star for us. We've never been good a resolving things quickly before, so hopefully we are both learning some new approaches to manage conflict. Then yesterday, all teary for no particular reason I could fathom.

I went to see my counselor on Friday and as usual it was awesome. Interestingly I cried more this time than any other time. We spent a lot of time talking about Nicholas, which was nice as frequently his sisters manage to steal the limelight, so it was really nice just getting in touch with our baby boy and remembering.

I was showing my SIL some of the photos from the memorial service that we had in Feb this year, and there was a photo of the 3 plaques.... she looked at them really carefully and went quiet and then said " I never realised about the dates... you must just hate 2009". That's what I love about this ever changing grief journey, always the unexpected ..... her question made me realise I didn't hate 2009 at all, and in fact it is a very precious time for me. But isn't it nice to have that at the forefront of my mind and to know it with my heart?

Anyway, should go and do some reading for my new role.... whilst all is quiet. Including 3 fur babies curled up beside me, one of whom is snoring really loudly.

[Gigi1]

Dory, listening to you dittering away gives me such joy. You have me smiling uncontrolably at your comments. MMMmmm gingerbread and gold stars..loveit. Your spirits seem so high right now. Are you sure you are pregnant love??
I am glad you got to show your photos to someone. I have lost all confidence in my photography lately. I need to spend some more time on it i think. So much to do, so little time.

Skybie, that is a gorgeous photo of your little man. Beautiful boy.

Chez, well done you for reaching such a huge milestone...well done bubs too, team effort i am sure! I hope that with each day, the stress decreases hun and you get much further on that you ever anticipated. Keep going little one, it is much better inside, dark and warm, you can do this.

Ahurani, Welcome and hope you are not around for long. You are most welcome in here for as long as you need. There are a pretty cool bunch of mothers in here with all different stories, willing to share and support. I hope you find what you need and you fall pregnant quickly. I am so sorry you lost your angel Hayley, and I am sure you are still in the throws of raw grief. It is such a difficult time. I met a lady the other day and all she wanted to do was be pregnant again. She had this unbelievable desire to start again straight away. It is such a personal choice and liek Dory said, just follow your heart. You will know what is best for you.

CD10 and we are doing what we can to prepare for Ov. Amidst some action last night, I burst out laughing. My arms and body were aching from exercise, i had no strength...i needed half time! God we laughed. The things we do.

[dory]

gi - right back at you.... half time indeed and laughing.... just too sweet... no need to lose confidence photos are perfect!

[Freya]

Ugh honestly, sometimes I wish I had 48hrs in a day and not 24. I have to be the flakiest poster on earth lol

Ahurani, I hope your stay here is short. Can I just say, Hayley is just magnificent. What a beautiful little girl.

Sky, how Moo feeling now? Vomitting seems to be doing the round lately, so many people I know are down with it. Thankfully we seem to skip it. Like I said before, Jack is just gorgeous with those big chubba cheeks.

Dory, congrats on becoming a mod! I hope theyre going to let you step into the M/c & Loss mod role. You'll do a fabulous job! And happy 6mth birthday to Hannah too!

Chez, congrats on reaching 24wks! With my Ds2 I had alot of pre term labour complications until I delivered him and I can remember the relief I felt everytime 2 more weeks passed. Getting to the 24wk mark of viability was great. Im certain bub will bake a bit longer for you though and we'll all be here to cheer you on!

Blessedatlast; happy to see you here! Clomid is a biatch, but dont worry we'll help distract you from your mood swings. I hope you have success this cycle!

AFM, Im feeling in limbo a bit. Dh is ridiculously keen to get me pregnant ASAP, before he goes away til next year. Me, well Im not all that keen. I just cant let go of the fear I guess. I mean, we know what caused our losses and we have a very easy solution to raise our chances to normal for a healthy full term pregnancy. But the idea of having do sit on tenterhooks for 10mths makes me want to hurl, not to mention the Dr basically warning us that the particular disorder I have can increase the risk of 2nd/3rd trimester loss and stillbirth so even though we have a plan we should not count our chickens, we've been lucky enough that all Ive had are first trimester losses (and the close shave with Ds2).
Im so desperately want another baby though. Im just going to have to pray like mad and jump in feet first.

So its CD 19 I think. Im pretty sure we missed ovulation but who knows, my cycle has been whacky since having Ds3. Guess we'll see in a few more weeks.

