We had the funeral for my best freinds little angel on Friday, it was a very beautiful service and fitting for the little princess that she was. I wasnt going to go and see her before hand, but my freind and the family were having one last cuddle with her and she really wanted me to say goodbye, so I did, I also read a small eulogy at funeral just thanking my freind for the experience of seeing Bella born and the that she would always be in our dreams ect. After the funeral they had a wake, I chose not to attend and let them have time with family and freinds that had traveled to be there, I went down on Friday night and had a couple of drinks with her and just a very few people, what happens now do I give her some space, all the adult children are going home today so was thinking maybe this week is when she will need me the most, what do you think, would you want space or someone there?
Mel, thank god she has a friend like you around to support her in this. I know when my sister lost her baby, she didn't want anyone around, but then she got offended because everyone stayed away!!!! Maybe you could start with something like text messages or something? Not so in your face as a visit or a telephone call, and she has the power in her hands to decide whether she is up to communicating with you. I'm sure you would be of great comfort to her, being with her daughter from the start of her life and everything. I wish you all the luck. Take care.
Hi Mel, I am so sorry to hear about your friends little girl What a tragic thing to happen. She is lucky to have a friend like you around. It sounds like you did everything she needed you to do at the funeral, especially having one last hold of her precious one. I know it made me very proud that people still wanted to give Nicholas a cuddle.
From my experience I found that we were surrounded by people in the lead up to his funeral, during and also immediately after. It was after that time that things got tough. People seemed to get on with life and didnt come around, didnt ring as much, but yet my DH and I were still very much in need of support. So I would agree that she probably needs you now more than ever. Even now, more than a year later, I still appreciate the people who ask how we are doing and genuinely want to know and not just hear the standard good thank you answer - we still need support. The things I found have stuck in my memory the most is that a couple of people would organise to come over and they would bring me all this meals to put in the freezer because they knew I wouldnt be up to cooking. At the time I would say oh you shouldnt have or maybe in some small way I felt like people pitied me but honestly in hindsight I am so appreciative of what they did for us and still dont know if they realise how much it meant. Also the people who would just come and sit with me, and even if I wasnt up to talking that was ok we would just sit. Maybe text or call her and organise to go and see her, it probably wouldnt be the best idea to drop around unannounced cause I found I got embarrassed by that - sometimes I wouldnt have had a shower or done anything around the house. If she insists that she doesnt want to see anyone, just maybe say ok well can I call you tomorrow to see how you are.
Please give your friend lots of :hugs: from everyone here at BB. To lose a child and have to experience a funeral, and lifetime ahead without them, is just too painful for words to describe.
Keep up the good word, even if you feel like your efforts are unnoticed at the moment - in time she will remember who was there for her. I know I do.
Mel, I dont think she gets embarassed at me going there if she hasnt had a shower ec, I am like 2 streets away and have always just dropped in no matter what time of the day or ight, and she has done the same for me to, they are also Godparents to my youngest child, but When she asked about him the other night I said to her that I am not going to take him there until she asks me to out of respect for her as IO know her heart is breaking and dont want to break it anymore. I have offered to have her other children whenever she needs a break aswell. I am going to call in tonight and see if they need anything at the shop and take it from there
I am sorry to hear about your friend's baby. It is such a heatbreaking and devastating time for them. You are doing the best thing that you can and that is be there for her. Mel is right, you need to be there for her now more than ever. Like Mel, I had people around me just after we lost Cooper but as time went on it was like everyone else moved on, but I didn't, I couldn't. Your friend will be like that and will need to know that she still has support around her. Give her the option of whether she wants space or not but I know for me I didn't want to be alone.
I agree with Mel. Now is when they need your support. The dramas are over and people have started to get on with their lives but they are bouncing around in a house that is eerily quiet and probably lonely.
This is often the time that people feel as if others have forgotten about their lost loved one. Help them to realise that she isn't forgotten and neither are they.
The Funeral and after???
Reply With Quote
What a tragic thing to happen. She is lucky to have a friend like you around. It sounds like you did everything she needed you to do at the funeral, especially having one last hold of her precious one. I know it made me very proud that people still wanted to give Nicholas a cuddle. 
Bookmarks