TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth ~ #5 2011

[Miss.B]

TTC, I am so sorry to hear about your losses . It's a very hard road emotionally, so please seek support for yourself and your hubby. I was just going to say that I have had a late term m/c at 21 weeks due to a large uterine fibroid that my doctor/specialist told me it would not cause me a problem in pregnancy. Mine was quite big at 14 cm. How big is yours? I think you should definitely seek a second opinion before you're TTC again. Like I said my specialist gave me the all clear to have my embryo transfer, but the fibroid put too much strain on my uterus and it caused me to go into labour early. I'm not saying that your fibroid has caused your m/c or that your doctor is wrong, but it's always good to seek a second opinion. GL in your TTC journey hun .

[TTC-a-miracle]

Miss.B I think I will be getting a second opinion because I've been in a lot of pain the last few days and being CD6 I shouldn't have any pain yet and AF only lasted for 2 days and quite light compared to usual which has me a little worried

[Miss.B]

Glad to hear it TTC. As your other tests came back all clear, I'd be focusing on the fibroid. The thing is, there is a lot of grey area with fibroids that even the specialists are not sure about. I have reasearched them for almost 6 months before I decided to have it out. My doctor has been dealing with fibroids all his life, performing countless myomectomies, and he said to me in the end that he never expected my fibroid to go crazy, if there was any doubt about it he wouldn't let me go ahead with the IVF cycle. We all expected it to grow in size with the pg, but not to cause the uterus to go into dangerous spasms that sent it into labour. My doctor even said that my case woud be documented in some medical article/book as it was so rare. Lucky me! lol. On another note, a very good friend of mine had terrible pains but also very heavy bleeding (quite common with problematic fibroids) and they found a huge monster of a fibroid which they took out as well. She got pg 12 months after the operation and now has a beautiful 16 month old boy.

[TTC-a-miracle]

Usually my periods are quite heavy due to what I assume the fibroid but this month was really light and short which is really odd ... Did you ever find this happen to you and it be just nature not anything bad?

[Miss.B]

No, my periods were never light and short. Could you be already pg hun?

[Gigi1]

I have not been in here in such a long time and to be honest the reminders. updates have not been landing in my inbox. Life has taken over in so many ways and I am so very busy...resentfully too busy sometimes to sit and cry which i often long for.

TTCaMiracle- I am so very sorry for the experience you have had and the heart break that you now bare. I wish I could take it away for all the ladies in here, or in the world for that matter. I hope you find comfort in being here.

EJ- I am just heart broken for you too. Just devastating news from last year. I am so sorry and also sorry i was never around to tell you that and offer my ear and shoulder. I feel like I can understand your comments of resolve. We are done too.

Dores- Hello my lovely. It has been a while. Our angel girls are growing up and it is simply not fair we don't get to share in that, in flesh.

I am at a different time in my grief. G would be 4 in April. I am already running behind. I have not transferred all my diary to the year we are living now and I feel like I am chasing my tail. Not one day goes by that i don't have many moments of held breath and often a lump in my throat. I have learned to co exist with my grief and even though it is not easy nor satisfying, I am living along side the world. No one but my husband ever understands -all that is in me. I am changed forever and so is he. It has taken me this long to find that part of myself, the part that can find some purpose and the part that can coexist. I am finding that purpose, still some way to go and i still find it hard to accept. I am not sure i ever will find it easy. My resilience has never returned.

Our TTC is over, and has been for some time now. We tried, and tried hard after G was born, for a long time. But we are done. This journey has exhausted us both. We are done. We have no children, living in our home. We have one little spirit very close by though and she is guiding me everyday to find something to live for and to find myself...to reinvent and try to accept how things have turned out.

I am not sure how much or if I will return, but an update arrived in my inbox today after nearly a year had passed. I think I needed to pop in, honour Gs memory and talk about her. But also because someone else might be in need. Hoping for you ladies healing for your journeys. You are all in my thoughts.

xoxo HM

[TTC-a-miracle]

No, my periods were never light and short. Could you be already pg hun?

I tested negative and it still feels like those few days before AF cramps, bloated more than usual etc maybe AF is coming a week late and what I thought was her was just random bleeding

[TTC-a-miracle]

Gigi1 - I am equally sorry for your loss and my heart breaks for you reading that J only passed 4 months ago but TTC is all that's keeping me going right now although that's taking its toll as I obsess over it all. It must be such a tough decision to come to.
I wish you the very best of luck with what life has in store for you, you sound like an incredibly strong person

[Gigi1]

