The early weeks with new babies are very, very hard. Little ones take some time to settle into life on the outside - try to think of the first 3 months as the 4th trimester. They often want to be held all the time. They dno't want to be alone. They are used to a constant stream of nutrients, and now they have to get their food from you.
So the best thing to do is whatever works best for you and your baby. Some people will insist you should leave them to cry or not feed them again or not hold them to sleep or whatever - never mind. You're mum you know best. Trust me when I tell you that you cannot spoil your child by holding them or rocking/feeding them to sleep or anything like that. If your baby doesn't want to sleep alone, then hold them or bring them to bed with you. It's often the best way for you all to get some rest.
Newborns feed very frequently - 8-12 times or more. They will typically have a fussy time in the afternoon/evening that lasts several hours where they will be on and off the breast constantly. Try a wrap or sling to carry them around at these times (or all day if you like). most babies really like that.
Don't worry about trying to interpret different cries - just go with your first instinct, what do you feel you need to do?
I watched Harvey Karp's DVD The Happiest Baby on the Block, and as he says, you're really not spoiling them by rocking them, holding them and letting them suck - for 9 months you have been rocking, carrying and effectively swaddling them for 24 hours a day, so really, the first 3 months is about easing them out of their comfy environment.
Our little lady feeds a LOT. She is also a really sleepy feeder, and it's not unusual for me to change sides 6-8 times in the one very long feeding session, thinking she's full, only to find that 5 minutes later she is rooting around on my shoulder. We don't really have a day time routine - if she looks like she needs feeding, then I feed her - and in the morning she is pretty much pinned to the boob for 2 hours straight. After feeds I keep her upright for 20-30 minutes, by which time she is either rooting around for another go, or noodled out to sleep. The last two days she has started to have some up time after feeds and it's lovely. We try and get her outside for a bit of a walk every day, even if it's just around the block - she seems to feed and sleep much better on the days that we do.
In the evening we have a little bit of a pre-bed routine: Lovebug starts a long feeding session at around 5 or 6 (sometimes earlier, sometimes later, we play it by ear) so again, pinned to the boob for an hour or two. Then daddy takes her downstairs for a bath, and I have a shower, and get in my pjs. He dresses her, and then I give her one more top up feed and we go in to bed. DH wraps her, for some reason it works way better when he does it, and then the two of us go down together, and he comes to bed when he's ready. Through the night she wakes around about every 3 hours, and I feed her and pop her back in her co-sleeper bed (or sometimes I don't) but we don't turn on any lights or anything at all between 8pm and 4am, when it starts getting light here anyway.
For bedclothes, we go with the rule of however many layers we have +1. So it's usually a singlet, a bodysuit and a beautiful organic cotton wrap that we were given. If it's really hot, then just a bodysuit. If it's "cold" (by Brissie standards) then maybe a wondersuit.
My ILs are obsessed with "getting the wind up" and she is usually forthcoming with a nice big belch, but it doesn't seem to bother her whether or not she does it. As long as she gets that upright time after feeds, she's fine. She is a total farty pants though, and loves having a wee with her pants off.
She's a little bit of a velcro baby - there are times when she just wants to be cuddled or on me, and the sling is great for that OR I use the time to just lie down with her, I find that really good for my own recovery.
As for my recovery - it's been going quite well. I had three stitches after a vaginal birth. I was induced, but only with gels, and then my water broke on its own, so I got to do my own thing. I'm pretty sure the stitches have dissolved now, and the swelling is right down. I'm so glad, because I can't wait to start being more actiive.
Hope you guys are going well. Sleepy vibes to you all - except at feed times!
I've got some time to sit and try and catch up with you. I can sit here and read sometimes throughout the day but to sit and type anything decent is difficult. You may find i get to have a good chat to you all on a Mon or Tues when the boys are in day care. I'll do my best to keep up with you all though.
Audax lovely to have you in our group. Love your little ones name, it's very similar to what our girl name was when pregnant with DS2, he was going to be an Elleana (never ended up confirming spelling) if he was a girl. How is she going? Sounds like she's a very content little one.
Butterfly how are you going? The NICU journey is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, i hope all is going well for you. It would be lovely to have you join in with us so pop in as much as you can to let us know how you little Matteo is going.
Hi Pickety, Connor Matthew sounds like a beautiful little man, things will settle soon i'm sure. Our little girl is called Harper Elsie Mae, she's doing really well and it still feels so strange to be looking into the eyes of a little girl. I'm loving it though.
