Hi yummy mummies,
I have had a tough couple of days with depression and anxiety. I have a mental health nurse coming to visit on Monday morning. I have been getting anxious about each fed time cause then I know comes the possibility of screaming and crying due to wind, settling and generally I just freak out when he really gets going. So much so that even when I finally get him settled and asleep I have been pacing the house anxiously waiting for the next feed. Its been really debilitating. I had a chat with my mum a week ago and that I really need her. things have been hard between us for a few years now but enough is enough. So she spent yesterday with me and I broke down into tears as I bought a sling thing for me to wear with JD and when I got home DH almost had him asleep so I thought it would be a excellent time to try him in it. But it scared him so much he started screaming and I just panicked and began feeling really devistated in myself for being so stupid and upsetting him like that. It didn't take long to settle him down again, but I spent the afternoon on the floor crying my eyes out for being such a crap mother.
Anyway, eventually I snapped out of it and I realised that I am just scared of hurting him, or breaking him or stuffing him up in some way. I have always been pretty clumsy and hopeless with important things and I guess I am just terrified that I will break him in some way and that breaks my heart. I have almost no confidence. But last night I got so ****ty at myself for being such a sook and I kept saying that he is only a baby, how can I be so scared of a baby? I have broken in young horses and even a brought up and trained a young colt of course I can handle one little baby! I am still trying to keep myself strong and determined to not be so scared and anxious but i can still feel it inside of me but hopefully each day that I get by and not HURT him the more confident I will get. Last night while DH was at sport I even made a bath and jumped in it with JD and he loved it! It was the skin to skin that I think we both really needed and I am going to try and do it again this week.
Oh man this mother thing is so hard, but like anything new like starting a new job there is a time of transition before you start to feel like you know what your doing. I have never been good at that part and always want to on top of things and confident right from the beginning, but I have always lived in a fantasy world in my head and this has certainly brought me crashing back down to earth! I just pray that I stay strong and each day just gets better and better for me.
As for BF, it seems I am loosing my supply probably because I am feeding him formula as well. He seems to like the formula better. Certainly keeps him happier for longer. I love BF, I don't have any problems doing it but bottles are easier so I just express once in the morning and once in the evening and thats about all I get out of my BB now. But I am not worried as long as JD is happy then so am I.
Amanda huge hugs hunny. Having a baby for the first time is damn hard. Its scary and exciting at the same time. For me, i have PND, i feel your pain and your worries. Im glad you have some help coming your way on Monday, thats excellent your reaching out. If you ever need to talk PANDA are great, or Beyond Blue as well.
It seems alot of babies settle better on formula. I know Zach does, simply because it fills him up more and i can get a good 3-5 hours between feeds.
Amanda I totally feel you, I have an oversupply as well as too strong of letdown and a foremilk/ hindmilk imbalance. As a result I get a baby who screams at the breast, chokes while he feeds, screams if he is not on the breast because of his tummy pain and wants to feed every 30 mins to an hour and usually mostly at night when I want to sleep. I gave him a bottle of formula just before bed and got 3 hours out of him! I am trying to reduce this supply of mine but don't have the sanity left to wait for it to work. I hope the nurse works well with you to find some coping stratagies, it is really hard being a mum and I don't think it gets easier with each one so far. You sound like you are doing a great job so far, and don't give up on the sling just yet, maybe try it in a few weeks and see how you go then.
Kim, is your PND ongoing or did it start up again? I have moments of it coming and going, usually with situations that make me anxious like going somewhere or trying to organise dinner, feeding Xavier etc. Is your DH back at work now? 3.6kg! They grow up so quickly don't they?
Ack!!!! So much for personals, I have a toddler trying to torment a baby and bash my keyboard while I am shouting time out at him
Xavier got weighed yesterday and has gained 500gms making him 4.3kgs now, time to pack away the 0000's now So yeah, worked out I have oversupply, signed up to ABA and ordered the booklet Too Much, hopefully I get some good tips out of it, atm just feeding on the one side for 5 hours or so letting the other get engorged so it sends the signal to the brain to slow production, then I swap sides. I am just at high risk of blocked ducts and mastitis from doing it :s.
Hugs to everyone else, hope everyone is settling in well. BBL to re-attempt personals.
We're going away for the weekend! I haven't got to see any of Australia yet so its fantastic! We leave tomorrow morning and come back on sunday, just going to Canberra but staying in a lovely hotel with a swimming pool. Do you know if theres any reason Larissa wouldn't be allowed in a pool? Or where we could get something for her to wear in it? She's been pretty good, we had one full nights sleep but last night she was up 3 times. Pretty irregular sleep patterns still. We bought her a wipedown mat so she can have some naked time after getting out of the bath or shower and she poos on it every single time!
I was wondering about foods that you shouldnt eat while bfing too? Some days she seems to have awful wind and some days she has none so is there anything we can do to stop that?
Amanda - you shouldn't let yourself get so worked up. I'm sure you're a fantastic mum, I'm sure that JD can sense your lack of confidence and maybe thats why he seems to be a handful for you at times.
LMS - How did you work out that you had an oversupply of milk? Did you just work it out yourself or did a midwife tell you?
Great question re the pool Brunette! I am curious of the answer too although I still have bleeding so I can't go in yet I worked out the oversupply myself, I did a process of elimination using infants friend and gaviscon to rule out reflux and colic, middy suggested lactose intolerance to which I looked at on the ABA site and it said that overload/ foremilk/hindmilk imbalace mimicked intolerance. I expressed some BM last night and got 150mls of just foremilk in 5 minutes and still had more foremilk coming out. Not to mention letdown feels like nails are being stabbed into my nipples I feel better knowing and at least I have too much and not enough so I should be thankfull really. As for wind, Infants Friend works well to get wind out but I don't know about food you eat causing it, I can't eliminate food I eat, I am too selfish for that
I am starting to feel a bit better. Am quiet annoyed at myself actually for being such a sook and mental case. When does the settling part get easier thats that part that gets me all churned up. I know its only been 3 weeks. I am too impatient and want to be good at things straight away. So I am my own worst enemy most of the time.
