Our committment ceremony... does this sound a bit budget?

[Indadhanu]

Basically, we don't want to spend a small fortune on our committment ceremony (Sept. 19, the anniversary of the first time we physically met).

Simple outdoor/garden ceremony, very small, low-key and casual, and afterwards we didn't really want a huge recetpion thing so were thinking about having dinner at a nice restaurant, and whoever wanted to come could come. Kids welcome etc, like I said, really laid back, Shel and I would love to come together and celebrate our committment to one another, nothing OTT.

Would it be a bit budget to say no presents (we don't want presents) but maybe everyone could perhaps maybe buy their own dinner? Is that too much to ask? I know its customary/traditional etc but then we're not really customary/traditional It wouldn't be an overly expensive restaurant, just somewhere nice to go out afterwards.

We just feel for us it would be waaaaaaaaay too over the top to have a recpetion at a hall with music and booze etc as we're not that kind of people (would be hard pressed FILLING a hall PMSL).

We also would do the champas / wine for toasting at the dinner, but not beer/spirits as we don't drink so I don't see why we should pay for everyone else to get ****ed and be idiots.

LOL am I way out of line.

Oh, our family are also pretty low-key and casual, but I was just wondering if you got an invite to a committment ceremony like this, would you go? What would be your thoughts.

[briggsy's girl]

hell no! you're fine to do it

you are celebrating your commitment to each other with a public display. anything after that is your call!

[~*Niadalla*~]

I think that's a fantastic idea and I would come for sure!
All the very best.

[Visitor7]

If I received an invitation to a friends' commitment ceremony, yes I would attend. It doesn't matter whether it's a commitment ceremony or a wedding. A wedding is exactly that, a commitment ceremony, but usually with the flash dress, flowers etc.

Remember who's day it is. It's yours and Shel's. No-one else's. If you think you're doing it on the cheap, then changed your plans a little. If you're happy with your plans, then keep them.
IMO, I don't think what you're doing looks cheap. You want it to be a casual, intimate affair. So asking your guests to buy their own dinner fits in well with that theme.

Most weddings you go to only offer beer, wine & softdrink anyway. As yours is only a small, casual dinner, than to not offer alcohol is fine. Having a champagne toast will certainly bring special meaning to it.

[tk1999]

We went to a commitment ceremony, and the boys asked that rather than gifts they asked us to pay for our dinner $50 per head and we got to choose our meals from the set menu... it was worded really nicely - so didn't offend or anything... will see if I can find it at home if you like

[Aimz]

I think it's fine. Although I wouldn't write it that way on the invitation. Get your family to spread the word that you don't want presents. Some people will buy something anyway - even if they are told not to.

Instead, I would send the invitation with words along the line of...

The ceremony will be followed by a relaxed dinner at XYZ. Drinks provided.

That way people will realise they have to pay for their own meal and they won't assosiate it with the no gift thing. They will be two seperate things.

I think it sounds lovely!!

[Trillian]

If I got invited to a friends/family members ceremony I would go - there'd be no question about it. I think if you came up with some clever wording then it owuld be fine, so long as people know in advance then they would be fine with it. Now if you did it the way a couple I know did it, where there was no warning the guests had to pay for their own very exxie dinner and the first they knew about it was when someone came around asking them for the money, then that would be rude ROFL.

[Megan]

I think that's perfectly fine. We went to a family members wedding a few years ago where they did this. No presents, and we paid for our dinner which was around $30pp plus drinks. I don't think anyone had a problem with it. You just need to find a way to word it on the invitations so that there is no confusion.

[Smoke Jaguar]

I would also word it cleverly in the invite - some people don't get subtlety and might think that dinner is paid for but drinks are not. The people you want to have there will not be offended by this and those that are have missed the point and are probably not deserving to be there
Really, if they're being asked to be there for you and you don't want their gifts, it has GOT to be cheaper to pay their own dinner than buy a gift, doesn't it??

[Indadhanu]

THanks everyone, I feel much better now. I've just heard of some weddings (and seen on Discovery home and health) some weddings which cost upwards of $20000... WTF? For a WEDDING? It just blows my mind that people would spend that much on material things, when its not about the accessories on the table or an expensive dress or the 'perfect' venue...

Anyway, I guess for us its different because we can't legally marry so even just having the opportunity to come together in front of our family and friends and showing them how much we love each other is enough, not expensive things (our rings won't cost more than $1000 together).

Maya, that was our theory, better off for everyone that they just pay for their dinner (that way they can choose what they want, not a set menu which I personally HATE lol) than spend money and buy us something that chances are we probably don't need anyway as we pretty much set ourselves up already.

Trillian, PMSL, ah no, we'll definately spell it out... tactfully of course, but probably not be subtle!

[The[cookie]Doctor]

THanks everyone, I feel much better now. I've just heard of some weddings (and seen on Discovery home and health) some weddings which cost upwards of $20000... WTF? For a WEDDING?

I know what you mean however i had budgeted a low key wedding with less than 45 guests and still couldn't bring it in under $8000. It's easy to see ho the "frills" add up to ridiculous numbers. Most large European families will spend in the 50-60k range.

Anyway - WRT the presents thing, I wouldn't be writing no presents buy your meal instead etc, because it comes across as though you are expecting a gift. Some people take that as a bit rude LOL! Tactfully as possible, but really ho cares because if people are offended then they dont deserve to be there.

Ooooh how exciting, we were originally planning the wedding for september 19th. but that went to hell.

[Aimz]

$20000... WTF? For a WEDDING? It just blows my mind that people would spend that much on material things, when its not about the accessories on the table or an expensive dress or the 'perfect' venue...

Errr... *hangs head in shame*

[Indadhanu]

LOL I didn't mean any offence!!! I know when you put the tag of 'wedding' on anything the price doubles! Thats why ours is a 'committment ceremony'

[tiggerlinda]

No Leasha we did that for our wedding the restruant had a great specail for us too

I can find the wording we used on our invite if you like too

[Indadhanu]

Ooooooooo TL that would be great!

[Smoke Jaguar]

Oh, Amy, don't be embarrassed!
I, too, loathe the idea of a big day (that costs a lot of money, but that's kind of secondary to the idea of the big day with frills, IYKWIM), loads of people, etc and couldn't think of anything worse for DP and I (we are of the same mind on it)...yet we LOVE to attend these weddings, he he!
I think the point is that it's horses for courses and Leasha's horse doesn't like the frilled up course, would I be correct?
I dont' know if it makes sense that I love a wedding with all the trimmings...just not for my own wedding, because it doesn't reflect me very well at all That and we'd much rather use that money for a farm!

[danniellabella]

I think it's totally fine

[Aimz]

We did have a "no frills" wedding - in our own way. I loathed the idea of having to pick chair bows or anything of the sort. And we did have a small wedding - only 30 guests. But we did it in the Greek Islands - so that was the big cost! No offence taken - I was being cheeky