Hope

[Bengal]

The loss of our little Hope, (named by my DH, he said we should call our bub, (if we were to be so lucky) Hope after a FS, who was absolutly beautiful, whilst transfering our embryo) via a FET, has been, for lack of a better word, traumatic, and utterly devastating. The surgery, the recovery, and the grief of another loss, affected me in a way, I wasn't aware could exist.

As much as I tried to move along, another medical setback, reminded me of what we lost, I sometimes felt I was being punished, for trying to block our loss. you see, it was my way of coping, but it wasnt to be, my body just kept me unwell, and forced me to grieve.

An ectopic is a loss, like any loss, I pleaded for any possible way to save the pregnancy, even though I knew, it was medically impossible, it's a mothers instinct, to save her unborn child. It was not to be, we have another angel.

My post is a way, to recognise my Angel , so I may give our beautiful embryo, who grew to six weeks, in a tube, a goodbye, and allow ourselves to look towards the future, and never give up "hope", that an earthbound baby is on it's way.

Be free little Hope , I will allways think of you