Has anyone been given the mini pill as contraception yet? My GP gave me a script for a mini pill called Microlut. Has anyone taken that and how did they go with it. When should you start taking the pill and how soon will it be effective? And are Mini pills really that effective?
I really want to be able to DTD with DH and not feel scared that I may fall pregnant again as that has happened to so many people before. I just wouldn't cope if that happened to me right now. We have DTD twice since JD's birth and attempted a 3rd time the other night but I have been having a stinging sensation when I pee for about a week now that I need to see the GP about and anyway it hurt too much so we stopped. I think it was because we used a condom before and they really irritate me in there. So the pill is something I need to get right.
Anyway would love to know your thoughts. Just another thing for me to worry about!
Amanda when you mean settling..do you mean after JD is fed and back to sleeping or? For us, Ruby will wake feed either fall straight asleep or need a bottom change where other breast is offered. In between these times are wakeful times where she is wanting to look around and watch intently. She is happy during these times and not unsettled at all. Im guessing poor little JD is feeling unsettled after his feeds and is not bringing up wind to be able to be calm is that right?
I was on microlut when breastfeeding Jess and fell pregnant with Emmy, so although its very very rare it can happen. Im not going on the pill at all, Darren is booking in to have a vasectomy again.
We dtd for the first time yesterday and it was a bit ouchy as well. It takes time to heal i guess, even not delivering vaginally. Id say maybe have an irritation/infection with the burning feeling you poor chookie. I had that for a couple of days but it cleared up on its own which im thankful for.
Dont be hard on yourself..im sure we all have sooky days..whilst we have superhuman powers being woman and making milk lol, we are human and its normal to feel emotional and overwhelmed..its a huge adjustment.
so is expressing milk fast a sign of having an oversupply, because mine comes out really fast too but I don't think quite as fast as yours does. Also how do you know the difference between fore and hind milk?? Haha regarding you being too selfish to elimintae food!! We've looked at the wetsite of the local baby place and they have swim nappys from 5kgs. Do you think this is cos they shouldnt be in the water before then or just that there isnt too much demand for it?
grrr I just lost a big post!! But Steph has already asked one of my questions and that was about fore and hind milk.
My other question is that I got some fenugreek today and on the bottle it says its to treat colds etc...nothing about increasing milk supply, this is still the stuff to take isn't it? The chemist lady knew thats what I wanted it for.
Also is 100ml from both breasts enough to be expressing at this stage? Is that how much milk Harley should be getting each feed from the bottle? I was happy to have him on the breast but he just never seemed to settle, and it is just hard for me to know how much he is getting so I'm just expressing most of his feeds now. Just hoping that 100ml a feed is good enough for him!
Also I don't know if he has reflux but he seems to be doing a lot of power spewing, it goes everywhere, and comes out his nose my poor lil thing. He does seem unsettled after a feed until he spews, so just don't know if its reflux or not. Maybe a trip to the doctor could be good...
I had a list of personals I had typed up so will do my best to say the same thing again...hate losing posts!
Kim: Ur so lucky that Craig works from home, some days I wish Rob did as well!!
Jo: So happy for u that Ruby is a good bub!
Victoria: Also happy that Harrison is going real well! U poor thing with the heat, all u southern girls are copping it bad, hope it cools down real soon!
Amanda: Big hugs hun, hope u are feeling real well soon and that JD starts to settle better for u!
Steph: Hope u have a great trip away, and with the pool, I wouldn't start till about 4months but thats just me...and by the looks of things, Harley won't get to the pool till next summer!
Sarah: Hope ur supply slows down for u! Yeh I had the question about fore and hind milk for u, how can u tell the difference? I have no idea!
Big hellos to everyone else and hope u are all well and same with ur beautiful bubbas! Hope the weather down south cools down real soon as well!
Amanda sorry you are having a rough time of it. It sure takes time getting used to the demands of motherhood. Be kind to yourself.
Kim sorry you have PND again.
Brunette thats great you can get away! We have started doing no nappy and tummy time as well. Ruby enjoys and poos and wees every time nappy is off lol! Ive never put bubs in a pool before 4-5 months...more because of the chlorine issue, so I guess it depends on that. As for food affecting bubs, I think its a trial and error thing. I know chocolate is never good for me..damn! Cabbage is a windy one too.
Sarah certainly sounds tough for you right now. Hope offering the one breast does help to slow down production, it must be frustrating for little Xavier as well.
PLC thats so great! You are doing a wonderful job. You must feel on top of the world after having probs with feeding your son..wtg!
Weve been plodding along nicely here. I feel a tad guilty as Ruby is such a calm easy baby and seems to be putting on weight nicely without any drama. Darren goes back to work on Monday, same day as the kids for school so will be very strange just with me and the little two kids, im nervous but looking forward to it at the same time. Ive just converted the study into a playroom as Sammys room is upstairs with us and I have no room for toys for Ruby! Sammy is excited about it! Anyway have to finish school supply shopping for Jess today and do a grocery shop, its getting low!
JK! 
So yeah, worked out I have oversupply, signed up to ABA and ordered the booklet Too Much, hopefully I get some good tips out of it, atm just feeding on the one side for 5 hours or so letting the other get engorged so it sends the signal to the brain to slow production, then I swap sides. I am just at high risk of blocked ducts and mastitis from doing it :s. 
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