TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth ~ #5 2011

[Gigi1]

Girls, I am so sorry I have been so absent. I have had trouble keeping up with it all. I have also been away. So in my feeble attempt to catch up....here we go.

Dores my darling girl. SO SO SO thrilled for you gorgeous. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy hun and i know it is early days but I am still so excited and I hope it is a wonderful wonderful experience for you. xooxoxox

Lady Tess,- I can not put it any better than LionandBears, awesome job to tally up only one meltdown in 30wks....and so frustrating how people around you handle this. They will never know and nor would you wish it on them, but they will never understand. Keep going lovely, i hope peace of mind is around the corner for you. xoxo

EmJ- Incredible effort hun and good luck on setting it all up officially. I had no idea it costs so much. I couldn't agree more about age/timing of loss. I read a great comment/response to silly remarks from people that have an opinion of severity of loss according to gestation that was just perfectly put for me..it read- 'Do you mean to say that you value and love your eldest child more than your youngest?' How people can place a value from the outside of a situation is beyond me...rude infact and totally unfounded. Good luck on the test results hun, hope they give you something to work with and you can get busy again love. oxxoxo

S&S- Thinking of you and hope you are healing in body and heart gorgeous. I really hope you are doing ok. Love and hugs to you. xoxo

L&B- oh Hun, I am sure you are a wonderful but grieving wife, and mother. Cut your sugar and get out for a short walk each day and i hope it helps the mood changes for you hun. You really don't need the swing when you are looking at depression.
Yes i am certainly more sensitive with things on tv etc. I also look at it as an opportunity to cry when some days i feel like my tears have dried up. I used the expereinces...when i was up to it, it prompt my thoughts about DD and memories of her. It helped me feel closer to her. I kind of enjoy that in a way, having a good cry and being comfortable with my grief. It would help me bring feelings to teh surface- anger, questions, fear, sadness, and utter heartbreak. I am so broken for you hun in this raw pain.
Well it is not a secret anymore...cemetries used to firghten me and remind me of everything sad. I used to walk around them and look at al the grave stones. I would come home in tears grieving my infertility and thinking i will never be a grandmother etc etc...i was terrified that no one will miss me, live on after me. It absolutely terrified me. Now, i find it comforting, i feel calm there and I try to visit one now and again. I find solice in reading other peoples pain on a tomb stone. I helps me not feel so alone. It also reminds me of my own pain, it's signifigance and the pain of others. I don't know...it comforts me and i try to grab a take away hot choc and walk around or sit there. Reading the stones also makes me feel like these people are being thought of.

I have to go to bed now...
But quickly Little miss snapdragon is doing very well. She is just incredible. Her tantrums are getting better and her training is really going well. We had a nice break this week and we all benefited i think. I am happy to say...i have fallen for her. She is just gorgeous. She has been with us now for 5wks and we are all doing well. xoxoxoxxo
CD24 for me....stupid me POAS yesterday and of course it was neg.

Love and hope to all i have not done a persie for. Thinking of you. xoxoxo
HMxxx

[mummytotwo]

Hey gals,
How was everyones weekends?
Gigi - glad your little bundle of doggy goodness is starting to bring you some joy! 5 weeks already - sheesh!
Sorry about the neg poas but we all know you did it too early right? I think it is nice that you take the time to share in peoples stories when visiting a cemetery. I haven't wandered around one in ages but think it is nice for those who have passed that people are still thinking about them & what was their life......
Dory -wonderful news - so happy for you.
Lady Tess - you are doing awesome & on the home stretch so woot woot, pat on the back to you!
L&B - you are an inspiration & I take my hat off to you everytime I think about what you've been through. I hope you are doing ok today & tomorrow & always, but I know there will be many dark days to come.....peace & healing to you my sweets x
S&S - hope you are doing ok possum & coming to terms with things. Much love & hugs to you too x
EmJ - hey lovely. When do you get your results? Can't seem to go back a page at the mo' to find out. Fingers x'd it is good (relatively speaking) news for you x
Hi to anybody I have missed - as I say can't seem to see the previous pages right at the minute!
AFM.....plodding along. O time again in this house so you all know what that means I have also been a good girl exercising & eating well - I have lost 4 kilos in as many weeks on weight watchers so hoping this all helps the cause...We have a trip back to Scotland booked now for next March/ April as all my hubbys family are over there. Can't sit around waiting & putting your life on hold waiting for those 2 magical lines.....Anyway, that is about all for now....... & girls....know that even when I'm not posting I am always reading & thinking of you all x

