IK- well you did really say it all. i am not sure i know what to say really. Your post made me cry, but in a good way. It has made me realise maybe i have not given myself the opportunity to get over what happened. I mean i look at Nixon and see the most happist, healthiest boy that i am so proud of. i should be passed it and have moved on, i have had plenty of sessions with other mums who went through a whole heap more then i did and still do, i dont know how i would deal with worse, Nixons was very lucky and has no ill effects from arriving early. I think it is more about me, and my experience or should i say expectations of how i thought it would all go.
i dont know that this pregnancy is helping me get passed my feelings because there is now that fear of will it happen again. I think if this bub is FT and healthy regardless of how he/she arrives it will heal my wounds.
dh rang me tonight and asked what was wrong with my voice, he said i sounded sleepy but i had been crying alot thinking about eveything. (it didnt help i was watching babies being born on discovery hom & health either!)
My hormones are going stupid now because of this pregnancy so i dont know how much of it is me needing to deal with it and how much is just silly pregnancy emtions coming out.
Mel- your idea about writing how i am feeling down sounds like a good one. i will probably laugh at it in years to come thinking what was i even upset about, but it might help overcome my feelings.
i just wish Trent was here with me now, ive been sitting in Nixon's room watching over him for the last hour, he is so peaceful, how lucky he is to not have a clue about any of this. Thanks guys, you all probably know a lot more of how i feel/felt/went through then my close friends

Jaspen- its good to c u around, how is young Samuel going?