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Thread: TTC after Recurrent Miscarriage/Stillbirth or Loss after the first trimester

  1. #19

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    Lynn: please give Cooper a kiss for me today. His is my heart and in my thoughts, as are you. Happy 4month birthday little man. You are an incredible and strong woman.



    Flowerchild: Honey, please take care of yourself in the lead up to your angel's EDD. It is a very upsetting and challenging time with all the what ifs. Don't give up on this cycle, I have everything crossed for a magical this month. Seeing our friends carry on to have earth babies can be such a time of mixed emotion. I hope you are feeling a little better. Huge :hugs: my sweetie.

    Mel: hang in there babe, that TWW is coming to a close. This sunday isn't is? Have you tested again? I know you said you wanted to wait until Saturday to test but I wouldn't blame you if you had already done a hundred by now. I have everything for you.

    Bailey: How are you sweetie, has the TWW begun? Sounds like you and DH gave it a really good go this month. Have a fantastic hen's day on Sunday, you deserve to be spoilt big time.

    Just a quick update from me. Long story, seems unimportant in the scheme of life, but step FIL called yesterday and after an hour long converstation said that he was deleting the email before MIL saw it. She tried to call last night but I let it go to the answering machine. To be honest, who cares, I'm over it, they are just not worth it. I am more worried for you Lynn and am not going to let silly little things cloud my vision.

    Well I'm off to spend a day with my friend. Lynn, I am going to give you a call shortly, so if you want to ignore it and be left alone, I totally understand.

    Lv Spring

  2. #20

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    Thank you so much for all the wonderful support I have received from you beautiful girls. I honestly don't know what I would have done without you. The phone calls, emails and text are so appreciated just to know that I have so many people that care about me. Thank you so much

    I don't wish anything bad on anyone, how could I. I would hate for anyone to have to go through what we have gone through. Spring you are so right that I can't tell her or anyone else when to have a baby but it is just the timing and insensitivity that hurts the most.

    Spring - your email to your MIL was written from your heart but you used your head as well. It was beautiful written in that you expressed your feelings without hurting her feelings. Isn't it funny (not ha ha) how compassionate us girls are and how sensitive we are when trying to get our feelings across to other people yet they don't seem to think about our feelings. I guess if we can take anything out of all of this, is that our beautiful precious angels made us a better person. I hope you get the reply from her shortly. I would love to see you today. Give me a call and let me know what time you are dropping in because I am going to go for a walk with my girls and mum at some point. Need the fresh air. Oh and don't leave your friend in the car! You know that is illegal! She is more than welcome to come in. If it is who I think it is, I would love to meet her.

    Mel - you are so right in everything that you have said. Thank you for the phone call the other night. It made me realise that I have a wonderful support group and that you guys are there for me no matter what. I'm actually glad that you called and encouraged me to post because I think that it has helped me, I can't thank you enough :hugs:
    I still have everything crossed for you for this month Mel. I so want it to be your month. I will be so excited if you annouce your BFP!!!! Stay positive babe.

    Nat - thank you. It is good to hear how others have responded and acted in a similar situations. It is that feeling of "am I normal" in what I am feeling and doing, but you right, it is so normal.

    Bailey - thank you for your words.......all true. Thank you for your kind words also. I have only met you and the only girls about 3 months ago but I feel like I have known you all for a lifetime. I guess it is because we are all part of the same 'club'. While I wish none of us were in the club, I am so glad that I have met you all.
    How are you feeling anyway, Mrs Bailey!

