Babies Born July 2007 #14

[Megan76]

OK some days i just get myself in such a pickle! Lucas has been awesome at putting himself to sleep and so when he doesn't i just get confused about what to do....this morning i had to pick him up and rock him to sleep then when i put him down he only slept for 20min so i got him up and he was tired and cranky again shortly after so that's when i put him back to bed and did the controlled crying....BAD MOVE, BAD MUMMY!! He ended up screaming the whole course of it, i ended up having to rock him to sleep and he slept in my arms for 40 min with a poo in his nappy that was making me dry reach (didn't realise it was there till he was asleep!).....now i could have saved time and heartache if i had have just done that at the start but i always have this voice in my head saying "don't pick him up....he has to do it himself" and i don't know where that voice has come from, if he usually does it himself it really cant hurt. I think i am just not ready his signs right but i dont know if i am going too early or too late. This mummy stuff is hard. Anyway i am waffling i just tend to stress myself out too much.

Ta had to vent!

[mrscricket]

We are having a bad reaction to needles i think.. I just held my boy in my arms while he screamed himself to sleep. It was so sad . We wnet down to the supermarket and he normally lays in the trolley singing, charming strangers and laughing at random things like bags of sugar. Today he just layed there cuddling his monkey, looking at people with sad eyes like, 'my mummy stabbed me this morning'. I feel so bad..

Megan - i am so much like you. I panic if i have a day where he doesnt sleep, i start thinking 'this is it, this is the day where he will develop all his bad habits if i pick him up', then its just tears all around. Its terrible this mummy guilt, isnt it?

OK, off to grab lunch before he wakes again.

[Megan76]

Just thought i'd quickly share this if anyone's interested...just got out the "tired signs" handout from the sleep school i did.

6-12 months

- increasing interaction with caregiver
- disinterested or bored with toys/surroundings
- decreased concentration span
- happy for short periods when entertained then grizzling resumes
- less co-ord mvts, clumsy, easily frustrated
- grizzling gets more intense
- needs constant entertainment, nursing or "jiggling"
- rubs nose and eyes, pulls at ears

May help someone! Still hard to figure out though!!

Obviously got it wrong again as Lucas is in bed crying again!! AAAAARRRRHHHH!

Em- I hope Tom starts to perk up again soon!! It is very sad when they groan or scream themselves to sleep!!

[Enchanted]

Ooeer! Thanks so much for that Megan... that is a great help! I am always sooo confused by Oscar's tired signs now!!

We went to the MCHN today and Oscar is a little chubba he weighs 9.06kgs! So he has put on just under 2kgs in 2 months!! Some tough love with be going on here tonight as Oscar is waking up 2 times a night now and feeding both times. He has been doing it for a month now and is having roughly 8, yes 8 bottles a day!!! So I am just exhausted from it all and I dare say tomorrow I will be VERY tired but fingers crossed that my efforts tonight work. I'm not expecting it to change overnight but any improvement will do!

[CrystalBoo]

Megan, Em, that's what Autie was doing all of a sudden up until 3 days ago. I know some people have been very happy with controlled crying and each to their own but this book I was reading called the "Science of Parenting" describes how natural it is for babies of all mammal species to cry if left alone as it means their survival if they are not found, and how stress hormones get released when they are left to cry and build up making it very hard to sleep peacefully or resettle when they come through the cycle. (like how you don't sleep well when something is worrying you) The success of CC comes because of exhaustion or just giving up (sounds so sad doesn't it?) and may lead to changes in the chemicals and pathways of the brain making it difficult for them to feel sympathy, build trusting relationships etc later in life. I certainly don't want to make anyone feel guilty as, with all books, it could be just someone's opinion even though it is based on science. Since going completely in the opposite direction to CC, Autie has been having 3 - 4 hours sleep each day (up from about 1 1/2) I am aware that her problems could also have been teeth, crawling frustration etc., but she hasn't accomplished either of these and has settled down anyway. Even as I write this I know the crazy back-and-forth about what I should be doing might come back (do I? don't I? ) but I've just come to the realisation that things with these babies change everyday and I'm going to just do what makes us both relaxed and happy. I figure there's heaps of time when she understands more to be firmer about bedtimes and wakings. I do want to emphasize though, this is just me and my take on things and not a judgement against anyone who does it differently. Who knows? - it might all go downhill again tomorrow! LOL

Danielle, you're not alone in the night feedings, Autie always has woken at least twice and I still feed though it's BF. Maybe it's just a phase for you if he's learning new physical skills?

