When your beliefs are different to family/friends...

[studentmum]

DH and I are seventh day adventist (sda) christians. This is something that has come from DH's family and my family are all athiests (although they may say otherwise when asked... I believe in something??? That kind of thing)

Anyway, main things about sda's we don't drink alcohol, don't eat unclean meat (pork, seafood w/out scales), and being adventists for the seventh day we observe the Sabbath on a Saturday. Try explaining this to a judgemental family who thinks you've been brainwashed by the new boyfriend!!

So after 8.5yrs I think they are starting to accept my choices, although deep down they probably still think i'm nuts!

The hardest part about personal beliefs is when you feel like you have to defend them, they are personal and therefore not up for negotiation with friends or family that's hardest part for them to understand.

Anyone who takes a stand and goes against the grain to follow their heart and their faith - GOOD ON YOU!!!

[Heaven]

Ryn- would be interested to hear what you think whenever you look into that article more thoroughly (even if you don't agree and why, like to hear all perspectives!)

Lulu-

Sarah-

The hardest part about personal beliefs is when you feel like you have to defend them, they are personal and therefore not up for negotiation with friends or family that's hardest part for them to understand.

Totally agree!!!!!!! I don't see why people should have to defend their beliefs to family who don't agree, non of their business!!

[AngelPunks]

I'm a card carrying pagan & witch and my family have just had to deal with it over the years. My brother & his wife's family are all staunch catholics and they've learnt that I will sit there quietly during "prayer" before meals but I will not join in (well I do my own dedication of the food), that if they come to my place for dinner then they get to listen to my dedication to the God/dess for the food. I will also go to church with them and if pushed will have an in-depth conversation over the pagan imagery & iconry the service just had (their parish priests have learnt NOT to sit next to me at a dinner after church!).

In saying that, my children (when I have them) will probably end up going to a catholic school & I will teach them about other religions as they are growing up, so they can make their own choices - even though they will be of a hereditary blood line & will be taught that lineage & about their inherited power, but I won't push them, I will allow them to chose their own paths.

I'm lucky that my closest friends are of similar paths to me, and even if they don't follow a lot of the things that I do, they are more tollerant. For example - before a ritual I chose to fast for a few hours, whereas they will eat before a ritual - they don't push me to eat anymore but will allow me to save food from the first feasting to have after ritual.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I should have brought my Bible to work - very little for me to do today! I could have studied more!

I think the main thing that struck me in the article was the laws BEFORE the old covenant and AFTER the new - for example, disobeying God's word was clearly a no-no (see the Fall), killing a no-no (Cain KNEW he wasn't a good boy by killing Abel), meat was clean and unclean, even if Noah didn't know which was which then it would have been explained then or just two lists, those animals to come in twos and those in sevens. Fornication was also wrong (although Lot was just after the old covenant I think... aaaaagh I know he went with Abram, was that when it started, Abram listening to God's word and moving, or was that when Abram became Abraham or was it with Jacob... you know, I need to go back to Genesis and start again I think!).

Then I thought, well, if the early Christians didn't do it, why? Was it just a hang-over of the old laws? After all, Paul said that only eating blood was wrong, nothing else. Was it that it was taken as read it continues and therefore just not mentioned specifically?

The point that Jesus wouldn't waste fish but would do pigs was a good one, but that was before the new covenant because he hadn't been sacrificed for us yet, so therefore invalid IMO.

I'll need to re-review the letters from that article too, but for now I'm finding it hard to avoid piggie things while shopping (poor DH, he hasn't realised yet)! It's everywhere! Which then led me to think that it is wrong because if it were OK then Satan wouldn't be pushing piggie on every single meaty product you can buy - but then I'm a bit paranoid about demons and temptation sometimes. But just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean Satan's not out to get me!

[Heaven]

rofl Ryn! Reading your post was like reading my thoughts. Those are all the things that went through my head when I was reading about it. I just think, like you said, the laws were there since the beginning, Jesus followed them, and so did the early Christians. And if they were to be done away with then wouldn't Jesus have made it really clear in the Bible, rather than open to interpretation? Hmm... it's interesting anyway. And omg I know what you mean about pig!! I didn't realise how much people ate it until I wasn't eating it anymore!!