    Deb - thank you for all the o vibes. Well today is CD20 and I have had another BT. Last Friday as you know my levels went down but I had an u/s and had 5 follies, not sure how or what the measurement is but on my left was 9.8 and 11.3 and on my right was 9.0, 14.5, and 16.0. The 16.0 looks like it is the one. They told me that they need to be between 16.0-18.0. The good things is that both sides are producing because I was worried that I was only firing off one side because of the PCO. I had a BT on Monday and the levels have gone up so hopefully this afternoon I will have more good news (don't I need it!!!). Anyway I guess I can't be too hard on myself as it is only CD20 and the last cycles I have o'd on CD22 and CD26 - could be in for a very busy weekend

  3. #21

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    Spring we must have posted at the same time. Please don't think that the MIL situation is insignificant to what I am going through. We are going through this very difficult time at the moment and we have these hurdles thrown in front of us but they should not be compared. It must be very disappointing that step-FIL is going to delete the email and not even give your MIL a chance to read it and see how you feel. Big hugs to you. Look forward to your call shortly.

    luv & hugs
    Lynn
    xxxx

  4. #22

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    hi ladies, just wanted to say to Lynn, I may not be able to provide the support that I wish I could at this time but may the arms of your sisters at bb support you where you blood sister can not. its truly amazing to hear that there are wonderful people like you girls in this world.

  5. #23

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    O lynn, thats fantastic isnt it!!!I dont know much about measurements, but both sides firing, you may well be up to a very good weekend. Im very sorry to hear what you are going through, have been through a very similar situation, and I coped very badly!! big huge hugs.
    Spring angel... O my goodness, I cannot believe step FIL deleted your personal from the heart letter....I think your attitude is bang on!! they are just not worth it! I hope you can focus on you and lil spring and all your good friends and DH of course...
    Deb, Im on cd22... in the 2ww, one week to go, dont feel anything, infact for the first time in along time havent really put the focus into everything like I normally do... but this time next week I will know one way or another... sigh. How you doing? when is your testing day, did you get the results from your prog level test.... not sure If I have missed it in a post... If I have sorry!

    well big hi to everyone else, O and in answer to what is a hikoi, its a term for journey where eveyone comes together, and where possible you walk... and walk we did and in this case we walked for all the starving people/children around the world. Yes it was very moving, over 1000 people all came together. Over 500 were children and they all sat in silence and ate a rice meal. My 2 girls age 10 and 11 took part! they did ok.I have no doubt repeated myself..oops sorry
    Chow for now

  6. #24

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    Hi Girls,

    Sorry been MIA between computers and family.......:throw_computer: .

    Lynn I hope your feeling better today I will talk to you thurs. xxxx

    Mel Im sending everything I can for a BFP and I to think it may be just a little early so hang out a little longer I know how hard this can be. Im glad to hear your mum is feeling better.

    Bailey I tried to send a wedding wish Im so sorry my computer was not inaction!!! so Im glad to hear all went well and a big congrates on becoming MRS B Have a great day on Sunday and how long now till Bali? also hope that BFP gets to you soon.

    Deb Babies, birthdays and maybe a BFP.....I do hope so much that you get it this month, you and I are so much alike I hope that the "I dont think it happen" turns out to be OMG it did. You know your body so well that sometimes it would be better to not know so much but Im still sending all my +++++vibes to you girls this month. Have you got the BT results yet?

    Spring Your email was wonderful so stright to the point but in a good way, I hope step FIL will let her read it if not talk to her and let her know how things are. do you feel that a weight has been lifted? Great news on lit spring dancing around in there.... I couldnt be happier for you.

    chelle wow on the walk, what a wonderful thing to do. You must be proud of your girls!

    Clair Hows it all going? havnt heard from you in a while mind you I could have missed a post, trying to catch up in here is hard enough! Hope your well.

    Well my Nans was ok, I made my girlfriend come with me, but it was very strange, she has an 18month old and when we were sitting on the lounge he was standing up lookin over the back to the kitchen and playing peak a boo and laughed with somebody.......I dont know but it freaked us out! I did feel a little comfort thinking that maybe she was still around......it was sort of nice in a weird way. I hope you all stay well and the BFP fairy is sending out her magic dust to you all.....I need some good news girls "come on"!!!!! I will try and get back later. Lots of hugs and luv to you all Nat xxx

  7. #25

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    Ok I need some help here!

