I know I need a dose of my own medicine, IK (God knows I have failed DH and this relationship over and over again!) but have you tried to look at things from his perspctive? I only say this because a good friend once told me : there are three sides to every story- his story, her story, and the truth. Is there something in his comment that "If you cared enough you wouldn't be that far away from me in the first place"? Have you done things or made emotional decisions that didn't involve him? I have sometimes picked up from your posts about Oscar that maybe he isn't totally cool with the AP/co-sleeping thing? I am speculating only and I don't know, but just maybe he got your point in the question, but was trying to make his own at the same time?
Like I said, I need to take my own advice - I am constantly looking at my relationship from my viewpoint only and letting bpth DH and I down in the process.
Tired now, must go. I hope your musings are productive, darl. We are all thinking of you