I have been thinking all day about what I can say to you Chrissy that will make you feel even remotely a little better about everything, but nothing I say will do that. I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through, how you're feeling, and how the kids are reacting to all of this. I would love to help in any way I can, but I don't really know if there is anything I can do except to be here and listen. Don't hesitate in expressing your feelings. You're loney, upset, angry, scared. All of which is normal during this. It is going to take a long time until you feel 'normal' again. Is there a support group or something in your area that you can go along to maybe?