KL - I'm not a professional (yet, you're later on the scene but I'm in the middle of a psychology course), however sitting on these experiences might seem like a good idea now, but can have serious long-term negative effects. My mum is a great case in point of trauma gone unaddressed. You are so young and you can nip it in the bud! My mum has spent a lifetime of covering over the ugly things that happened to her and she has quite a detachment from reality a lot of the time...she's just lost touch with what's real and what she has told herself. It has really affected her relationship with me and she projected a lot of her sexual hangups on me as a kid - telling me I was always interested in naked bodies as a kid (as if it was a bad thing even if it were true!), not letting me have a 'boyfriend' (from age 12...honestly, handholding was all I was at risk of!) and refusing to talk to me without a look of disgust for weeks when she realised that I was sexually active etc. And she hasn't done a great job of keeping it secret - it comes out in odd ways so I have put together a lot of things myself. I am just so sad that she didn't talk to anyone about these things sooner. But back to you, I know you think it's working to keep a lid on it and I also understand how effing scary it is to think about confronting these experiences and trying to make sense of what doesn't make sense, but I wouldn't want you to be an older woman wishing you'd faced your demons so that you could get on with your life a bit freer of that baggage (not that it leaves you, but you can identify when your past is interfering with the present and avoid complicating your life!). You think it doesn't, but by not addressing trauma, you do affect your relationships with the ones you're closest to. It gives you a great excuse to say "you don't understand me"...because you never gave yourself a chance to be understood. You know yourself that these things don't get 'forgotten'. I know this could be seen as a low blow, but would you want to teach Tee that should she ever have any traumatic experience that it's best not to talk about it? I am just of the opinion that we should try to live the kind of life we want our kids to live cos we are the example they are most likely to follow Just some food for thought, I mean, you're only 21 and the rest of your life is a long time to be carrying that crap around. I'm sad that somehow you learned that it wasn't worth talking about important things that have happened to you As everyone here already knows, when I can't make sense of something at any given time, I make an appointment with a counsellor! Sounds very American, but really all I do is go along, tell them what is going on and how I feel about it and if I can't get my head around it they get me to see things from a different angle and to reorganise it in a more constructive way in my head. Yes, sometimes I cry, but I'm allowed to FEEL things, that's what makes me human. Generally it's what I already know, but I wouldn't get that confirmation (and would otherwise continue to think I'm thinking about it all wrong) if I didn't get it out and bounce the ideas off someone else who is trained in the area and who is removed from the issue (and I've never had a trauma!). Growing up with my mum, I have no intention of being a martyr like she is because it helps no-one, least of all herself. That's all I shall say about it - ignore me if you need to, we don't have to talk about it ever again if you don't want to I care about the welfare of our Junies and they know I have my fair share of two cents' worth! Is this where I pull my head in, Rory I can't help myself, can I?
Bath, I got dinner! And a couple of nappies changed, but I can manage to do that myself. We slept for nearly 3 hours, me and Oscar. He is currently giggling and gurgling with DP who was just playing guitar to him. Now he's singing some sort of showtune (his daddy taught him well, he'd be smiling from ear to ear wherever he is now!).
Amanda - pottering around sounds nice!
Better get back to bed now. I can't believe I can't speak. Moreover, I can't believe I can't sing to my boy. It was depressing listening to songs on the radio and not being able to sing along for Oscar...