Debate - Raising your kids with religion

[paradise lost]

I agree with Limeslice - teaching tolerance is far more important than whether or not you riase your child with religion or which religion you teach.

Having said that many people who follow a particular religion only do so because they KNOW in their hearts (i.e. it is true for them) that that religion is the one true faith in the world. So it's a pretty big ask for a parent who knows the bible is true and christianity is the one true faith to be expected to teach their kids it's just another option, kwim?

With DD i am honest. We are not religious, but we are respectful. I value humility, i will not pretend i have answers that i don't or offer her guarantees i can't deliver on. We talk about what other people and groups believe and i tell her honestly that i don't know what the truth is and that everyone has to decide for themselves. I can tell her what *I* think the truth is, but i acknowledge that i am working off my gut, not any kind of fact. She knows she can say she agrees when i don't (the issue of wearing all-pink is one over which we currently have a difference of opinion!). I don't necessarily think that it's very important to raise children with relgion or not, but i do think it's important to raise them with honesty about who their parents are. Hiding religious beliefs, IMO, would be ill-advised. Everyone needs to start from somewhere on their journey into the world, and knowing where you come from is the first step in figuring out where you are going.

Bx

[LimeSlice]

B - I hadn't ever really thought of it before, but I am glad that my parents 'started somewhere'. Neither was overly religious anyway, but I had a huge journey and I think that it probably would have been a lot harder to explore different paths if I hadn't have been already put on the road first.

[Indadhanu]

Oooo, love the topic.

We have decided to teach Jazz about the fundamentals of all religions, as I believe that religion is a horses for courses kind of thing, and deep into each religion they are based on the same thing, love, respect, tolerace, acceptance, and that the differences in religions are the practices, 'prophets' and the stories.

Basically I want her to know that every religion is based on the same values, and they are the important things to always hold true, no matter which path you choose, and then let her choose whichever practice she is drawn to.

This is one of the things my parents did with me that I will do with Jazz. My mum holds Christianity, my dad holds Pagan beliefs, and when I decided Buddhism resonated with me, it was celebrated. They always encouraged religious discovery, and I never felt I needed to hide or silence any belief or questions that I had. In that way, they were very open-minded and tolerant. Ironic really....

[kirsty_lee]

OOO good topic indeed. Personally I am an athiest and that's what I will always be. Ava's probably a bit young at the moment to even understand religion anyway but when she is at the age to comphrehend it then she is more than welcome to follow whatever religion she wants to, because that will be her journey.

[butterfly_warrior]

I think it would be very difficult to raise a child to know that what you believe is just another option. Your beliefs will form part of how you raise your child and that's what they'll grow up to believe is normal.

I think it's also impossible to give your child an appropriate grounding in other faiths unless you have a deep understanding of them.

Sam will be raised as a Christian because that's what we are. Why would we want to enter into eternity without knowing our boy will join us one day? However, like others have said, I also believe that tolerance and acceptance of people from other faiths is also important. While I can teach him to accept that some people don't believe as we do, there's no way I could tell him that other religions are as valid as my own - that goes against the core values of my faith!

BW

[Michelle71]

We will be raising our children in the Christian faith (believing in God and Jesus) but not necessarily in a particular religion (but mainly RC). We will be teaching this is our belief, but that other people believe differently, and that is ok too.

IMO - you need to raise your children with what you believe in yourself, your truth. That does not preclude you from teaching the theory behind other religions and beliefs (eg creation and evolution) and the underlying principles of love, tolerance and respect.

I love this Limeslice - I too would hope that our children find a belief or a path that gives joy, love, comfort, energy and hope.

[butterfly_warrior]

Boobaloo, I do not believe that my religion is the way, the truth and the life. I believe Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. I do not believe that my christian denomination is the only way to Jesus - I place myself in that denomination more so because I believe it holds closest to the core truths of christianity without (to my mind at least) too many non-biblical extras.

I can't see how I can tell my child it's ok for him to become atheist, pagan, hindu or buddhist, etc, when my beliefs are that the only way to be saved is through Jesus. How can I go against the grain of my faith and values and tell my child it's ok for him to remain unsaved?

I will admit that I can see where you are coming from in cases like the Duggar family - but they are only bringing up their children with the beliefs that are important to them. Just because those beliefs are different to yours doesn't mean their children have no right to be taught them. For you to have the right to teach your children about freedom of choice and respect, other families need the right to teach their children what they hold dear - whether that conflicts with your freedom of choice or not.