ETA- see now pigs are evil!!!!

Thankyou for a view from another religion too punkin! I can't even imagine what my family would be like if I changed religions altogether

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Here's a question: I've always thought the old covenant started with Abram - God changed his name to Abraham and told him that his decendants would cover the world and he'd be the father of a new religion. This was re-affirmed with Isaac and Jacob. Then there's the laws given to Moses - some class that as the covenant re-starting. So when did it start?

So confusing!

But as for Lot: Sodom was a bad place, Lot moved there, Abram -> Abraham, Sodom destroyed. So fornication is a Bad Thing still (as if we didn't know that!).

[Bathsheba]

Just on the pig products: DH, the kids and I don't eat mammals but pig seems to be the hardest to avoid I agree. And I'm not easily offended but when people think that they can serve you up something with diced pork in it and think that that's ok even though you tell them you don't eat red meat... well.. that really confuses me!!!

Addressing the broader issue: I'm fascinated by people who struggle with what I choose to believe... even though it has got absolutely nothing to do with them. I don't push my beliefs onto anyone in my life... but I have observed that it's the people that believe in nothing that seem the most determined to change your mind. Interesting.

As I get older I am less antsy about potential conflict about differences in faith. I know that I am a considerate person and that's what counts. If people around me are going to use religion as a reason to get all hot under the collar then that says more about them and their insecurities than anything. Anger is just another manifestation of fear. I'm not responsible for anger in other people... I'm just responsible for treating people with respect and/or avoiding them if they don't treat me with dignity/respect. If I can't avoid them (like you can't always avoid family) then I still treat them with the most basic level of civility and nothing more. I don't believe that you should justify them treating you poorly for treating them poorly IYKWIM 'An eye for an eye' philosophy went out with the Old Testament... I do the New Testament 'turn the other cheek'. Let them treat me like crap... so it will give me the opportunity to take the higher ground and show them up for what they are... disrespectful. It will catch up on them eventually. Being a calm, respectful, genuine, honest and caring person is the best "advertisement" for your faith. If somebodies faith doesn't bring these traits out in them then what does it say about them and what they believe? My faith says to avoid judging others... and at the end of the day that's what I try to uphold. Most importantly I'm not going to get too upset if people don't acknowledge my faith... if Satan is trying to break my soul then he would probably be encouraging me to get all indignant and offended. So... "Meh". If people don't like what I believe then fine... and if they are disrespectful then fine... and if they say hurtful things then fine that shows the world that they are hurtful people (their loss not mine).

I am vigilant about people not sneaking mammal meat into my children's food but at the end of the day what can i do if it occurs? I'll be upset for about 5 minutes, remind myself that it won't infact kill them, then move on because I think that is what God would prefer that i did. Satan would love me to get so outraged and upset that I ended up becoming angry and vindictive... so I'll not do that. It's not worth it. I save my fury for greater crimes.

SJ all i can suggest is that you cultivate inner peace darl. You will always come across the disrespectful. Use it as an opportunity to rise above it. I also find that it's often good to consider why people are the way they are... it might have very little to do with you... they could be in a bad mood for other reasons; poor health, mental illness, who knows what.... and you're the poor unsuspecting person who cops it. Families are tricky because our expectations are higher but at the end of the day the people in families are just as prone to all the trials of everyone else.

Finally... regarding my kids... I'm starting to relax a bit as I see my 13yo DD start to demonstrate that she truly has become the kind of person my faith was hoping her to be. I would have thought by now that she would be making her own choices regarding things like meat consumption but she maintains a strong aversion to mammals (but likes fish, poultry and eggs so she has a healthy level of protein in her diet)... and I have heard her explain to others why she doesn't eat red meat and it now seems to be her own choice just as much as mine. She also has written in her MySpace page that she believes in God so I'm confident that everything else will fall into place I hope I get it just as right with my boys!