Jules i just have to say if you keep the attitude you have at the moment, the way you take in the wealth of information (sometimes useful, sometimes not), how you figure out what it may be that you're little one is trying to tell you, how you go out there and seek your own information... all of it, you are going to do a fantastic job at bieng a mother to your little one and help many along the way also. I wouldn't say i'm an expert in anyway even after having three children and i'm sure my Little Miss Harper will have to put up with me still learning things as she grows but that's just what being a mother is, learning and doing what you think is best for your child.
Hi Babyluv congrats on your little princess. Sounds like she was a wonderful size for 39 weeks.
Jules and Pickety, i'm not an expert in any way but what you're describing i remember going through with DS1. Also with DS2 and on occasions with Harper but with DS1 it was this crazy whirlwind of questions, sleep deprivation and frustrations at not being able to settle your bub for me too. Just like there is no instruction booklet out there for us that could ever really prepare us for motherhood i think it's the same for the little ones. They're thrown into a world of lights, noise, clothing on their bodies, warm, cold, empty feelings when they are placed in a bassinette, all these strange things that they too were never told about before they entered the world. So there is so much settling in going on for the both of you right now. So as hard as it can be in the moment what you are going through is something that i have found passes with time. It may be that your little one is cold, hot or hungry or it could be that he/she just needs to be with you to feel safe. I've had my nights with Harper where she'd have nothing to do with her bassinette and i have had her fall alseep with me in bed and then i trasfer her when she's in a deeper sleep. One thing i was told by someone was that you can't establish any 'bad habits' (if that's what you want to call them) in the first few months. So do whatever works and when you do find your doing something you'd like to change some gentle persuasion over a few nights will generally work.
As for me and Miss Harper i do feel pretty relaxed this time, i feed her whenever she wakes or seems to be wanting it. I take no notice of the clock at all. She has heaps of pooey botts so our little routine seems to be she fills her nappy when she wakes up, i feed her one side, change her bott and then feed the other and as long as she doesn't fill her nappy again she's good to go back to bed. Sometimes she goes down really easily sometimes not and that's when i get DH to help me. We bath every second night and the last one she had we had hardly any tears which was nice, we do a bit of a massage with some moisturiser as her skin is so dry and flakey at the moment. We're in Melbourne and the weather really isn't that crash hot at the moment so she's wearing wondersuits and a singlet to bed and sometimes sleeps with a hat on depeding on the warmth in the house. Wrapped in muslin and one or two blankets on top. The MCHN said to me the other day put one more blanket on than you'd think necessary. During the day she's still pretty much in all in one suits, she's got some cute little summery suits that i do hope she gets some wear out of. I was having issues with attachment and still do at times but we're working on it, the main thing is i know she's getting the milk even if she's hurting me and she's 'thriving' from what the MCHN said. During the day she seems to be waking a little longer and looking around with her beautiful eyes, taking in the sights and sounds of her noisey brothers.
I've just seen that Marcellus and Audax have said some very similar things to me so between us all it sounds like we're on a similar page. It really does get easier girls xoxo
I could keep going girls but i'm so tired and i need to get into bed before Harper wakes again, DH is out at his work dinner tonight so not sure what kind of condition he'll come home in. More snoring for me to listen to i'm sure...
Sweet dreams all and hope you have a good night xoxo
Myboys: When you bath her is it before or after a feed? I am unsure when the best time at night is to be giving My little girl a bath and she Has dry skin too, mostly on her belly, I might rub in some moisturizer then. We were having attachment issues & someone suggested I swaddle her before feeds and I've had no issues since
Babyluv i feed her before a bath, maybe one side or both and she seems to be much happier during a bath. I'd generally feed her what she wants again after the bath to help her go off to sleep, relaxed, full and smelliing beautifully. I just bought the bottle of GAIA moisturiser and it rubs in beautifully, i think she likes it. It varies as to what time because i'm juggling bath/bed time with the boys aswell but i definately do it in the evening. It may be 6-7. I might try the swaddling too, the original side that was killing me seems to be great but she seems to now be attaching terribly on the other side. I tried lying down last night but there wasn't a whole lot of improvment. I can't wait to have all that sorted out.
Harper was great last night, very content and fed and settled really well.
Hey girls, just a quick one.....will see if this link works (just wanted to share our little man). Will be back later for personals. Got a hungry boy!!
Last edited by Jules84; December 19th, 2010 at 10:05 AM.
My girl is the same, I think she is finished feeding because she's asleep and I've tried getting her to keep feeding without success, do up my top, put her to bed and then she wants to feed again!!!