    Got results back from my BT this morning and it has gone down again! I am trying to stay positive in that it is only CD20 and last month I o'd on CD26. But I am just confused???? Deb or Nat can you tell me if this is normal or if my levels should be rising by now. The nurse that gave me the results said that my FS is concerned and he wants me to have another BT and u/s on Friday. He said that my body is probably not responding to Clomid I tried to speak with him but he wasn't available so I will call again tomorrow.

  8. #26

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    Hi everyone,

    Lynn - How are you today? I have been thinking of you and Cooper all day. How did you find hitting the 4 month anniversay? I don't usually let the dates affect me, but I found that the 4 month was harder than the 3rd month. I don't know why, maybe because I also got AF that day too. I am sorry that your levels are all over the place, but as you said, you ovulate pretty late, so hopefully there is still a chance for this month. How are things with your family?

    Spring - I am sort of shocked about FIL deleting your email. I think that it should be YOUR and DH's feelings that are important here, not hers. Oh well, I agree with what you said, there are more important things and I am glad that you are not going to let it bother you. You have to think of you and Lil Spring at the moment.

    Mel - I am shocked that you are managing to stay away form those test's. I am glad you are though, as if it too early you are just saving yourself disapointment. I have my fingers crossed for you too.

    Nat - My computer is stuffed too. There is something wrong with my drive, so I actually only have half a screen, lol, so I have to re-size everything to fit on the right hand side. I was meant to put it in to get fixed but I can't do without it, so mum is going to take it in while I am away. It was nice to hear that your nan is still around you, I always think that mine is too.

    Hi too to everyone else

    Well, DH (oooh, sounds weird calling him that) has been gone for 2 days now, and I had to take on a couple of his duties today. Picking up dog poop and watering his beloved lawn - though I did it all without a beer in my hand. It's actually quite amazing the stuff that man can do with a can of beer in is hand - who says men can't multi task huh? DS is a little sad though, everytiome he hears the side gate open (DH's brother lives in a granny flat out the back) he thinks it's his dad and runs to grab his little cricket bat and ball, poor bugger. Then I have to remind him that daddy is on holidays. DS says "daddy is in Baaaarley surfing in the pool" Lol.
    I don't feel confident of a BFP this month, I just feel like it's not this time. It has been a little hard to come to terms with it, because I have always thought I would have a baby by this christmas, and I have to let that go now. I think I just really wanted this christmas to be so different to the last one. Last christmas, I wanted to be happy, but it felt so fake. I know you all know what I mean, as I am sure that it was the same for you too. DH and I have been trying so hard to create our own little familt traditions for DS so he can grow up and remember them as things he loved, but I just don;t want him to remember me being miserable and laying on the lounge in a daze crying. So I wanted this one to be different. Oh, I know I am babbleing now, so I will go and come back a little later.

  9. #27

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    Hey Lynn: sorry I can't be any help with your levels. All I know is that I am sending every little bit of O vibes I can muster your way. Also, I hope you don't mind adopting my friend and I today. It was such a nice day, I hope we managed to help lift your spirits, if only a little. Ps... I have a belly ache but no surprises there.


    Klee: Babe I think of you and your angel Phoebe every day. How are you feeling? Stupid question I know, but are you feeling anymore constant. In those early weeks I just aimed to feel constant. I hope with all my heart that you are ok. Big :hugs: babe.

    Chelle: you should be very proud of yourself for teaching your children about all the other children in the world who are less fortunate then them. It will make them more tolerant and accepting as they grow into young adults.

    Dream: Welcome back spunk rat, missed you. I am glad that you had a friend with you at your nan's. Don't get too worried about the little boy playing peak-a-boo. I had a whole room of imaginary friends when I was a child. Perhaps there was more to it, and that your Nan's was poping in to check on you, but either way you know she is at peace with your GDad now.

    Mel, Flowerchild, Mrs. Bailey and everyone else, hope you are all ok.

