MD, glad you decided to tell your employer, it is your right as an employee and they have a duty of care to support their workers.

JM, we don't have any family that will help. I couldn't even get someone to watch W for a few hours so I could give birth, so I assume that I wouldn't have much luck getting someone here just so I could have a nap. Mum offered to come up when A was due, but then went to a dog show out of cell phone reception that weekend and didn't tell me (just hoping that I didn't go into labour and would never know). I have tried leaving A to grizzle but she amps up very quickly and cries with tears if I don't go in to get her. My mum would just say that it is my fault because I pick her up every time she makes a peep. Actually that whole attitude ****s me because she would never leave one of her puppies yelping all night for it's mum - she would force the mother dog in to look after it but when it is human babies she is all for leaving them to cry!

Sleep school in NZ involves me driving two hours to the city to watch two videos of controlled crying.

DH has been a help as much as he can, but since he can't settle them it is hard for him to do much. Today we did manage to have turns having a nap which was great. LOL, he is always a grump when I wake him - he still feels guilty that he swore and grumped at me when I woke him up the night I was in labour with A. He does do the early morning shift when they get up at 3am which I am really thankful for.

JM, I have been there with the never ending tantrums. It is really hard to cope when EVERYTHING turns into a meltdown. There were a few months there that it was hard to force myself to spend any time with W because I knew that it would only last moments before it disintegrated into yet another hour long tantrum. A few times I did resort to shutting him in his room for his own good. Perhaps post in the support panel part for some tips and advice?

ETA, JM I was just thinking about how we got through the worst of the tantrum days and the saving grace was the star chart. Even on the days when there wasn't much good to reward I would pounce on the tiniest thing and slather on the praise...wow, you put that book away! Awesome, that was really helpful! You did a good job, I'm really happy with you - you can have a star! etc...
It did make a difference to focus on the positive behaviours (even though some days they were very few and far between lol) rather than the constant nagging and growling when you are stuck reacting to bad behavior. Each star was accompanied by a smartie and at the end of each row (about 15 stars) he got a freddo. I aimed for a freddo pay-off every 3-4 days. I am the bribery queen lol.