Marcellus - That is such fantastic advice. I honestly can't explain how helpful all this is. One of my friends is due to have her baby in four weeks and I'm going to suggest she join bellybelly as she is very similar to me when it comes to being a first time mum. I bought a sling, DH went into the baby shop and picked it - bless him. But do you think I can use it properly? NOPE! I need to get Jacob in it while he's calm and figure it out together.. it's a minimonkey one - it was all they had apparantly... I can't wait to be able to use it properly, I can't get ANYTHING done when he's awake or wanting to be my little koala bear...which is ok now while DH is home but once he's back at work I'm really going to need to be able to get up and about.
Audux - your little one sounds very similar to Jacob with the feeding, he falls asleep really easy at the boob, it's just when I go to put him to bed he's not happy! Sounds like you have a nice little routine that works for you though!! Hehehe had to laugh at the farty pants and having a wee with her nappy off...Jacob has peed on me soooo many times! and he is a master farter!! I think it's such a good thing that they are able to pass wind so easily, saves having a tummy ache!
Myboys - you're doing a wonderful job keeping up with us all when you have three little ones to look after! Thanks for your confidence in me, I'm definately doing my very best and find that all this information is invaluable. Bellybelly has been the best thing for me...I'm beginning to wonder how any new mum survives without it!! I'm so happy for you having such a great routine with Miss Harper already!! You are doing a fantastic job. I didn't know you could bath the baby straight after a feed!! We were told by the midwives in hospital to wait at least half an hour? We generally bath him when he wakes for a feed around 6 or 7 but as much as he loves a bath he cries for the majority of it cause he's hungry!! I told DH we should try bathing him after a top up (given that it's around his cluster feeding time anyway) and he said "no, that's not the routine and remember what the midwives said? won't he spew everywhere??" can't win sometimes!!
Must be off...I've been writing this post for the past two hours on and off hopefully it makes sense!!
If I don't make it back tonight I hope you all have a wonderful night and sweet dreams. xoxo
Oh and thanks for the comments on our little one!!
Jules - we have a Close Baby Carrier. And two other slings, but that's our favourite. So easy to use and super comfy. We've even managed two feeds in there, and one was while I was hanging out the washing, I was amazed that she stayed attached!
Little Nellie has been a bit fretful today. Some friends had a Christmas party and we'd planned to go but decided not to push our luck. She's just been having a hard time settling and every now and then she gets really wriggly - arching and curling her back. Can't work out why - whether it's something I've eaten, or even that it's cold today and we've really struggled to dress her properly. Who knows?
We have a cot, but it's kind of a token gesture because we co-sleep. I tried putting her in it for a while last night, and lasted long enough for me to go to the loo, but it didn't feel right, I really struggled with it. So she's back to being on my shoulder, in the sling, or in bed with me.
Enormous poo this morning! In a brand new nappy! And it's raining massively, so the washing will take forever. Oh well.
Hi there ladies.... Looks like I fit nicely into this group! I look forward to sharing these wonderful times with you all....
I know most of you but a quick run down.... I was induced a day before my due date, not for medical reasons. It was either the 14th or the 23rd so I opted for the 14th. So glad I did. I was already 2cm dialated when I got to the hospital. The gel was inserted at 7am which took me to 3cm dialated by 10.45am (without any real contractions, just strong braxton hicks). My waters were broken then which instantly gave me contractions 2 mins apart. They were very managable until 12.30pm when I had one whopper then it was all on from there. I was only 4cms at around 12.40pm then my gorgeous EDEN was born at 1.31pm. They didn't grade my tear as I tore up (to the clitoris). I had a few internal stitches and an external one. Thankfully I didn't have any bruising & not much swelling so it hasn't been painful at all. I feel fantastic
Eden started feeding within half hour after the birth & has been a champ feeder since. He feeds every 3 to 4 hours at the moment. My nipples are quite sore but that's to be expected. Luckily my milk came in on day 2 so he only lost 130grams. He was 3.5kgs (7pd 12).
Well that's a run down. I will catch up with you all over the next few days
Jules your little man is gorgeous. So precious. I haven't been told before that you should bath half an hour after a feed but it's personal choice so do what you feel your comfortable with. With Aidan we would do it straight after waking and he'd scream the whole time and then someone told me to feed first and it was soooo much better after that. He actually enjoyed it. So far Miss Harper isn't too spewy it's not really an issue for us. Hope you and your little man get the hang of the swing and it allows for some free hands sometimes. I have been using mine at home and at the shops and i love it.
