Deb - Why is your picture of Kelly? Something has gone wrong there I think LOL. Thats great you have a plan now, its funny how it can bring some comfort just to have an idea of whats going on.
Spring - Dont ever feel like you are useless to us!!!! Yes you are pregnant and you are extremely lucky for that... but you also know how lucky you are. You are also still going through a journey and you have still lost Harry and are still hurting over that. We would never take lil Spring away from you, we all want to be in your position but that doesnt mean we resent you. You have been there for me from the beginning and I will never forget that Actually I will have to give you a buzz soon, havent spoken in a while. Re getting into FS sooner, I dont think I can. He has people who have been trying to get pregnant for years so if I ring and say I have been TTC for 7 months they are gonna say it is not urgent. Unfortunately I just have to wait! And apparently we will get DHs results early next week. He said he has a feeling his results will be bad but I said he has already produced 4 kids (incl Nicholas) so I doubt it very much and I think I am the problem.
Bailey - that they are pg pains and not AF pains. Have you done a test yet? Have you heard from the other half of the newlywed couple? I bet he is having a ball. A Levovist is an ultrasound procedure to check for blockages in the fallopian tubes. Apparently they put saline up into the fallopian tubes to check if it spills out, obviously if it doesnt there is a problem. I so hope it is ok, I have no idea how they would unblock blockages there. Have a nice Sunday, from Springs post I assume you are doing a hens day so I hope you have a ball.
Lynn - You are right April WILL be our month. I had a chat to DH yesterday and said I dont think I can keep doing this, mentally it is killing me. I feel tense all the time and I am constantly getting headaches because of all the pressure. I said that if April doesnt bring us a BFP I am going to consider going back on the pill and not trying for a while. He didnt seem to keen on that idea and said he knows it is hard but we cant give up and that it hasnt been that long. To me it feels like forever though, 7 months without Nicholas and 7 months of TTC with a slap in the face each month AF arrives
Hi to everyone else, Nat hope you are well.
I meant to tell you girls that DH and I had a little argument on Friday night about this sperm test he had to have. It doesnt take an einstein to figure out how they get that sample, so DH was going on about how it was embarrasing cause I had told my sister that he was having that test and that now he wouldnt be able to look her in the eye and I said noone thinks he is stupid and its not like its some brothel where you go to pay to "relieve yourself" and that everyone going there is having medical problems and noone is going to laugh at him. Well he basically said I didnt understand how hard it was and I got so upset with him and said OMG after everything I have had to do you think I dont know how hard it is! And he said that it was ok for me because I didnt have to "do it to myself" WTF!!!! So I kind of lost it a bit and said yeah cause I love going into a place like I have had to quite a few times and some stranger looks at my bits and shoves things up me which is really uncomfortable to check that everything is working. I said that if only it was as easy as me going in an doing it to myself I wouldnt mind. He ended up apologising and said he hadnt thought of it that way and I got over it. I do feel sorry for him cause I am sure it was a little embarrassing but I just got upset. Anyway, its all over now and he did it and said it wasnt as embarrassing as he thought cause it was quite discrete but still... MEN
We went to DHs best mate and his wifes house last night for his Bday. His parents and his sister were there and I was right... noone acknowledged that I was even pregnant let alone had buried (or cremated) our son. His father even went to the point of greeting me with a kiss and a cuddle and said "how are the kids?" (meaning DHs kids). Now why would he ask me that? They are not my kids, they are DHs why not ask him that. I just yeah they are fine. And later in the night he said to me "so where are the kids tonight, with a babysitter?" I said "no they are with their mother" and thought to myself what a fruit loop! I said to DH what does he think they are my kids or something and he said no he knows they are not because he knew his ex wife and that he is probably just making conversation. I said well he could try making conversation by saying I am sorry you lost your son. So anyway they sat around talking about babies and so and so is pregnant and the guys mum was saying to the wife how she was gonna take all this food into the hospital with her. I just deliberately sat there looking uncomfortable and I