[Megan76]

Thanks Sacha, very interesting...just curious, instead of controlled crying what are you now doing with Autie to get her to sleep? Or is she just doing it herself?
Oshani - good luck tonight!

[CrystalBoo]

She has always preferred to feed to sleep Megan. When I see her getting tired, I put her on for a few minutes even if she's not due - I guess I am her dummy as she has never taken one! Over the last couple of days though, she has pulled off at the last minute and is wanting me to put her down while really really drowsy.

[Ngala]

oh how embarrassing!! We just went and done our entire food shopping and we couldnt even bring it home because Jason exceeded his daily limit and to make it worse, he was getting angry at ME because I didnt realise he spent all HIS daily limit. ARGHH!! Now I gotta go back tomorrow and pick it all up.. What a friggin waste of time

[Enchanted]

OMG V... I would have been embaressed too!! I dread that happening to us! One night Shane and I did a HUGE shop and when we got to the checkout he asked me for my bag. I told him I didn't bring it with me and he went mad at me because I always take my bag and so he put his ATM card in there!! So I had to drive 15 mins home to get it and then go back.... this was at 9.30pm!! Needless to say he never puts his stuff in my bag anymore until we are out of the house!

[kungfubecca]

hi all,

Zofia, hugs, i think that we will all if not already experience a time when it feels like we do nothing right. it will probably happen heaps of times over. The good part is that you have reached out to some one and talked about ite, and that shows true strength. Anyone can hidw, you have faced youor challenges head on.
that seems a bit rough about the recruiter, did they give you a reason. surley it's classed as discrimination of some sort.

all of you talking about this rolling is making me wonder if I should by a stack of velcro and stick him down to his bed

megan hugs for you too, ad he pooed after he woke, could that have been the reson he wouldn't go back, or maybe he had a pain in his tummy then pooed and then was happy in mums arms and nodded off??

em, hugs coming your way too, I can almost picture that look you discribed. I'm sure he wasn't angry with you though. Probably just a little off colour.

Danielle, although I think it's hard sometimes, resigining yourself to the fact will actually help you deal with it a whole lot better than if you wern't ready fr it. Like taking the bull by the horns, iykwim

From the sounds of it we are all having different challenges latley. We are now starting the hard stuff of some cranky times wth some teeth poddibly and a bit more movement . I still don't know what I'm doing from one day to the next, I really am just winging everything lol

[blueflower]

Hello Ladies.
I am just home from netball and have the ****s, cause we had a player bring a friend, 'incase we dont have enough players' well we had 9 in total (for you non-netball fans you play with 7 on the court ) Well this girl played the whole game, and didnt even offer to come off so us other players had to sub between us regular team players. Grgghhh somepoeple. The funny thing is that the girl that brought the friend only joined the team 3 games ago. Mmm Oh well. nothing I can do about it now.

We had our first mothers group meeting today. Was quite good. All the bubs are 5 1/2 months-7months. Didint really learn much today, more of a chat and get to know you fort of thing. They all seem really nice which is good.

Keycards- I was laughing as well, cause one day, Aaron walked to the shops (50min walk) to get bread and milk, and when he went to pay for the food, he realised that I had his card from the day before when I ad used it. So he had to walk all the way back home, get the card, drive there and pay for the food. He was so embarrassed, but the lady was apparently nice and said, it happens all the time. He never got mad at me or anything. Was funny though, as I realsied just as I heard him unlock the front door that I had his card. Hehehe Opps!