Bless you hun, you sound equally strong to me. Thank you. I am glad you are still TTCing and that is gives your both some comfort and fills your mind and time with action! It will be tiring! Grief is tiring. You are brave and courageous just like other mothers going through this, but i see that even more now than I ever used to and you have reminded me so...so thank you. I understand how brave we were too. It can take all of you human spirit to pick up and start again especially with no answers.
I admire that...immensely. xoxo Big hugs and much thought.
Sorry sweet that you got a neg result. It is always hard to see. xoxo

[Debbie76]

lost my first baby at 16 and a half weeks in July 2012 and was devastated, i have found it very difficult to deal with. I also had an ectopic pregnancy at 7 weeks in December 2012 which caused me to have emergency surgery and lost a tube, it makes it so hard knowing that my first born son would have originally been born about 10th December 2012, i am now off work trying to deal with my grief as i work in day care with babies and wishing i was at home with my son to look after, i am thinking of changing my career as it makes it harder to go to work plus hearing of work mates new pregnancies and a sister in law also due in July. I am struggling and don't know how to cope with much more, i am now waiting on my appointment next week to find out if the other tube needs to be removed, I'm just very anxious and want to get on and try again but cant stand all this waiting, i guess i am just anxious to be pregnant and hopefully happy again although the next pregnancy will be harder and will feel scared with every doctors appointment hoping everything will be ok.

[TTC-a-miracle]

I'm sorry you have to be here Debbie

[Debbie76]

I'm sorry you have to be here Debbie

Thanks. I am starting some counselling appointments also next week just to try and get myself right again so i can return to work but part of me says quit and part of me says to try work myself out first then decide, its just so tough at the moment. I think about all those other mums out there who have suffered the same and wonder how they to must feel or whether they have manage to get through it somehow. I am normally a very strong person but in this case it's hard to be strong.

[TTC-a-miracle]

We lost J 4 months ago I've had no choice but to return to work but I work for a transport company and am the only female so babies and pregnancy never come into conversation nor do I have to see any.
Doing daily activities such as shopping etc though kills me I have a breakdown everytime I go

[Dot Face]

My heart goes out to all you ladies who have endured losses. I hope it's some consolation that your bubs are playing together in heaven without a worry in the world.

I was with my friend the other day talking about how scared I was of ever miscarrying and she said her grandma once told her that back in Lebanon (which is where they're from) women would have around 20 births of which 10 would survive. Their attitude was they'd try for a baby, if it lived it lived if not they'd just have another one.
I can't believe how normal it was for them, I guess because they didn't have the medical advancements that we're so fortunate to have here now. Once my grandma was telling me of how out of around 10-13 kids that she gave birth to just 7 survived, the others all died a few months or a year or two after birth. One of them she still mourns for - she was home all alone and her baby was sick and nobody was there to take it to the hospital. Her husband would work in another city and be gone for weeks or months at a time and she was living alone in some rural area far away from any family. No telephone line either.

[Debbie76]

yes i to went straight back to work after losing our son, was hard seeing the new mothers come in or announcing their pregnancies, i would hold my tears all day, till i got in the car or got home, then after the second loss in December and starting back at work in January and just being hit with a sister in law due and a work colleague really hit me and the fact that i should have our son, has really hit home for me so now i guess i'm dealing with everything now, after trying to be string for to long. So i to can not face pregnant women, even to see it on the tv or baby stuff at the shops it just rips your heart apart, thinking that should be me, but it's not.

I am very sorry for your loss also, it feels nice to know that their are other people out there and to come across this thread knowing there are other people who are the same and to try help each other through these hard times.

[Summery]

Hi all,


I'm not sure whether this is the best group for me to be in, please redirect me if I should be somewhere else! I've been blindly trying to find the best place for me to land, I'm still not sure whether this is the best thread...
Hubby and I have just started trying for our second bub, after our first daughter passed away at full term, around 6 months ago. As you can probably imagine, the last few months have been quite the whirlwind and we have decided we are now strong enough to try again. However I probably didn't realise what an emotional rollercoaster this process was going to be! We are only one month in and I have just had the period of my life (heavy, clotting, pain, nausea after having a week of very strong pregnancy symptoms) and I felt such disappointment! I wasn't expecting such a reaction. We are just so excited and ready, we have been waiting such a long time in limbo land. Its hard to be parents, but not to have that life change and for the outside world to not classify you as such. Hoping I can find some people who are on the same journey as it's made me feel quite vulnerable again! I get really tired of the journey in itself at times.
Thanks so much, looking forward to hearing your stories

[Miss.B]

Summery, welcome to bellybelly and I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter . You are in the right place, this is where I started too after losing my son at 21 weeks in 2008. The support that I got here was nothing short of amazing and the ladies got me through some very dark times. I wish you all the very best with TTC baby #2, I hope it's a very short journey for you. All the best hun! xx

[Summery]

Thanks Miss B! I think this is where I'll land then, thank you for your lovely message