Audax how's your little one? Does she seem over her uncomfortableness?? I was a bad mum and had fish and chips on Saturday night (out of exhaustion and just needing to eat something) but poor Harper paid for it all of yesterday. In the end i gave her a bit of Stomach Calm, it was right towards the end of the day so she'd put up with most of it on her own but i just wanted to ease her belly in some way. Either is worked or she'd gotten most of it out because we had a pretty good night. No more fish and chips for me!!
Welcome Georgi, we'll all be spread across 3 goups (with some still waiting) i think but hopefully just stick together in here. How's your little man going?
Hope you and your little one are well Babyluv.
I'm off to the shops for one last time before Christmas with Harper. The boys are in care so it's the best chance i'll get. She's still doing pretty well but she sure does have a temper already. She screams way more than i remember my boys doing, she goes from 0 to 100 in seconds. She pretty much fed all of yesterday because of her sore belly but hopefully that is over now and she'll have a better day. She had a pretty good night which i'm glad because she would have been exhausted from the day. We're having photos taken this afternoon so i have to go and get outfits organised for us and the boys and just pray and hope that they are co-operative this afternoon.
I better go because my mum will be waiting for me to pick her up. Talk soon ladies xox
Our little love didn't get over her discomfort, whatever caused it. She had her bath last night, and a big feed, which usually zonks her out for a while, but she woke up a lot of times through the night, wanting feeding and cuddles. It was very cold - both DH and I got up to put on warmer clothes, and I put a warmer wrap on her. I seriously never thought I'd be wearing two layers in Brissie in December, and hence bubba has no clothes!
I'm thinking of braving a milk and bread run today - if I see anywhere that sells little cardigans, I might have to pop in! That's a sure way to make it stay warm...
This morning she seems a bit better - dozing in the sling right now so I can get some washing done! Might even be reeeeally organised and get dinner on. Hmmmm.
Audax, I found DS started getting unsettled around the 2-week mark, so it might just be an age thing. There's a tendency for them to cry more and be more unsettled in the 2nd month of life, then it settles down again. No real reason, just a baby thing.
Welcome Georgi, sounds like you have it all going very well so far.
Thanks for all the information and advice girls, especially those of you that have been here before, it really is invaluable and I can't thank you enough.
Jules, it's great to hear that other people are suffering from the same issues as us and we aren't alone in the sleepless nights, what to wear questions, not wanting to be alone etc. We have gone back to swaddling him with a muslin and the last two days were quite good - eat, sleep in the basinette no problems, eat, sleep in the basinette no problems etc, but he's quite unsettled today and will only sleep in DH's arms. We managed to stretch his last two daytime feeds out to 3 hrs yesterday by being out and about walking, but he was feeding every 1.5hrs last night so he was getting his own back that's for sure, although he goes straight back to sleep after a feed which is a real blessing and makes the night a bit less of a hardship. I really wish my boobs had a ml measure on them though so I knew how much he was taking, cos when he falls asleep while feeding (most feeds) then I'm sure he can't be getting very much, and it's impossible to wake him.
When we do manage to find the time to bath (about every other day), I feed him then straight into the bath (which he loves and seems to soothe him), then a top up feed and then try and get him to sleep. Connor's skin is also very dry, and bathing him seems to make it a bit worse, so I'm torn between trying to bath him every evening and him learning that this is a sign that bedtime is on it's way, and not wanting to dry his skin out too much. We've been using a moisturiser too, but just not on his hands because he puts them in his mouth.
Audax - are you using cloth nappies? How are you finding them? We planned to use disposables for the first month and then start on the reusables, but my little one is almost a month old now and I still haven't ordered them so I guess it will be well into the new year by the time I get them on him.
The weather is not great here today either so we are having a quiet pj day while our guests go out sightseeing.
Picketty - we are bathing almost every day but just in water, because she's become such a chucker. It's DH's job and he loves it. Then in the morning I do a bit of baby massage with olive oil. Her skin's pretty good. just heat rash in her creases, and a bit flakey from being so well-baked. The oil really helps.
We are using cloth nappies, and I love them. We're actually using cloth everything: breast pads, mumma pads, wipes, the whole lot. We're a bit green in this house It's really easy, I'm washing every 2-3 days and it doesn't take long to chuck them in the wash and hang them out. And they're so cute!
I braved the supermarket run, just had to time it well, so we left after a big sleep and feed. She was alert and smiling the whole way there, cracked it a bit inside the actual supie, then settled down again as soon as we were outside, and went back to sleep. Quite a successful mission. She's all snuggled up on my shoulder now, snoozing.
It's really easy, I'm washing every 2-3 days and it doesn't take long to chuck them in the wash and hang them out. And they're so cute!
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