    Well the MIL saga continues. She called again tonight, but I am screening my calls so she only got to speak to Mr. Answering machine. The message was 'I seem to keep missing you, perhaps you are working late or have gone to bed early'. Wake up to yourself, perhaps I don't want to talk to you after almost 6 months. Did that every cross your mind. Spoke to DH and said I didn't want to talk to her. He said leave the answering machine on, hopefully she will get the message soon although she did say she would try again later in the week .

    I feel like a bit of a chicken not answering, but I honestly have nothing to say, and my attempt at resolution was the email which was deleted, so that is it from me.

    Oh well, I am having an early one tonight, I am very tired tonight and have a big few days at work ahead of me. DH isn't home this weekend so I am going to get some girl flicks and spend it on the couch.

    Might hang around for a little while longer but nighty ni to all of you in case I head off soon.

    Sweet dreams and Lynn, hope the seed works but make sure you don't hurt your ear (lol), seriously though, I hope you have a wonderful, peaceful nights sleep.

    Luv Spring

  10. #28

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    Bailey, I just missed you hun. Don't give up on this month just yet, it is not over until the witch shows up. How cute is DS with dad surfing in Barrrley pool, that kid is just adorable. I hope you don't get too lonely without your DH but how excited must you be about your honeymoon / sausage sizzle (lol)

    About Christmas, it is a major milestone and I can totally understand why you feel upset and why you want this christmas to be different. I don't know what to say to make it better. I am so very grateful for little Spring but it breaks my heart that such a wonderful supportive bunch of women are being deart such a hard blow month after month. All I can do is tell you that I care about you and send you as much I can muster.

    Lv Spring

  11. #29

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    Thanks Spring, I haven't totally given up on BFP, I just really thought I would have had one last month, and it dodn't work out, so I guess I am just being pessamistic (sp?) Also, because DS and Asha were concieved first go, I was actually pretty shocked. But anyway, it will happen and I have to stop trying to rush it. I am just sitting here bawling. DS was watching TV and there were stars on TV and he turned to me and said "remember the baby lives in the stars?" (I told him that is where our baby is) I said yes and he then said "our baby was sick and had to go live in the stars" I just birst into tears and he said " we can get another baby" (I told him that we would have another baby one day) and then he topped it off with this beauty "We can have Sophie" Lol, Sophie is my cousins little girl. It's so cute the simple way kids see things, but it is so heartbreaking that he doesn't have his little sister here with him. With us. Oh, this is just so sad right now. I am ok, but I just wish none of us were here, I wish we never had to know eachother (I mean that in the nicest possible way, and believe me, I am so glad we do, but you know what I mean) It just sucks!

  12. #30

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    Bailey, if only we could view the world with the innocence and simplicity of a child. I just want to reach out and give you a big hug through this screen. You have a very special son who is just processing things in his own beautiful way. I know that you will have your very own little 'Sophie' soon.

    Sleep tight honey.

    Luv Spring

  13. #31
    clare076 Guest

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    Good evening lovely ladies, sorry I have been MIA. No excuses here just facing lives little daily battles the best I can.

    Firstly to Lynn, DH and Cooper - sending you big hugs and kisses on your 4 month anniversary. My thoughts and prayers are with you all today. Keep smiling down on your mummy precious boy.

    Bailey - I agree, isn't it amazing how children can just simplify life. They can honestly fix anything in their innocent little minds. He sounds like a real treasure. BTW Happy happy wedding days! Congratulations!

    Spring - well I am totally speechless! Man that took some guts to send that email to MIL and then to have FIL delete it, WTF. Why is he protecting her? They should be trying to protect you and DH right now, not thinking of themselves. GRRR

    Mel and Deb - fingers crossed for those BFP's this month. I truely truely hope you get two nice fat pink lines when you test. When are you girls testing? Or have you already started?

    Ok, so sorry if I have forgotten anyone. But I have ironing to do before I pass out for the night.

