Well...I couldn't do it. Came to day 21 for blood test to start the synarel and I just couldn't do it. Had a melt down and DH agreed he wasn't ready either. So we have cancelled our ICSI cycle. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. We are taking time out to look at where we're heading in life generally...it's been nearly 9 years of TTC now and we have put so much on hold. It's time to breathe again and live. What that looks like yet...we don't know...but it's exciting to be moving forward. We are considering moving as this house...a fresh start...in a new town even...I can't believe the change in both of us since making this decision..we're laughing and excited about life again...still missing our babies...but starting to move on to the reality of a life without children. Thank God for our beautiful furkids...someone to love unconditionally...