Yep, love that quote Rory... and sadly, every time I read it I think of a generation of women of my mother's age who firmly shed the "shackles" of "wife".... and along with the shackles they shed their marriages. Not because the husbands wanted them "tied to the sink" but because neither couple was prepared to compromise. Neither thought it fair to be at the "mercy" of a family's needs. That role simply didn't match their expectations of life. Nuturing felt like a waste of time and time is money.

ETA: and this is why I also worry about our society who currently "takes for granted" the roles that little old ladies (and some men) play in volunteering their time running Op Shops, school canteens, meal on wheels, and the millions of other roles that nuture society... once that generation dies off who is going to replace it? It's going to be like IK puts it" "everyone for their own around here". Makes me angry too... another example of how our politians/media need to expalin to The People that it's not just paid work that is vital to our economy.

Now I'm not saying that going out to work is easier because it's not. But at least paid work has structure and is acknowledged as being demanding.... and the results are tangible and instant. At the end of the day I think that the perfect scenario for most people would be that both parents (of young children) had partime paid work commitments so that both parents get to share the freedoms and limitations of working within and outside the home. It also would make (mainly men) realise that they THEMSELVES are being nutured a hell of a lot more than they realise by working fulltime in their mistaken belief that it is THEY who are the sole provider for the family. ThankGod my DH doesn't fit this profile... yes he takes me for a granted a little but he will also add that half the income he earns is earnt by me and is truely MINE.

OMG I just can't stop thinking about this issue LOL IK: how about this keyword/catch phrase for your DP: "you get what you pay for". It seems he isn't currently "paying" you much respect, or "paying" Oscar much attention so I guess he is happy for a minimal return on his investment? I also know they he isn't as "bad" as you make him sound.... i remeber b*tching about my DH in here a few weeks back and thinking "OMG I've portrayed him as a total pr*ck...he's not really that bad"... and feeling a bit guilty about it... so I know what you mean But leaving you and Oscar alone on the couch after watching TV and going off to bed lacks empathy... I think you can safely tell him that most halves of a loving couple wouldn't do that. They would gently wake the sleeping partner and quietly offer to help settle the baby so that the sleeping partner could settle comfortably in bed without waking up cold, stiff and disorientated. Perhaps your DP hasn't been dependant on other people for a long time... but perhaps gently remind him that one day, maybe one day soon, he might just need to reply on the empathy and care of others... and if he doesn't want to alienate all the loving people he has around him ATM he'd better start rethinking his ways... and redefining his definition of being a good/successful man... what would that mean for him? How would he finish this sentence: "I would consider myself a successful person when...." ??? ..."when my child feels protected?" "when my partner feels loved" or "when I get what I want"? (sorry for dragging that old Dr Philism out agin LOL)