J- because of how poorly I was treated in the hossy, I have nothing from Eli's life. They induced me for 6 days and my body would just not let go. So, I was sent to a "clinic" where they did a d&e. I remember asking the doc if I could hold him and say goodbye. He was super blunt and hard telling me he would come out in pieces. That sentence ... him saying that... I still wake up in terror dreaming about that. If I could change one thing about the days after I lost Eli, it would be my treatment. I would have demanded a C-section. I was just thinking about what I was going to do to have him with me always... was thinking maybe a tattoo of tiny feet .. then nixed that. Then it hit me... I have 3 scars on my neck from when the hosy put the filter in my vein after the D&e and subsequent clot. Thats all I have... three ball point pen size dot shaped scars. There is a few loss related jewlery stores online and when I can handle having it... I have a necklace all picked out.

Ok I am babbling on.
Love at all of you!
Cece