[EmilyJames]

Hello Lovely Ladies,
Well I went and saw my lovely specialist and he confirmed that I have an autoimmune arthritis and to continue on with the steroid treatment also I need to have clexane injections daily to help thin my blood. Hopefully combined with the steroids my body wont attack or try and get rid of this bub. Yes we got a positive preg test on the weekend! I am a bit shocked at how little I feel about it. I dont know if it is just me protecting myself or what but other than terrible heartburn and sore boobs that is about as much as I am feeling about this preg so far. I know it is early but did any of you ladies feel like this with pregnancies after losses?
Mummytotwo - good work with the weight loss! I love weight watchers, their system is what I always go back to each time I fall off the eating wagon with a thud. Its amazing when you do lose weight how different it makes you feel about yourself. I am terrible with my weight, I yoyo all the time and I am struggling at the moment with the increased steroid dose as I am starving all the time lol. Put that on top of being an emotional eater (if i have any emotion I eat lol) I have put on about 10kgs since losing James in April. I hope to just maintain my weight and just eat healthy this preg and enjoy it while it lasts and lose the weight after bub gets here safely ( I am trying to be positive!!) Good luck with your O day and I hope that you get a sticky bub! You might just be able to make the cut off for flying while pregnant next year if you do . I am so jealous I would love to go to Scotland - My maiden name is Cameron - so would love to go and see where my family is from.
GiGi - I am so glad snap dragon is settling down for you, puppies can definately frustrate the heck out of you! Have you done another preg test since the other day? I have my fingers crossed for you. I dont really know your fertility issues, and you seem to like the natural medicines, are there other options for you to try? I hope that doesnt offend you in any way. My Dr said there is another drug I can use that is stronger if this combo doesnt work and I was just wondering if there are other avenues for you?
Lions&Bears - Oh honey I am sorry your having such a rough time right now, being a woman sure does suck sometimes. I know we are blessed with being able to hold our beautiful babies inside us and feel all the guilt etc that we cant do what our bodies are just meant to do. It is also not fair that we have all the horrible hormones that rule our bodies too. It would be nice to be free from the ups and downs each month just for a little while. When i was walking into the hospital to be induced to have James (knowing he was already gone) a young teenage looking pregnant girl was smoking out the front of maternity. I just wanted to smack her so badly. I wouldnt even eat bacon when pregnant!! I think all of us on here know what you mean about being more "aware" of baby loss - I swear ninety percent of the books I have read since James have had baby loss in some way in them. I dont know if I would have noticed before but now its like a smack in the face every time. One of the ladies in our baby loss group put this on our private page the other day and I would like to share it with you - be warned you will cry!


I wish you would not be afraid to speak my loved one's name. They lived and are important and I need to hear their name.

If I cry or get emotional when we talk about my loved one, I wish you new it isn't because you have hurt me; the fact that they have died has caused my tears. If you allow me to cry, I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

I wish you wouldn't let my loved one die again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork or other remembrances.

I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish that you wouldn't think that if I have a good day my grief is over, or that if I have a bad day I need psychiatric counselling.

I wish you knew that the death of a child/sibling is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I wish you wouldn't compare it to other losses.

Being a bereaved parent isn't contagious, so I wish you wouldn't stay away from me.

I wish you knew all these 'crazy' grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration, hopelessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.

I wish you wouldn't expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, I will never be 'cured' or a 'formally bereaved', but for evermore be recovering from my bereavement.

I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain weight or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a host of illnesses or be accident prone, all of which are related to my grief.

Our loved one's birthday, the anniversary of the death and the holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us that you are thinking of them on these days. And if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about them and don't try to coerce us into being cheerful.

I wish you wouldn't offer to take me out for a drink or to a party, this is just a temporary crutch and the only way I can get through this grief is to experience it. I have hurt before and I can heal.

I wish that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my loved one died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to 'get back to my old self', you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me - maybe you'll still like me.

