I hate not giving a card. One year Andrew didn't give me a card for my birthday. He gave me a present but not a card. I did my block at him. He has never forgotten since. To me receiving a card means the most.
It does make it hard but I can see why they do it but you can feel guilty at how much you give.
For our wedding we had a myer registry and a flight centre registry so people had a choice of what they did, (some still bought gifts from other places which was fine, others gave us nothing not even a card)
I must say a card is a special thing and I love giving and recieving cards! DH still needs to learn about cards every birthday and valantines day I tell him I want a card!! This year he made me a card night before birthday as I was sooking LOL
I must admitt I get more annoyed with the registry, as the couple still choose the presents & depending on their taste they are not cheap either! And then when you wrap & give with a card they still know who bought what....so no different really.
We had a wishing well, we still got presents...it didn't bother me. That's what the "tacky" poem is for I guess. To let people know what you would "prefer" but that either way you are happy with whatever. Lucky for us the gifts we got were useful also.
But as I bridesmaid I don't see anything wrong with wanting to give a more personal gift & I don't think they would either. From memory myself & other bridesmaids for my sisters wedding all put money into something we "knew" she wanted/needed.
I guess that's why many choose the wishing well these days, then they can get that one big thing that really need & it's often more appreciated than a million smaller things they will never use. At the end of the day they have prob put a lot of time, effort & $$$ themselves into their special day, fed & watered the guests....it doesn't hurt to kindly ask for something that's going to be of more use when you know "x" amount of people will be coming & that it will more beneficial to you.
Also I couldn't to this day tell you who gave me what $$$, I didn't take any notice. My MIL wanted us to write in the cards the amount when we opened them & I said NO, I don't need to remember.
I have had a few weddings like this. Aside from one, who said "we are looking to move house so any help towards a deposit would be appreciated" I have always done gifts.
Like you, I dislike looking stingy because I don't - I can't - give a lot. Then I want my gift to be more than paying a bill or a meal out or a drink. I want to be remembered years later. I had a gift list and a lot of things on there were under a fiver because some people don't want to spend much. I also received gifts that weren't on the list. And the ONLY price I recall was the people who bought us the dinner service and I only recall that because it was so expensive. I was chuffed when people told me they'd bought the gift at half price! Well done them! Big present, little money. Always good. Mum does still ask me who bought me what (as I was the first to marry so she wants to do similar) and I hate having to remember if it was a ?100 or ?150 cheque towards a house deposit, or if it were a vase or glasses or appliances and how much it cost... yes, I can think and recall a gift (99% of the time) but the price is a bit more hard.
I tend to give vases. Everyone needs a vase. Or photo album. One girl I gave a vase and photo album to had requested money towards her honeymoon... but spent all that money buying other people gifts/souveneirs! I did blurt out "glad I got you a gift then!" when she told a group of us.
We got just over $800 in cash when we got married. All the cash was going towards our honeymoon in Canberra. 10 mins before I rang the hotel to book the deposit, Andrew rang me to say the head on our car (the one we were taking to Canberra) blew. We never had any spare cash to pay for the head, so there went our wedding money, and we never did make it to Canberra.
Yeah, wishing wells are touch and go. People either love 'em or hate 'em. I don't mind if I go to wedding and they have one as I expect that it's fairly normal these days.
I didn't want one at our wedding, although we did have a Myer gift registry, mostly because DH's family were strongly insisting we do so they know what to buy us. In the end his parents gave us money! We ended up with $2000 cash and $500 in gift cards, plus about most of what we put on the registry. Alot of it I put things under $50 so it would be affordable for people, but all the cheap stuff was left and everyone bought the expensive stuff!
I have set the money aside so when we do spend it, I will remember that it was so-and-so who gave us money towards that item.
If you want to buy a present, then do it. There's no rules and I'm sure your friend will love it even more than the dollar signs.
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