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Thread: Partner Won't Attend Batisim Information Night

  1. #1
    hopefullmum2b Guest

    Unhappy Partner Won't Attend Batisim Information Night

    Hi all,

    In a bit of a dilema, I was christened catholic but never went to church and still don't unless its a wedding etc, my partner was christened church of england.

    He says that he doesn't believe in ''all that stuff'' and isn't going to go to this batisim information night, why should he go and do something that he doesn't believe in. My mum came to the first session with me as partner was unwell for the first info night, but even back then he said he would not go.

    So have told my mum that we won't be going to this info night and when she asked why not I told her about what my partner said, she totaly went off at me saying that it is wrong and that i was christened catholic and that the baby should be aswell, and that my partner is not considering me. But mind you my mum is not a practicing catholic either.

    She has said how dissapointed she is with me and my partrner and that my father is not going to be happy when he finds out that i'm now considering having a naming ceremony - he is not practicing catholic either. I already feeling a little depressed and my mother didn't help by having ago at me in the local shopping centre mind you about all this.

    So now Don't know what to do, I do want the baby to be christened as catholic but I to am not keen on going to the baptisim info night but its what the church does now for your child to be christened as catholic, I would go by my self but as i don't have a licence yet it makes it hard.

    Just feeling very confused as I don't want to/ can't make my partner do something that he doesn't want to do.

    Sorry for the long posting if you are still reading this, i'm just so very confused.
    Maybe someone has some advice for me.



    Thanks for reading this, just had to vent this.

    Rebecca

  2. #2

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    OH hun, are you sure your not talking about me. My DP is exactly the same. He doesn't believe in any of it. I was baptised a Catholic as a baby and bought up as one. My mother is obviously a Catholic too, and even though we rarely go to church now, special occasions, Christmas etc we still have our own beliefs.

    He refused to come to the information nights too, so I just went with my mother. DP really did not want the children baptised but had no substantial arguement for me and as my elder boys were already baptised I told him I was not flexible on this. So, the kids are done, and this baby will also be Baptised.

    At the end of the day hun, it is your's and your partners decision. Your mother can't make it for you. If you feel strongly about it then have another talk with your partner. Your mother will have to respect your wishes if you decide not to go ahead with the Baptism though too.

    Goodluck

  3. #3

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    I'm in a bit of a similar situation - in that I was brought up as a Christian (pentecostal) and DH doesn't believe in God - as child he occasionally went to church for Christmas or Easter, usually to an Anglican church.

    I'm not a member of any church but I really wanted Isabelle to be dedicated (sort of like a naming but with a religious focus). DH is happy with whatever, and so what we have decided to do is really compromise. We are having the service in a park, my BIL is going to run the dedication and its going to be a really personal reflection of who we are as parents, plus with Al giving a blessing (although he just sees it as a kind of "what /we want for Izzy" ) This way we have been able to make him comfortable, my parents who still attend church regularly are happy, my IL's dont really get it but are happy with the decision we have made and we are both happy.

    Long and rambling but I guess what I'm getting at is that you and your partner need to decide what is important for the two of you in relation to bubby and maybe have a compromise based on what you both want. It is your decision and your baby, don't do something to make others happy (easy to say I know) but do what the 2 of you feel is right for you. If that means a Baptism - then although your partner doesn't believe in it - he can still be involved as its not really about him, its about bub IYKWIM I know its hard and good luck - not long to go now!

  4. #4

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    i agree with trish, you need to have a sit down wit your DP and try to understand what eachother is thinking. ask him why he is so against it? he was baptised so why should your children not be?

    your mum cant make this decision for you, but understandably she is upset, even tho she is not a practising catholic, she and you are still catholic.

    i hope that you get it sorted out, maybe you can book a time for you and you DP to have a private one on one with your laocal parish priest and he can get to the bottome of your DPs feelings. maybe thats your best bit. go to the info night, then have a chat with your priest afterwards.. he will be more than accomadating im sure ad will help you sort it out peacefully.

    good luck!!!!

