i just finished posting and found that i took that long a whole convo was happening!!
Jo and klee and lyn, me too.
We all know my sis has a little boy who was born 3 weeks before i lost Zahra, well her 2nd is on the way and is due the same day Zahra was. xmas eve. (not the day i actually had her, but a year to her due date) I am pretty sure it is going to be a girl (dont know for sure, but we know how the world works) which would mean she will have a little boy and a little girl with bdays almost exactly what my little boy and girl would have been (darren was due oct 10th hamish was born oct 26th, zahra due dec24th, her 2nd due dec 24th)
I dont cope very well at all. i feel really resentful that she has what i should have but dont. i try to be happy but a part of me just cant. i feel like the world has no right to give them to her in my face like that (the dates so similar) But i guess that is just life.
Life is cruel, and i am not the only one to suffer. Just doesn't make it any easier. i felt good the other day when one of my old friends told me she had a litle boy. I was really truly happy for her. i didn't think i would be happy to hear news like that ever again. And its nice seeing the girls in here having babies, so that makes it all a bit easier to cope too. But i am sad coz i am not being a very good auntie and its not my nephews fault or his mums, its just life. But even when i tried to see him, i would just get upset. is it bad to be putting my feelings first? Or should i be able to just be happy that they arn't going through the turmoil that i am. I know that is a better way of looking at it, but its hard to put it in action.
i wish i was in sydney, its sounds like you are all going to be having a great lunch!!
Hey Kat, good to see you back haven't heard from you for a bit!
Well I have to say, I'm feeling very old today! (not that I am! LOL) Today is my DS's 14th b'day, makes me feel ancient! I'll be getting grey hair before my next b'day I think!
You are only as old as you feel!!
How is his finger? or was it your finger? He dropped something on it didn;t he?
I am ok, i went abit crazy there for a while, now i am sombre and cranky. It was a bit too much for me getting close so quick. I am sort of glad that i got to calm down abit. i need to keep this level of calmness in my tww tho!! Thats when i start to go crazy wishing and wanting when i should just chill out and relax.I find I fall too hard when it doesn't happen if i am too excited and that makes me a cranky bum to live with says DH. Hopefully this only happens a few more times before i get pregnant or i fear i will drive myself too insane!!
morning ladies, what fantastic news about spring, if that doesn't give us ttc'ers some inspiration i don't know what will. congrats again spring.
am feeling a bit better about everything today, think springs little oliver made me look at what i was thinking about my SIL. no news from her yet, besides this is going to be a gorgeous little neice or nephew for me to get to know and its not phoebe, so thats how i have to look at it. thanks for all your words of wisdom ladies, it helps tremendously.
howdy everyone.
Mel- what a thoughtful gift the booties are.
Jo- Happy 8 month birthday to Storm i wish i had something wise to say, but i'm still just me and can offer only hugs.
Klee- hope your SIL is doing okay? like Jo and Lynn and Kat, i too have some real trouble with my sil's son, who was born a month before Yeti and whom i didn't see until Yeti's funeral. i do love him and wish him and her the best, but it is so painful to see him and think what Yeti would be doing right now. i can't see him without seeing Yeti. then the guilt starts. i try to be more than i am, but it isn't an overnight transformation i guess. so be good to yourself and allow your feelings. i know you will be a good auntie, and even better for having gone through your feelings.
Starbright- lol, it is a bit like northern exposure. no moose, but elk and bear. an eclectic mix of folk too. cold 9 months of the year, but lots of sun and trees and no traffic. yes, i'm still sure Yeti is here, and loves us including peanut. i have some guilt, but what's new? we'll find out peanut's sex, so i can have some time to adjust. i'd like a boy to see a little of what Yeti would have been, but i will love a girl just as much. i haven't told anyone but family yet. it is so difficult to absorb other people's sureness that pregnancy leads to live babies. i'm just trying the day by day thing and enjoy peanut right now. most don't get that and push me for more. as to the homebirth, i just don't know. i haven't even had a prenatal yet because i am so conflicted about my choices. i hear you about the housework, and the extra money. i need to do both - lol!
Hi my lovelies - I have been MIA as I have had internet access problems and then I got a bit under the weather over the weekend. You are always in my thoughts and even when I don't post I am here watching your journeys closely...
It's time for a new thread - you will find it HERE
life is so unfair and cruel isn't it. I am so sorry that you have deal with that ontop of your own grief. Take care babe :hugs:
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It was DS's collarbone that got broken !
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