could tell that the wife knew and tried not to talk about it too much. But they left earlyish and then it was just us, the mate and the wife and they were actually quite open to me talking about Nicholas. She talked about her pregnancy and asked me questions about mine which I answered. She commented on how she cant imagine how hard it was for me to give birth. They seemed quite different to what they usually are and I dont know why. Maybe it was DH saying to his mate on the phone that it upsets me when people dont talk about it. But anyway, we told them we would go to her 30th (with the intention of me not showing up on the night and DH going alone) and they said "oh good, we booked it at Mexicali Mama (a mex restaurant in Geelong) especially for you cause we knew you would go if we did". So, now I feel like I have to go, what a cow would I be to not show up now! Although I know it will be the same uncomfortable night, DH said we will just go to eat and then leave if it is uncomfortable. Does anyone think this is a bad present to buy her? I am going to buy her a really nice trendy baby book, the reason being because I got a baby book for my baby shower a month before I was due to have Nicholas and it said to fill in all of the info about when I first found out I was pregnant and in what order I told people and what the first gift I got was etc etc etc and I remember I struggled to remember alot of the stuff because a fair bit of time had gone by. So I thought I will buy her a little keepsake for herself and a baby book. What do you guys think?
And to end my post... we are going looking at display homes today, I love looking at display homes it is so much fun. The company that DH works for is designing a new part of our suburb that has opened up with land for sale and his boss said he can get us a discount on a block of land so we have chosen our block and are going to apply for a loan to buy it. Then in about 6-12 months time we will look at taking out a mortgage to get a house built on it, and in that time try to get our debt reduced as much as possible so all we have to pay out is our mortgage repayment. Anyway we want to look at houses to get an idea of what we want because the block of land we buy has to be big enough to fit the house. And lets face it with 3 kids here part time and hopefully a couple of our own the house will need to be a reasonable size.
I am sorry I know this is an extremely long post today, I just had alot to say and I am bored cause DH is playing footy on PS2 before we go to display village. Anyway hope you all enjoy your Sunday.
IKWUM about Flowerchilds pic (lol) but hello Kelly nevertheless
Mel: Wow, how emotionally stunted is DH's mate's dad. I guess some people don't know what to say or how to react so rather than actually thinking what is coming our of their mouths, they just go along with the usual chit chat. I am sorry that it was difficult for you but it is good that after they left you actually got to talk openly with the couple about Nicholas.
About the pressent, I think that is a wonderful and very thoughtful idea, I am sure she will love it. About the sperm test well the only thing I can say to that is MEN I am glad that DH finally realised the true extent of what you have been through but I also know that anything that involves the trouser snake brings out a weird side in men (lol). I am sure he will be fine DIY and I hope more than anything that the results are great so that it can be excluded.
I am having a lazy day and am about to get myself organised and go to the shops. Have to buy yet another 1st birthday pressent which means facing the horrid kids section. I was going to be a chicken and get a voucher from a book store, but I thought I would try to go to the kids section first, and if it is to hard I can get a voucher.
Hope you have a ball at the display village, I love going to them to, but until we win the lotto, I don't think I won't torment myself by going to the ones in Sydney.
I just want to say after reading your posts that you are all truly brave and remarkable people. I know you all know that (truthfully) but just reading your stories is just heartbreaking. It is not fair is it. It is hard to be positive when things aren't going our way but what else can we do - we MUST stay positive no matter how hard it is.
Again i am sorry to you all for losing your precious angels.
Bailey - your Hen's day today - wow - where did you go and how was it ?
Spring - Congrats on being preggers - what a wonderful time for you and it is very exciting for us all. It will give me strength and more positive vibes to know that it can happen. I know it can it just takes time....
Lynn - sorry to hear about your tests but stay positive for this week. I know what it is like to have your body all over the place - why does this happen (is it just our hormones playing up or what) - very strange ???
