We had stacks of kids at our wedding (2-14yrs) - about 30 - 3 kids tables - close to the door! BUT we were at a country RSL and they put out "kids food" sausage rolls, party pies, sandwiches, cherry tomatoes etc - all finger foody stuff and only charged $9-10 per kid. actually the adult meals were only $25 for two courses!
However, a friend had her wedding at a place where anyone who needed a seat and food was charged at the adult rate $90-100 per person - there was no way they could afford this. To invite some kids they would have to not invite some adult friends and family. So in this case - BF bubbas or little people who can stay on laps were ok - she personally explained this to anyone with kids - and they seemed to understand. Only her neice (only young relo) attended and the two flower girls. I donlt think she was being unreasonable under the circumstances.
We're currently organising our wedding and I'm having a little bit of an issue with a "No Kid" Situation. Mainly though, involving my cousins. And for completely different reasons) I'll tell you why!
They range from 7 to 13, which is fine. There are 7 of them between 2 of my aunties and uncles (on dads side) if that makes sense.
My Aunties and Uncles have a nasty habbit of pulling out of things at the last minute. So, I don't want to invite them, pay the caterers and then have 11 people pull out last minute that I'm going to have to fork out to feed anyway, even though they're not there. I would rather just invite my Aunties/Uncles and if they pull out it's only 4 people to deal with.
BUT! On the other hand, on my mums side there are 2 of my cousins that I would then have to treat the same, iykwim, which I know will cause a bit of a drama.
Ugh, I think my guest list is going to cause me my wedding day headache ^^;
I can see both sides to this delicate argument: to have or have no kids at weddings. DH and I aren't married yet (we call each other our "Common Law" husband/wife) so I can't offer my own experience but we have had a few dramas with this issue from a guest point of view. Getting someone to babysit for the duration of a wedding is very hard for most people, especially because so many families live so far away from extended family... and even if you do live close then they will be at the wedding themselves, most likely. DH and I once paid $170 in babysitting fees so that we could attend a wedding! Looking back I wonder why we bothered.... it was only for a work colleague who we hardly ever saw again after the ceremony. But we did it because yes: weddings can often be long and boring affairs for children.... and it's just not fair to expect them to deal with the noise and pressure to behave for so long. Just my opinion. Having worked as a table attendant at a wedding reception venue i also have seen too many poor children trying to make the best of being at weddings that go way past their preferred bedtime... babies being held too close to noisey sound systems (this was awful to witness)... and most of all seeing children surrounded by too many intoxicated people
In an ideal world I would like to have children at my wedding... but maybe this would mean having to adjust my preferences... having a day function for a start (morning ceremony, lunch reception). I think that weddings should be a family affair and all inclusive... but too often the modern wedding just isn't geared up to be that way. It can be an example of when a compromise ends up suiting nobody. I too often enjoy child-free functions, letting my hair down, having a break from the constant vigilance that having your children with you brings... but I don't associate that kind of event with a wedding. But that's just my thoughts on the matter.... each to their own.
I am getting married in Feb next year and we are only inviting relatives children (my cousins range from 4 yo up) we have a large family so finanicaly and space wise it just isnt possible to invite friends children. Our friends understand that. However bf bubs are certainly welcome as are formula fed babies for that matter, if i was FF a 4 week old I don't know if I would want to leave them at home either when they are so little. For me I think the no children at weddings rule would apply from 12months up JMO.
Personally I think its the couples wedding, their day and if they want to make it a child free, adult occasion then respect it. I would like to inivite some of my older cousins eg 10yo up but I know it would cause a huge issue as only 2 kids would not be invited. (these 2 are likely to be the ones running around destroyng things the 4yo punched my 21yo cousin in the face at my sisters 21st and wasnt told off by his parents grr). Hopefully he might have calmed down in a years time, if not im sure my grandmother will keep him in check.
When DD1 was 3 weeks I went to a wedding but it was at the couples house 5min from home, so mum looked after dd1 and I came home to feed twice worked well for us. This year I attended a wedding when dd2 was 8 weeks but the wedding was about 50min from home so she came with us DD1 was also invited but trying to entertain a 2yo and care for a new born at a wedding was going to be beyond me so dd1 stayed with grandparents. When Aimee started to cry in the ceremony DF took her for a walk. Wearing a halter neck dress to the wedding when bf wasnt a smart move though
Well we did our no-kind-but-mine wedding a few weeks ago!
