I am new to this site. My husband and I have been trying for fourteen years to have children.
Recently I have not been well with continual tonsilitis, bad periods (which is usual for me) and then an unusually early period at 18 days. After a week of strange bleeding and pain that I thought was in my kidney and after discussion with a great girlfriend, my husband and I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. My husband was overwhelmed, I was in shock and scared. I knew something wasn't right.
We went to our local emergency department and was tested again. Positive. Sent for ultrasounds and blood tests our worst nightmares were confirmed. It was an ectopic pregnancy.
Within two hours of finding out for the first time ever we were pregnant, we were being admitted for surgery to remove my tiny baby.
The whole experience has been surreal. I don't know whether I conditioned myself for so long it was never going to happen or the shock has not fully sunk in. But the next morning I was in surgery.
It has been nearly three weeks now and I am still bleeding which has been a month, my body still thinks its pregnant, I am very hormonal and emotional and I feel like some pyscho who hasn't reacted or recognised I was pregnant. Is this normal? All I want to do is curl up comfortably and be a sooky na na, but because of the pain from the surgery I can't get comfortable. I feel lost and scared to ever try again. I have further tests in a few weeks to confirm all foetal tissue was removed and the cysts on my ovary have gone. My right fallopian tube was removed.
How do you ever try again? It feels like you are a failure! What if you get pregnant and it happens again? How do you ever get to enjoy the moment of glee of seeing a positive sign on the test strip?
Can anyone help? I feel like I am heartless for not reacting yet? My husband is my heart, my best friend and has been a tremendous strength. Our due date sadly would have been our 16th anniversary on Valentines Day 2008 which makes it even more emotional.

25 June 2007