[Gigi1]

Freya, Good luck hun and never fear, your posts are not flakey.
Hope you fall at a perfect tome for you. How long will DH go away for?
xoxo

[LionsandBears]

Hi all

Freya - jumping in blind is scary. Take your time to come to peace with it. It's an easier decision to make when you're feeling less stressed. We wont feel safe until our bub is born safe and sound and is screaming the house down (and then I expect to be petrified of SIDS). For us, it's about coming up with a plan to manage the fear, knowing that it will be there anyway. I've recently started meditation to help turn my head off with all the fear I have. It's not perfect, but it helps. Gl with your decision.

Gigi1 - GL with this cycle. I've always thought laughter helps tbh. A few months ago whilst enjoying a late lie in IYKWIM, we were surprised by the meat delivery man. He hastily rang the doorbell, dropped the bag and was running down the driveway when DH finally got to the front door. Apparently he was very sheepish. Meanwhile I was upstairs in hysterics at being busted (we're not exactly quiet). It did put a stop to things, as for some reason DH gets put off by me howling with laughter (rather than howling for other reasons ) But I like to think it gave some nice vibes to the little bean snuggling in then I bet the meat delivery man had an interesting story to tell as well.

GL with the Body Corp meeting.

dory - as always your words touch me. I know what you mean about 2009 being important to you. though in many ways, I do hate 2010 for being so filled with pain, it was 2010 that I spent most my time being pregnant for. We were so in love with our bub before and after meeting him. July hurts, but it's special too. For me, 2010 is Leo's year - the year I became a mother, when I learnt how strong and precious love is.

I hope your moodiness is a good indicator of something.

chez- so glad to hear you've reached such an important milestone. I hope you're not too bored on bed rest. Does it give you time to do things like research family tree - that's something I keep picking up then putting down but would love to complete one day. I also learnt to iron sitting down last pregnancy as standing to long hurt (bub liked to push my ribs out of the way -ouch!) Take things nice and easy.

Blessed - good luck with the clomid. Is there something you can do to help with the mood swings (like naturopathy or something) I used to get shocking ones on the pill. The hormones really can mess us around can't they.

Ahurani - I hope your journey is short. Hayley looks so sweet and peaceful in your ticker. Such a lot of dark hair! Like the other girls said - follow your heart. No one can ever replace our babies, but that need to have a living child is so strong. It's so wrong going through everything and not having a warm, breathing baby to take home. Few people face what we've been through. I hope you have lots of support

Skybie - I'd not seen a picture of Jack before. He's just darling - I love his little button nose. I hope Moo is feeling better and your TTC journey is short too. Im glad you got AF back so quickly. Mine took 12 weeks but I dont know if the pill to stop lactation had anything to do with it.

LnD - thinking of you today. I hope it all goes well and is not too scary or painful. I'm glad you made that decision. I think in times of stress, we can only focus on one thing at a time and your priority now is your health.

Powelly - I hope all is well with you. How far along are you now?

Sorry if I missed anyone.

AFM - We had a midwife appt yesterday and heard the heartbeat! I am so thrilled. Even though I have symptoms, it's still been a worry that we get to the NT scan to find we've had another mmc. I know it could still happen, but I'm choosing to be positive instead. Also, I think I'm starting to feel bub move, which is really early. It's just little things atm so I'm not sure, but I think it might be.

The meeting last week with the geneticist was interesting. It seems like we're some weird genetic case. We don't fit into their normal box, but they have some more information. They still can't give us a 100% yes or no on if this bub is affected, but a test could give us 3 "low risks" ranging from low to extremely low and 1 "high risk, of concern but we're not 100%" result. At this stage, we're going to wait until the NT scan results before making a decision. If it was 100%, we'd have a CVS, but as they can't be 100% we're not sure we want to take the risk at this stage. If I assume we have a healthy baby, then I dont want to risk a mc.

It still means we wont know until late 2nd/3rd trimester if this baby is affected or not. Which I just dont want to think about atm. I think I'm going to have to learn to take things day by day or it will do my head in. DH is extremely stressed, with this and his job, so I want to help create a peaceful home to support him. And that means that sometimes I wont be on BB as much, as I need to pull away from being exposed to sad stories. But I still want to support you lovely ladies if I can, so I'll just need to balance it.

The NT scan is Wednesday morning.

Here's something I've noticed. It seems that very few women who are pregnant after a late loss have a pregnancy ticker. I dont either, but we haven't officially announced it either. I wonder, are we less sure or dont want to jinx anything by having one?

[skybie]

Tash thats soooo awesome hun, a tiny little heartbeat, how magical! i felt Jack around 12-13 weeks too, it was so nice.
Re the ticker, it is something i've noticed too. when we are pregnant again i'm not doing the big announcement on BB or FB, obviously i'll tell u girls but thats as far as it will go. i dont know why, i just dont feel right having a ticker, its almost likte its X amount of weeks until we MIGHT get to take our baby home ITMS?? i hate that i think like that now.
Hope ur DH can lower his stress levels, stressed males are never much fun.