BW

[Rouge]

Most faiths do believe they are the one true religion otherwise they wouldn't be part of that faith. Does that mean they have to be intolerant to other faiths or teach hate? Of course not, and most people I know who are devout to their faith are not like that AT ALL! There are always going to be people who look down at others, and thats not specific to religion.

My DD goes to a Catholic school, we are not devout Christians, in fact we aren't even Christians. But we are raising our daughter and our son to experience parts of the Catholic faith as a base for religion. A lot of people would and have challenged us on this, and find it to be "wishy washy" but we have our reasons and we are happy with that.

As for the Santa thing, if there were a child at school who told everyone that Santa wasn't real, I would deal with that in the same way that I would if a child who wasn't religious said that. Its really not a big deal to me. And I've actually had the "Santa doesn't visit every house" talk with DD. She understands that some people don't believe in Santa, and so therefore he doesn't visit them. But its not a bad thing, its not because they are bad, its just because thats what they believe and thats Ok. I think if you are going to teach your child about Santa, it really is your responsibility to teach them that not every house has Santa. Just like not every house eats the same food or wears the same clothes. Its another part of tolerance.

The thing that always makes me laugh, is the idea its only people who are religious who "push their views", but yet when people push this view on others or push their anti views on others they are in fact doing the same thing. Tolerance doesn't mean you need to not have any beliefs, some of the most intolerant people I have ever met have had no faith or spiritual base. And just because one person may have given you a bad impression about a religion doesn't mean you need to judge the faith, judge the person sure but not the entire faith. Thats not fair.

As for judging a person for their faith. I think thats extremely intolerant. What a person decides to believe and how they choose to live their own lives within their home is their own choice. Provided they are not abusing their children, or breaking the law it really isn't up to us to judge. Judging them is as I said above no different to a religious person calling one a heathen because they don't follow a similar faith to them.

I love all my friends, of different faiths and different cultures. And I feel blessed to have them a part of my life and to share with me different aspects of their faith. And you know what, not once have I ever felt as though I am being "converted" or made to feel bad for my lack of faith. And I have taken part in many celebrations and aspects of other faiths and I intend on teaching my children all the things I have learnt and more.

[Maruschke]

Alexis - ripper post! I agree with (most ) of it. Children definately need to be taught to love and respect all humans regardless of their religious beliefs. Like most posters I will raise my child as christian but attempt to teach them about other religions on the way, albeit in an apologetics sense.

One thing that will be difficult though, is when you teach your child that your religion is the one true faith (the way the truth the life) then the other religions / beliefs are by definition wrong (there is only one way to the Father / only one name by which man can be saved). It is challenging (but very possible, don't get me wrong!) to teach your child that someone else's beliefs are wrong, and to love and respect them, but yet that is what we must do.

[boobaloo]

ooh, did this stem partly from my response to the santa thing??? lol


i believe that children have the right to experience aspects of a lot of religions, or none at all, and make an educated decision for themselves when they are old enough to do so. i will take my children to religious festivals - be it buddhist, catholic, muslim, whtever - so that they can develop a respect and understanding of religions and what they mean to other people.

i think that it is unfair when parents put thier religious beliefs onto their children - especially fundamentalists - as they do not give thier children the opportunity to excercise freedom of choice; but instead instills into them the belief that this religion is THE truth, THE way of life, THE greater way to be.

an example for me that springs to mind is the 'duggar family' off foxtel, they have 18 children and are fundamentalist catholics, the children aren't even allowed to hold hands with someone outside the family until they are engaged to them, cannot share 1 kiss until they are married, spruke the 'truth' about evolution and how non-believers don't know the real story about creation. the mother wont even allow the children to see her belly as it gets bigger with a baby, as she has to remain modest - these are her own children- and all of the kids have to wear these ridiculous swimming head to toe suits to go for a swim.

obviously there are more things they do, but those readily sprung to mind.

i believe in the freedom of choice, and the respect for all people, whether they are religious or not. i don't know what's in the here-after, if there's a heaven or not, but i figure if i treat people with love and respect, that they'll let me through the gates.

btw - great topic, gets my blood boiling!!!

[Maruschke]

ooh, did this stem partly from my response to the santa thing??? lol

Yep, stemmed from that response LOL. I thought it deserved it's own thread .

i believe in the freedom of choice, and the respect for all people, whether they are religious or not. i don't know what's in the here-after, if there's a heaven or not, but i figure if i treat people with love and respect, that they'll let me through the gates.

This is what you believe and it will come through in the way you raise your child. You are raising your child and instilling in them your own beliefs, just like us. You believe that love and respect is enough to get you through the gates, others believe that Jesus is what gets them through the gates, others believe there is no gates and no heaven. But we all transmit our beliefs to our children, even unintentionally and unconsciously at times.