Source Unknown

I think we can probably all relate to some or all of this. Lions and Bears - I hope you find something in there that may make you feel like the new you is just fine. xo

Dory - Congratulations! I think we were pregnant at the same time a few months ago? I hope I got that right?! I wish for you the quickest, easiest and most painfully boring pregnancy.

Ok I better go and tackle the pile of ironing as it keeps refusing to go away on its own!

Much love to you all lovely ladies and I hope that you are treating yourselves with care and love that you deserve.

[Gigi1]

EMJ- Congratulations to you sweet girl and I wish you such a wonderful pregnancy and birth full of joy. I especially love the past paragraph in the 'letter' you posted. We do change and that i think is the hardest thing for others to deal with.
Thank you for asking re my issues...yep I am an au naturale through and through. I am sure there are a few options out there besdies the things we have tried and we continue to improve/ research our health. Some of the options though, I am not willing to use and that is just a personal choice. I have Endometriosis and get a lot of cysts...but not PCOS- more estrogen dominance based issues for me. So estrogen has been my battle and I dont really want to lay around with my hormones more than they play with me if i can help it, on a synthetic level. I would rather concentrate on getting my body right. And to be honest that keps me busy but right at this moment i have dropped the ball a bit looking after Snap Dragon and we have given up a bit i think. You do get to a point when i does just get so hard. We have been working on this for about 13 years now and it took 10 to fall preg with DD. A constant journey, i just hope we find the happy ending soon. xoxoxox Not offended at all and i hope my answer doesn't offend either. xoxo Hugs to you.

AFM- CD 4....AF arrived and yep continued to get BFN but thankfully she arrived on time and didn't leave me hanging. So upsetting and so frustrating. Back to the drawing board. Boy i just want to enjoy sex. That is our thought right now. We enjoy it don't get me wrong...don't do soemthing unless you enjoy it! But we want a bit more fun. So I am planning ahead as DH will most likely get to CD10 in five days time and think....Oh right, already, ok, lets ummmm do this then, with nothing up his sleeve. I might go and check out something a little sexy to surprise him...and help make we feel a million bucks too- that wouldn't go astray.

Finding myself having no time for time wasters atm. Frustrating the poo out of me. I am feeling a bit gunho right now and not a lot of patience. Time is precious and life is full. Speaking of which i better get my but off to the lingerie shop and find myself something silky and swish....proper, not tack. oxoxox

Love and luck to you girls

[LionsandBears]

hi all

It's been quiet around here.

Gigi1 - glad to hear miss snap dragon is settling down & you're bonding. I did not know a puppy could tantrum, but then I have limited experience with puppies. I had my mum's pup run off on me years ago - she didn't want to have a bar of me. She's a lovely older dog now though and loves me lots Glad you have had a break. bummer about another missed cycle. I found silk works without being tacky. SO lovely to wear and then slide off

mummyto2 - good on you for losing weight. It all makes a difference. I imagine it will be quite cool in Scotland in March. We're actually there in a couple of weeks as part of our trip. I am dreading the cold. They get real cold, none of this sooky Melbourne cold

EJ - Congratulations on your BFP. I hope you are able to enjoy it. I know a few ladies for whom clexane has helped. Thanks for sharing that piece. This rings so true to me:

I wish that grief changes people. I am not the same person I was before my loved one died and I never will be that person again. If you keep waiting for me to 'get back to my old self', you will stay frustrated. I am a new creature with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, values and beliefs. Please try to get to know the new me - maybe you'll still like me.

dory - I hope you're well

Hi to anyone else.

AFM. Mostly, I am thinking of BAL and little Jett and praying he gets better soon.

Other than that, I am hoping I am coming out of a dark place. Someone pointed out to me that I would not let a friend speak to themselves or treat themselves the way I have myself. I need to let go the self-loathing and accept that losing our boys is not my fault and doesnt make me a bad person. Not meeting other people's expectations does not make me a bad person. I dont want to use grief as an "excuse" but the basic fact is I do not function like I used to and that takes adjusting to. Grief is hard enough without all this other stuff to deal with.

We've heard the inital results from DS2's DNA testing and they didnt find anything. We have a meeting with the geneticists on Monday and will take the information from that to think about. We'll then be away for 3 weeks and I might suspend my BB account then too, just to have some time off.

If I dont pop in before I leave, please take care.

