Hi girls,

I am not up to doing personals sorry.
I have not posted in a while. I am having trouble coping at the moment. I have realised that i haven't dealt with or grieved any of my losses and i am just feeling so low at the moment. I feel so lost.
I hate myself for not even aknowledging their existance to try and ease the pain and forget about them. How could i do that they were real human beings?? They deserve better, maybe thats why they were taken from me.
i have no idea how to bring myself to grieve them, i have just had them locked up in a dark box in my heart that was never to be opened. I have been battling this since i last posted. I just feel so alone, i don't know anyone that has been through this, then again not many people know i have.
It seems that i am just lost and don't fit in anywhere. I love them, or do i? if i did i don't think i would've done this to them. I am sitting here crying not knowing what to do .
Searching to work out who i really am and what type of person i really am.
Am i ever going to be able to grieve them? I thought it would be best if i just forgot them, but i can't.
What a terrible person i am for doing this. I feel like i need to punish myself now for how i have punished them.
I have not spoken to anyone about how i am feeling not even DH and that is probably wrong as well.

Anyway enough rambling and whinging from me. Sorry it is so self absorbed. I just think i needed some where to vent and here seemed the best place.

I am currently in the 2WW as well- so that is probably not helping.

I just have to add..Bailey at least you brought a smile to my face about the Golden pig on the spit.