  5. #5

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    You need to put your partners & your parents feeling aside and do what is best for YOU! Sorry to be horrible but the grandparents shouldn't have any input, it should be the parents decision. But if this is something that you want that is something your partner needs to understand too. I know your parents probably think its their catholic duty to get you to baptise your baby but it really is your decision.

  6. #6
    paradise lost Guest

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    I agree with Cai, this needs to be about the bottom line, not the arguements surrounding the issues.

    My SIL wanted her kids christened (catholic) and my brother was against it, because, he said, she never went to mass or confession anymore and hadn't been since her confirmation in fact, and they weren't living in a catholic way (weren't married, didn't go to church, only really observed easter eggs and christmas presents) and he felt uncomfortable standing in Church promising to raise their kids in the catholic faith when he knew she wouldn't actually do it. SIL said she wanted it done because she feared for their immortal souls if anything should happen to them and they weren't Christened so she did it anyway, without much input from him. To be fair to him, he was right about how she'd be after - not going to church etc. BUT the bottom line for her was that it was about their eternal souls, she believed she HAD to get them Christened to protect them so she did it no matter what anyone else thought, even her partner.

    Bec

  7. #7

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    WOW your situation is so much like what I went through, DH was not baptised, his family do not attend church and are not religious in any way, DH flat out refused for me to baptise our son I fought him for a year and a half on this subject and finally he agreed, he only agreed in the end because he was sick of fighting me, he didnt come to any of the info nights or the welcoming mass I attended them with one of Peiters god mothers,

    His family made nasty demeaning remarks toward my decission but at the end of the day all I said is well its not hurting you is it and that made my point very clear,

    like it or not it was in no way harming our child or forcing his family to become church goers so what was the problem nothing at all they couldnt come back at me with any thing,

    I do not attend church but I am religious in my own way and I am sure I will start going again one day I grew up going to church and I loved it, I want my children baptised because to me it feels right, DH is still not 100% with me on this subject but he isnt against it either,

    I think as others have siad you need to think about what you want, in the end I told Jeff I would do it with or without him I didnt care I just wanted our children to be baptised and that was that weather he liked it or not, he did come along in the end as he didnt see the issue with it so much,

    I think the true meaning of Baptism is to bring your children up in an environment that is spiritual and loving and embraces religion but not necessarilly mans you have to attend church each week I am sure the Preist/Father would prefer it if you did but they would appreciate you baptising your child immensly also.

    Take care
    Amy
    Last edited by *Elle*; October 18th, 2007 at 11:06 PM.

  8. #8

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    My DH was baptised Anglican, I'm Catholic and we just had Jensen's baptism in an Anglican Church yesterday. DH was adment that he wasn't going to be baptised. I said he was and went about organising it. DH's idea was what if he doesn't want to be baptised. I just came back with he can re-nounce it later.

    It was DH's idea to have him circumsised- to which I agreed coz it would have fallen of deaf ears. So my arguement was if he got to do something to him then I get to do something to him. (in a nice way of course).

    DH was so proud yesterday, it made all the hassle of organising it by myself worthwhile.



    Good luck with it all.

  9. #9

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    I too had the same problem. We are both catholic, he refuses to go to church ect but I go for special occasions and good friday and Christmas. DS1 was christed but he didnt attend the information nights I did that with his godparents and organised the whole thing, his dad made him come to church on the day though. DS2 hasnt been done at all but will be eventually and DS3 we were going to have a christening last year just after he was born as Grandparents were over from NZ ect BUT we couldnt get into a church and they were only here for a week so we had a naming ceremony instead. I do intend getting DS2 and 3 done though as they will make their communion and confirmation so will probably take them when DS3 is older and I will go as will their Godparents and any family that want to come, I will not force DH to go, my family know what he is like anyway.

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