howdy everyone. i've decided to go for the full time, at least for a couple of months. mostly to save up some in case we are lucky on the pregnancy front. it is so difficult to give up those two days, though. (she says as she sits and types personal messages while at "work".)
Bailey- yeah, it sounds strange, but i'd rather chop wood than do what i've been trained to do. but i can't chop all day long, and the pay isn't great. lol. i feel guilty taking two days off when the purpose of me going part time was to take care of Yeti. i guess he doesn't need me to do that now.
Nat- good luck on the IVF. hopefully af doesn't show her face anymore.
Klee- i am chopping wood because we don't have central heat and last winter we ran out of wood, and i was the first to complain. that makes it my job according to dh, lol. Mel is so right, it is difficult to communicate with people now. they seem to want something superficial, but it is just so impossible to forget pain so that one can make "small talk". good riddance, i say. you deserve to do whatever it is that makes life possible for you. friendships certainly aren't static, and the movement can't always be towards being closer. hugs to you.
Jo- hope you and your kids feel better soon.
Lynn- glad you are feeling a bit better. the lilies sound perfect. i don't know if it ever gets easier. i listened to a bluegrass song called "mamma cried" this weekend, and i understood it for the first time (i've had the album for years). it is about the singer's mamma, who worked farm chores all day and cried every evening "because her little boy was gone." it is a traditional bluegrass song, and i feel in my bones that it is based in truth. the pain we all share has been borne by so many others throughout time, and it doesn't appear to go away easily.
Mel- good luck with the Clomid. and with the mind games of this monthly rollercoaster. i'm taking your advice today and getting a facial from a friend. maybe that will take my mind off of whether this will be the month. or not.
Katti- i'm glad you brought up the thought that your angles may choose to be born to you again. i have thought the same thing, and then almost instantly that i am dishonoring Yeti by thinking that. i mean, what if i am wrong and he doesn't choose to be with me here again? i suppose it is natural to wonder things, and natural that we will never know the answers. perhaps it is enough that we want our angels back so badly that they can feel our love and that we miss them and it doesn't matter what form the thoughts are in. i'm also so sorry about your family troubles. it can be difficult for some folks to step outside their own points of view (heck, it can be difficult for us all) and to see and feel the pain that others are in. i've run into others who seem unable to accept my pain as a reason to not do exactly as they wish me to do (and as i may have done just 5 months ago), and i am shocked every darn time. then i remember that i too have at other times in my life exhibited ego rather than compassion. what a horrible lesson this has been to me. just do what you need to do to get through each day, and if that isn't acceptable to your sister, then deal with that after. it is so difficult to get through parties with children like you describe, and you two did just the right thing for you. that is enough. hugs.
Aunty M Thanks for your feedback!! And thank you for bothering to read through all the editing in my post!! I was thinking more last night about our angels coming back and i came up with this. I beleive in a mind,body,spirit idea. So when say Darren was concieved, his body wasn't the best, but i felt his spirit. So say the next time i concieve, i will hopefully create a more appropriate body for his spirit, however.... the mind which is like the combo of the two may be different because the genes, DNA etc that go into making the body may be different to who he might have been before. So in essence, their spritis may be the same, but the person they become will have his own path and his own identity. The same with Zahra. Her body was fine, but maybe next time some things may be different in the make up, combined with her spirit to create a new person. A bit deep and meaningful, but i like it. And then there is always the idea of a fresh new spirit all together.
Do what you feel right doing as far as work goes (says me, typing away at work too, i think a few of us are guilty of that!!) Like you said, the money will help, and the distraction and the fact you have to get up and go can sometimes help. Sometimes. One thing i did was i got a few baby ducklings, some chickens and a new dog who needed my attention and care every morning as a way to help get me out of bed each day. The ducks are now nearly fully grown, the chickens are laying eggs and our new doggy has settled in nicely. I was trying to think of how to describe a pioncianna tree, it may be hard. They arn't too tall, but they grow wide with thick branches that just stretch out in every direction and they have a green foliage, but not like big leaves, like fragile bushes at the end of the branches. I can only imagine how you will take that, maybe one of the other aussie girls might do a better job. Mine isn't very big yet, and winter is taking it toll but the idea is that my kids will climb it one day, and their kids kids and so on. We planted it at my pub which has been in my bosses family for like 100 years and always will be, so i thought it was a safe spot. I dont own my own home yet, so i wasn't going to plant one where i rent, and im here most of the time anyway. How is your cherry tree growing?
I was just re reading your post...you know even though Yeti may not need you to take care of him, i'm sure he would want you to take care of you. Like me, your time off is for grieving and those days that you put aside to care for Yeti, are now there for you to take care of your and you partners hurt and pain. That is how i look at it anyway.
Hi to everyone!! I hope you are all doing ok. Has anyone gotten a positive since i've been away. i think it was britkane (sorry if it wasn't) who had slight line and an actual BFP. Do we have absolute confirmation yet? i hope so!!
I was thinking more last night about our angels coming back and i came up with this. I beleive in a mind, body, spirit idea. So when say Darren was concieved, his body wasn't the best, but i felt his spirit. So say the next time i concieve, i will hopefully create a more appropriate body for his spirit, however.... the mind which is like the combo of the two may be different because the genes, DNA etc that go into making the body may be different to who he might have been before. So in essence, their spritis may be the same, but the person they become will have his own path and his own identity. The same with Zahra. Her body was fine, but maybe next time some things may be different in the make up, combined with her spirit to create a new person. A bit deep and meaningful, but i like it. And then there is always the idea of a fresh new spirit all together. 
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