I couldn't read without posting either as it touched my heart. I kiss my two precious children each goodnight and take it for granted...not anymore..
My thoughts are with you and your family.
This sunday on the 16th of January it will be a month since my little angel came and went so quickly.
I come on here and read everyones messages and i find it so comforting.... since this happening it has put an enormous amount of strain on me and my partner.... he is very much pushing whats happened behind him... covring up, me i share my storyand talk, this is making things difficult.... but as i said to him, better we deal with everything we have to now, otherwise if i fall pregnant again, our child will not get the life nor attention they deserve and everything will affect them ......
i will be going to my Keiras grave this sunday, to talk, cry, smile and share all my thoughts and let a balloon go with a letter in it for her... iwill probably take a friend with me.... ))
i just wanted to come on here as i felt i needed to get some thoughts and feelings out...
sharing my amazing painful happy and sad experience all in one.... makes me feel better for anyone who is happy to listen
I am sure a lot of us wil tell you that men grieve differently.. (To me it seemed not at all!) The twins dad had some time off work, butI think that was mainly so I wouldn't be alone in those early weeks.. All I wanted to do was talk about it, replay it in my head over and over and he didn't want to. I thought it meant he didn't care. He does though. It's just different. I went to support meetings (Bonnie Babes) and he would never come, and to be honest, it was primarily women. Or sometimes the partners would come once then not again.. I think that men want to 'fix' things and when they can't they feel out of control. They see how upset you are and think that if they fall apart too, who is going to keep things going..
I found the death of our twins to be a great strain on my relationship. It is the hardest thing you will go through. Again I am sending you massive as you learn to live with the loss of your precious baby.
angelkeira2010 - your spirit is strong and the love you have for your beautiful baby daughter is just so so palpable from your words. You honour her in all that you are and do. Go gently in your time of need, and know that love will endure. Congratulations on birthing your precious daugther, it is truly one of the most empowering experiences, despite the heartache and I am so sad she died. May love surround you and guide you through. RIP Keira, beautiful girl.
Men and Women grieve differently, but that doesn't mean he's hurting any less. I know it makes it hard for you though. Now is the time to lean on each other and be as open as you can with each other. Tell him how you feel and how you need to talk and share. My DH hardly ever mentioned our babies unless I did, but in the early days he cried almost as much as me and held me when I cried. He has really just supported me in any way that I have needed it, although there have been times where I felt like he didn't care... but that was me being selfish and thinking only I could really grieve for our children. But for me BB was a complete godsend. So keep coming back and sharing how you feel.... we are all listening and ready to support you.
I will light a candle for your baby girl, but also you for and DH to find a way through your grief.
Thankyou ))) i know my partner cares ) and is sad. It was a month yesterday since my little one was gone, me and my partner lit a candle and i said a prayer then we both blew the candle out i was happy he done just that i expected nothing more nor less so i was greatful for that.
I didnt go to her grave yesterday i figured i would go today or tomorrow, and not feel guilty for not going yesterday. I seem to be one of these people who like to kick themselves HARDER... realise i have to not to that and be strong.
My partner has been saying he wants another one, wehave gone from him being not wanting a child at the start to him now wanting another one, dearly, i think the pain of not having a child there is now hard for us both.. i just talk about it he doesnt. I have not yet had my 6 week check up, that is on the 28th of jan, i gave birth on the 16th of dec. We have already had intercourse( sorry idont know the abbreviations that are on here). My bleeding has stopped but period hasnt returned.... midwife said to me to try have sex when ever we were both ready, not needing to wait if we didnt want to. does anyone have any suggestioons?? or answers?? or where i can find...
i know its painfull whats happened and my gosh i wish it wasnt this way, i can still feel the softness of her little hands and feet. But i am being strong and remembering i ahve myself, my partner my family and friends. ))
Angel Kiera - ah those beautifully haunting memories of soft hands and feet and of tender moments that are both pure joy and heartache all at once. It's been almost 2 years since my first baby died, and I can go back to those moments in an instant, and remember the love and the pain, but it's not as overwhelming these days. Still hard but I have been able to wrangle a bit more of myself away from the aching grief and devastation. I am so glad you and DH lit a candle for your Kiera. Those ways to especially remember are important.
Hmm - about trying again? It's called TTC - and there are some threads for TTC after loss... I wil see if I can find you the link and post it at the end of this post. You'll met some great women in those threads who all know grief and recovery. It's kind of hard to give advice about when to TTC rather than having intercourse (it's called doing the deed DTD, or Baby Dancing BD'ing). There are so many factors - physical and emotional. I can't comment on the physical - but it's a great sign that your cycle is back. On the emotional side, you will know when you are ready.
It takes courage to try again, but having said that most women I know, including me, are desperate to TTC and most do so quickly. I personally don't believe that TTC again means you're trying to replace Kiera. I get angry when people suggest it... but just be warned people might try to suggest it. To me, it just shows if people say that, they don't understand. Kiera is your first born daughter and always will be. She has her own special place in your heart and always will. When people who haven't experienced the death of their child decide to have another child when they already have one, do people suggest that they are trying to replace the first child? No and it's ludicrous and it's equally ludicrous to suggest it of a bereaved mother. But ludicrous or not people might say it. Have the strength to withstand it.
For me when my firstborn child died, I wanted to TTC again the next day and the Dr said it was all ok physically. I was lucky enough to fall pregnant on the second cycle after she died. When my second born child died, I couldn't TTC again as he was one of a twinship so no TTC (as we were praying that the second twin would be ok) and when my third born child died ( the second of the twins) I needed to heal both physically and emotionally. I put no time frames on my recovery and even though it seemed like an eternity, it was only 4 months before I was pregnant again. But what I noticed was TTC again soon after Amelia died, I put a lot of pressure on myself to be pregnant again. I was really anxious to be pregnant again and it seemed like an eternity that I wasn't. I got scared I would have secondary infertility and have trouble conceiving. I have PCOS so it's on the cards that I am likely to have trouble. But when I gave myself more room and time, after Nicholas and Sophie, I still wanted to be pregnant, but possibly I wasn't as desperate? I took the time to go to counselling and accupucture and just breathe.
TTC after loss is hard, but being pregnant is even harder. It's a very long 9 months, and you will know mostly a lot of fear and forboding. Sadly now my sweet your innocence has been striped away and you know what can happen. You will be even more sensitive to anything that can happen and not just what happened to Kiera.
I hope that TTC brings you some peace and that you get your BFP soon, to be honest, it seems like to me from what you've written that you're emotionally ready.
You will meet some absolutely wonderful women in these threads. One of the reasons I decided on Belly Belly as my place to seek support was that when I read the threads people are just so suportive and kind and caring. I didn't get that sense from other forums I visited.
Oh sweethart, I am so sorry Keira couldn't stay here on this earth with you. She sounds so beautiful and precious. When you mentioned her soft hands and feet my heart just broke, it's just not fair. Keira will be a part of you forever, no matter how many children you may have later on, she will always hold a special place in your heart as she is your first born and your forever angel princess.
Look over your mummy and daddy always beautiful Keira.
Joshua Andrew born a sleeping angel 1 Oct 2008 at 21 weeks.
Reply With QuoteSo sorry for your loss. Bellybelly is a wonderful, supportive place and you will always find someone to talk to here.
Registered User
))
Bookmarks