Kim - glad you've got nice clean carpets!
YAY for Emelia's toothiepeg!
Ann I hope Ella's feeling better, did you try taking her into a steamy shower with you? I found it provided a bit of relief.
I am so conflicted over this whole sleep thing. She obviously goes through phases of being able to put herself to sleep but I feel so guilty for feeding her to sleep or even rocking her. I feel like I'm setting her up for troubles down the line. I really dont know what to do. Ann, I agree 3 minutes is to long and I cant do that again. I can see she's tired but she just wont go to sleep..it changes everyday and I just dont know what to do. What do you guys think? Like i've said - i'm against controlled crying but dont know if i am doing the right thing by not letting her self-settle and I feel like evie's the only one who cant self-settle.
On another front she is moving forward and backward when on all fours - crawling cant be far off.
Tara- just something from me & I hope I don't offend or make you feel like you are doing anything wrong at all - but why do you feel that feeding her to sleep will cause problems? or rocking her? I'm just curious. When I had Matilda everyone told me not to do those things but as it went on I realised how much easier life was if I did. And when a new developmental phase came there she changed & what we did changed, but when she would settled quickly with a boob or a cuddle I was more than willing to do that over listening to her cry.... just my thoughts & in no way to I condemn your decisions I just noticed that you said that a few times that you didn't want to get her in the habit. I guess to me I'd rather the habit be cuddles over crying.
BUT I am coming from a place where Matilda would scream for over an hour for night sleeps no matter what I did if I sat there & pat her or cuddled her or put her in the cot & walked away. The only way to get her to sleep without the nighttime tears was to feed her.
I really worry about hurting other mums with my opinions on it, so please take it if you want it & throw it out if you don't *hugs*
The other thing I was thinking about when reading your post was the crawling thing. Matilda's always had issues with sleep the fortnight before a new developmental change. So the two weeks before rolling were horrible, the two weeks before crawling and since she commando crawled for 2 months first we had the two weeks before proper crawling and then the two weeks before standing and two weeks before walking. So most of the first year of her life was spent with sleep upheavels (sp?).
I really hear what you're saying Christy and I appreciate it, and in a way (without sounding up myself) it's like you're telling me what I already know but just dont acknowledge..do you know what I mean?
I dont know why i have such a big hang-up about evie being able to go to sleep on her own, i guess my SIL said to me awhile ago that she should be able to self settle now and even though i dont always listen to what other people saying babies should or shouldnt be doing at what age, i really took that on board. I worry that she wont learn to put herself to sleep and while I am sure that i wont be bf'ing a 10 year old to sleep i just worry that i shouldnt be doing it now and i really dont know why i have that worry.
I too would prefer to cuddle her to sleep and not hear her crying. In the night when she wakes up crying i have to feed her back to sleep and i dont give her the chance to settle herself back to sleep because i dont want it to escalate.
I just cant seem to accept that its ok to feed/cuddle to sleep when i know in my heart its what i need to do at the time. i feel like i just need someone to say to me it's okay to do whatever i need to do and i am doing the right thing....if that doesnt sound too crazy
It doesn't sound crazy at all Tara. You know what? You know best for Evie... no one, NO ONE else can tell you how you should be putting your baby to sleep. Its such a short time to have them as babies and such a precious time. You make up your own mind and you do what you want to do.
I chose to feed Matilda to sleep, she's 3 and doesn't feed to sleep at all. We still have issues with sleep but she goes to sleep on her bed with me sitting in a chair reading a book in her room.
With Jovie, she's a different person alltogether, she likes to be cuddled for a minute & then popped into bed with nothing more. I feed her, we have a play, the whole family reads a story together & then DH takes her into our room & gives her a little cuddle & then pops her into the cot & she rolls to her side & goes to sleep. She's a miracle truely. Some days she fights her day sleeps, well most days. So if she cries I pick her up and rock her for a few minutes until her eyes have closed & then I pop her into bed & pat her bottom for a minute or two. She settles or she doesn't. If she doesn't I give her a few minutes to decide & if not I pick her up & go on about the day.... when she starts showing tired signs I start over.
I have been thinking that she is only going to be little for such a short time and i should just enjoy those cuddles and that feeling of her falling asleep in my arms. Sometimes she does do what Jovie does and will just have a little cuddle then straight to sleep. Night time sleeps used to be no trouble - i may have needed to go in a few times and put her dummy back in but that would be all.
After some thinking tonight I've realised that I dont feel good about it because I feel as though shes going backwards. She used to be okay with going to sleep on her own and then she got sick and needed cuddles to bed and now its like she thinks she cant do it on her own. Thats whats bothering me so much
Hi Tara - I agree so much with what Christy has said to you darlin...take it from me, cuddle cuddle cuddle, because before you know it Evie will be 11, and strutting her stuff, and a cuddle for mum - when it suits me thank you very much. They are little for a blink, do what works, and bugger what anyone else thinks, its your baby, your homelife, your sanity.... I feed Aston back to sleep, and I don't feel guilty about it at all. I would LOVE him to be sleeping through the night, but it will happen when it happens, and I wouldn't trade the beautiful happy baby I have every day, for a cranky baby that sleeps all night...
every day is different, and like christy said, it doesn't last forever. try not to give yourself such a hard time hun...your doing a great job. just look at that beautiful picture
Hi Taralee, just also wanted to let you know, like these other ladies, that what you're doing is fine. I think, as mothers, that all we do is feel guilty.. about everything.. "i rock her too much... I don't cuddle her enough... she didn't get enough love today.. maybe I gave her too much attention today and she's gonna end up spoiled.." blah blah.. I know I do it all the time.. but after I'm finished giving myself a guilt trip, I stop and think.. well I did my best today, and tomorrow is a new day. Our babies only have one mum and one dad in the whole world.. and as long as we're not neglecting, abusing, hurting them... we are the best people for our babies! Like Christy said, no one else can tell you what's best for YOUR baby.