    Just a quick update on me and splodge.
    After many anxiety attacks in the past 4 weeks, we have a "reassure the crazy women" scan next wednesday. For those that didn't know, they mixed up our NT scan results putting me in a total spin for weeks, that combined with my darling Max's EDD two days ago has sent many a bad thought reeling through my head. But I have finally found a fabulous GP, who is doing anything she can to provide reasurrance.
    So 7 days until we can find out the answer to the big question, will it be splodge or splogette?

    I promise I wont stay away for too long this time.
    Take care

  14. #32

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    Hi Girls,

    Lynn - I was thinking of you today I hope you are doing ok tonight. I am so glad you had Spring with you to keep you smiling, and I hope that made your day alot easier. I am so sorry that your BT results werent good, I will keep my fingers and toes crossed that as you near CD26 it will start doing what it should. It will be good to hear what the FS has to say about everything, I really that he can work out something that will get you UTD!

    Spring - Good on you for fobbing of you ILs, they seem absolutely self centred and downright not nice! I cannot believe your FIL had the audacity to tell you he was going to delete the email before she got to read it!!! What was your response when he told you this? If you still want to get it off your chest you can always print out the email and post her a copy in an unmarked envelope - as far as I am concerned the b**ch needs to hear a few home truths.

    Clare - It is nice to hear from you, Im sorry to hear you have been having rough time. How did they get your results mixed up? Good luck for the scan next week, will you be letting the cat out of the bag about boy/girl? And hey I just noticed from your ticker that today is the gestational day you lost your precious Max - I just wanted to say congratulations on getting past that day, and I think you are very brave :hugs: Here's to a continuing H&H pregnancy!

    Nat - Glad your friend went with you to your Nan's. Gave me goose bumps about the little boy playing beek a boo though, I always wonder about if children have some 6th sense that us boring old adults ignore... not that I am some freak or anything, just open minded.

    Bailey - Dont be too shocked about me not testing... I gave in this morning and I got another BFN. I am due for AF on Sunday so am pretty sure would be getting at least a shadow by no so I am not overly confident, and also I have not one single symptoms. With Nicholas I didnt have any really but I distinctly remember having AF symptoms from literally the day I conceived (although I didnt know I had until I looked back on the timing), but now I dont have anything at all - nothing! So I guess its another BFN, 7 months down the track and we still cant get it right. BTW your son is just so cute hehe.

    Deb - Still hoping for a BFP for you, hope you are going well and maybe getting a few symptoms.

    Hi to everyone else.

    So anyway (sorry I know this is a long post but that's never stopped me before LOL)... I told you all last Friday night that DHs best friend and his wife are 8-9 weeks pregnant and that I was trying to be happy about it but was finding it hard, and remember I said these are the people who dont want to see Nicholas' photos, they dont talk about him with us and when we talk about him with them they take the first opportunity to change the subject. Actually when DH was speaking to his mate on Friday it came up in conversation that they always worry about making me feel upsetting me and DH told him that it upsets me more when people dont talk about him than when they do so I dont know if that will make a difference... but sorry I got off the track there... so we received an invite to the wifes 30th in April (which we knew we were getting) and I dont know if I want to go. I know DH does and I said he can go without me so that we can reply and say I will go and if I dont feel up to it on the day pull out and DH can go alone. Basically my main reason for not wanting to go is that I know everyone will be gushing over her because she is pregnant and I also know noone is going to acknowledge Nicholas or what we have been through and I know I wont be able to cope. But there was a message on the answering machine tonight when we got home from the guy saying the want us to go over on Saturday night for dinner with them, his parents and his sister for his birthday. I dont really want to go because last time I saw his mum and his sister they didnt say anything about what had happened, they said hello and asked how I was but it was the normal hi how ya going kind of thing. So I keep thinking maybe I should go on Saturday and see how they are with me in a smaller group (especially after DH saying what he did on the phone) before making the decision about the 30th? On the other hand, I have been feeling pretty good the last couple of weeks and dont want to give myself a setback by putting myself in a situation where I know everyone is scared of talking to me cause "they dont want to upset the fragile one" you know. What do I do? Please girls help me make the decision. I keep thinking I dont want to alienate these people because he is DHs best mate and has been since high school, and also what am I gonna do avoid them all the way through her pregnancy? I keep thinking if I get a BFP this month it will make it all easier to deal with because I plan to tell anyone who will listen to me as soon as I find out but then after the BFN this morning I am not very confident I will be getting a BFP. WTF am I going on about... sorry I know I have just sounded like a complete nut and rambled so I am going to hit "submit reply" now and read it back afterwards (hopefully I dont regret it, LOL).