I won't lie, it was incredibly stressful for DP and I at times but everyone loved DD and she made me so proud with her behaviour, she was playful and a delight! However, there were a few close-calls (caught her with her hands on th (as yet uncut) weeding cake more than once!) and i had to stick to her like glue. She walked with the maid of honour down the aisle but then DP took her out for most of the ceremony because she was chatting loudly about the decorations and such! She's just a bit too young to understand that she has to be peaceful. LOL. During the speeches the wedding organiser took her out to play with the table staff, who were sitting having a drink and waiting to break the room down for the ceilidh once the speeches were finished and they all played with her.
The favours were jars of old-fashioned (from a 30-year-old's childhood) sweets and she ate about a jar all by herself by the time everyone had given her some. BUt i decided i was going to go with the flow and let myself be surprised. She had a good glug of the toast champagne, masses of sweets, 2 glasses of OJ and generally had a great time. She didn't eat much of her meal, all the smoked salmon and prawns were devoured, but the steak she chewed and then put back on her plate (it was kinf of tough!), but she ate all her carrots and the chocolate torte she loved but couldn't finish!
All in all i was told by everyone how beautiful, well-mannered and well-behaved she was, but i have to admit that to me it felt quite stressful setting her up to be this way (not beautiful, she's that anyway, but her mood was definitely down to my handling of her from the day before onwards!). If we couldn't have taken her i couldn't have gone, but i would probably have had more fun myself if we hadn't taken her, iykwim.
Overall i don't know that i'd ever even want a wedding, but if i did i would definitely set it up so that missing people wouldn't cost us too much (i.e. buffet-style food) and kids would be able to have a good day without their parents having to button them down for the whole day.
I'm not sure what I would do if DP and I ever got married which we have vowed not to LOL so this is entirely hypothetical.
I think my view would be that it would have to be all or nothing. I would either choose somewhere totally child-friendly maybe like Werribee Mansion and organise for the kids to go around the zoo for an hour to break it up a bit, or hire a huge reception centre and turn a breakout room into a mini creche for people to use as and when they needed to.
Or make it very sophisticated (for me) and just make it adult only.
It would also depend very much on the family situation and who we were inviting. If people were coming long distances and that meant that they would have to organise babysitting for the night, or more to the point, would not see their kids for a night, then I would feel very sad about that and that would influence my decision.
But I wouldn't be at all upset right now if DD wasn't invited to a wedding. Infact, we have been invited to a wedding in a few weeks time and DD isn't invited. That is fine by me because it would be exhausting to take her and I really wouldn't enjoy myself inbetween policing her. Nor has DSD15 been invited - and that's fine too. Really, it's the couple's day and they should be able to have whatever they want.
Our wedding was pretty much child free. We were very young and the first of our friends to marry so there were no friends children to worry about. DH's niece and nephew were invited as they are imediate family, and my baby cousin too (FF but still only a small baby and 120km from home) but her brothers stayed with their grandparents. It was a day wedding so they were home that evening as normal.
The biggest upset was that we didnt invite cousins. We had 92guests +the 3children with only the immediate family and aunts/uncles. All the rest of the cousins were primary school aged at least or adult, many of them already had their own children. If we had invited them all it would have doubled the guest list. One of DH aunties didnt come because her children and their children werent coming but everyone else was very understanding. In fact we had sooooo many compliments, that it was the nicest, most relaxed wedding they had been to.
The toddler neice/nephew made a total pain of themselves the whole day as it was hot and boring for them so they spent a lot of time being walked around outside by their dad and my baby cousin didnt make a peep.
We have been to two weddings since having DD. She was invited to one at 11months and not BF anymore as there were 2 other babies coming. It was quite easy entertaining her and she loved being passed around but we did leave early. The other she wasnt invited to and that was a major PITA as it was 130km from home, 40km from my parents who were babysitting and when we got there we found half the babies were there and half were not. They were also cousins babies just like we were so I dont know if there were mixed messages or maybe if we had asked, she could have come.
I think people have very strong feelings about this topic and often take offence when it surely is not intended to be that way. If someone loves and wants you at their wedding they are surely not likely to deliberately NOt invite your child just be be nasty and upsetting to you. It is for some other reason, maybe not to your thinking but then it is THEIR wedding.
Reply With Quote
She's just a bit too young to understand that she has to be peaceful. LOL. During the speeches the wedding organiser took her out to play with the table staff, who were sitting having a drink and waiting to break the room down for the ceilidh once the speeches were finished and they all played with her.
Bookmarks