I rocked my son Ethan (now 3 years old) to sleep until he was about 1 year old... and all I ever copped was criticism.. but I didn't mind rocking him. It gave me and my husband that nice, sweet, sleepy cuddle time with him. He sort of just grew out of it. And now, he sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night, and wants to hop in mum and dad's bed.. I have no issues with that at all, because I know soon enough, he's not going to want a bar of me! So when he hops in our bed, I snuggle up with him.. and sometimes lay awake for a while just looking at him sleep!
And now Ella (born 03 Nov 2006) she is a completely different baby, and has never let us rock her! She has always just been put straight into her cot, and she puts herself to sleep.. Ella also has NEVER fallen asleep having a bottle! Which is a bit annoying sometimes! When Ethan was younger, I knew I could give him a bottle and he would just fall asleep in my arms!! They're both so different.. and they let us do what they need/want from us.
I wouldn't feel guilty about having to feed/rock your bubs to sleep. As long as she is happy and healthy!! Anyways, just really wanted to put my two cents worth in, as I feel pretty strongly about all us mums always putting ourselves down, and feeling guilty about everything we do/don't do! Just relax and enjoy !
Julie (25 years old - married to Luke 24 years old)
Thanks Vicky thats really nice of you and I agree with everything you and Christy say. I dont know what my problem is, maybe I'll be able to look at it tomorrow in a more positive light. I guess I just thought everyone's baby is sleeping through and putting themselves to sleep - arent I a dingus!
Thanks Julie, you're two cents is worth a lot more to me! I agree with you too...and I think I am kinda worried about what other people will think. I feel like I will be judge by SIL and i know i shouldnt care and i shouldnt have to defend my actions cos i am a good mum. I guess its all just all part of the trip on the guilt train!
Hope you are feeling a bit better today Taralee. we had a bit better night here - not fantastic, but better then the previous 3. I ended up laying down with aston at about 3.30 in his room, and we both fell asleep. problem was DH didnt got back to sleep, he came in at 5 and put us both into our bed til he got up for work. I keep telling DH that I will take aston and sleep in the play room, just so he can get a good nights sleep. It worries me him operating machinery as tired as we both are at the moment, but he refuses to let me, he wants to be able to hear him and know that everything is ok. so we both have our eyes hanging out our heads at the moment...maybe tonight will be a better night
jgibbo, there is nothing like having another child to really put into perspective how different we all are is there? My first two are nothing alike, and were totally different as bubs, and while Aston looks a lot like his big sister, and does seem to have a similar personality, he definately doesnt have the sleep habits she had as a babe - 6 weeks sleeping through.... oh well
have a good day everyone. Me - off to the take the big kids to a counselling session with their dad - who they haven't seen for 6months! hopefully it will be the beginning of rebuilding their relationship. Have to admit I feel sick about the whole thing....
Thanks Vicky I am feeling a bit better. When Evie was ready for a nap this morning she automatically went to have a feed and went to sleep really contentedly so I guess thats saying something.
Hope everything goes well with your session today, I dont want to pry and ask about your kids relationship with their dad but i do hope it isnt beyond repair. all the best
*hugs* Vicky I hope you get some better sleep too. Its hard DH often has to leave our bed & go to sleep in Matilda's because she's in our bed & Jovie comes in and then its just a lot of tossing & turning & grumbling so he goes to sleep in the other room for 2 hours.
Tara I'm glad to hear this morning was a bit better. When I first had Matilda I had people telling me all the time that "she should sleep on her own" and that she needed to "learn to sleep". I kept feeling like a failure as a mum for not being able to get her to sleep. Thats why when I heard your words I felt for you. It made me remember the mother's guilt about Matilda's sleep & I wanted you to hear that you were doing everything okay because its about you & Evie definately not about your SIL.
morning all... good to hear it's a better day for most! And Vicky, I know just what you mean with DH, what does your hubby do? my DH is a plant operator.. so always on the big machines, excavators, graders, scrapers... and some nights he has about 3-4 hours sleep, then goes to work for 10-12 hours on a machine..and it worries me so much. But he's the same as yours, he's always been right in there.. hands on. Good luck with your session today.. I suppose things could only get better from here? Best wishes anyways.
And Taralee, I hope you're relaxing a bit more, and not questioning yourself so much. Trust yourself, and Evie.
Ah sleep issues...a favorite topic of mine too. Am i spoiling her by feeding her during the night? Or rocking? or patting? I guess as mothers we need to do what we feel is right when we see our babies distressed. No one else is up 5-6 times a night popping the stupid dummy back in (not even DH knows) let alone the ILs!!! That's what gets me when they offer opinions.
Tara - we had issues with Ella's sleep just before she was sitting and standing. It went on for 4 weeks and my mind was a mess with reasons why she was getting up. I heard all the other people around me saying "control crying" works wonders but i was sure there were other things i could do before i resorted to it.
I started to keep a diary of Ella's day...how much she ate, how many BF, how many naps, the number of times i rocked etc. Then slowly things started to emerge...like the more BF i gave her during the day the better she slept. The more naps the better she slept. etc so now she's gone back to self settling again.
BUT there are always days when she needs a lot more help sleeping. I still rock and pat her at least one a day to sleep. She only asks that of me. DH can just pat her bottom but with mummy she wants cuddles.
I really feel for you Tara as i went through this when Ella turned 6 months and we went to book ourselves in for a CC session. Write some of your thoughts down honey, its easier to see it on paper....
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I just noticed that you said that a few times that you didn't want to get her in the habit. I guess to me I'd rather the habit be cuddles over crying.
*hugs*
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