When your beliefs are different to family/friends...

[Heaven]

I'm not even a different religion to my family so I can't imagine what it's like for others who are!! I guess it's like everything else, people think they have a right to have an opinion on everything you do.

My family is Christian but they don't really go to church or anything (only on special days sometimes), they still consider themselves Christian though. I am Christian and I don't go to church either (can't find one around here where I feel comfortable ), but I try to live as a Christian in my daily life. I also have a few beliefs that are different to them, nothing major. For example, I choose not to eat pork. I don't see how this effects anyone else?? I wouldn't have even told them if it hadn't come up and they didn't keep pestering me about why I wouldn't have any bacon for breakfast one day. So now everyone in my family knows this but instead of just accepting it they're always trying to tell me to 'get over it' or 'don't be silly'. I've had comments like 'oh what she doesn't know won't hurt her' (when making food that has bacon in it or something).

Omg, I can't imagine what it's going to be like when I have kids. I'm scared about letting them stay over or anything because they will just try to undermine me and tell my kids I'm 'just being silly'.

What is their problem? Why do I have to conform to what they think I should do otherwise I am picked on? It's not fair. These are my beliefs, not something I just came up with one day to annoy them. Even if I talk about wanting to go to church or something they would roll their eyes or something and say 'oh, you're not into that stuff'. What? How would you know? And it's not a negative thing, it's a good thing!!

The reason this topic is coming up now is b/c there is a special/holy day coming up and I have family visiting me at the time. I don't know how I can possibly observe that day with them here and that's not fair.

How do other people deal with their family when they have different religious views to them?? Have you had any problems with family in the past over things like this??

Thanks for listening guys, good to get that out!! They make me so mad sometimes.

[Heaven]

Oh bum! Maybe I'm just the only one with the inconsiderate family!! lol. Surely that can't be the case though.

I was also thinking (because of the euthanasia thread), what about when religious beliefs are different to society's beliefs? I know in Christianity for example there are some pretty controversial beliefs which were accepted back in the day but are now not so accepted by society. How do we stay true to our beliefs without offending people?? I just keep it to myself but sometimes these things come up in conversation. How do you deal with it?

[Arimeh]

SJ - we don't really practise any religion in my family - my mum never made us go to church or anything like that. However, I'm (and my husband) are neopagans - and nobody else in the family "gets" us... but we never let it worry us - just go about our business. Sure we see the if we start talking about our stuff, but thats ok. Each to their own I guess.

I had my cousin try to convert me to her religion - she's a born again christian. And while I have nothing against anybody else for their religious beliefs, I do have a problem with people trying to force their beliefs down my throat - IYKWIM?

I'm one of those naughty people that tell door knockers to "f" off - if I need a new religion I'll go find it myself.. lol...

I really have no idea what my point is.... damn.. baby brain...

sorry.. lol

[maz]

My inlaw's are extrem catholics. JEd and I have choosen no religion at all and have decided that we would like our children to pick for them selves IFYKWIM.

I get very hurt with my inlaws when they say of the cuff remarks..for example when Nikolaus was a baby Jed's mum was making this beautiful shawl for our nephews christening. Jed asked when nikolaus was going to get one and she replied with when he gets christened.

I am no way pushy that we have no beliefs and support and praise them they have yet we get shot down sometimes with these small remarks that are quiet hurtfull. I have learnt to bite my tongue with many things as religious beliefs seem to be one of those issues that no one thinks they are wrong in.

After telling them that the boys were going to the local catholics school they came back with - we didnt expect anything else. We didnt send the boys to that school because of the religion...it was because of the great learning structure and reputation it had. the religion was just a bonus

Im sorry that your family isnt as supportive as they should be. I think that you should just stand firm with your beliefs and let them know that they hurt you with their silly snid remarks.

Quiet obviously thought they feel uncomfortable about your belief so maybe even next time when they say their silly things you could laugh at them as say it doesnt hurt to be positive sometimes.

Keep smiling babe.....

[Maruschke]

Grr I just lost a huge big post about this

Try 1 Cor 8 and Romans 14 for your backup scriptures . I will be back later to repost, I think I took to long typing it out .

[Heaven]

Mel- I hate the rolling of the eyes!! How rude!! I agree, why can't everyone just leave everyone alone to do their own thing!

Maz- Thankyou for your advice! I don't know how to tell them they're being really rude because they do it in a way that is like they're joking but really being mean so if you say something they'll just make you feel stupid like it was just a joke don't be so serious. grr....I hate when ppl are so passive aggressive like that!! And the thing I don't get is that we're all the same religion!! rofl. It's just that maybe I take it more seriously than them?? Hmm...maybe I make them feel insecure. Not my problem!!

Candice- Oh, don't you hate that!! Thankyou for those references, I'm going to go look them up now!

[Maruschke]

Sara

In my family I have buddhists and atheists mostly, and my mum who is a way out there pentecostal christian. I have the most trouble with her unfortunately. She believes that all health problems can be healed by faith and therefore using modern medicine is an indication of a lack of faith.

My sister has a mental illness and suffers from depression and has suicidal tendancies at times. Last time she had an episode, I picked her up and drove her to mum's on the understanding that mum was taking her to hospital. When I left mum's house, mum decided to take her to church for a faith healing instead. It did not work and wow did it cause a fight between her and dad (dad is atheist).

It causes so much trouble, and she is always berating me for not sharing more of my faith with her. Truthfully, I just don't trust her with something so intimate.

Things will get interesting when mum and the rest of the family see's how we introduce religion / faith to our child. We are hoping to have a baby dedication (not a baby baptism because we do not believe in that) and I already know it is going to cause tension. We also only go to church about once a month, I find it is more important to actually live the christian life than to merely attend church. Yet another thing my mother disagrees with!