Mel - Sorry to hear you have been trying for 7 months - i know it feels like it is going on forever but i know you will get there soon ... With this levovist test, if the tubes are "blocked" would they do a curette to unblock ? My sister had a test (not sure if it was this particular test) to see if tubes were blocked and they cleaned it out by curette i believe - and that was what she needed to fall again. With people making insensitive comments (or not saying anything at all) - i think they just don't know what to say to be honest. A week after we lost our son a friend of a friend came up to me and said "the hospital didn't do you any favours did they !" I nearly burst out crying as i was not blaming the hospital (well it hadn't crossed my mind at that stage)...other people have said "well she can just have another"..."yeh right - not as easy as that and the one we lost will not been forgotten you know (it is not about replacing) !!!"
People can make us very frustrated and hurt us but i try (although hard) to think that they do not know what it is like to lose a baby. My closest friends couldn't even ring me as they didn't know what to say. With one of them i ended up ringing her on day 2 and it took her ages to pick up her phone, knowing it was me. I said "girls - we are friends and we can talk about this and anything - if anything like this (or another tragedy) happens again to anyone i want all of us to pick up the phone to comfort those in need". I think we have to educate those that don't know what it is like, exactly what it is like. I do still get p***ed off when i see a person and they don't say anything (and never have) and i dont' get the opportunity to say anything.
Now can anyone offer any advice or experiences on this ? In Feb i got my first period since the birth and within 5 weeks i had 3 normal periods ..NOT! Rang the ob and he said not normal but it should settle....great....now i am on day 30 and no AF. I am usually on a 28 day cycle (when my body is normal) and am not used to this. I have had pains (abdominal, back etc) all throughout the 30 days (not consistent) so i feel that my period is coming but nothing. I did a HPT last week but BPN. Any suggestions ? I can't believe i am saying this but i actually want a period to come (well if i was pg that would be better) as i think i am going the other way and will have a period at day 60 or 600 !!!
Anyway - better go and talk soon. Big hugs to you all.
Tommysmum: hey there sweetie, I hope we can help provide you with some comfort and support now that you are part of our gang. About the AF issue, I am not sure why it is happening, but it isn't unusual to be a bit out of whack for a few months. If you are having continual back/ abdominal pain for 30 days, it might be worth making an appointment with your ob or GP. Just to make sure you don't have any infections etc. I am sure it is all ok but it is worth checking. However, if you are usually on a 28 day cycle, it might be that you are UTD. You said that you did a HPT last week, it may have been too early to get a BFP. Perhaps do another one if AF doesn't turn up soon. I hope with all my heart that it is a BFP. Huge coming your way.
Mel: I am not giving up hope for you just yet until AF arrives. I hope she stays the hell away . Not having AF symptoms is a great sign and I get headaches when I am pregnant so I hope more than anything that your next post has some good news. Don't forget, some women don't get a +ive HPT until after AF is due.
Well I am over my abandonment issues I had last night
Mel - Wow, hows that friend's dad's form? It must have been so hard to sit there while he asked those stupid questions. I have found that people either don't say anything, or say stupid things. It sounds like your friends have changed a little about talking about Nicholas. Maybe now that they are expecting, they must be able to understand just a little how you must feel. I think that that baby book is a fantastic idea. Oh, I just love looking at display homes, but it just makes you want each one. How exciting to build your own place! I get an sms every couple of days from DH, he is on a yacht in the middle of the Indian Ocean, so there's hardly any service out there, so he just messages me when they drift into range. They only sail to an island in an emergency (like running out of beer) so he can't get to a land line either. But he is having a great time. I am glad too, he deserves it. He has been so fantastic over the last 5 months, and I think sometimes people forget that the men-folk are grieving too. A few friends were sort of surprised that he had gone off for those two weeks, but I really think he needs time away, not just from dealing with his loss, but also a break from me iykwim. I have been so reliant on him, and he has been so great, he must be just exhausted. Mel, I hope so much that you don't get that AF. When are you going to test again?? Oh, and hoping DH's little swimmers are good!
