Devastated after 2nd miscarriage

mummytobeinnovember · April 23rd, 2008, 05:51 PM

I went for a scan this morning and there was no heartbeat, I was nine weeks but the baby looks to have passed a couple of weeks ago. I had gone for a scan two weeks ago and the heartbeat was there but it was unusually low so was feeling very nervous about today's scan. I need to go to hospital tomorrow for a D&C. This is my second miscarriage this year, I suffered one at five weeks in January.

My doctor has suggested I wait to have at least one regular cycle apart from miscarriage but OB said there was no evidence to suggest that by not waiting it increases your chances of miscarriage again.

Last time, we didn't wait and am now wondering whether it's related or just pure bad luck.

Would appreciate any of your thoughts on whether we should wait or not, and how long?

**Macca79** · April 23rd, 2008, 05:59 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your little one. I hope you and your partner are as well as can be

.

I don't know what medical experts say in regards to how long you should wait before ttc again but as long as it's not a health risk to you I would say the time to start trying again would be when you felt you and your partner were ready both emotionally and physically. DH and I spent 4 years ttc with assisted reproduction and it was only once we hit a wall and decided to take a break after numerous BFN's that we did manage to conceive. I do know that if you are relaxed and feeling well about things that your chances can improve. Talk to your partner and doctor about your options. This web site is great for this sort of thing as well.

I wish you all the best for the future.

**hj1981** · April 23rd, 2008, 06:16 PM

Im sorry to hear of the loss of your 2nd bubba - its not easy is it?!
as for how long u should wait - i personally think that is entirley up to you and what u are comfortable with - I also suffered 2 MC last year - my DH and i tried straight away after AF came back.
Can i maybe suggest if u fall pregnant again you get your progesterone levels monitored thats if your dont know what is causing your MC- after my 2nd mc i went to see a doc who monitored by progesterone levels throughout my cycles and found out i had low progesterone which was causing my MC! So because of that i have now made it too 14wks preg tomorrow!!!
Once again im very sorry to hear of your loss - we are all here for you! take care

**Jas** · April 23rd, 2008, 06:54 PM

I'm so sorry to hear this news! I think it's just one of those things I don't think you did anything or could have done anything to change the situation

**SamiH** · April 23rd, 2008, 07:52 PM

Sorry for your loss.

After my D & C last year we decided to wait 2 cycles - to ensure my body was repaired and all ready - I didn't want to take the risk that it wasn't ready for month around - also cos of my age etc. we were lucky - first month ttc for us.

Personal decision, but I would wait one cycle.

Good luck
Sam

**blayne** · April 23rd, 2008, 08:38 PM

i am so sorry to here of ur loss, my heart and prayers go out to u now,
i understand how hard it is to lose a little one, i had the same thing happen to me in march,as u would know the pain will never go away but it will get easier to deal with, just know that my heart goes to u at this time and i wish u all the bast

im a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and when a little one passes , the timing was not right, but that little one will return when it and u are truly ready.just know that for now it is safe and well looked after

DoubleK · April 23rd, 2008, 09:24 PM

Hi, i just wanted to say im so sorry to hear about your loss, i have experienced only one miscarriage myself, i couldnt imagine what it feels like a second (or more) time around.

sorry i cant help with regards to TTC after miscarriage, i wish you lots of luck, and you will have your little baby with you soon im sure

**AJC** · April 23rd, 2008, 09:43 PM

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's just heartbreaking, I can relate to you quite a bit. I've had 2 x unexplained m/c within the last 18 months. After the second m/c our ob encouraged us to have a break for a while and do some tests, just to make sure there wasn't something obvious that could be causing it. He's been so great and done a stack of tests and there is still no answer for us. It was good to have a break, I decided that I was going to use the time (4 months) to have a little holiday and work on my health. I started doing exercise and found a low GI diet controlled my skin (have always had bad acne) - so after the 4 months I felt great, mentally and physically. We've been ttc again now for 3 months - it's really hard I still cry every time af arrives but it does get easier over time.

The outlook IS still really positive so please don't lose sight of the big picture. Go to the Sydney IVF website and look for the 'miscarriage management' link. It has some really good and encouraging info there.....and from people who know what they're talking about so it's info you can rely on. One thing doctors don't do is give you false hope.

Most ob's will only do tests after 2 m/c in a row but my ob did after 2 so if you think you want to do some tests - just for piece of mind then I wouldn't hesitate to ask for something to be done.

Sending you a million hugs, take care of yourself.

**MeredithD** · April 23rd, 2008, 09:51 PM

I am so sorry to hear of your losses. It just gets more painful every time.
I have now had 3 m/c's, losing 4 babies so i DO know what you are going through. Things will seem better with time. Everyome is different, but i know for me, TTC again gave me something positive to focus on and really helped me to move forward. I don't cycle naturally so have gone back to AC whenver Drs gave me the ok (usually 8weeks or so post m/c). There is no proof that TTC straight away will increase risk of m/c but I personally feel your body does need to heal and get the lining etc back ready to sustain a pregnancy.
Best of luck for next time.
BTW - are you geting any tests done on yourselves or the baby you have just lost? After two m/c's, it might be worthwhile ruling out any underlying causes.

**LisaL** · April 24th, 2008, 12:13 AM

Hi sweety,
I am so sorry for your loss and im sending you a massive hug.

I had one ectopic pg and one natural m/c. After my natural m/c I had one normal cycle and then fell pg. The third pg was lucky for me and I now have a gorgeous 8mo DD, however I did have spotting at 7wks and then a threatened m/c at 14wks with DD. Sometimes it is just a matter of bad luck, but as Meredith notes that it may be worth getting checked out to be sure. Maybe have a chat to your OB and get some info on the types of tests that can be done and whether your OB thinks its worth going down that path.

TTC again after m/c shouldnt be a matter of cycles, you should do it when you feel ready.

Take care of yourself, and dont give up hope. Hope is what kept me going during my 1.5yr ttc journey.

Lisa XX

mummytobeinnovember · April 24th, 2008, 07:20 PM

Thankyou to everyone for your well wishes and prayers, it's so appreciated.

I had my D&C this morning, it was heartbreaking, I couldn't believe I was having to go through with such an awful experience. The good news is that it's over and now we can start the healing process again, day by day.

We're not church goers although I do have faith but felt compelled to go to church today and light 2 candles for my angels watching over us from heaven.

The doctor hasn't suggested any tests yet, he said that he would only suggest it after 3 miscarriages and that even then in 90% of cases nothing can be proven, and that there is little science can do for the remaining 10%.

I'm meeting with him in 2 weeks to discuss progesterone and any other options available but would like a second opinion from a tried and tested fs too, anything to give us our long awaited baby.