I feel.... strange ?

[{sarah}]

This is probably going to be a bit rambling so I apologise.

Last Thursday I went in for an ultrasound at 10 weeks because I was measuring big only to find out that our little one had no heartbeat. We went through hell over the weekend coming to terms with it, lots of tears, sadness & anger etc and then yesterday I had my D&C.

Today I just feel strange. I don't feel sad, I feel numb. I almost feel as though it didn't really happen, that maybe I was never really pregnant in the first place even though I know I was & I saw a perfect baby on the screen. I want to be sad for our little one that was taken too soon, but I just don't right now. I feel like there is a hole in my heart (how cliched) but just not sad at the moment.

Is this normal? Shouldn't I be a wreck, knowing that my bubby has officially moved on?

[PumpkinZulu]

Oh darling At this point, you are allowed to feel whatever you want to feel, and it is normal to feel everything, the whole spectrum of emotions. Give yourself time for all of this to sink on, it has all happened terribly fast, and don't feel like you 'should' be feeling this or that. I have been thinking about you a lotand will continue to do so. Lots of love, hugs and kisses xox

[~breeze~]

hun, I didnt know... I'm so sorry

I think it's normal. When I was released from hospital the day after my D & C I felt completely numb. I had cried in the hospital the day/night before but the next day I didnt really feel much. I went to the mall & got all my hair chopped off (the shortest I've ever had it in my life) Maybe thats how I dealt with it & let my bubby fly free?

I also found out unexpectadly. I was at my ob visit & asked for an u/s to see bubs growth. When he did the u/s bubs HR was only 80, he sent me to my local hospital which took maybe half an hour maximum & by the time we got there & had another u/s bubs heart had stopped

It's hard for every woman to lose a baby but without any warning is just strange.....

You're grieving hun, in your own way... be easy on yourself.

Sending massive xoxo

[Lulu]

For me it was the most un real experience of my life. I still can't put it into words.

[~Trish~]

Big hugs Sarah .

It is absolutely normal to feel numb right now. You have been through so much physically and mentally .

When I had my first loss I felt the same way. I was in and out of scans and the hospital, no one knew exactly what was happening, there was a risk my tube could rupture, I was frightened etc. When I finally miscarried I honestly just felt relief that it was over, not grief. Three years on and I still haven't really grieved, it is just my way of dealing with it, we're all different. My second loss (a non-ectopic m/c) I grieved immediately for. I didn't have the stress of hospitals and tests with that one so I think my mind was able to let go and grieve.

There really isn't any right or wrong feelings right now, just go with it. I'm so sorry you are going through this .

[Kitt3n]

Oh Sarah, anything and everything is a normal way to feel. My econd loss was at the same stage and it just killed me. I ended up in counselling, I just couldn't cope.

Sending lots of strength your way hun xoxox

[Tanya]

Aww, Sarah
I did that too.... I would stop and think, hang on did that really happen? Surely that wasn't me?

It's a waking nightmare

xx

[minimatron]

Hugs Sarah...
I feel exactly the same at the moment. Its hard to describe...numb is a good word i think. I was wondering when I would fall into a heap, but it hasnt happened. I think these feeling are normal and I guess that everyone feels differently after a loss.
I am so very sorry to hear about your loss and I am sending you loads of strength to get through these tough times,
Melissa x o

[Michelle71]

Nope - perfectly normal. It is like a surreal, out of body experience. It happened - but it feels like it happened to someone else. It is self preservation. There is only so much you can process at one time and yesterday was enough to get through.

You will grieve, you will feel that pain of loss - when you are ready to .... and that may take a while.

[BrightSparkles]

[Pretty Butterfly]

Babe, I think that all emotions and feelings would be normal....... Sometimes I play and laugh with the kids, and completly forget what has happened..... and other times I feel very alone, like I have lost something, and cant find it... I have lots of support here, but when I go to my room to be alone, I feel SO lonely, like someone else should be there with me......



I am sure your feelings are normal, and they will probably change over the next few days and weeks.... I have been told it may not even sink in properly for a while yet too.....

[briggsy's girl]

Sarah - i think it's a normal stage to withdraw from your emotions a little and just "deal" with the facts. you confronted your emotions last week - you went into survival mode to get through the weekend for yourself and your kids. yesterday was about facts and just getting through it.

it may take a day, it may take a week. at some point, your heart will open the floodgate of emotion again. it is a surreal experience and will take a while to go beyond fact in your head to reality.

take care - and know that there are so many people on BB (and IRL i'm sure) to support you

BG

[BekZ]

Nope - perfectly normal. It is like a surreal, out of body experience. It happened - but it feels like it happened to someone else. It is self preservation. There is only so much you can process at one time and yesterday was enough to get through.

You will grieve, you will feel that pain of loss - when you are ready to .... and that may take a while.

Yeah That. I lost it around 6 months after my twins grew wings. I read a article in a parenting magizine about dealing with the loss of a baby and that was enough to make me break down for days. Before that moment I felt guilty for feeling numb and not showing the "appropriate" emotions at the time .

Hugs sweetheart, give yourself time.

[Turkish Delight]

Sarah babes. Everybody feels and grieves differently. All of this has happened so suddenly and so fast. It is normal to feel what you are currently feeling. A time will come when it will "hit" and then you will start to grieve and cry and go through the motions. Right now, it is still a shock.
Take your time hun and remember that it is okay to grieve no matter whatever other people IRL tell you. Those who haven't gone through it don't know what it is like. Some people are attached to their unborn babies from the instance they BFP but others it takes time to attach, until they feel movements and all.

Just take each day as it comes....

xxoo

[~Kim~]

Everyone copes differently sweetheart.
I remember feeling like that too.

[aussienic]

:hugs: I honestly felt the same way.. I was devasted once we saw the scan but after that I don't know. I was sad but not devastated anymore. It is really hard to explain.

I also found once I had the D&C's done I was feeling better emotionally. I don't know if it was because it was all over with or what

very sorry for your loss..

[~clover~]

I'm so, so sorry Sarah. Everyone processes things differently & everyone deals with it differently.
Just wanted to send you lots of strength to get through this