Well I have af! Back again. And I don't think we actually have a chance getting utd this month either. Hubby will be away. He's lucky hes going to be here for our anniversary tomorrow!
Sent from my iPhone (via Tapatalk) so please forgive the spelling mistakes...
EmilyJames - I wrote my babies story and created a website in their memory after they died.. (link in my sig) It was part of my healing for me.. I was lucky enough to have photo's to share too.. It took me 6 months to write my babies full story from conception to death, (it's quite long) so I din't post it here in the loss thread, but I did post the link to my website when it was finished.. I have spent a lot of time in the loss thread in the last 2 and a bit years, (I'm like part of the furniture now ) as I have experienced my 1st Christmas, birthdays etc without them.. It's so hard, but the support here on BB is amazing.. I would love to read the story of James, when and if you post it. xx
Gigi - Glad you little girls b'day was special and you enjoyed the cake.. xx
Lynsdan - Happy Anniversary for tomorrow. I'm so sorry you have AF.. That sux..
AFM - Talk about frustrated! The time is going FOREVER!! I am 10DPO today, massive temp dip 8DPO, but temps are back up now.. Just waiting to test.. I am so impatient but determined not to test yet.. I have no symptoms what so ever I should find out what my progesterone levels were this month tomorrow.. Not that that gives any indication, last month they were 200 and no baby At least I ovulated though I suppose! Yay for clomid..
Well, a selfish post from me today.. I caved and tested today. 2 internet cheapies and 1 first response and they all show those 2 magical lines.. 11DPO and I'm PREGNANT!!!! I am in shock and so so so scared.. But just trying to enjoy it for what it is at the moment.. After 2years and 2 cycles of clomid! Wow! My little angels will be big brothers Due 7th Jan according to FF. If anyone who reads this has me on FB, please don't say anything...
WOOOHOOOO!!!! Great news Blessed! You are due on the same date that my Ellen was due but she hung about until the 13th to arrive. You're going to have my angel as well as yours looking over this little one!
Soooo exciting. I hope you get heaps of symptoms to make you really feel pg.
LD- sorry to hear about AF but I hope you had a nice anniversary.
Gigi- hope you feel good about ho you coped with your girls B'day.
EmilyJames- if you feel like writing your story go ahead. I think we all have to do things we feel we need to do.......I write poems (heaps of them!)
AFM- Fell over on the w/e can't get to see anyone at FMU as phones are switched to answering machine and my Midwife is away. My GP is also on hols......oh well have been feeling little squirt wriggling a lot so should be OK.
Hiya - I get so frustrated when I get left behind in here.... just done a quick catch up and I know I don't have the stamina to do a lot of persies....sorry.
EmilyJane - oh blossom I am so so so sorry that your precious James couldn't stay and has gone too soon... I know these days are hard as you grieve your darling boy. This is a really lovely thread - very supportive and understanding, it has been one of my lifelines. Whilst all our journey's are different, we have walked a similar lonely, painful path... so feel free to come in and just express how you feel - sadness, anger, guilt.
About trying again? For me that is a relatively complicated question. After Amelia, even before we were discharged from hospital, we both wanted to TTC. Not to replace Amelia, no- one could ever do that. And don't listen to people when they say that to you either, and they will say it. It makes me angry actually when people do. They just don't understand. What happened was that after Amelia we knew the absolute miracle that birthing a baby is and quite frankly I became addicted to that. I wanted that glorious love and amazing sensation again, the knowledge that we had created a beautiful perfect being. Bittersweet, that our babygirl was born too early and died. Our Obs gave us the all clear to start again. So we did. It was right for us and we were lucky enough to get a BFP soon. After Nicholas died, we couldn't try again as he was one of a twinship. After Sophie died, I knew TTC wasn't right for us. Not "right away". I think we waited 3 or 4 months. Also had a lot of investigations to see what might have caused our heartache. At the time it seemed like an eternity. Makes me smile a little now, thinking it was an eternity. I just knew I needed to heal, physically and emotionally. Again we were lucky and got a BEFP relatively quickly- and this BFP resulted in our Hannah Bear.
I remember Gigi gave me some advice about just being with your angel baby. It was good advice. You will know when it's right for you. It takes courage to TTC again. It's tough and so is the pregnancy that follows.
After the death of your child during a pregnancy, everything is hard. Just breathing is hard some days.... still. There is so much more I could write, but I need to go to sleep. Sorry.
Writing about your pregnancy and the birth of your precious James will probably help, as will writing about your grief. In time what you write now will be so important. As much as we don't want to forget every detail, some do get forgetten, so if you've written them down now it will help. I often go back and read what I have written. It helps me remember. It helps me get back in touch with my very raw grief, which even though is hard, is one of the only tangible connections I have to my angels. So every so often I make myself delve back into the pain, to be close to them.
