Hi Girls,

Deb - Why is your picture of Kelly? Something has gone wrong there I think LOL. Thats great you have a plan now, its funny how it can bring some comfort just to have an idea of whats going on.

Spring - Dont ever feel like you are useless to us!!!! Yes you are pregnant and you are extremely lucky for that... but you also know how lucky you are. You are also still going through a journey and you have still lost Harry and are still hurting over that. We would never take lil Spring away from you, we all want to be in your position but that doesnt mean we resent you. You have been there for me from the beginning and I will never forget that Actually I will have to give you a buzz soon, havent spoken in a while. Re getting into FS sooner, I dont think I can. He has people who have been trying to get pregnant for years so if I ring and say I have been TTC for 7 months they are gonna say it is not urgent. Unfortunately I just have to wait! And apparently we will get DHs results early next week. He said he has a feeling his results will be bad but I said he has already produced 4 kids (incl Nicholas) so I doubt it very much and I think I am the problem.

Bailey - that they are pg pains and not AF pains. Have you done a test yet? Have you heard from the other half of the newlywed couple? I bet he is having a ball. A Levovist is an ultrasound procedure to check for blockages in the fallopian tubes. Apparently they put saline up into the fallopian tubes to check if it spills out, obviously if it doesnt there is a problem. I so hope it is ok, I have no idea how they would unblock blockages there. Have a nice Sunday, from Springs post I assume you are doing a hens day so I hope you have a ball.

Lynn - You are right April WILL be our month. I had a chat to DH yesterday and said I dont think I can keep doing this, mentally it is killing me. I feel tense all the time and I am constantly getting headaches because of all the pressure. I said that if April doesnt bring us a BFP I am going to consider going back on the pill and not trying for a while. He didnt seem to keen on that idea and said he knows it is hard but we cant give up and that it hasnt been that long. To me it feels like forever though, 7 months without Nicholas and 7 months of TTC with a slap in the face each month AF arrives

Hi to everyone else, Nat hope you are well.

I meant to tell you girls that DH and I had a little argument on Friday night about this sperm test he had to have. It doesnt take an einstein to figure out how they get that sample, so DH was going on about how it was embarrasing cause I had told my sister that he was having that test and that now he wouldnt be able to look her in the eye and I said noone thinks he is stupid and its not like its some brothel where you go to pay to "relieve yourself" and that everyone going there is having medical problems and noone is going to laugh at him. Well he basically said I didnt understand how hard it was and I got so upset with him and said OMG after everything I have had to do you think I dont know how hard it is! And he said that it was ok for me because I didnt have to "do it to myself" WTF!!!! So I kind of lost it a bit and said yeah cause I love going into a place like I have had to quite a few times and some stranger looks at my bits and shoves things up me which is really uncomfortable to check that everything is working. I said that if only it was as easy as me going in an doing it to myself I wouldnt mind. He ended up apologising and said he hadnt thought of it that way and I got over it. I do feel sorry for him cause I am sure it was a little embarrassing but I just got upset. Anyway, its all over now and he did it and said it wasnt as embarrassing as he thought cause it was quite discrete but still... MEN

We went to DHs best mate and his wifes house last night for his Bday. His parents and his sister were there and I was right... noone acknowledged that I was even pregnant let alone had buried (or cremated) our son. His father even went to the point of greeting me with a kiss and a cuddle and said "how are the kids?" (meaning DHs kids). Now why would he ask me that? They are not my kids, they are DHs why not ask him that. I just yeah they are fine. And later in the night he said to me "so where are the kids tonight, with a babysitter?" I said "no they are with their mother" and thought to myself what a fruit loop! I said to DH what does he think they are my kids or something and he said no he knows they are not because he knew his ex wife and that he is probably just making conversation. I said well he could try making conversation by saying I am sorry you lost your son. So anyway they sat around talking about babies and so and so is pregnant and the guys mum was saying to the wife how she was gonna take all this food into the hospital with her. I just deliberately sat there looking uncomfortable and I could tell that the wife knew and tried not to talk about it too much. But they left earlyish and then it was just us, the mate and the wife and they were actually quite open to me talking about Nicholas. She talked about her pregnancy and asked me questions about mine which I answered. She commented on how she cant imagine how hard it was for me to give birth. They seemed quite different to what they usually are and I dont know why. Maybe it was DH saying to his mate on the phone that it upsets me when people dont talk about it. But anyway, we told them we would go to her 30th (with the intention of me not showing up on the night and DH going alone) and they said "oh good, we booked it at Mexicali Mama (a mex restaurant in Geelong) especially for you cause we knew you would go if we did". So, now I feel like I have to go, what a cow would I be to not show up now! Although I know it will be the same uncomfortable night, DH said we will just go to eat and then leave if it is uncomfortable. Does anyone think this is a bad present to buy her? I am going to buy her a really nice trendy baby book, the reason being because I got a baby book for my baby shower a month before I was due to have Nicholas and it said to fill in all of the info about when I first found out I was pregnant and in what order I told people and what the first gift I got was etc etc etc and I remember I struggled to remember alot of the stuff because a fair bit of time had gone by. So I thought I will buy her a little keepsake for herself and a baby book. What do you guys think?

And to end my post... we are going looking at display homes today, I love looking at display homes it is so much fun. The company that DH works for is designing a new part of our suburb that has opened up with land for sale and his boss said he can get us a discount on a block of land so we have chosen our block and are going to apply for a loan to buy it. Then in about 6-12 months time we will look at taking out a mortgage to get a house built on it, and in that time try to get our debt reduced as much as possible so all we have to pay out is our mortgage repayment. Anyway we want to look at houses to get an idea of what we want because the block of land we buy has to be big enough to fit the house. And lets face it with 3 kids here part time and hopefully a couple of our own the house will need to be a reasonable size.

I am sorry I know this is an extremely long post today, I just had alot to say and I am bored cause DH is playing footy on PS2 before we go to display village. Anyway hope you all enjoy your Sunday.

Love Mel