Thanks for your thoughts & prayers guys. I do appreciate it. It has been really hard to tell people but at the same time impossible not to let everyone know what is going on for us too. I think the helpless feeling is part of it. It just sucks. The treatment is nearly as bad as the illness because he has a really aggressive form that has already spread to other organs etc. He started coughing in late July, it has only really been three months and he only stopped work in mid-Sept so it has been really fast. The first chemo cycle has knocked him around a fair bit, he is very tired and can't think straight. I will be making all the major decisions for the next 6 months I think. I miss talking to him

Anyway, at least he is now out of hossy, staying with my parents in Syd. I do have supportive family and a couple of friends I am comfortable to talk to and I don't want to take over this thread with my woes!

So, in terms of DS, we had been staying in Sydney for 12 days and DS was pretty much sleeping through, even though he cut two teeth in that time. Then DS and I came home and first night back he wakes three times and I've already had one wake up tonight! He has weaned which I'm sad about but there's so much going on atm I'm less sad than I would have been otherwise itms? Being in a different environment he stopped asking and now that we're home he's asking again but after nearly 2 weeks there is nothing left. He doesn't seem too distressed so I hope he stops asking soon as it's breaking my heart a little. Oh and my parents managed to introduce him to all manner of evil sugary/junk food while they were minding him for me.......choc milkshake, jelly, salt & vinegar chips, apple flavoured liquorice, pepsi max hot chips, dessert after dinner every night and the list goes on! Every day I'd get back from the hospital and there was something new they'd discovered that he 'likes'