How on Earth do you believe there is a "God" Or believe that "God is good" When every single day you wake up and you don't know how you are going function.. The pain is just so extreme, so extraordinary that you don't know how the hell you are going to get through the day without some sort of help.. But then when you DO get through it, and do manage it (just because you have to) You have to 'Thank God'...??? Why can't it be just because I am good and I can cope??
Last edited by blessedatlast; September 24th, 2009 at 12:52 AM.
I think it depends on what you believe. I don't believe that God takes babies from us. I think sometimes bad things happen and it's hard to see why they happen to us, but I don't believe that God curses us by killing our children or making us ill.
There have been days I have been so ill I cannot get out of bed and cannot function. That isn't God's fault. It's hard sometimes to thank God when you want to scream and curse, but even when you come to terms with it, you don't have to thank God for it. Maybe think "well, I learnt to appreciate my health more" or "well, I learnt that life is very, very precious - more so than I could ever have known before" - but acknowledging the lesson we get out of it doesn't mean we have to like the way it was delivered.
I agree with LZ. I really believe things that happen in our life happen for a reason. It is so easy to blame God for the bad things that happen to us, I did initially when we lost Emmanuel but today I can say I'm a much stronger person and I have to thank God for that because there is no way I could have gotten through it without his strength. Even if I have only helped one person going through the grief of losing a baby I believe that was my purpose.
blessedatlast, I can't comprehend the pain you are going through and I have no doubt it has rocked your world in so many ways. It's not surprising you are questioning all that you see and hear around you.
I don't believe God controls the world or individuals. I don't believe that he is the cause of pain and suffering (so much is caused by fellow humans and so much is chance). But I do think a belief in God helps many through deal with tragedies. I think that a belief God or any type of faith provides hope to those who are suffering grief or loss, even though it can't explain the reason for such a loss.
I think you deserve to recognise your efforts in getting through each day as well. Even if a belief or faith provides some kind of comfort, the work of coping in your day-to-day life is something you put in, it is not handed to you. I am amazed at the strength you have shown to find meaning in both your boys' lives and your own now they have gone.
Just wanted to share a story here with reference to losing a baby and faith.
I was angry at God, I just didn't realise it. I had never been angry with Him before.
I lost my baby boy at 14wks 5days gestation.
I was finding it really hard to make this fit with my faith and could not bring myself to pray. My wonderful minister really supported us with the funeral and helped us find some good readings for the occasion but I was still struggling.
The odd thing was that for days after the MC I kept seeing Rainbows in the sky. Every day, often when I was feeling really low.
The first time I went back to my church after the MC I struggled to sit through the service, I was seethingly angry and had to really work to sit without weeping. I couldn't bring myself to join in with the hymns or prayers. After the service I was standing in my Mum's front room looking out the window and I saw a huge rainbow. Like a crazy person I yelled aloud "OK, I see it, I see You! I'm not feeling it right now but I GET that You don't want me to lose hope... but I'm ANGRY!" (thankfully I was alone at the time or my DH might have had me committed!) It was a month or so before I saw another rainbow after that.
I'm not saying it's been any easier but it is comforting for me to think that at the very time I did not want to know Him, God was gently showing me He was there.
I don't think I'll ever understand why He took my tiny boy back, but I know He's with me in my pain.
BTW I still struggle to pray in a coherent way, eg in sentances in my head or in logical thoughts. I just send my hopes, yearnings, anger, fear and love out there to Him because I think He is really listening to them. I certainly would never "thank God.." that I have managed to get through another day because I'm still angry that I have to "get through" any thing at all, but I'm trying to make my peace.
Blessed- I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Taite and Seth. Your website is such a beautiful and emotional tribute to them. I'm not one for saying you should turn to God but I just wanted to share my experience with you. I needed to grab on to whatever was offered to me just to try to get my head round it.
Losing a baby and faith??
Reply With Quote
blessedatlast, I can't comprehend the pain you are going through and I have no doubt it has rocked your world in so many ways. It's not surprising you are questioning all that you see and hear around you.
Bookmarks