I'm reading a book about how men and women think differently, speak differently, interpret differently and how that impacts on work. The book was lent to me by a friend who got a lot out of it, and thought I might be interested in it too.

There's a lot of really interesting things - a lot of stuff which I think is spot on - but one thing keeps coming up in the real life interviews, case studies etc which is just Peeving. Me. Right. Off.

And I wonder whether that's mostly because I'm in the minority situation, where I am the breadwinner, and my DH is the breadmaker. In that I am out of the house for 12-20 hours a day working, and DH is with our DSs 12-24 hours of the day.

DH is a SAHD pure and simple and wonderful. He isn't like one of the SAHDs we see, where he just sorts them out, and then goes and works part time/ works from home/ runs another company/ blogs/ plays internet poker/ delivers circulars or anything - he is a hard working full time child rearing parent, who does the lion's share of the cooking cleaning shopping and laundry, and studies part time for personal enjoyment (which thoroughly support). In the same way that a lot of mothers are a SAHM pure and simple - they look after the kids and run the household. When the boys are at school, we anticipate that DH will go back to work, as children get more expensive, and if those additional costs increase quicker than my pay rises come, then we will need to go back to two incomes - but if wee can afford it, I would support him continuing to be an at home parent, or to find part time work, if he wants to.

So here's what is bothering me (and what leads into my question) ... the books seems to be targeted at assisting women in understanding how men (generally) think in the workplace, how that can differ to how women (generally) mean / interpret / filter / etc things, and how by being aware of these differences, you can chose to approach things in a way which will get your desired result better. Eg: instead of explaining the facts and circumstances (like I have above!) you may chose to start with the bottom line, and then ask if background would help.

It's not directive, it's just information and findings from (literally) thousands of surveys and interviews, with the data compiled with case studies, conclusions, etc.

But there is this ongoing assumption from the (mostly men) interviewed, that at the end of the day, it's great for women to work and all, as much and as hard as they can after making sure their families are a-ok.

Eg: a high ranking person was talking about women getting promoted, and how it peeves a lot of guys when a woman gets promoted at a comparable timing to men, when at the end of the day she's worked less hours, put in less time for marketing, BD etc (and therefore has brought in less clients, less work, etc) but no one can say this or express their resentment publicly, because they'll look like a jerk ... but in the same breath, everyone knows it's not fair, because the guys who were promoted have worked longer and harder, and the woman doesn't necessarily deserve the promotion on the same timing and the same trajectory -- but they can't say that. THEN at the same time, he says something like, "If her kid is sick, obviously you want her to be able to leave early and take them to the paediatrician - because you'd want your wife's boss to let her do that"

THAT'S my problem!! Right there! The assumption that (a) your wife is never going to be the boss; and (moreover) (b) the assumption that if your kid is sick, it's your wife's responsibility to take them to the Dr.

How about YOU take them to the Dr??

What happens in your family, or in people that you know - is it instantly the assumption that if someone needs to leave work or stay home or whatever, that it's the mother?

Is it a joint decision, based on what you each have going on that day?

Is there an assumption that it's the guy's job? ((I can honestly say that when DH went back to work for a few months between DS1 and DS2 that he took time off when DS1 was ill, and his work was not happy at all! They couldn't get their head around the fact that anyone with a penis needed to take carer's leave for a sick child, and actually tried to tell him he wasn't allowed to do it any more, but we responded in pretty plain terms to that suggestion...)

Do you take it in turns?

Is it based on something else (where you each are, which one of you has the car, where the child is, etc?)

I'm interested to see what others say ...