Freya, keeping everything crossed u caught that eggie xxx

Moo's back to her loud obnoxios self! still a bit off colour and not eating all that much, she's staying home from kinder this week. But now Squids been off, she was dry wretching this morning trying not to spew. she hates doing it, just like her mumma

[blessedatlast]

Hi Ladies

Tash - Congrats on hearing the heart beat, oh what a beautiful sound..

Chez - Wow, 24wks.. Stay baking for a long while yet little bubba! Good luck with your Uni assignment.

Gigi - Enjoy BD'ing

AFM - Well I officially start my 3rd and last placement for my nursing tomorrow. Orientation was today. I am in a General medical ward, which is predominantly cardiac. I was really hoping I would get General SURGICAL, instead of medical as I was in a med ward last time, but oh well.. Hopefully I still might get to go to theatre and see something exciting..

Thanks for still loving my moody self.. I feel great today, but we shall see in a few days lol..

On the weekend, I had a few drinks, started Saturday night with a tequila shot, but then only had a couple more sangria's after that. I was in bed by 11 and I was sober.. I must be getting old!!

[mummydreamer]

hello everyone.....thought i might pop my head in. probably won't be TTC for a few months. at first i didnt think we would at all, but DH and i had a massive d&m last night (although we haven't stopped having d&m's since we lost J) but last night we talked about 'babies.' DH said losing J really made him realise that he wanted another baby in the family, that the house is so empty without him now. It was nice to hear that, cause for a while there (while i was pregnant) he was talking about me getting a job and us getting a mortgage, etc. I think now we've realised material things are one thing, but family is everything. so i think we're both going to try for another baby......but im 3 days into a pill that cost me $70!! so i said to DH i may as well get my moneys worth of that, before we TTC

freaking out a bit though.....i have a 3 month supply, and might come off it when that runs out. terrified of the reality of it all, but i think in a few months, i might be in the right headpsace to properly think about another baby. i guess we will see.

anyway, all the best for all your TTC journeys, and thanks for listening

[skybie]

MD!!!! yay hun!!!!!! can u get ur DH to talk to DF please!! lol
Cant wait to hear ur happy news
xxxx

[Gigi1]

Just a 'Quicky' as i have to run.

Tash, you cracked me up. That is hilarious.
Blessed, of course we love your moody self! Good luck with the placement. I am sure you will blow them away! xoxo

MD- Welcome babe for as long as you need, when you need. I am so sorry to hear of your little angel Josiah, may I ask how to pronounce his name, if it is not how it is spelt? I hope he is enjoying life playing with our little ones and looking over you all. I hope you find peace in that. The ladies in here are no short of incredible and so very supportive. I am happy to here you and your man are having so many deep conversations. It is all that gets you through some days. Good for you both.

Love to all. xoxoxo

[dory]

Hey just quickly from me too

Tash - well done my dear... I am so sorry that you're not getting any clear answers and to be honest, it does all sound very stressful... but taking day by day is the key. Harder to put into practice though. I didn't have a preg ticker until about week 19 or 20 for Hannah and even then it didn't feel right. Totally right about worried about jinxing it. But the weird thing? I still announced my pregnancy from quite early... for me every moment of the pregnancy is precious and deserves to be celebrated. Again harder to put into practice but I don't believe in waiting to tell people, I never really did before and don't as a result of my journey. But everyone is different.

Mummydreamer - welcome to you and your precious angel Josiah. Good that you and DH had a chat and that you'll be ttc soon - just watch out for the meat delivery guy.... LOL

Skybie - hugs.

Chez - how are you doing today?

[mummydreamer]

MD!!!! yay hun!!!!!! can u get ur DH to talk to DF please!! lol
Cant wait to hear ur happy news
xxxx

i know, yay for me!! Lol. was a tad bit unexpected, i thought i would have to push it, but it was lovely to hear. maybe just leave it a little bit and then bring it up again with DF a bit down the track? that was my plan too, Lol.

thanks for the welcome girls. seriously just want to come off the damn pill now but don't want to waste $70 worth of it.......

[Chez67]

Hi Dory

I'm doing ok. Managed to do some study yesterday and caught up with friends who had bubs last year for afternoon tea, which was lovely. It still all seems so surreal to me that we will be holding our bubs in our arms very soon.

Today I have tradesmen coming and going fixing up our bathroom that was affected by water damage almost 6 months ago. It will be nice to have the use of the ensuite back!

oxo