Go gently in this very tough time. Fly free sweet precious James, much loved wee one. I would love to read about your journey to meet James.
Gi - you know I've been thinking of you. Sorry that the easter bunny brought AF. The easter bunny brought Hannah gastro. Poor wee girl. I think the easter bunny needs a talking to!
I'll be back tomorrow I hope to catch up.
Chez - thinking of you....how are you doing?
Tashy - hugs, I know it's hard. You can do it. Honestly you can. I believe in you.
Blessed - is your course all done now? OMG - I just noticed your sig.... is it true? UTD? A BFP? Now I get to go to sleep with a smile on my face.... thankyou sweetie. Thankyou so much.
Thanks everyone for your congrats and sticky vibes.
Lol yes Dory, it's true, I can barely believe it myself.. My course will be finished in June. I am back at TAFE as of yesterday (as if I could concentrate and I nearly burst not telling anyone!) and then back at placement next week. I got an interview for a grad program at the hospital I wanted, I was so happy, so many people apply so I felt lucky to get an interview. I had some people on BB help me with my CV and cover letter which I think helped! Anyway, I am still keeping my job in aged care for a while, where I work is fairly low care, so I wont be straining myself, and then I just got a job with a nursing agency (just to do AIN work until I graduate) and I called them yesterday and they said they will still be able to place me out in the community or in low care which is great, because i don't want to be in high care! If I get offered the grad program, I probably wont be able to accept it, as it doesn't start until August and it doesn't finish til Feb, but I'm still going for it, just to see how far I get and it will keep my options open for if... Well, y'know, I need the job after all. (Praying I don't) I think you have a couple of interviews anyway before the job gets offered.
So yeah thats me. Hopefully I am done in this thread but I will of course stalk you all from time to time.. xx
Blessed - that's great about the interview. You can always decline if you're offered it. It's good practice at interviews and also it also lets "people" know you're interested... if you do a good interview but can't take the job, word will get around that you're good. And now good riddance, don't want to see you back here for a while, .... said in the kindest way of course.
AFM- well I am pretty pleased with myself today. Last night I made the best roast potatoes I have ever made ( it's been a work in progress to get ones I am happy with and we only have them once every 4 months). Anyway, maybe will have them more often now I have at least gotten one batch to turn out perfectly. Better than the roast pumpkin pine nut and spinach salad effort on Sunday - the ONLY thing I did right was wash the spinach. Oh well, it's a learning process right?
Hope you're doing ok. Sorry no more persies. There's a few things I need to research.
in between solictors and the health commissoner prodding into our case about Matthew. I was ready to swear up and down and black and blue that I did not ovulate this month. Went of the clomid about January so we have been having a "break" organised a new lot of Clomid to start this coming month, woke with Cramping yesterday. it felt like ovulation cramps, but I wasnt due for AF till today.
Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to test with a Ovulation Pee Stick thingy, peed and realised soon after that it was a pregnancy stick and went into my bedroom drawers to get an ovulation stick... (as I had peed in a cup) on my return I spotted those precious 2 lines..... I was dumbstruck. I fell to the floor and bawled my eyes out for what seemed to be an eternity. Immediantly (thank god for iphones) I took a picture of the test and sent it to a girlfriend who confirmed she could see 2 lines.
We have done it... Although I have worries very very early. I still have cramping and spotting when I wipe (which is just new today) tomorrow is my appt with my GP to have a blood test and an Ultrasound later in the afternoon. I am so scared about what they will find. I have almost convinced myself it was implanation bleed as today is my due date for AF.
BTW I had confirmed with a more expensive Pee stick test last night... 2 lines showed right away. Then for fun I peed on 5 cheapos... haha all showing healthy lines.
Yet I am not sure how mentally I would handle loosing even a 5 week old fetus... we have been trying for simply forever.
I will come back with personals when I get back from my appointment tomorrow with news......
Fingers crossed ok?
editing to say please ignore my sig..... 7dpo is wrong....
Gigi, sorry I missed your DD's special day. I hope you had a peaceful and loving day with DH
Blessed and lady_tess - congratulations to you both. I hope you have H&H 9 months ahead!
LND, sorry to hear that AF arrived. Hope you're doing ok.
EmilyJane, welcome to our thread. You have come to the right place for support. The ladies in here are amazing.
Hi to Dory, kateo, MissB, mummydreamer, skybie and everyone else.
AFM, 28 weeks today, which is another milestone for us. Still recovering from a nasty head cold I picked up last week but doing ok. I am so OVER my uni subject, I have two more assessment pieces to go so I am trying to find motivation wherever I can. The major motivator is that this assignment I am doing now is worth 45% of the total mark so I had better put in a good effort. So back to the books.