[mummytotwo]

Hi lovelies,
Not much to say just popping in.
L&B - have the most fabulous trip away. I hope it does wonders for you & at least provides a nice distraction.
Scotland is lovely & yes it will be cold(ish) in March.This will be my 11th trip & I have been at all different times of the year - I like proper cold!!
How do you feel about the DNA tests? I struggle with things like this - would you prefer they find something that explains why something so horrrible has happened or do you be happy they found nothing? Hope the geneticist can give you something to work with. Good luck with it all sweety & hope you find your way out of the dark place. I really do x
Gigi - hey sweets - where are you at at the mo? Did you find something new for your after dark wardrobe? Sex for the sake of sex - now that's something I'm looking forward to once this ordeal is over Hope your good anyway sweety....
EMJ - congrats on you BFP lovey. Hope it is smooth sailing for you......Yes WW is a really great program. I lost another 1.1kg this week so next week I will have lost over a stone in 6 weeks. Loving it & hoping weight loss + some magic = sticky bubba
A big hello to all you gorgeous girls. You are all in my thoughts xxxx

[Gigi1]

LAB- oh hun...wise words you have. So so true, we often treat ourselves pretty badly and would never accept a friend doing the same. Boy we can be hard on ourselves. Good on you for stepping one step at a time out of that space. Hard to do but sometimes it can be like a penny drops. Thinking of you.

BAL- Thinking of you love and sending you much strength.

M2T- Sex for sex's sake...such a wonderful thought i know. Going ok love. Congrats on WW hun....tremendous effort. xoxoxoxoxo

AFM- EWM atm and CD14....so wink wink! Doing ok love, good and bad but doing ok. Just had a weekend break at folks place for a wedding. Wonderful wedding and lots of laughs, got some lovely sun, a swim and a cuddle with my nephews.

Hugs to all. xoxo

[dory]

My sweeties, it seems so long since I have dropped in. I miss you....

LionsnBears - I am just so sad that things are so hard for you... but when you said about letting go of the self loathing, it was almost as if everything made sense, about how you're feeling, and about how I have felt in the past. I didn't realise the depth of those feelings for you. I think you're a beautiful woman, just heartbroken and grieving. I know in the very core of my being that you did nothing to contribute to Leo and Jude being so sick. How is it that you feel you don't meet others expectations? Because you're not "better" yet? I hope you can let some of it go and start to feel less burdened. I am sorry that Jude's DNA results didn't provide a clearer picture for why he got so sick. That poor 24 yrs mother in the cemetry. To think that infant mortality was much more a reaility for families in days gone by, is heartbreaking and not at the same time? Maybe if it were more common we wouldn't get treated like such pariah's?

EJ - oh sweetie, if I had been keeping up in here I would have gotten your splendiferous news much sooner. Congratulations. Ahh, I wish that was all I felt. Blregh ( all day nausea and bloating) and very tired. Last week I was cranky fr days in a row, and that's out of character for me. It's a very hard journey, being pregnant after loss. But for me so far, this journey is very different. I have much less time to indulge in my fears and anxieties as someone else seems to demand and rightly so, get a lot of my attention. And oddly, I am almost not investing emotionally until after 14 weeks? I keep making plans for doing things and somehow in my mind it's ok to do that until I have the cervical stitch as the risk of m/c is higher til then anyway. it's a bit startling to realise that, when with HB every moment even this early was so precious and so agonising. it must be someone else you're thinking of. No BFP's here until this one.

Lady Tess - I reckon 1 meltie in 30 weeks is tops. Chuck in a few more, it helps get all those emotions and anxieties out. I had one today in fact. But still not one of my finer moments. Hugs.

Gi - oh my such wise words. I wish I could have such a way with words. I second everything you said. I hope that DH enjoyed the surprise silky number, and that it helped you both connect with each other as beautiful soulful people, not just as a couple trying to conceive. I hope your world rocked and you both went back for more. Good to hear that you spent some time with the superheros. They are always so much fun. Well not that I have met them, but from how you write about them. I agree about sometimes feeling really connected with grief and welcoming the thing that prompted the tears as a way to keep in touch and feel close to your baby. But that's me now too. I remember being like LionsnBears too where it seemed like an all encompassing conspiracy to bring me down and remind me of my loss. I had a real knack for inadvertently exposing myself to really confronting stuff. In one of my bereavements I hired the movie Marlie and Me, expecting a tear jerker but of the canine variety. Oh no, SPOILER ALERT for those who haven't seen that movie - not long into it and it involved pregnancy and u/s and loss. It happened all the time to me, that was just one of the more memorable. Then I always seemed to turn on that show the Practice just at the time there was some pregnancy/infant loss issue. Took me a while to work out there was always going to be something like that on that show. I don't seem to have done that lately. I don't get a lot of spare time, and my world is pretty small at the mo, so I can't say whether it's just my perspective has changed or whether I am just not as exposed to those things anymore.