Lynn - You must be buggered after your night out on the town with those party animals Spring and Lil Spring. Hope you are not too tired That's great that your friends and family are going to the ball. I think I might try and drag hubby along. I will let you know. How are you feeling today anyway?
Spring - Glad you guy's had a good night out. I wish we could have met up today, but we will just have to do it when I get back from holidays. How did you go with buying that birthday present? Soon you will be hanging around in the baby sections buying up big for your lil spring. Do you have any inkling of what you're cooking up in there? You are going to find out at your 19 week scan aren't you? Ooh how exciting!
Tommysmum - Hey, how are you? Went to the Thaspa in the city with the girls I used to work with. it was good. I am not usually that into them, but it was nice. Just wanted to get home to the monster though, cos I have been at work thae last 3 days and I haven't spent much time with him.
Hi too to Flowerchild(who looks a bit like Kelly today ) Dream and Chelle.
Well, I haven't had those weird pains today. I doubt that they are anything to get excited about though. I was tempted to test today, but I am not due for a week, so I thought I wouldn't get a BFP even if I was pg. So, no point really. Thanks for all the positive vibes and baby dust though. Hopefully it will happen next month like it will for Mel and Lynn!
So sorry I have been MIA, have checked in but someone needs something when ever I get on the computer (DH that is!)
Deb Im sorry that Af arrived I hope it is over soon and you can start on your meds, I also love a plan nothing better, mind you each month comes around and I think boy I wonder if we tried would it have happened......but DH has made a decision that we will be going to Europe in Sept so Im holding off till then. Your OB sounds great, must be so reassuring with her. Will you be having scans reg and for how long? if eggies arent getting there can she do a little more?
Lynn I to had a great dy on Friday Im glad you felt better mind you, I to needed it if you couldnt tell! I dont know why its not happening but you will get that baby, just have a little.....I dont know maybe faith, this is maybe how its all played out as much as its not right. Your dinner date sounded wonderful!
Mel A new house....you know what they say new house new baby, Im still crossing everything for a bfp. The gift idea is a great one, might as well start filling it in asap. Im glad she has started asking you question, di you think you will go to the dinner?
Bailey You poor old married women, home alone, how was your hens day? I hope you didnt drink to much just in case those pains are of implantation!! all xxxxxx how long till you go? are you ready?
Tommymum Im so sorry for your loss, Im glad you have found us here and hope you find some comfort on this road of TTC and healing. Sometimes it takes a while for you cycle to return to normal but as spring said maybe get it checked if things dont go back to normal soon. I wish you the very best.
Spring How is that little bean going? jumping around and driving you mad with happiness!!! Dont feel that you cant give what ever, we all travel this road in our own way and the worse have lost and know the pain of it, you are an inspritation and help me go on TTC so please know that it wonderful to have you around.
OMG BL is on so I might go and try and catch up on me later mind you not that much is going on in my boring life, which Im loving. feeling a little run down tonight like im getting the flu so I might get a bath and bed in. I think maybe all the exercise is not good for me!!! I by the way got my baby fix went next door and played with the twins, got sicked on and then left!!
Another week, another chance, another hope and another dream
Mel - big hugs to you babe. What is with that man!!! Why can't people be a little bit sensitive. I hope you are doing ok, you sound as though you handled the situation very well. I'm very proud of you, you are stronger than you think
I think the book is a beautiful idea.
Wow! A new house - how exciting! We built our house 5 years ago and I feel like I need a change.............one day. Did you get any good ideas?
I know how you feel Mel, it is a frustrating journey, but please don't give up just yet. APRIL WILL BE OUR MONTH! I'm sure of it. Please stay positive and let's help each other through and we will get our BFP
Bailey - sounds like you had a good day yesterday. I hope those pains are implantation pains
If you decide to go to the ball let me know. If you want to join our table, that would be great! When do you leave on your trip?
Nat - how are you going? How is your dad? I have been thinking about him a lot.
