Have to be quick, need to do some last minute things around the house while DA is asleep.
Tam - congrats on the + - very happy for you, and so happy it was all natural and no stress this time
Lisa - Hope Kobi is better, that must have been such a scare
Sal - I would be so freaked out with the spotting.. i had some bleeding from using the epi-no a few weeks before i had DA, i was a mess, so i don't know how i would cope with spotting early on.. So how many weeks did you jump by?? Is your ticker right not?
Julie - hope Clarie is going well
Laura - Glad your enjoying the book, keep telling us stuff ok??
Dianna - Hope things go a bit better on the attachment front, it must be really really hard and i really feel for you. Can maybe your husband take a day off work so you can get a break if he is ok with him?
Jillian and Jo and everyone else - hope you are all well
Well, i've had basically the worse week ever... Its just so hard, and the funeral was very difficult, and to make matter worse my mother just can't help herself being horrible at the funeral, saying "just pull yourself together, you didn';t even cry this much at your own uncles funeral" (which is crap i did)
But its not just about me losing (not loosing hey Sal) Michael, I'm also so upset because somebody i love is devasated at losing his father, and i'm sad that my children will never know their papa. I eventally broke down and told DH that night what she said (after smashing the sterring wheel the entrie way home from the funeral out of anger to her.. DH said later he thought i ws just really upset about his dad), and DH thinks she just feels threatened, that if i love my PIL that i love them less that kinda thing....
But not talking to her wont teach her anything, and i've finally accepted that i can't change her so i don't bother anymore, i just normally tell her i can't talk to her if she is being like that.. but mainly i called her a few days later because DH wanted me to, her said after losing his father suddenly he didn't want there to be any rifts in the family, so i did it for him...
Anyway, he gave a beautify eulogy, which i helped write... But it was very hard and very sad.. Michael was only 65, he would have been 66 this week... And also it was my DH 24th birthday on Wednesday, he had to spend it eulogizing his father which i guess i found very tragic...
Anyway, he was a process where there is this intense mourning for 7 days.. The mouners (his mum, bro, sisters & aunt), don't really leave the house at all, and people come for prayers 3 times a day so they can say a special prayer in memory of his father (he will have to say it 3 times a day for the next 11 months), and there are lots of other restrictions:
some last only these 7 days (sit on low chairs, basically just talk about their dad the whole time and try and remember them, tear their clothes, can't talk froviously, can't hug or kiss or have marital relations, can't wear leather shoes)
some last for 30 days (don't shave, only bath in cold water)
and some will last the entire 11 months (no music, don't go to celebrations)
There are plently of others but i can't think of them all off the top of my head..
Anyway, i'm in some kind of limbo, i'm not a mourner, so i can do anything, but at the same time its very hard cos i don't get a chance to sit down and talk about my feelings (basically bpeople come to the house all day long to try and consol the mourners, and tell about positive experiences of the deceased), and i really have to be in charge of stuff, like all the food everybody in the community has bought us, but i'm still very sad and cos DH is at his mothers house all day long I don't really get a chance to talk to him..
I feel really guilty about all the things i should have done or said, and that i just should have involved them more in our lives.. I've been quite selfish not going over there, justifying it by they weren't up to it, which maybe they weren't but i also preferred to go to my mums, and i always thought he was going to get better, that he would beat this, and there would be more time... Makes you appreciate what you have got!
At least we all went to see him the night before, but none of us said goodbye as we thought he was going to be fine, i just said, "bye Michael, see you after the operation", i never told him thankyou for being so wonderful and for always dropping everything to help me when i needed it! I really regret that, and just hope he knows now..
Oh, and the strange thing is that every since the funeral, DA has been incredible at sleeping..slept through 3 nights in a row (for like 10 - 11 hours), last night he did wake up after 6 hours for a quick feed, and has also been having at least a 2 hours nap in the morning (sometime even 3 hours), and if anything he has been more disrupted (and we haven;t changed a thing about his rountine) with what has been going on.. Its hard for him to sleep in the afternoon as we are at my MIL, and my SIL is here from Israel with her baby, so she has the port-a-cot... We tried to put him to sleep on my MIL bed surrounded by pillows, but he woke up and rolled off, got such a fright and i felt shocking! Adn for the first time ever he has falled asleep like 4 times in his strolled and slept there for 1 hr!!
I said to Rob, you dad my be watching out for us from heaven, and helping me to get DA to sleep finally!
Oh, and he is crawling around like crazy, touching and trying to break everything.. he is such a distructo child.. why couldn't my boy be nice and gentle?? seriously, rob and I are like nice quiet people, and DA likes to touch power points and rip things up and throw thinsg everywhere...
Don't wish for them to crawl to early, its really hard cos they get everywhere!
Good thing he is so cute!
Anyway, i must go, need to do some washing and then when DA is awake (has been down for 2 hours now), have to go to my PIL
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