oh, Jo, i am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. i wish my tears could help ease your pain, but i know too well that nothing really helps. i too went to a scan and was told that my son, Yeti, had died and that we must go through the birthing process naturally. like Lynn, i now treasure that time i spent with Yeti as some of the most precious time i have spent in this lifetime. you are so new to your grief, still in a state of shock. it is, unfortunately, so normal to be in shock and to be grieving for your child. in my experience, it takes a long time to come through this grief process. i felt for the first four months that i would never smile and never stop crying. i thought i was going crazy. i am still in pain, 8 months after losing our son, and still have horrible days. but some days are okay. we will never forget our precious children, but we will get through some of the most profound grief to be able to function again.

the best thing you can do is be good to yourself: take the time you need to feel whatever you are feeling. that sounds silly, but the feelings are overpowering, contradictory, and sometimes not part of our normal personality (guilt, jealousy, anger) and are difficult to accept. allow yourself to live through those feelings, and give yourself time to grieve. eventually you will have some "better" days. i hope you have a good support system of family and/or friends and perhaps a support group too. i have found much comfort here at bb, and from a nearby support group. it is wonderful that your other children have been able to see into your pain and provide you with some comfort.

big hugs to you, and i am sure your precious child is part of everything you do and has good company. my prayers go out to you. xxoom