Not much to say here really, that I haven't said already about me. I see the Obs on Friday. Today I didn't feel as sick or as tired. So of course my mind is easily led into the spiral of, well if those symptoms are going away then it must mean m/c. Such a dangerous mental precipice. I also haven/t told my mum and feel miserable about it. But my Mum is convinced that i will die during this pregnancy and Hannah will be without a mother as a result of the HELLP syndrome I developed late in HB's pregancy. What a lot to load me up with. But she's also been in hospital quite ill for 10 days, so I haven't told her as I know she would just worry and make herself more sick. We can't choose our relatives huh? I love my Mum dearly, but she has been saying Hannah will be my only child ever since she was born. Don't get annoyed at her for appearing to forget about Amelia, Nicholas and Sophie. I'll tell you why in a mo. But that's over a year of me hearing the doom and gloom version. I know it's just her projecting her worries on to me. That's why I haven't told her yet. I am hatching a plan though to ask the Obs to call her and speak with her about the risks etc. She will listen to a Dr. She won't listen to me about it.

Anyway, don't get angry at my Mum for not acknowledging my angel babies. A little while ago we had a "to do" and I was actually hysterical, completely hysterical. It was justified, but I was just so distraught and angry, and hurt. It was about the time of Sophie's anniversary and things came to a head for me that "no one", I suppose meaning my family, even acknowledged their births, or deaths, or their prengnacies or even says their names. Anyway, my Mum told me that "she can't talk about them because she just keeps imagining what each of them should be doing now, and they're not, and it just makes her so upset that she gets sick, and then she feels guilty because if that's how she feels, then how must I feel? And then she feels guilty that she can't be there for me". Wow, and I just assumed she didn't care about them. It was really heartening to know she thinks about them. Now I just have to help her be brave enough to face her grief.

Once I had some photos I was showing Mum, and included a photo of DH, Sophie and I after she was born. I was cradling her, DH was at my shoulder and we were both gazing down at her and smiling, really smiling. Mum asked me how I could be smiling...... she must have just seen the death and sadness, but all I saw then and still see is our beautiful baby girl. I replied because she is beautiful, and she is our daughter. But it gives an insight into where she's coming from. Maybe I am expecting too much from a 70yr old, but I am going to try my best.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I didn't mean to waffle on so much. Take care my friends. Sorry I missed some of you, I got a little caught up in my own musings.

[blessedatlast]

I haven't read the posts, but I wanted to say to all of my lovely ladies..

[chepie]

Hi ladies,

I was wondering if I may join you all..... I have been reading your posts and wow you are all very strong women

Gee I have sat here wanting to post for awhile but words kinda escape me - highly unusual for me!

We said goodbye to our boy Hugh in August at exactly 14 weeks. We have his memorial service at the hospital on Wed, it is a service preformed in the Chapel for babies (under 20 weeks) who were too beautiful for this world..... Then their ashes are taken to the 'angel garden'.......

It is on Wed, I was meant to be due on Wed 29 Feb, we said goodbye on Wed 31 August, and now the service is on Wed..... I hate Wednesdays....

Hmmm sorry for messy rant....

So I guess we are kinda trying and that's what brings me here....

So hi ladies .......

[Gigi1]

Chepie, Welcome and so sorry you have had to find us. Hugh, what a gorgeous and strong name for you treasured little boy. Whenever you like you can tell your story ...as little or as much detail as you like. Your story will no doubt be healing for you to tell, but also for us to hear. No one should ever have to go through losing a child and it changes you hun. You are perfectly in order to think what you like about wednesdays. Over time....it 'may' change and it may become a reminder of meeting your little man. It may become the most special day, but then again it may not.

