Just missed Karen's post - you're right, it could actually be the other way around. it's a bit of a chicken or egg scenario, huh? Is it pre-existing issues, or is the strain of an unsettled child creating strain in the relationship? I can't say, Dee, what it is in your case. I know that for us it's pre-existing stuff that becomes apparent when Oscar is stretching my tolerance for anyone else (I just can't get mad at Oscar), but if that 'anyone else' can work with me a bit, we ride the wave so much better.