pookie, i am so sorry for your loss. all of your feelings are "normal" from my experience. our minds do whatever they can to get us through the shock, and it feels like a horrible rollercoaster ride that one cannot get off. i haven't lived through your pain, but i know my shock lasted about 3 months -- i grieved before that, but my mind was still protecting me from the full force for some time. hugs to you sweety. m