[Trillian]

I actually find it quite easy as I am not any religion at all and neither are my children, so we aren't starting off with a preconceived faith system kwim?

That said, we do make our children attend non-denominational scripture classes at school as I feel it is important that they learn that other people do have religion in their lives and how to respect that and their religious traditions and holidays etc. We openly speak about Jewish holidays, Islamic traditions - halal meat etc and why some people wear the clothes that they do and all sorts of things.

[christy]

Okay... I will attempt a reply....but it is after a 10 hour day of work, so if you need clarification, please ask.

Is it right / fair / meritious to raise your child in a particular religion as the one true religion? For example, to raise your child as a christian / catholic / buddhist ONLY, and not introduce or teach other religions. To clarify, the opposite of this would be to attempt to educate your child about all religions, and allow them to choose for themselves when they are older.

Our experiences are that we are Christians, but not born to Christian families. My family went to church growing up, but BUT did not practice Christian beliefs within the household. I don't consider affairs and infidelity to be a part of Christian beliefs, so I don't say I grew up in a Christian household. DH's family were anti-Christianity. So we have our beliefs on our own accord rather than a tradition built from our family.
In saying all that, we bring our kids to church when we can make it. We pray at night with the girls before bed.... we pray positive affirmations over our girls every night. We don't ask our girls to pray with us, if they want too they can, but we don't ask them too. We have decided that they will do this with us as a family, until they are old enough to take care of themselves at home and decide they don't want to come.
Matilda actually asked about a lady she say wearing a head covering the other day why she was, and I said that some people believe that is something that God wants them to do. She asked me if it was something that God wanted me to do, and I told her He hadn't told me that yet, but if he did I would. I told her other people believe different things about God and that some people don't believe in God at all. She didn't ask anymore, and I didn't offer anymore. I'm happy to answer questions, and relate things as what I believe... so if she asks me questions about God I will say "I believe..." rather than say "The truth is..." because although I believe it to be the truth, I want her in her maturity to make her own decisions.
*breath* Now.... my top belief of all time is that God has called us all to Love. So in my role as a parent to her, my job in the religious stakes is to show her how to love EVERYBODY. People from other religions, people of other races, people of other social status, people of other sexual persuations etc etc etc. Its what I believe the most strongly. That is something I will urge onto Matilda from now. I will show her in my actions and I will urge her to do in her life as well. Love everybody. I don't want to hear her talking negatively about another person unnecesarily, not on.

Now this brings us onto the other topic going at the moment which is about the swimsuit. sorry.... To me and what I believe (again because this is all about me ) I think if its what the Dugger's do... its what they do. Its not how I would handle it, but *meh* it doesn't hurt them does it? I believe we should love out bodies and respect them enough to not have to reveal too much. I love my body, I don't need to show it off in order to feel this way. I do like to cover up at the beach, mainly because I feel more comfortable and it really isn't about how much skin to show... its about enjoying myself at the beach. I wear a one piece in the pool because to me its about exercise... not about what I look like. With my girls... I will encourage them to appreciate the body they were given and to wear what they want within reason. If they want to wear mini-skirts, than I will offer leggings.... I want them to think high enough about their body's that they don't need to flaunt them.

[Heaven]

Firstly, go to bed people!! lol.

And secondly...

Is it right / fair / meritious to raise your child in a particular religion as the one true religion? For example, to raise your child as a christian / catholic / buddhist ONLY, and not introduce or teach other religions. To clarify, the opposite of this would be to attempt to educate your child about all religions, and allow them to choose for themselves when they are older.

I think it depends on your beliefs.
For the first part, raising them to believe that there is one true religion... I think this is right (if you're religious that is) and what I plan to do. I am Christian so I do believe that it is the one true religion and therefore if I taught DD that it wasn't the one true religion I would be lying because it's not what I believe. However, I do think that I should also teach her about other religions. I won't be going into the details of everything (because I don't know them myself) but I will be telling her what I do know and that there are others that believe different things and trying to teach her tolerance for others as I would in all other areas of life.

If I wasn't religious I think I would teach my child about all religions so that they could choose themselves.

So basically, I think either way is a right / fair / meritious way to raise your child depending on what you believe.

[AngelPunks]

I'm hereditary and will be passing my religious information etc onto my children, but in saying that, when I do have kids, they will learn about ALL religions. More so so they can make an informed choice about which path they choose and also have knowledge of other religious.