Also- for those with bubs sleeping on their stomach, we got some info from sids at te class today. i will read in tongiht and post what it says.

Well I am off to play some comupter games!!! Then will go and express for the mornings rice cereal meal.

[blueflower]

Wow, i just posted another word for poo's and it got astericks out! Opps sorry Mods!

[tears_of_joy]

Hi Ladies

Hope you and your Bubba's are all well

I was doing so well, keeping up in here and posting for a few days in a row and now i haven't been on for a few days again and im lost lol I have been bitten by the Gastro bug and the last 24hrs have pretty much been spent in the toilet (TMI sorry) It feels like morning sickness again!!

I got a little teary eyed lastnight as Ethan is almost crawling, gee the 9 months to get there here goes so slow and 9 months hasn't even passed yet and they have accomplished so much in such a small amount of time Dont know wether to be happy or sad lol.

All the talk about solids, i think ethan may be the only one not having them! I was naughty and gave Ethan his first taste of baby rice at 3 months, he didnt like it at all, but by 3.5months he was having vege's for dinner and occasionally i would offer fruit. When I changed Ethans formula to the Step 2 (he was 5.5months, 2 weeks early as i got the wrong one and didnt realise for a few days) He refused solids, but i was told that it was probably the change in milk as it is a bit heavier and probably a bit more filling too, so ethan hasnt had any for a few weeks now. I have offered but he is not interested and is still satisfied with just milk, once we move in to our new house i might start dropping a ff and giving him solids instead to hopefully encourage him to "dig in" again.

Well im off for a shower and bed. Will try to catch up with personals again tomorrow.
Goodnight

[Starfish]

Hi everyone

Sasha - thanks for that comment re cc and "The Science of Parenting". I haven't read the actual book but I have read many articles that refer to it. It just sounds so logical, doesn't it? I personally think that you should do whatever works with your bub, but my mummy instinct always had a problem with cc. Diana is not a great sleeper during the day, I don't really see this as a problem. So I don't get the housework done - big deal...

Megan - thanks for posting those tired signs. I realise now that I miss some of Diana's. So that's why she doesn't sleep much during the day. I will be more vigilant now.

Rebecca - I didn't get a reason for the recruitment agent dumping me, but I spoke to my ex, who is also a recruitment agent, and he said that an agency can do that if they receive really bad feedback about you, i.e. bad references. I did not leave my last job on the best of terms, thought my boss was out to get me, etc, then when I was diagnosed with pnd, thought that it had all been in my head, but now I'm thinking that maybe not. So I am leaving my last job off my cv now. It's not like it was interesting or I learned anything form it anyway...

Hi to everyone else.

Poor Diana - she's only 7 months old and already her legs are getting too long for 00 pants. She's going to have long legs like her mother. Grrr, I was so hoping that she'd inherited the short genes... I find it so hard to buy pants that are long enough.

[BhoysGirl]

Sara - HAPPY HALF BIRTHDAY to Ethan!

Hey Zofia - it's been bugging me all night that your recruiter dropped you. I was up twice, and it popped into my head both times. Like Rebecca, I hope that they gave you a good reason for it, otherwise what can you do to fix why they feel they can't place you. Because even if it's a completely bogus reason (and I'm not doubting that it is), you still have to be able to change their perceptions. Dumbheads. No offence to anyone that is a recruiter cos I'm sure that many of them are lovely people, but from a couple of very personal (bad) experiences, I find them to be very frustrating and often very smugly arrogant people to deal with. Think it's because they have power over you. Enough of my soapbox.

Question - if they're grizzling before sleeping is that doing them damage, or is it only when it's a real cry that it's considered controlled crying? I don't want to be raising an axe murderer, but I only go into Liam now if it's a real cry. If it's a grizzle I leave him. Now I'm starting to feel guilty & anxious.