I think you should stick to your guns and stand up for what you believe in. It is wrong of your family to try and trick you into eating bacon, or doing anything that is against your beliefs. Families should be there to supporty you on this walk, not derail you! Hang in there!

There is so much more I could say but I will leave it at that for the moment...

[eiliyah]

DH and I are both practising Muslims, and are amazed at the religious differences I have with my own mother and my inlaws, despite all being Muslim. One fantastic example is Christmas - My mother is quite "extreme" and thinks Christmas is a sin to celebrate. My inlaws, on the other hand celebrate it with a lot of vigour and passion.

Personally - DH and I have decided that we do not want our future children to celebrate Christmas, as we have our own religious celebratory holidays, however, we want our children to be charitable and give to those less fortunate at Christmas, as we want them to know that there are people out there who wont be as fortunate as them. I think this is a great way to make them respect the good will that Christmas brings, as well as understanding that all people deserve to be happy and healthy no matter what faith they are.

Unfortunately my inlaws think I'm a "fundamentalist" for choosing not to celebrate "just another holiday" and on the other end my mother accuses me of not being a good Muslim because I can stoop as low as respecting an "inferior" religious holiday.

Argh.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

It's hard because Christmas is a cultural holiday these days, not a Christian one specifically - you can have a tree, a Yule log, a big dinner and gifts without Jesus being involved at all. It is just another holiday and excuse for excess in the UK. It's getting so I don't want to be involved with it!

From my understanding - please correct me if this is wrong - but aren't Muslims supposed to honour the traditions and culture of the country they're in? Not doing something against their faith, but still being a part of the country and not alienating themselves? (So worshipping a false idol may be cultural but out, but having a family dinner on a certain day is tradition so that's OK, such as the American Thanksgiving.) In my mind, Christmas is just a nice time to have paid time off work and see the family, it has no religious significance to the masses these days. We've already said this year we're not doing a big celebration, just looking forward to seeing family.

Fine, so you're respecting an "inferior" holiday - but you're also respecting Australian culture, which surely is important?

Please correct me if this is wrong, but the "fitting in" thing was explained to me by a Muslim a few years back, but I know she wasn't that strict.

[Eugenia]

I know I'm a bit late joining in and I hope it's alright, but I just I'd share a few thoughts about religious differences amongst Christians, espcially with regards to Christmas and "fitting in".

I find that even amongst Christians there are a wide variety of beliefs regarding Christmas. Some don't celebrate it at all as the date is all wrong (I can't remember exactly but I think Jesus was most likely to have been born in June? Feel free to correct me) and it is related to pre-Christian pagan celebrations. Others think that because it did eventually become a Christian holiday it should be celebrated to excess and even get offended when people of other religions don't do it, like when shops or restaurants open on Christmas day. DH and I go for a middle line, we celebrate with family and thank God for sending His Son (even if the date is wrong) but we won't be teaching our children about Santa Claus as we don't believe he is a real part of Christmas, especially as he is used to promote greed in children. It's not surprising then that there are wide differences in other religions like Muslims regarding the celebration of Christmas.

Personally we haven't found it too bad although my ILs come from a background that considered Christmas evil and refused to acknowledge it. Funnily enough our arguments now are regarding which family gets us on Christmas day and which one has to make do with some other day. I find I tend to dig my heels in a bit when it comes to that and let my family have first choice of days as Christmas has always been more meaningful to us rather than just be an excuse for a family meal like it is with the ILs.

Funny, but it so true about those people who believe in nothing. I have friends of many different religions but I've only ever had arguments about religion with those who called themselves either atheists or agnostics.

[eiliyah]

From my understanding - please correct me if this is wrong - but aren't Muslims supposed to honour the traditions and culture of the country they're in? Not doing something against their faith, but still being a part of the country and not alienating themselves?

From what I've gathered it is against Islam to celebrate the religious events of a differing faith. As a Muslim, I take pride in my own religious celebrations and choose to honour Islam in happily making the most of Ramadan, Eid, prayer and Muslim worship.

However, (and this is a big However) as Muslims we MUST respect the rights and laws of the country we live in. I'm Australian born and bred. My father is an Australian of Irish/Scottish descent. I do not identify with any other nationality but Australian. As a Muslim, I expect my beliefs to be respected, and in return, I have nothing but the utmost respect for those around me. It doesnt bother me in the slightest that Christmas is a big event in Australia. Living here is the choice I have made because I love this country, and I'm so proud to be an Australian.

I dont think my choice to not celebrate Christmas alienates me from society. Its when I start berating others for their personal choices that makes it wrong. The bottom line is to let others be. We all live under the same set of laws which include respect and and peace for our fellow human beings, no matter their faith

[Eugenia]

Eiliyah, if only everyone believed and lived as you do wouldn't this be such a wonderful, peaceful world? Oh well, we can all do our little bit to help.

[Heaven]

Ryn- sorry, haven't been on for about a week so haven't replied. But thankyou for your thoughts on the pig thing!!

It's so sad that in all religions people are criticised by others even of the same religion for what they do or believe!! How frustrating!!
Don't get me started on Christmas, lol. I love Christmas. But, I'm Christian and I want it to be about Jesus in my house, not how many presents you get from Santa. I can just imagine what my family would say if I chose not to do Santa for my kids, I'd be depriving them or something of course. It would be such a big deal that I think I'm just going to do it. But I've decided that I'm not having any Santa decorations or anything like that. We have lots of decorations now but not of Santa or reindeer or anything, and I always buy Christmas cards that actually have the nativity or something on them. Hmm....it's going to be hard though.