[krysalyss]

Well it isn't a religion but it does indicate a difference in some fundamental beliefs - we are vegetarian and almost everyone else in our group of family/friends eat meat. My SIL was vegetarian and still doesn't eat a lot of meat. Mostly people are very respectful of our choices to be vegetarian and raise our son that way. We do get some comments especially regarding what a vegetarian actually is. And sometimes my mum makes a few comments that make us feel like we are being difficult. We also avoid conversations about meat eating as some people get very offended by us being non-meat eaters even though I don't think we push our views onto anyone else. If they ask us directly then we are honest. We get questions about why we don't eat meat from our friend's kids and we try and answer honestly without disrespecting the fact that their family eats meat. So like any difference of opinion you can get along just fine or you can try and change each other and have lots of clashes. I think presence or lack or respect determines how you all get along - not necc the difference of opinion.

[Bumperstump Cummerbund]

Joining late but still wanting to join this interesting thread!

Being a JW we have a lot of 'controversial' beliefs, but I think the worst one is no blood transfusions. It's one that few people actually bother to ask about, all they see is headlines screaming 'Jehovah's Witness allows son/daughter to die for God!' - which can be SO frustrating.

Most of my family is quite good about tolerating others beliefs, as we have quite a few different beliefs in the family. There are one or two who are quite outspoken about JW's only, but you soon learn who you can talk to and who's gonna give you high blood pressure!

[NaeNae]

Interesting thread.

DH and I have VERY different beliefs. He is Christian and I am - well I like to pick and chose the bits of anything I like and create my own

I was brought up Christian but we never went to church with my parents for anything but when we went to Nan and grandpas place we'd go to the Seventh Day Adventist church they were apart of, but was always uninterested in the teachings

When kids come along they will be brought up with good morals and values and thats whats most inportant and when they are old enough to choose for themselves then we will support whatever choice they make.

I must say Dh does go to a 9pm mass each chrissy eve and often plays at his local churches family service as a "fill in" . I go along to the Christmas service but thats where i draw the line. I get tired of listening to the "old school" minister babble on and once a year is enough for me

[widdly]

this is an interesting thread.

I was bought up abd baptised Catholic, and we went to church every Sunday and did first communion, confirmation and went to Sunday School once a week. I loved being involved with the church and all the lovely people there, they were like family. However, when i was 12 my parents divorced and mum and us kids moved to a new town. I think Mum lost her faith and we didn't ever go to church again.

Over the years I have half heartedly gone to Catholic church on the occasional Sunday, but the mass just seemed so morbid, boring and out dated and it felt a bit too much like hard work and a bit pointless.

Last month DS, DH and I spent 2 weeks in Adelaie and while there I found a Playgroup to go aong to twice a week. The people who ran the playgroup were the most beautiful, lovely caring people I have ever come accross, the Playgroup was run by the Uniting Church. I felt so welcome and loved there that I have thought about going alng to our local Uniting Church, but felt a bit weird at the thought of going to a Church that isn't Catholic. So I did lots of reading about the Uniting Church and it seems that it is very much following the Catholic Church but is a lot more modern and fun for kids. Please correct me if im wrong. Anyway I have decided to go along to mass in the morning and check it out, they also have a kids night tomorrow night which I'd love to take DS to.

Sorry i think i am way off the OP, but wanted to discuss religion and this seems a good place to start

[Nai]

Krysalyss, I'm the same being vegetarian and constantly having people question my reasons. Fortunately (or unfortunately) since my step-father was diagnosed with lymphoma 13 years ago both he and my mum changed to a vegetarian diet to help his remission - so I have no problems with them now.

As far as religion goes DP got politely asked to leave the Baptist Church and neither of us hold any religious beliefs - although DP still has faith. We will bring our children up to question and find their own beliefs. Whatever they decide is fine with me. As long as they are happy with their choice.

I find it hard to understand why so many people think they have a right to question those of you with beliefs. It is very disrespectful - espcially when they do things like putting meat in food or claiming something to be halal when it isn't! That makes me so angry. What would happen if you said you didn't eat it due to an allergy? Would they still try to sneak it in? Regardless of the reason you don't eat something that should be respected.

I will ask questions about why different cultures/religions do things to try and understand but would never ridicule or try to change that. People should learn a bit more to understand and accept the differences - it makes the world a more interesting place in my opinion.