[Megan76]

Morning all! Well i can't figure it out, this morning Lucas went to bed awake and put himself to sleep no problem at all! I think i just have to accept that we all have our off days, including babies and be a bit more resilient!

Sacha- Does that book actually give any suggestions for sleep? Or any other interesting tit bits you can share...maybe i should just buy the book it sounds interesting! Lucas is not a dummy boy either! He is actually the only baby i know that you have to take the dummy OFF him to sleep, it is his favourite toy but he just takes it in and out and sucks each side and looks at it with amazement! We actually introduced this little blanket called a "taggies" blanket instead, he only has it for bed and he plays with the tags for a bit and USUALLY!!!! drops off the sleep, i really recommend it!

Jan - i am sure the grizzly is fine!! I think all babies have a little grizzle before sleep.

Diana - i wouldn't be worried about the daytime sleeping either, but if Lucas doesn't get enough his eyes nearly pop out of his head and he becomes a sook!! I hope things look up on the work front for you!

Rebecca - you might be right about the poo! That's why i feel so bad that i left him to cry as he may have actually been in pain...oh well he seems to have forgiven me! i hope things are ok juggling work and mummydom, dont know how you do it!

Well off to get ready for mum's group!!

[CrystalBoo]

don't think you have to worry about turning Liam into another Ted Bundy Jan. LOL Grizzles are not the same as all out screaming IMO

Hope you're feeling better real soon Jessikah Being sick now (with a baby) is so much worse isn't it?

Megan, I know the taggie you mention and they are great - they always seem to gravitate towards tags don't they? I don't have one but autie was given a little blankie with an elephant head attached in the middle - do you know the ones I mean? It's just a small square and has a teether attached on one corner too. She always has this at sleep time and likes to scrunch it in her hands or smoosh her face into it or suck on the elephant's trunk LOL Oh and Autie loves to play with dummies too! She has a wide variety since I tried so hard to get her to take one!

As there seems to be a bit of interest I will share a bit more from the book, but I will say that if you are doing CC in it's most recognised form, you may not want to read this so please skip this post.

I will paraphrase here. So this is a little summary from the book.
If a child feels anxious, cortisol (stress hormone) is released. The longer they are left, the higher the level. Even when external signs are have decreased (crying, restlessness) the levels stay high or even increase further. Possible long term affects include adults that are hypersensitive to stress and not able to cope with it. Babies brains are immature and they are not capable of self soothing and bringing themselves back down after stress, but may go into a 'blank, staring state'. Helping a child by soothing and providing reassurance stimulates the release of oxytocin and opioids (feel good chemicals) Studies show that the sounds of mother's voice, her smell, a familiar cozy place all stimulate these chemicals as well so they suggest: something with mother's smell on it, voice recordings, massage and cuddly toys that are associated with relaxation feelings. Skin to skin contact is also highly recommended. "Kind sleep training" would involve going in constantly to give reassurance and if distress continues, leaving it to try at a later time (ie when they are a bit older) It also points out the most babies are terrible sleepers and if they won't settle , it's not that your parenting is inadequate. "Your primary aim at bedtime is to bring your child down from a superalert awake state, by activating the calming brain chemical oxytocin and the sleep hormone melatonin. The most likely way to achieve this is by establishing a soothing routine that will release the same chemicals whenever it is repeated" These are some more points:
*Stay calm, your baby will definitely pick up on any stress from you
*Dim lights, dark stimulates melatonin
*Avoid proteins two hours before bed as it activiates dopamine (brain stimulant). Carbs activate serotonin (sleepy chemical)
*The more daylight seen in the afternoon, the better children sleep
Hope that is the kind of information you were interested in. There is a lot said for co-sleeping as the skin on skin contact actually helps babies to regulate their own systems. Personally, Autie and I sleep better apart - we find each other too annoying! LOL The book talks of other areas also (behaviour, discipline, social skills etc) but I haven't read those yet. I suggest getting it from the library for free rather than buying it - you may not like it!

[Lea13]

Time for a new thread found HERE