So hi back to you and wishing you much luck to fall pregnant when you are both ready. xoxo Hug HM

BAL- How are you going love? You are an incredible mother. How is Jett going. I am sorry i don't really go outside this thread...can be a bit tough to do so sometimes. Thinking of you anyway and wishing you much love. xoxoxo

Hello ladies, been a while hasn't it. We are doing fine. I had a nice brown paper parcel turn up this week which need i say got me into trouble twice in the first night. A few keepers and a few to return but worth the exercise for a bit of fun and to feel nice. No more detail needed...i have to keep reminding myself this is the www! CD 21...this month i am day for date which helps me keep track a little easier. Who knows what is ahead. I am busy though so apart from waiting on dates, i am leaving no time to think about it.

Better run. Got a week to get my little DD her stocking sorted to put a thought or a message in every day until Christmas.

[EmilyJames]

Hi Lovely Ladies,
I got to have my first ultrasound today!6 weeks and 5days! So exciting and scary! BOTH babies are doing well! I am still in shock! I bawled like a baby! I couldn't believe that there was two little heartbeats in there!
Sorry I dont have anything else today say right now I think I am still in shock! So I was high risk before so I dont know what this all means for me and bubs but hopefully all will be ok. I will be back soon to do a proper post!

[Gigi1]

EmJa....Incredible news hun. Congrats on two little munchkins. xoxoxox I think i woul dhave been floored with the news! How very exciting.

[dory]

Ej - I know, I've been there... it's so super exciting, and so super scary all at once. Try not to worry too much, right now you are a mumma to two beautiful little souls, enjoy the very special feelings that go along with a twin pregnancy. Yes, they are higher risk, but I know loads of people who carry twins. In fact my friend got to 37 weeks, which is full term and her two were just over 3kg each. She was high risk too before all of that. Go and celebrate my friend, and in a while it will sink in and your feet will touch the ground, but for now, just enjoy the moment, both the excitement and the trepidation.

[Gigi1]

It has been quiet in here lately. Just popping in to say hi and send love to you lovely ladies. This time of year can really be tough...I have felt the wrath of Christmas already for its ups and downs.
I am just about ovulate and i am achey. I might have a cyst, from CD9/10 it has been building with pressure. Hope it is just a good egg. Or maybe i don't. We have really been struggling lately and we are feeling like things are over for us and maybe just maybe we are ready to look at the next step of moving on from this wretched journey of heartache. I have unfortunately had a bit to deal with lately...nothing serious but all as a result of stress i suspect, the stress that comes hand in hand with this path. I want to scream, run...you know, you all know what i am feeling. Thankfully you all do. It has been too long, we have lost so much. It saddens me that i feel like my full potential was never reached. I now feel like there is not enough of me to reach that precipice. I always thought i would be a wonderful mum, now i have to look at being a fantabulous aunty to my nephews and one on the way.
I got to experience birth and the incredible love you feel for your child. I got to feel pregnant and the incredible knowing that comes with that. Knowing you are important and needed, special, never alone, beautiful and apart of something bigger. Oh bugger...will have to finish this later.
We are lost, we are heartbroken and we are done.
Love and thanks to you all ladies, you are incredible mothers to wonderful children. It has been a pleasure knowing you all. I am sorry i have to go. oxoxoxox
PM me if anyone ever needs anything. I will keep my account but i will rarely be in unless called to be. Much love and luck to you all. xoxoxoxo

[dory]

Go gently Gi. You will be missed and remembered with love.

[LionsandBears]

Gigi I'm so sorry to read such pain. I'm travelling, so havent been on much. I wish so much I could fix this for you. You are a beautiful woman, a loving mummy. I know we all have our limits. I wish you strength, love, happiness and peace on your next path in life. We're here for you whenever you need us. I'll miss you. Your words if support have been a lifesaver at times and I thank you for that. Without the kindness and understanding of you and others in our sad group, I dont think I'd have been able to make it this far.

To everyone else, I'll write more when we're home again. Take care.

[Miss.B]

Oh Gigi, you ARE a wonderful mummy The best! I'm actually lost for words I will miss you and your wonderful words of love and wisdom and support that you've given me over the years. I wish you all the very best for the next chapter in your life. Don't forget us, and pop in to say hello now and then. Much love and lots of hugs.

B xoxoxo