need your opinion??

[*Ang*]

IMO opinion I dont like the idea of being invited to a wedding and being asked to pay for the meal, regardless of whether gifts are then expected or not. But mind you I am a bit of a traditionalist in some things.

I think use the $3000 to pay for the meal and get everyone to pay for their own drinks - maybe just provide juice and or soft drinks. Cause as Ashlee also said

And then what if the tab ran out, which it most certainly would (people take advantage of an open bar).

[mummy2chloe]

wow thanks for the replies everyone

you have all given me alot to think about and obviously its not the right thing to do with regards to getting them to pay for there own meal.

i dont know what i am going to do, we might just have to wait a year or so to get married, as we struggle to live just in everyday stuff and live from pay check to pay check, and thats where i thought if they could pay for there meal that would help us heaps as i have already cut corners like you wouldnt believe, everything to the bridesmaids dresses, to a dress that i dont even like but its cheap so i will get it, its a dress and its white so thats all that matters, borrowing a flower girls dress that is way to big for my little girl and we arent allowed to take it in. but not to worry if you think it is really horrible to pay for a meal then i really need to set another date in a yr or 2, but then i am still in the same boat just different date as the guilt of even spending $6000 on a wedding when it could be giving me a round of ivf, i was hopeing that i would be able to do both, get married in a nice tactful way and do ivf. if i had to pick which one to spend the $6000 or however much it cost's i would probably rather spend it on ivf

but thank you for you honest replies

take care

[bellelass]

Oh nooooo, I'll be straight with you here- I would be really insulted if asked to pay for my meal at a wedding.
Ask yourself how much of the stuff you're doing/buying for the wedding is because that's just what's done/what's expected, or is it because that's what you really want.

DH and I got married in August, we're both poor uni students but push came to shove (immigration) and there was no way I was going to leave him at an airport again so we got married. Admittedly, his parents footed the bill for almost everything, but there wasn't much of a bill anyway. We had a lovely, beautiful day with close friends and family and people had a great time (Im still hearing about it.)

I made my dress (don't know if you've got some sewing prowess or not, but its not that hard, esp with help from a savvy friend/relative), it was an ivory silk full skirted 1950's style, I got so many compliments on it. Cost me around $120 for supplies, was so pretty, exactly what I wanted, and completely unique. I also made my own veil, I can dig up some websites if you like. That alone will save you quite a bundle, it literally takes half an hour to make a simple one. He wore a simple button down, breezy white shirt with black pants that he already had. Neither of us wore shoes.

We got married on a spectacular headland near his family home in northern nsw with around 60 people witnessing. It cost $40 to reserve the spot with the council, and was indescribably beautiful. We said our vows under an arch of pandanus.

His sister has a bit of a flair for photography, so after the ceremony she took all these pictures of us down on the shore playing in the surf and running around together like a pair of idiots. Those pictures are priceless, we just started playing and letting off steam and they turned out so well.

I didn't have any attendants, since all my girlfriends were in America and couldn't come. But aren't bridesmaids expected to buy their own gear?

The day before the wedding, DH and FIL cut a bunch of boganvillea boughs that were blooming and put them around the family home where we had the reception. The morning of the wedding, DH went out and cut me a gorgeous bouquet of gravelleas, jasmine, lavender, bouganvillea, some early roses, etc from the garden.

Dear MIL made a really tasty cake, it was a dark velvety chocolate with super smooth chocolate frosting. She trimmed it with a sprig of lavender and some strawberries.

The reception was at the family home, which is a beautiful farm in the countryside. We're lucky. His sister had her whole wedding there. A few Italian ladies, close friends of the family, came over and took the kitchen, spent the afternoon cooking lovely appetizers. Every so often another wave of them would go out, served by two sweet lovely older women friends. There was wave after wave of appetizers, all the long lazy afternoon. People grazed and by the time we cut cake, it was mostly uneaten because we were all so full. There was a sort of self-serve bar stocked with beer and good wine, FIL was more than happy to have an excuse to by heaps of wine and drink it. And Dh's godfather bought a good deal of it.

Our wedding was really low key, but really lovely. I know that a lot of that was luck, and thanks to friends and family with talent who were willing to lend a hand. But that's kind of my point, that you can have a lovely wedding and make use of what's available to you- time, talents, maybe a special location. People enjoy giving of their time, especially to such a good cause. I think somewhere in the whole wedding industry that makes its money off of overblown fairytale weddings that virtues like humility get lost and perhaps devalued, but I think there is absolutely no shame in being poor and humble and making the best of what you have to work with. I hope that make sense, and maybe helps you out a bit.

I'm really so tempted to offer to make you a flower girl's dress for supplies. Making little girl's dresses is such a joy to me. Like making living doll's clothes or something. You in B.bane?