    Take care all,

    Mel

  15. #33
    clare076 Guest

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    Mel, I can only imagine how difficult this situation is for you. I suppose in a way you should go to the dinner as it is DH's good friend but then it sounds like you might be uncomfortable from the get go. I can only say what I would do, and that would be to go to the dinner, more for DH than anyone else, if it doesn't go well than you know to stay away from the party.

    You know, I got so caught up in organising my next scan that I didn't even notice I had hit this gestational age! (obviously I knew it was close) To answer your question, they calculated my risk wrong for trisomy 13 and 18. For some reason they automatically gave me a high risk reading, then after bloods combined it changed to just in the low risk level. The numbers were something like 1 in 350, needless to say not very comforting when we had a past history of chromosomal abnormality. Oh and yeah I will definately be spilling the beans, I cant keep anything a secret!

  16. #34

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    Hey everyone,

    Spring - thank you for spending yesterday with me. After the week I have had and Cooper's 4 month birthday, I knew yesterday would be tough but you helped me through it, so thank you
    I think I ate too much as well!!! I didn't feel well last night and couldn't even think about having dinner.

    Mel - you and I are in the same place at the moment, aren't we? (in terms of pg around us!!!) It is a tough one - it is DH best mate, but you also have to protect yourself. You can't put yourself in situations that are going to put you back into the big black hole. Look where I have ended up You just need to do what is right for you, what is in your heart. Unfortunately people don't understand our choices and decisions because they don't know what it is like to live in our shoes every single day. If they could live in our shoes on one of our good days, they would see how difficult and painful our lives are right now.

    Clare - I hope the scan goes well, I'm sure it will. I can't wait to hear whether it is splodge or splodgette. Congrats on getting past Max's gest day. Wishing you the most H&H pregnancy - big :hugs:

    Bailey - DS is so cute. The innocence of children is beautiful but also sometimes painful. I think you handled it well. You will have a bubba very soon and DS will have his own 'sophie'. With DH away, if you need to talk, you know where I am.
    I think as each month passes it gets harder. Some people say that over time it gets easier but I find it is harder. 4 months is harder than 3 because you realise all the things that you have missed out on and all the things that they are starting to do at 4 months. Somebody once said to me that the first year is the hardest because it is the first of everything. But for the loss of a child the firsts are not all in the first year - what about first step, first word, first day of school.........I don't think it will ever get easy, I just hope that it is managable.

    Deb - hope you are ok. Haven't seen you around for a while.

    Nat - hope you are well. Talk soon

    Hi to everyone else.

  17. #35

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    Hi Ladies
    Spring thank you, am going okay, most days go by in a blur, I wouldn't be able to tell you who I see most days or what was said.

    Went to doc's today, have a skin infection my bodies way of coping with stress and the loss of Phoebe.

    Monday is my 6 week check up, just hoping for the best with all the blood tests that were taken, after finding out Phoebe had passed but prior to us knowing it was a cord accident. I guess i'm thinking the worst of most situations at the moment.

    Lynn, my wishes to Cooper for his 4 months. take care

  18. #36

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    Hi Everyone,
    Sorry I have been around but just hadn't posted. I am feeling a bit flat at the moment and not the best of company!
    It's a for me this month I am afraid... I will be okay in a few days but right now I am feeling not so wonderful! I am off to see my obs tomorrow - she wants to up my dose of clomid so we will see what next month brings...

    I will pop in tomorrow and do personals - just feeling a little conscious of my absence!

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