Tommysmum - sorry I think I am the last person to be giving advice on what is a normal cycle! lol. But it is probably just your body getting back into the swing of things. I hope you get your BFP soon, if not then AF so you can start to work on next month asap.
Spring - how did you go at the shops? Did you find something?
Klee - how are you going babe? Have been thinking of you. I hope you are doing 'ok'.
Hi to Chelle and Deb, hope you are both well and anyone else I may have missed.
Well I now have 2 infected ears from the seed that the acupuncturist put there to help me sleep! I don't really think that it has helped me sleep just hurt my poor little ears! So I have taken it out and am trying something else. My big sister (the nice one!) suggested that I buy some fish because this helped her sleep a few years ago when she was having trouble. She said that she used to watch them swimming around for a while and then when she went to bed she used to picture them in her mind and it helped her mind not race but it also relaxed her. So yesterday my sister and I went out and bought a tank and all the other bits and pieces and 2 white goldfish. I have named them Hope and Dream - hoping that they get me to sleep and dream to give me pleasant dreams. And I think it worked last night! Ok, you probably think I am a complete nutcase so send the straight jacket!!! lol
Lynn - Oh your poor ears. Are you ok? I think the fish is a great idea. We used to have a couple and they are really relaxing to watch aren't they? Thats great they have helped you sleep.
Nat - Doubt very much they were implantation pains I just don't think it's going to happen this time. Not sure if you get the paper, but today there was an article about using those steroids to prevent miscarriage. I remember that you were telling us about it the other week. I have saved it, so let me know if you didn't get it and I can send it to you. It's weird, but that is two articles in a couple of days, one was on stillbirth and one on re-current miscarriage. Both of the women in the stories had gone on to have healthy children. Maybe it's a sign for us I all!
Well, I have no idea what is going on with my body at the moment. I think I may have ovulated today!! just going by CM!! That would make it day 29, and 8 days after we last DTD. So that sucks and rules me out for this month. I can't be sure cos I am no expert on what goes on, it just seems like it. Oh well, I will test in a week, but I have all but given up for this cycle. I will come on later and say hi.
Actually I will have to give you a buzz soon, havent spoken in a while. Re getting into FS sooner, I dont think I can. He has people who have been trying to get pregnant for years so if I ring and say I have been TTC for 7 months they are gonna say it is not urgent. Unfortunately I just have to wait! And apparently we will get DHs results early next week. He said he has a feeling his results will be bad but I said he has already produced 4 kids (incl Nicholas) so I doubt it very much and I think I am the problem.
that they are pg pains and not AF pains. Have you done a test yet? Have you heard from the other half of the newlywed couple? I bet he is having a ball. A Levovist is an ultrasound procedure to check for blockages in the fallopian tubes. Apparently they put saline up into the fallopian tubes to check if it spills out, obviously if it doesnt there is a problem. I so hope it is ok, I have no idea how they would unblock blockages there. Have a nice Sunday, from Springs post I assume you are doing a hens day so I hope you have a ball.
..NOT! Rang the ob and he said not normal but it should settle....great....now i am on day 30 and no AF. I am usually on a 28 day cycle (when my body is normal) and am not used to this. I have had pains (abdominal, back etc) all throughout the 30 days (not consistent) so i feel that my period is coming but nothing. I did a HPT last week but BPN. Any suggestions ? I can't believe i am saying this but i actually want a period to come (well if i was pg that would be better) as i think i am going the other way and will have a period at day 60 or 600 !!!
coming your way. 
. Not having AF symptoms is a great sign and I get headaches when I am pregnant so I hope more than anything that your next post has some good news. Don't forget, some women don't get a +ive HPT until after AF is due. 
just going by CM!! That would make it day 29, and 8 days after we last DTD. So that sucks and rules me out for this month. I can't be sure cos I am no expert on what goes on, it just seems like it. Oh well, I will test in a week, but I have all but given up for this cycle. I will come on later and say hi.
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