LadyTess - OMG! OMG! OMG! Congrautations to you on your BFP. Unexpected but glorious. Hope the spotting is just implantation with bubs snuggling in. PML about you peeing on the cheapies.... it's so good to get the confirmation isn't it? Hope the legal stuff is going well... I know it's tough. In addition that no doubt every time you have an appointment you re live your grief and experiences with Mathew. Hugs.
Chez - glad you're over the head cold and yay for 28 weeks! That's awesome. Bet your bump is really showing.
Myangelbaby - oh blossom, welcome, this is a great thread, even though a bit quiet the past few days. Very unusual for it to be quiet in here. I am so sorry that you've a reason to join this thread. I am sad for your angel. In time, if and when you're comfortable, I would like to hear more about your angel and your grief journey.
Gi - hey sweetie. Thinking of you... I know the days after an angelversary are hard. Thinking of you and your DH and your DD. Miss you.
AFM - Hannah has had gastro so I've not been in here much. She's better now. Phew! I've had an interesting time lately - I had some vague hope that I was pregnant so took a test or two, and was surprisingly disappointed, even though I was pretty sure I wasn't. Then the Dr ordered a beta HCG for me and it was negative of course. I was surprised at how disappointed I was, and I was actually a little morose for a while. Curious huh? Contributing could also be my little eggies are a year older today...
Sorry for no more persies... thinking of you, and hoping this is your month and for those two with the recent BFP's - stay sticky bubs!
Myangelbaby, welcome and so sorry to find you here...but here is the best place to be hun. The ladies in here are incredible women and such support to each other. It is a pleasure to welcome you. You must be feeling all sort of things right now...please feel safe to let loose in here. Look forward to getting to know you and your angel a bit better.
LadyTess- Congrats lovely girl. That is just incredible hun. So very thrilled for you.
Chez- Thank you sweet and hope you are feeling a bit better.
Dores- Love, thank you. I am stalking but have not been in. I am taking a bit of an unannounced break. Miss you all terribly but Dh and I are having to face some raw truths. It is a tough time right now and I am quite busy with it. Life is going ok- we were away for a few days last week in Hervey Bay. My Yoga is delicious and i am really enjoying doing it with others!
Sorry to miss so many of you...i have not gone back too far to find out what you have been up to. Thinking of you all and wishing you all well.
LnD hope you are doing ok love.
Arghh gros...the neighbour is smoking and the breeze is blowing it right into my lounge. I am off to pull the vanity out with DH and close my doors. Gros!
Love to you all. oxoxox
Gi - hugs. You are a woman after my own heart. I find cigarette smoke repulsive. Poor DH, its one of the few things that I really crack a nana about. Enjoy demolishing the vanity with DH.
After being a smoker for years I now can't stand the smell. I gave up the habit about 7 years ago. But they say nothin is worse than a ex-smoker.
Had blood test confirmed, now a puzzle for everyone??? Dr said normal hcg range for 4 weeks gestation is between 25 and 200. Mine is 558....... I am 5 weeks tomorrow and I wonder if it is further along??? Even by a week? What do you girls think?
Lady Tess - AWESOME - congratulations! That is a good dose of beta HCG to be sure..... I haven't had my levels tested since Amelia's pregnancy ( two ago) so can't remember.... sorry.
Blessed will attest to this, once you've know the pure terror and joy of a twin pregnancy that ended too early, you're pretty desperate to have another chance at one. I know I am and Blessed has said things like that before. But sweetie, I am hoping for a single bubs for you, much lower risk as a pregnancy. But the heart will always hope...
It still absolutely pierces my heart that others seem to be able to successfully carry a twin pregnancy and I couldn't. Somehow that stings far more than for my singleton pregnancies. I spose it's the loss of two relationships? I don't know.
Lysndan - I wanted to say sorry that you got your hopes up and they were dashed. So unfair.
Gi - miss your little green coloured thoughts....
Thinking of you all, but especially to our newbies, myangelbaby and emily jane. I know this weekend will be hard for us all, but harder for some. I intend to light my babies candles this sunday.... I am their forever mummy.
) as I have experienced my 1st Christmas, birthdays etc without them.. It's so hard, but the support here on BB is amazing.. I would love to read the story of James, when and if you post it. xx
I should find out what my progesterone levels were this month tomorrow.. Not that that gives any indication, last month they were 200 and no baby
At least I ovulated though I suppose! Yay for clomid..
Due 7th Jan according to FF. 
If anyone who reads this has me on FB, please don't say anything...
Still trying to work this out! 
I will be back soon when I have access to my laptop to do personals 
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