Bridg, Mum's can be great a births, but I can assure you if things don't go to plan, she will be behaving a lot like him and agreeing to whatever the medical staff say. I know this is your and DP's choice, but it seems like your DP just doesn't understand what doula does.
We are trained to understand what the staff are talking about, we know what the alternatives are to interventions and when and if those interventions are necessary. We also encourage fewer interventions which will ensure a better birth experience for YOU... because in the long run you are the one who will have theo whole experience imprinted in your mind.
Bridg, as I said, this is not really his decision to make. I totally agree that it will help him, too.
Having your mum at the birth can be wonderful. My mum was there when DD was born. But from a support point of view, she would have been useless. Although she herself had 2 vaginal births (1 completely natural, the other one induced), she was totally out of her depth when it came to her own daughter in labour. She was along for the ride, and I loved having her there. But more because it was nice to be surrounded by people who care about me and the baby and to share this experience with them. Same with DH, he was there to witness the process, he gave me to drink but didn't really do a whole lot more than that. Well, neither did my midwife, but that's because I didn't want anything done. I mainly wanted to be left alone.
Don't let him talk you out of a doula if you feel you would be happier and calmer having one. I didn't have one, as I had my own midwife and I was in a birth centre so felt that my choices were supported there anyway. But from what I read, you'll be going for a VBaC. I do really believe that you'll have a much better chance at getting the birth you want by having a doula.
Let's face it, your DH and your mum will not be able to make rational decisions when it's crunch time. All they will see is that the most important person in their lives might be in pain or even danger. They will not be able to be objective and they don't have the knowledge to make an informed decision if things don't go quite to plan.
Befor DD was born, DH was really quite arrogant about the whole situation. I would have liked him to do a ha;f day session about how to be an effective birth support. So that he might learn some massage tricks if I have back labour or stuff like that. He said: "What, you don't think I know how to help my own wife?" Yeah right, he was completely useless in that respect. I loved having him there, and I didn't want anyone touching me anyway, but he was no HELP to me whatsoever. he said so himself afterwards.
So, go get yourself a doula. As I said, if he was the one doing the work, he could make this decision. But since it's you who has to birth this bubba, you need to get yourself the help you need and want.
If you do a Google search you will find heaps of info.
My experiences with dads have been pretty good so far. I guess the main thing to re-iterate to them is that in no way are you taking their role during the birth. Dad and I are a team. If a dad wants to be very involved with the birth, which your DH sounds like he does, I let them know that I am there to help THEM help mum and unless mum directly asks for me, I take the "backseat".
Like the others have said, it really takes a meeting of some sort for them to fully appreciate the value of our support.
Good luck and I hope DH comes around soon!
As much as I am a huge fan of dads at births, I am also a huge fan of Doula's! But I also may be bias
Nes - You can find a Doula in your area by searching either the Find a Doula website. Or on the Doula Register website. Those should have some Doula's in your area.
What area of Brisbane are you in?
I am moving down to Brisbane from Townsville in the next week or so to do my Bachelor of Midwifery at Aust. Catholic Uni. Depending on when you were due, I am interested in taking on a few clients here and there. Feel free to PM if you'd like to talk more.
I'm thinking that I might want an extra support person in there too, but DH is very much "I don't want anyone in there - this is an experience for you and me." While I understand his point, I'm finding it hard to explain why I think an extra support person (who is a professional -- it's not like it's a family member, which I understand he's uncomfortable with) is a good idea. Maybe we can talk to/meet with one and see how he feels after that. We have some time to think about it, but it's been on my mind a bit recently.
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